Trying Again

Soulwriter

I need some encouragement. I've been on and off trying this app for years. I truly believe that my weight loss success lies in changing how I eat. Over the years I've changed so many things but it comes down to the core of using food for comfort and giving up. My current weight loss plan is to go easy on the working out and focus mostly on the eating. I have a nature trail by my house that I am walking at least an hour a day 5 times a week. I'm through with my first week so we will see how it goes. For me I always go over the top with the exercise and lose it when it comes to eating. Its always little things like Ice cream or eating out too much but it all adds up and when I'm especially having a hard time I just think "screw it" and eat whatever I want. My big weakness is sugar. How do you motivate yourself to move forward and keep going when you feel like you've tried and failed so many other times? Thanks in advance.

mila_lova

Your awareness of your eating habits and plan to make changes are a great start. It us great that you are walking an hour a day. I've heard that small changes are the best way to lose weight. Try to focus on maintaining small changes. Even if you have a bad day, think about what you did well, even if it seems small. I think focusing on the positives helps to sustain change. You can definitely do this!

Also, why do you want to lose weight? Focusing on your motivation might really help.

What finally made the difference for me in terms of sticking to healthy eating was focusing on my motivation. I used to binge every single day because I was eating for comfort. Last Sunday, my boyfriend told me how scary this abnormal behavior was for him. He was also concerned that I gained 20 lbs in the past year.

I never realized how my unhealthy relationship with food was hurting him. Focusing on improving our relationship is my biggest motivator right now. I haven't binged in seven days and I want to keep it up.

Good luck!

dbashby

It sounds like you could be helped significantly by pre-prepping you meals or at least having the food options in the refrigerator. The eating out option is too easy to take if you aren't prepared.

SideSteel

Soulwriter wrote: »

I need some encouragement. I've been on and off trying this app for years. I truly believe that my weight loss success lies in changing how I eat. Over the years I've changed so many things but it comes down to the core of using food for comfort and giving up. My current weight loss plan is to go easy on the working out and focus mostly on the eating. I have a nature trail by my house that I am walking at least an hour a day 5 times a week. I'm through with my first week so we will see how it goes. For me I always go over the top with the exercise and lose it when it comes to eating. Its always little things like Ice cream or eating out too much but it all adds up and when I'm especially having a hard time I just think "screw it" and eat whatever I want. My big weakness is sugar. How do you motivate yourself to move forward and keep going when you feel like you've tried and failed so many other times? Thanks in advance.

I think this question is both fundamentally important for you and additionally, it's a question I wish everyone would acknowledge because it would help people better empathize with the condition of obesity in general.

What I mean is, it IS daunting to keep moving forward, and people DO get drained, and basically beat down after failing a task repeatedly.

And it's a tough task, make no mistake about it.

So first of all I think it is important to adopt a growth mindset where you embrace the idea of self improvement and you accept the idea that weight regain, or temporarily going off of your plan is not an example of YOU being a failure. You may have temporarily made some choices that don't align with your goals, but I think it's important to view that as an opportunity to grow and learn, rather than a reason to view yourself as failing or having failed.

That's not something that will happen overnight either. You may need to practice it and things like self gratitude, a personal care routine of sorts, and social support can help this along and also make you feel better along the way.

And note that self forgiveness is not the same thing as "excusing". When you slip up, forgive yourself but ALSO ask yourself what happened. You may be able to come to some conclusions and gain information along the way to help prevent or reduce those scenarios in the future.

Additionally, I think it can be helpful to get a firm idea WHY you are pursuing weight loss. Like, actually sit down and come to terms with the reasons behind it.

Finally, strategy matters a great deal too. Willpower is important of course, but it's not all there is, and in fact far from it.

I know that's a vacuous statement by itself, of course.

I tend to ramble so I'll stop typing now.

Best of luck to you, and I applaud you for coming back and taking another crack at it.

I'm willing to bet that almost every person who has successfully lost and maintained weight loss, has failed a bunch of times first.

What do they all have in common?

They got back up and tried again, which is exactly what you're doing now.

