How did you figure out moderation and balance?

kshatriyo

This question is open to people who have lived in extremes in their lives and were able to successfully establish long-lasting changes that led them to being able to have long-term goals and then eventually achieve them.

How do I stop bouncing off the walls of good and bad things I go through and start patiently accepting my losses in stride? How can I be less reactive to difficulties and stay focused on what I can control?

Cbestinme

Sounds like a tough question. Could be tough to find an appropriate or right answer.

Is this about food choices? If it's about life in general not sure.

For extreme food choices? (Assuming extreme means overeating? well since starting to use mfp I made a deal with myself to log everything. When I eat that monster cookie by myself, just log it. When I overeat cold cuts and cheeses, just log it, etc. Assuming there are no eating disorders (which may require more professional help) just log all the food choices. In the long run, if you remember why you decided to lose weight, those few extreme choices won't really be too big a deal (assuming extreme food choices happen once in a while, but overall you stay within calorie limits )

Is this about "emotional eating"?

kshatriyo

Hi, I am referring to a more general sense of goal setting and regular routines.

I am so glad you log everything. I am disappointed to see that people (myself included) sometimes just kind of disappear when they go off their "correct" plans. I would much rather log my diets when I have bad days, just to show people that, yes, I had a bad day, because I know I will get back on, and want them to keep coming back, too.

TragicHeroine

I thought I was alone in this struggle. Days of staying on point completely derailed by the spontaneous impulse to raid the fridge. This time I decided no friends. Not until I've gotten in the habit of logging everything, good and bad without feeling as though I'm baring my weaknesses.

Sira125

I agree with logging everything. I very clearly won't remember accurately how much I have eaten (or sometimes what) if it isn't recorded. Then I eat at the next "mealtime" even when not hungry which only compounds things.

I sometimes wonder, when I hear someone say they have been working on weight loss with little result, if maybe they aren't taking into account "cheat days" and other days or meals they didn't log.

If I am 100% honest in my logging, even when I am not proud of it, then it becomes harder to lie to myself, even accidentally, about how I am doing.

Cbestinme

TragicHeroine wrote: »

I thought I was alone in this struggle. Days of staying on point completely derailed by the spontaneous impulse to raid the fridge. This time I decided no friends. Not until I've gotten in the habit of logging everything, good and bad without feeling as though I'm baring my weaknesses.

You know your diary doesn't have to be public. You can choose to have it viewed by only you, or only your friends or the wide public.

Cbestinme

kshatriyo wrote: »

Hi, I am referring to a more general sense of goal setting and regular routines.

I am so glad you log everything. I am disappointed to see that people (myself included) sometimes just kind of disappear when they go off their "correct" plans. I would much rather log my diets when I have bad days, just to show people that, yes, I had a bad day, because I know I will get back on, and want them to keep coming back, too.

What stops you from logging your "bad days" for your own purpose? You know at the end of the day other people will have to be responsible for their own logging and their food choices etc. Are there specific people to want to inspire, if do you could maybe reach out to them directly or send a message or something, not sure.

Cbestinme

Sira125 wrote: »

I agree with logging everything. I very clearly won't remember accurately how much I have eaten (or sometimes what) if it isn't recorded. Then I eat at the next "mealtime" even when not hungry which only compounds things.

I sometimes wonder, when I hear someone say they have been working on weight loss with little result, if maybe they aren't taking into account "cheat days" and other days or meals they didn't log.

If I am 100% honest in my logging, even when I am not proud of it, then it becomes harder to lie to myself, even accidentally, about how I am doing.

Great points, yes it's easy to forget to log stuff. It does sometimes feel a bit "obsessive" to have a phone app on hand each time you think of putting anything in the mouth. Does gum have calories? lol, serious question though.

Sira125

Gum? Depends on the gum.

kshatriyo

Sira125 wrote: »

I agree with logging everything. I very clearly won't remember accurately how much I have eaten (or sometimes what) if it isn't recorded. Then I eat at the next "mealtime" even when not hungry which only compounds things.

I sometimes wonder, when I hear someone say they have been working on weight loss with little result, if maybe they aren't taking into account "cheat days" and other days or meals they didn't log.

If I am 100% honest in my logging, even when I am not proud of it, then it becomes harder to lie to myself, even accidentally, about how I am doing.

Good insight. I have learned, after getting to know some people in my life, that there is no limit to how far some people can go to deceive themselves. But it is some of the most intelligent, accomplished people I know. Self deception is a fantastic coping skill up to a point, in the right environment. In the case of self-improvement, however, it becomes self-destructive, and the more I study other cultures, the more aware I become of the coping skill of self deception as a survival skill in certain situations.

That said, my self honesty is crippling and overwhelming and I often wish I possessed a bit more self deception!

kshatriyo

What stops you from logging your "bad days" for your own purpose? You know at the end of the day other people will have to be responsible for their own logging and their food choices etc. Are there specific people to want to inspire, if do you could maybe reach out to them directly or send a message or something, not sure.

So, for me, I know personally a few of my "friends" on here, and so I am really feeling very accountable for everything I do and can't just disappear and come back as another person. It actually has contributed to me both coming back AND staying away a few times, depending on what is going on in my life, but at the end of the day it is a good thing and keeps me coming back.

