Fit shaming
lauracups
Posts: 533 Member
If you're lucky, all those around you are supportive of your health and fitness goals. It is more common, as I've experienced and read on here, that at some point you'll be fit shamed. It's happening to me frequently now by a family member so cutting all ties with the person not possible. So I'm posting this to offer how I am handling it in hopes it helps someone dealing with a similar situation.
We all have just 24 hours each day, filled with "have to's", so the precious time we have left for our "want to's" I call it "f's to give". Is the person in your life worth one of your "f's"? Or is your time better spent on a workout or time with positive people or time with yourself. Even if you have to be in the same room with negativity doesn't mean you have to up one of your "f's" . Learning to emotionally detach is an empowering thing!
When a hurtful or ignorant statement is made by that person respond with total indifference to what was said, a silent shrug to which they cannot comment back to works wonders.
Wishes all a great day!
We all have just 24 hours each day, filled with "have to's", so the precious time we have left for our "want to's" I call it "f's to give". Is the person in your life worth one of your "f's"? Or is your time better spent on a workout or time with positive people or time with yourself. Even if you have to be in the same room with negativity doesn't mean you have to up one of your "f's" . Learning to emotionally detach is an empowering thing!
When a hurtful or ignorant statement is made by that person respond with total indifference to what was said, a silent shrug to which they cannot comment back to works wonders.
Wishes all a great day!
17
Replies
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Keep being strong5
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"Fit shaming"... I like that term. As with any shaming, it's the shamer that has the problem, not the shamee (not real words, I know). So not feeding into it is great advice (I like the non-confrontational shrug - it's so effective!). Trying hard to have a little compassion for the shamer is hard but sometimes helps -- like at work, people who shame me for not eating the candy are generally the people who want to but can't stop eating the candy. Just keep getting support where you can get it and keep at it! You're doing great!10
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I have had a lot of water pass under my bridge in my 54 years in this earth. One thing I've learned is there are folks out there that just aren't happy with themselves so they strike out at anyone who is doing something positive for themselves. Partly out of jealousy and partly out of ignorance. I don't care if they area family or a friend....you just need to just keep being you!!!10
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I ditch people like that. Family or not.6
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SMILE!!! be as lovely as possible in response to nastiness or negativity. I work in a bookies, it's hilarious how much it drives them mad4
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As with most unsolicited comments, I usually smile and say, "that's nice that you think so" and carry on. Last time I got a very huffy snort before they stormed off.6
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Sounds like "boundaries" to me. I agree.2
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What is "fit shaming?"0
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A number of people on here who are guilty of this! Usually people who could use the information being provided.3
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And this is a thing?
Not among those I associate with.
But then ... I do work in a health field and most of my coworkers are active. And I am a member of a cycling club. And most of my family is active.
At times, it almost gets a bit competitive.
As an example ... my department set up a step challenge for a month from mid-October to mid-November. They had to delay the start of the challenge by a few days because so many people signed up, they didn't have pedometers for us all. Last time I looked, there were 136 teams ranging in size from 3-8 people each. Many have the full 8. In fact, on my floor, I tried to get into some teams, but they were all full. Fortunately, one was created at the last minute and I got into it, but about 15 minutes later it was full too. And most of those 136 teams have been quite competitive ... we're all pretty close!
That's the atmosphere I live and work in, so fit shaming is just not something I've come across at all.5 -
And this is a thing?
Not among those I associate with.
But then ... I do work in a health field and most of my coworkers are active. And I am a member of a cycling club. And most of my family is active.
At times, it almost gets a bit competitive.
As an example ... my department set up a step challenge for a month from mid-October to mid-November. They had to delay the start of the challenge by a few days because so many people signed up, they didn't have pedometers for us all. Last time I looked, there were 136 teams ranging in size from 3-8 people each. Many have the full 8. In fact, on my floor, I tried to get into some teams, but they were all full. Fortunately, one was created at the last minute and I got into it, but about 15 minutes later it was full too. And most of those 136 teams have been quite competitive ... we're all pretty close!