Soulwriter

mila_lova wrote: »

Your awareness of your eating habits and plan to make changes are a great start. It us great that you are walking an hour a day. I've heard that small changes are the best way to lose weight. Try to focus on maintaining small changes. Even if you have a bad day, think about what you did well, even if it seems small. I think focusing on the positives helps to sustain change. You can definitely do this!

Also, why do you want to lose weight? Focusing on your motivation might really help.

What finally made the difference for me in terms of sticking to healthy eating was focusing on my motivation. I used to binge every single day because I was eating for comfort. Last Sunday, my boyfriend told me how scary this abnormal behavior was for him. He was also concerned that I gained 20 lbs in the past year.

I never realized how my unhealthy relationship with food was hurting him. Focusing on improving our relationship is my biggest motivator right now. I haven't binged in seven days and I want to keep it up.

Good luck!

That's awesome on not bingeing in 7 days! I totally get the need for the motivation. I often change my behavior by fear and I think this time my fear of failing is holding me back instead of moving me forward. I already feel like a failure so its hard for me to try again. I agree with the small steps, I too often try and do it all instead of taking little steps, I really succeed for a long time but the weight doesnt come off because I'm not aware of how much I'm eating. I think part of what will help me this time is having a community and that's what I'm trying to do here is find like-minded people to share in my joys and my fallings. The reasons I want to lose weight have to do with proving to myself that I can do it. I want to be comfortable in my own skin and feel strong and powerful. In a lot of aspects in my life I've overcome huge things I want this to be one of the huge things I can look back on as a positive. One thing I really want is to weigh less than my husband, he's not a big guy but our entire relationship I have weighed more than him and that was before he got into shape himself now he weighs much less than me. I want to be a bad *kitten* chick who is strong and powerful and comfortable in her own body.

We just moved to Maryland from Utah and I've probably gained 10 lbs in the last 5 months so I understand how frustrating that can be. We should be friends

Soulwriter

dbashby wrote: »

It sounds like you could be helped significantly by pre-prepping you meals or at least having the food options in the refrigerator. The eating out option is too easy to take if you aren't prepared.

I agree I've done that in the past and I need to find a way to do it that makes sense for my life. Sandwitches before hand are easy and I've also been doing green drink shakes that I pre-measure out all the ingredients so they are easy. Sometimes I try and do too much and then stuff goes bad before I can get to it. What tips do you have on pre-prepping food? What works for you?

Soulwriter

SideSteel wrote: »

I think this question is both fundamentally important for you and additionally, it's a question I wish everyone would acknowledge because it would help people better empathize with the condition of obesity in general.

What I mean is, it IS daunting to keep moving forward, and people DO get drained, and basically beat down after failing a task repeatedly.

And it's a tough task, make no mistake about it.

So first of all I think it is important to adopt a growth mindset where you embrace the idea of self improvement and you accept the idea that weight regain, or temporarily going off of your plan is not an example of YOU being a failure. You may have temporarily made some choices that don't align with your goals, but I think it's important to view that as an opportunity to grow and learn, rather than a reason to view yourself as failing or having failed.

That's not something that will happen overnight either. You may need to practice it and things like self gratitude, a personal care routine of sorts, and social support can help this along and also make you feel better along the way.

And note that self forgiveness is not the same thing as "excusing". When you slip up, forgive yourself but ALSO ask yourself what happened. You may be able to come to some conclusions and gain information along the way to help prevent or reduce those scenarios in the future.

Additionally, I think it can be helpful to get a firm idea WHY you are pursuing weight loss. Like, actually sit down and come to terms with the reasons behind it.

Finally, strategy matters a great deal too. Willpower is important of course, but it's not all there is, and in fact far from it.

I know that's a vacuous statement by itself, of course.

I tend to ramble so I'll stop typing now.

Best of luck to you, and I applaud you for coming back and taking another crack at it.

I'm willing to bet that almost every person who has successfully lost and maintained weight loss, has failed a bunch of times first.

What do they all have in common?

They got back up and tried again, which is exactly what you're doing now.

