Psychological barriers to weight loss :(

cozydomesticnikegoddess

Hi all!

From reading the boards on here I get that it's pretty common to be embarrassed when someone comments about your weight loss or compliments you on it but I am so much more extreme! I have only just signed up but I've been trying to lose weight for a while now; if my personal trainer or doctor says something I say thanks or yes etc but I'm still pretty embarrassed. If it's my immediate family I will brush it off and say whatever haha, still embarrassed. But if anyone else says anything than oh my goodness all hell breaks loose! For example, my mum's friend recently said "Oh you've lost weight!" - my reaction? I turned bright red, my voice turned angry, almost burst into tears and when he's gone go inside and pig out so I can put on weight again lol. Another example is at Christmas we always go to our extended family so all the cousins and grandparents etc are together. I am dreading actually having lost the weight I know my family they will say something in front of everyone and I will go bright red, mumble and deny it and wish the ground would swallow me up in a hole. I know it sounds really silly and pathetic but I don't know why it affects me so much, I should be happy if people notice whereas instead I am ashamed. If I don't sort this out I'm not going to get anywhere lol . Anyone have any similar experiences or any advice?

Siegel15

Hi Cozy,
I was thinking the same thing today. What to say when people say things like, "are you losing weight?" Or " oh you're just getting so SKINNY!" Both Statements I know have bothered me in the past. I wish people would just not say ANYTHING, and just let me get on with it. Mainly because, I KNOW it doensn't show that much yet and it's always THIN people who say stuff so you know they want to be encouraging, but it just isn't to me. I KNOW I have 50+ pounds to lose. Now when people say things like the above, I have decided to answer back, " no I have not lost any weight" or " no, I am not on a diet". THIS time I want this diet to be my own private affair, aside from the wonder folks here at MFP, and when the weight is off, its off. I will be healthier, fitter and more at peace with myself.

pkinblue

It has always driven me crazy that people comment or compliment on physical appearance. While I am sure they intend to be complimentary (or helpful if they are pointing out you are fat --as if we don't know that ourselves...) it is one of the more difficult interactions for me as well.

I pretty much have a stock line I use with all acquaintances which is "<smile at them and say> I am really focused now on getting healthy and I am feeling great". Most people take it at that and don't follow up with more questions or frankly appear to be all that interested in how much weight I've lost or what my workouts are etc...

There are always a few "nosy" ones who want to know every gory detail, or close family members who I have to give more than a pat answer to, but those are only a few encounters and I just deal with it.

I personally always try to give folks (including my kids) compliments on their actions/achievements hoping that the habit will rub off.

SisterhoodoftheShrinkingPants

Hmmm I actually get sad when someone doesn't notice! Im hoping what you're going through passes. Dont let it stop you from doing what you feel you need to do. The mind is a dangerous place! Keep taking care of your body and the mind will follow

aproctor1120

I have always felt the same way. I've lost and gained weight my entire life but never wanted anyone to notice or comment. Why? Two reasons, I think: 1) we don't feel we deserve to 'look good' 2) noticing our weight loss means we we woud have to admit that we really were (are) fat and we've been trying to fool ourselves for a long time.

The psychological part of weight loss is HUGE. You may need to do some serious soul searching and figure out if there's something deep down that causes this reaction. I hope you can overcome and enjoy your success!

getting_fit86

It really irritates me when people decide to comment on my appearance in a blunt way. This is off the topic of weight loss, but I am a very fair/pale person - like white as a ghost. It seems like every week at least one person says to me "wow! You are SO white!!"... its like yeah thanks I guess? - as if I don't know how to look in the god damn mirror.

born2drum

Troll?

triciab79

I am not an attention seeker either. I didn't tell a soul besides my husband that I was trying to lose. I didn't want anyone asking how it was going. I just wanted to be left to run my own race. Stock answers are the way to go. If someone asks just say yeah I have lost a few pounds thanks. When they ask how answer Diet and Exercise. If you don't have a magic pill they aren't really interested anyway.

conniemaxwell5

I used to feel this way too. What I realized was the reason I got embarrassed or uncomfortable was because if people were noticing that I was losing weight, it was more pressure to keep losing or at least keep the weight off because people were on to me!

Now, instead of being embarrassed and insecure, I totally own it because I am determined to keep going. There is no turning back for me and I'm proud to hear those comments. They drive me even more to success!

Embrace what you're doing for yourself. Make it permanent. Don't think about failure, just keep moving forward. You will get past these feelings and start to feel proud and happy about your success!

tinak33

I have always felt the same way. I've lost and gained weight my entire life but never wanted anyone to notice or comment. Why? Two reasons, I think: 1) we don't feel we deserve to 'look good' 2) noticing our weight loss means we we woud have to admit that we really were (are) fat and we've been trying to fool ourselves for a long time.

The psychological part of weight loss is HUGE. You may need to do some serious soul searching and figure out if there's something deep down that causes this reaction. I hope you can overcome and enjoy your success!

^^^ I was going to say the same thing.
It used to embarrass me because then I would have to admit that not only was I fat, but that everyone knew I was fat and I didn't hide it as well as I thought I was. haha Like hiding 210 lbs is easy..... :huh: :laugh:

So then I would get upset because I'm thinking its not a huge difference when it really is.

NOW though, I have totally changed. When people say I look smaller/thinner, my response is usually surprise (I weight myself every day and last I checked my measurements have barely changed in the past month...) but then after the response I get all happy and start flexing my awesome, new, sexy muskles.... :glasses:

Laroka

I'm different. I like the attention. I am shy about it, but it makes me feel good. I am working hard, and I have lost 65 pounds, but people are JUST NOW noticing haha. I am so excited about the future. The only thing that upsets me is how people are starting to tread me differently. Even friends.

Capt_Apollo

i'm going to give you the best advice i ever received from my father.

ahem

"you got to work your *kitten* out"

justnname

You shouldn’t be embarrassed for taking control of your life. You were unhappy and decided to take action instead of complaining about it. So next time someone says something about your loss be proud and say thank you, I’m getting healthy. When that rude/nosey person asks how much you lost or want to lose. You tell them “it’s not about weight loss it all about getting healthy” This journey takes a lot of determination and resilience you have to believe in yourself. Once you believe in yourself you become UNSTOPPABLE!!!

coffeeMAME

Yeah, for me it is embarrassing because it means I have to admit how big I really was before.. because I was really, really big. People look at me now and say "Oh my Gosh you're so skinny!" and I have to deny it because according to any chart you look at I am still OBESE, at 185lbs! But its just a big difference from the morbid 335lb I was at before. I just want to hit my goal so I can move on and stop having to worry about it.

DMJS

Hi, I used to be the same way. I hated the attention from guys. I've never had good self esteem (Not my parents nor my ex-husband had any comments for me) and I was told by my ex that if a guy is giving me attention he is just after one thing. I was never thin enough for him. Nothing I did was good enough. I have since realized he was just insecure and didn't want me to realize that any other man would think I'm attractive. Well it worked. I didn't think I could do any better so I put up with his s... for 23 years until he divorced me. I have found out I am worthy and I can look as good as I want to with or without compliments from men or women. I do like the compliments now from my husband he is my best cheerleader. He loves me no matter my size and is not insecure. I had to realize that God loves me, then nothing else mattered and I could loose weight and feel good about it...if I want to.
Sorry for the rant. I hope something I said helps.

cozydomesticnikegoddess

Thanks for the support and advice everyone you're all amazing! Good to know I'm not the only one!