That's the atmosphere I live and work in, so fit shaming is just not something I've come across at all.
Unfortunately it's a huge thing have you heard of the fit shamed mom? It seems to be that there is a movement within the fat acceptance movement that does not want to see anyone trying to lose weight or they will deem someone who is fit as someone who is trying to fat shame simply by the good examples they are living. I think it's awesome that you are surrounded in an environment contrary to that!:)2 -
lidatziafalia wrote: »I've had that a couple of times at the yoga studio. I just smile and try to ignore the comments.
Fit shamed in a fitness class?? That's on a whole new level!
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And this is a thing?
Not among those I associate with.
But then ... I do work in a health field and most of my coworkers are active. And I am a member of a cycling club. And most of my family is active.
At times, it almost gets a bit competitive.
As an example ... my department set up a step challenge for a month from mid-October to mid-November. They had to delay the start of the challenge by a few days because so many people signed up, they didn't have pedometers for us all. Last time I looked, there were 136 teams ranging in size from 3-8 people each. Many have the full 8. In fact, on my floor, I tried to get into some teams, but they were all full. Fortunately, one was created at the last minute and I got into it, but about 15 minutes later it was full too. And most of those 136 teams have been quite competitive ... we're all pretty close!
That's the atmosphere I live and work in, so fit shaming is just not something I've come across at all.
I feel like there's a good chance you live in Colorado?0 -
And this is a thing?
Not among those I associate with.
But then ... I do work in a health field and most of my coworkers are active. And I am a member of a cycling club. And most of my family is active.
At times, it almost gets a bit competitive.
As an example ... my department set up a step challenge for a month from mid-October to mid-November. They had to delay the start of the challenge by a few days because so many people signed up, they didn't have pedometers for us all. Last time I looked, there were 136 teams ranging in size from 3-8 people each. Many have the full 8. In fact, on my floor, I tried to get into some teams, but they were all full. Fortunately, one was created at the last minute and I got into it, but about 15 minutes later it was full too. And most of those 136 teams have been quite competitive ... we're all pretty close!
That's the atmosphere I live and work in, so fit shaming is just not something I've come across at all.
Definitely a "thing". I have many friends AND family who roll their eyes if they even hear that I've been running, or if I mention nutrition in any context, God forbid I wonder how many calories are in an item, or mention logging.....Usually it's close family who will make offhand comments, or even in my face comments...I've had one female relative literally tell me she won't ever exercise because in the end, we all look the same. LOL. Needless to say, at the same age, we look and feel quite different from one another. I'm 47, have lost 80 lbs...and no longer feel the need to defend myself to those people. I just do me, and quietly watch them do them.
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courtneyfabulous wrote: »
And this is a thing?
Not among those I associate with.
But then ... I do work in a health field and most of my coworkers are active. And I am a member of a cycling club. And most of my family is active.
At times, it almost gets a bit competitive.
As an example ... my department set up a step challenge for a month from mid-October to mid-November. They had to delay the start of the challenge by a few days because so many people signed up, they didn't have pedometers for us all. Last time I looked, there were 136 teams ranging in size from 3-8 people each. Many have the full 8. In fact, on my floor, I tried to get into some teams, but they were all full. Fortunately, one was created at the last minute and I got into it, but about 15 minutes later it was full too. And most of those 136 teams have been quite competitive ... we're all pretty close!
That's the atmosphere I live and work in, so fit shaming is just not something I've come across at all.
I feel like there's a good chance you live in Colorado?
I live approx. 14,200 kilometres away from Colorado.
And in answer to someone else's question, I have never heard of the 'fit shamed mom'.
I actually thought this was going to be about what goes on in my office ... where I'll come to work on a Monday, having done a 10 km hike and 60 km bicycle ride, and I feel just a tiny bit inadequate because my boss has won yet another gold medal in body building and another co-worker has done a challenging, hilly 240 km cycling event.