You've hit the nail on the head, I often struggle with understanding the relationship I have with failure. I have spent my life with a mom who never acknowledged when something was done wrong or needed adjustment but within herself was always a failure. So I simultaniously feel like a failure and feel like if I forgive myself I'm making up an excuse, and with my mom constantly making excuses for me I hate excuses. "oh everyone struggles" "nobody's perfect" never "I love you but maybe you need to look at why you did that". I don't want to make excuses so I also have not learned how to have a balance and forgive myself while addressing the problem. The hardest part for me is when I have spent years and years, pretty much the whole time my husband and I have been together working on weight loss and I am relatively in the same place. During that time I did get to an all time high and have never been back there but I do stick around the same 15ish pounds and never below 170. I have gotten all the way to being able to run a 10k which is huge for me but I always lose it and gain that extra 15 back. I want something to be different this time and I feel like I say that every time. Maybe that mentality is the thing in need of changing but I still don't know how to look at those times with forgiveness and perspective.

nowine4me

@Soulwriter. Keep walking that trail. That's a great way to get focused on your goal. Then just track and log what you eat now. Be honest about it. Then address your diet.making small changes over time and adopt a lifestyle change that you can stick with forever. Baby steps!!

Soulwriter

@nowine4me Thanks I agree baby steps one day at a time one step at a time, thanks

harley2424

The first thing you have to do to be successful is to decide that your health (physical & mental) are the most important thing in your life and dedicate that hour or so every day to exercise. Just call it "Me-Time" and don't let anyone interfere with that allotted time. The second thing to do is commit to yourself that you want to stick to a diet of xxxx calories. Even eating out there are choices that you can make to mitigate over indulgence. I'm sure you know the drill, grilled over fried, side salad instead of fries, etc. etc.

I started my weight loss journey the first of the year and only found this app about a month ago when I purchased a Fitbit. However, through walking and eating less I've lost about 35 lbs since Jan 1. I'll be 70 yrs. old on Christmas Day and now walk 5+ miles a day and maintain a 2300 calorie a day diet. So if an old guy like me can do it, it'll be a piece of diet cake for you.

I think you can do whatever you set your mind to and will be looking forward to your progress. Have a great Turkey day and remember eat less and love more.

Soulwriter

@harley2424 thats awesome that you've lost so much. I agree I've done good with mental health for the most part but I forget that I need the physical as well for the mental. Right now my goal is to stick to 1400 calories a day with at least a half an hour a day of exercise. I'm realizing that eating out is almost a guarantee to go over calories. I love eating out and it becomes this social thing where I eat too much. I like the eat less love more I'll do my best.

Meghanebk

That saying is true - lose weight in the kitchen, get fit with exercise. I never preplan meals enough - fortunately (I guess) I'm terribly lazy. As long as I have food in the house I won't leave for fast food. (On the way home from work is the tough part.) I try to have things I like to eat that are not too calorie dense in the pantry. My latest favorite is Halo Top ice cream for a treat.

Logging as accurately as you can does help you make better choices. I just switched bread brands for more protein and fewer calories because I was tracking here. A little change, but it adds up to around 800 calories a month for me. That's almost 3 pounds a year with absolutely no effort or deprivation on my part.

I still eat food for comfort too, but now it's more likely a handful of tiny Trader Joe peanut butter cups (120 cal) than half a family size bag of chips. Don't try to keep yourself from eating particular things, just watch the portions or make somewhat better substitutions.

Also, the freezer is your friend. Hit up google for freezing tips to always have nutritious food (almost) instantly available if your ingredients tend to rot before you use them. I like smoothies, and I hate cleaning the blender. So I make a 3-serving batch, drink one, and pour the rest into an ice cube tray to freeze and eat whenever.

Making small changes gradually works best for me. You're off to a great start with the walking. If your weather is anything like mine, you may want to find an alternative exercise now for when it is too cold/wet/dark.

xmichaelyx

Soulwriter wrote: »

dbashby wrote: »

It sounds like you could be helped significantly by pre-prepping you meals or at least having the food options in the refrigerator. The eating out option is too easy to take if you aren't prepared.

I agree I've done that in the past and I need to find a way to do it that makes sense for my life. Sandwitches before hand are easy and I've also been doing green drink shakes that I pre-measure out all the ingredients so they are easy. Sometimes I try and do too much and then stuff goes bad before I can get to it. What tips do you have on pre-prepping food? What works for you?