Sira125

I think for me the real turning point came when I was reading Rewire (about conquering self-sabotage). I had been reading a lot elsewhere about neuroplasticity and advances in work with people with paralysis. You know, not very long ago we thought that you were born with all the neurons you'd ever get. Now we know the brain produces new cells just like most of the body. Anyway, one of O'Connor's premises in Rewire is that your brain builds circuitry around automating things you do a lot which makes it take less brainpower/work/thought to do those things. If I accept that as true, then each time I take an action I make it easier to take that same action next time and on into the future. That is scary powerful. And it explains why poor decisions can be a slippery slope, they are sometimes just you putting yourself back on an already well-worn path. All of a sudden eating ice cream today had far greater implications than "today I ate ice cream." It really changed my thought process around the decisions I was making. And it made it really clear how "just this once" really COULD hurt me in the long-term.

kshatriyo

Sira125 wrote: »

I think for me the real turning point came when I was reading Rewire (about conquering self-sabotage). I had been reading a lot elsewhere about neuroplasticity and advances in work with people with paralysis. You know, not very long ago we thought that you were born with all the neurons you'd ever get. Now we know the brain produces new cells just like most of the body. Anyway, one of O'Connor's premises in Rewire is that your brain builds circuitry around automating things you do a lot which makes it take less brainpower/work/thought to do those things. If I accept that as true, then each time I take an action I make it easier to take that same action next time and on into the future. That is scary powerful. And it explains why poor decisions can be a slippery slope, they are sometimes just you putting yourself back on an already well-worn path. All of a sudden eating ice cream today had far greater implications than "today I ate ice cream." It really changed my thought process around the decisions I was making. And it made it really clear how "just this once" really COULD hurt me in the long-term.

I was excited to learn about this research too. Having had to take anti-depressants in the past, it was very reassuring at the time to know that some anti-depressants have verifiably proven to help with rebuilding the "circuitry" you mentioned that has broken down in people who have been severely depressed (and in generating new brain cells in areas damaged from severe depression). All the bad things about pharmaceuticals aside, this is really important information for people who have struggled with finding hope out of their mental health predicaments.

So, yes, we can heal. Literally.

stubbysticks

kshatriyo wrote: »

How do I stop bouncing off the walls of good and bad things I go through and start patiently accepting my losses in stride? How can I be less reactive to difficulties and stay focused on what I can control?

I don't know that I have answers for you, but I can definitely relate. In 2010 (at 316 lbs) I started my first "real" attempt at weight loss. By Sep 2012 I had lost 85 lbs - during that time, I was meticulous about logging food & became extremely fit, though at various points during those 2 yrs I definitely became obsessive/extreme about it. Many other "life" things took a backseat because all of my focus was devoted to losing weight.

At that point I made a conscious decision to stop trying to lose weight & focus on my fitness goals instead (endurance racing) which wasn't a bad thing, but what WAS bad was that I stopped managing my intake altogether. I ate to fuel my training & should have set at least some loose parameters for calories, because after the racing season was over, I kept eating like I was training for something lol.

Over the next 3 yrs I had been gaining gradually & my performance was declining, leading to a corresponding decline in my motivation to exercise. While training for my first marathon in May 2015, I broke a foot & that really started a spiral. Obviously I didn't run the marathon, & since then have been struggling to get motivated again. I regained ALL of the remaining weight I had worked SO hard to lose, & decided to start over FOR REAL about a week ago.

Balance is my biggest obstacle - my job is very demanding & I am wayyy overcommitted in my personal time. In 2 wks one of those commitments will end, but for the moment I have to accept that I can't do it *perfectly* right now. What I can do is get consistent with logging my food again, since that was something I did religiously when I was successful the last time, & I've got a solid week behind me now (yay me!). Exercise has not really been happening & I'm trying to be forgiving with myself there.

The stress from work & a board position I hold is BAD. It keeps me up at night with racing thoughts - even after some bedtime yoga/meditation, quite often. Sleep is a basic component of successful weight loss that most people overlook, & until I can get that under control, consistent exercise is going to be difficult. I'm working on it, but it's hard.

All this to say that you have to prioritize your own life. It's ok to decide that one thing has to be put on the back burner for now, as long as it happens intentionally. I know that to get my *best/fastest* weight loss results, I have to 1) get enough sleep, 2) eat at a calorie deficit, 3) eat nutritious food, & 4) exercise regularly. Taking all of the complicating factors in my life into consideration, I can temporarily do 2.5 of those things, get *satisfactory* weight loss results, & not end up in a mental institution, so that's what I'm choosing to do right now.

Hope this helps at least a little...feel free to send me a FR if you'd like to stay in touch! Hanging around on MFP again is helping me keep my mind right, so I'm here every day

stubbysticks

Sira125 wrote: »

If I am 100% honest in my logging, even when I am not proud of it, then it becomes harder to lie to myself, even accidentally, about how I am doing.

Agree...& we have to remember that we don't have to eat perfectly all the time! I like the 80% guideline...If you eat at a deficit 80% of the time, you'll lose weight. If 80% of what you eat is high in nutrition, your health will improve. 80% is a solid B where I come from, so don't pressure yourself to be 100% in everything all the time. Progress, not perfection!

Sira125

stubbysticks wrote: »

Agree...& we have to remember that we don't have to eat perfectly all the time! (Snip) Progress, not perfection!

@stubbysticks Agree. The only true failure in this would be not trying. Everything else is learning and trying to put that learning into practice.