But that is kind of motivating ... it pushes me on to do even more!
As for the other ... I'm a long distance cyclist. Like ultra-distances. And I've been into randonneuring/audax etc, since 2001. People have always thought I was a little bit nuts for doing those kind of events, and all the training that goes into that. I embrace that!!
Yes, I probably am a little bit crazy. But we can't all be the same ... doing the same things as everyone else. Some of us have to push our limits and really live life!
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I have experienced this even while pregnant. It's so weird when you are huge and pregnant and someone looks or makes a weird fit comment at you. People suck for the most part.3
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »But there is also another spin to it. Some people who claim to be fit are sort of anorexic and are willfully starving themselves. I used to work out in a gym and they banned a woman from coming because they feared a lawsuit if she collapses or something. You could see her bones and she would run for an hour. And I have spoken to her. She considered herself fit.
And I guess she could be considered fit shamed as other gym goers used to talk her out of running so much. She would get upset and was just in denial. That sort of thing is really dangerous.
This scenario applies to such a small percentage. The intent isn't the same either. I doubt they choose to address the potential liability to shame this person.
Mental illness issues don't really qualify for the shaming category.5 -
lidatziafalia wrote: »courtneyfabulous wrote: »lidatziafalia wrote: »I've had that a couple of times at the yoga studio. I just smile and try to ignore the comments.
Fit shamed in a fitness class?? That's on a whole new level!
Yeah, unfortunately. A couple of the girls there have told me that my abs are showing because I never eat things like chocolate cake, which means I can't enjoy life (which is not true, since I have dessert almost every day). They've also said I'm the trainer's "favorite person" because I always do all the exercises, no matter how hard they are, and I never complain (yes, I push myself because I have certain goals). And they've also said that I have no social life because I'm there 3 days a week (I always hang out with my friends on the weekends).
I never expected that I would experience something like that in a fitness class. But it's definitely a thing.
But ... what does it matter what they think? They don't matter. You've got to live your life the way you want to live it. Just laugh at them.
People made comments like that to me when I was really heavily into long distance cycling (I'm working back up to that again now
) ... that I didn't have a life because I was cycling so much, etc. etc.. But I was the one coming to work on a Monday morning with the stories of where I'd been and what I'd done that weekend ... and they were there telling us ... well, nothing ... because they didn't do anything. I was the one travelling the world, and seeing stuff, and meeting people ... and they were doing ... nothing. So their comments ... <<shrug shoulders>>. I'd rather be me! 2 -
I've expirienced the skinny bashing! People will be mean no matter what! They will always find a reason1
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worst i've experienced has been people who keep finding it necessary to mention that i bike to work. it's more just a trivial irritation to me. i'm not going to condemn or absolve them for whatever they do their own selves. i'm just not interested enough to make their defensiveness necessary
my favourite so far is the 'oh, so you do own a car!' there's so much wrong with what i know they've been thinking idek where to start.1 -
And this is a thing?
Not among those I associate with.
But then ... I do work in a health field and most of my coworkers are active. And I am a member of a cycling club. And most of my family is active.
At times, it almost gets a bit competitive.
As an example ... my department set up a step challenge for a month from mid-October to mid-November. They had to delay the start of the challenge by a few days because so many people signed up, they didn't have pedometers for us all. Last time I looked, there were 136 teams ranging in size from 3-8 people each. Many have the full 8. In fact, on my floor, I tried to get into some teams, but they were all full. Fortunately, one was created at the last minute and I got into it, but about 15 minutes later it was full too. And most of those 136 teams have been quite competitive ... we're all pretty close!
That's the atmosphere I live and work in, so fit shaming is just not something I've come across at all.
This is my experience too. I can't even imagine it.
But if I somehow ran into it I'd shrug it off or probably just laugh. It's hard to be shamed for something you think is a better state, isn't it? I am having a hard time figuring out how I could feel shamed for being fit or in shape or exercising or eating healthfully (mostly here people either do it or say "oh, I should do that").1 -
And this is a thing?
Not among those I associate with.
But then ... I do work in a health field and most of my coworkers are active. And I am a member of a cycling club. And most of my family is active.
At times, it almost gets a bit competitive.
As an example ... my department set up a step challenge for a month from mid-October to mid-November. They had to delay the start of the challenge by a few days because so many people signed up, they didn't have pedometers for us all. Last time I looked, there were 136 teams ranging in size from 3-8 people each. Many have the full 8. In fact, on my floor, I tried to get into some teams, but they were all full. Fortunately, one was created at the last minute and I got into it, but about 15 minutes later it was full too. And most of those 136 teams have been quite competitive ... we're all pretty close!
That's the atmosphere I live and work in, so fit shaming is just not something I've come across at all.
Unfortunately it's a huge thing have you heard of the fit shamed mom? It seems to be that there is a movement within the fat acceptance movement that does not want to see anyone trying to lose weight or they will deem someone who is fit as someone who is trying to fat shame simply by the good examples they are living. I think it's awesome that you are surrounded in an environment contrary to that!:)
I really really dislike this "fit mom" term. I think this it's shameful to mothers everywhere. Mom's are moms. When did it become ok for this..."Fat Dad" would not be ok, "Super Thin Mom", "Chubby Mom"...no ok....I mean geez...it's just sooo bizarre to me that it's become acceptable to put a label on a parent as if it says anything about them as a person.
Otherwise, totally agree that no one...fit, fat, etc should be shamed.1 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »
And this is a thing?
Not among those I associate with.
But then ... I do work in a health field and most of my coworkers are active. And I am a member of a cycling club. And most of my family is active.
At times, it almost gets a bit competitive.
As an example ... my department set up a step challenge for a month from mid-October to mid-November. They had to delay the start of the challenge by a few days because so many people signed up, they didn't have pedometers for us all. Last time I looked, there were 136 teams ranging in size from 3-8 people each. Many have the full 8. In fact, on my floor, I tried to get into some teams, but they were all full. Fortunately, one was created at the last minute and I got into it, but about 15 minutes later it was full too. And most of those 136 teams have been quite competitive ... we're all pretty close!
That's the atmosphere I live and work in, so fit shaming is just not something I've come across at all.
This is my experience too. I can't even imagine it.
But if I somehow ran into it I'd shrug it off or probably just laugh. It's hard to be shamed for something you think is a better state, isn't it? I am having a hard time figuring out how I could feel shamed for being fit or in shape or exercising or eating healthfully (mostly here people either do it or say "oh, I should do that").
Yeah, exactly!
(BTW - I just checked and there are about 900 participants in the step challenge my place of employment is putting on. And I know several people in my immediate area who are not in the step challenge but who are very active too ... just generally, without the motivation of a step challenge.)1 -
I have had a few friends and family members fit shame.. but I have noticed it's because they rather make excuses and judge other people for having the motivation to lose weight.
I had a friend tell another since I lost your 20 pounds my eyes look even better and now I look like an alien.
These people just make me giggle.
At least I'll be popular at comicon! Lol jk
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Haters will always hate. Ignore them, COMPLETELY. just cut them out of your life, we get only once chance on this beautiful planet. there are no spare minutes to waste on anyone who does not contribute to your life
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Yeah, I didn't know this was a thing either...
I mean, I get occasional comments from the peanut gallery at work about riding during my lunch break rather than joining everyone at Applebees or whatever, but they're mostly just joking around...and besides, why would I care...with a family at home to tend to, I don't exactly have a lot of free time...and I'm not really a big fan of Applebees...add to that, most of them can barely get from the car to the building without getting winded and I'd wager that most will be sick or dead long before I will.
IDK...I've been an athlete on some level for a big chunk of my life and I can't really recall anyone every giving me actual grief about it. Most of my friends are athletes or otherwise fitness (mostly cycling) geeks though, so maybe that has something to do with it.0
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