I cook in bulk and eat the same things every weekday. Almonds for breakfast, salad with chicken for lunch, turkey tacos for dinner, and a green drink w/ protein for a snack.

This means that once or twice per month I cook a sh!tton of chicken breast and ground turkey, which I weigh out and put into individual containers. I freeze it all and thaw out as needed.

If you choose this method, a crockpot and a freezer chest will be your best friends.

Bonus: This allows me to purchase in bulk, which can save a ton of money.

There's a great sub-Reddit devoted to this type of cooking: https://www.reddit.com/r/MealPrepSunday/

Soulwriter

@xmichaelyx so I really don't have a good excuse, I have a freezer that I have lugged all the way from Utah to here (Maryland). I love using it, I have a crock pot as well and need to commit myself to doing the bulk cooking once or twice a month because when I do its easier. I cook everything for my husband as well and thats where he doesnt like eating the same thing every day comes in. I have done the green drink with all the ingredients measured out and then blended in the morning and that tends to be good for me. Do you cook your chicken in the crock pot and then just measure out a portion size? Also do you just have salad ready and then put that on top afterwards? I do a lot of frozen vegetables and soups in the winter I probably make salad more complicated than it needs to be.

herenursynursy

Thank you for this post and all your responses.

Soulwriter

Meghanebk wrote: »

That saying is true - lose weight in the kitchen, get fit with exercise. I never preplan meals enough - fortunately (I guess) I'm terribly lazy. As long as I have food in the house I won't leave for fast food. (On the way home from work is the tough part.) I try to have things I like to eat that are not too calorie dense in the pantry. My latest favorite is Halo Top ice cream for a treat.

Logging as accurately as you can does help you make better choices. I just switched bread brands for more protein and fewer calories because I was tracking here. A little change, but it adds up to around 800 calories a month for me. That's almost 3 pounds a year with absolutely no effort or deprivation on my part.

I still eat food for comfort too, but now it's more likely a handful of tiny Trader Joe peanut butter cups (120 cal) than half a family size bag of chips. Don't try to keep yourself from eating particular things, just watch the portions or make somewhat better substitutions.

Also, the freezer is your friend. Hit up google for freezing tips to always have nutritious food (almost) instantly available if your ingredients tend to rot before you use them. I like smoothies, and I hate cleaning the blender. So I make a 3-serving batch, drink one, and pour the rest into an ice cube tray to freeze and eat whenever.

Making small changes gradually works best for me. You're off to a great start with the walking. If your weather is anything like mine, you may want to find an alternative exercise now for when it is too cold/wet/dark.

Yeah my lazyness comes in where its easier to go out and get something than to make something at home in my mind. I need to just have stuff at home that I can easily wip up or thats already made and just needs to be heated up.

I agree with the logging as accurately as possible because in the past where I've gotten caught up is in feeling like if I mess up then I've ruined all the days cause now I'm no longer on a "perfect streak". I don't think that way anymore but its where in the back of my head I go when I've gone over my calories. It actually felt good the other day when I went over my calories to be honest and track it. I was proud of myself for not sweeping it under the rug and acknowledging it.

For now I don't have things like Ice Cream or sugar in the house it just becomes too much of a temptation and I'll eat a bunch of it. The substitutions I have made are getting those little tiny dollar or so cups of Ice cream one at a time if I'm in need of something rather than buying a whole thing. The one substitution that I enjoy almost as much as Ice Cream is yogurt with blackberries in it. Its to die for. Obviously you have to pick the right yogurt with not a lot of sugar but still.

I'm working on the freezer consistency thing. Its all about consistency with me. I have a hard time keeping up with something for the long haul. But now that I think about it I have kept up with certain fitness routines for 4 to 5 months at a time I think its possible that the way I go about it is whats getting me. Again the need to address the diet. The one thing I've heard that I like is: You can't outrun a bad diet.

As far as the weather I'm fine I'm from Utah I spend all winter there snowshoeing, I'm fine with putting on more layers and staying outside. I've got these clips for my shoes that make it easy to walk on Ice. I do better when I can be out in nature.

Thanks for all the advice

Meghanebk

Soulwriter, if consistency is hard - do you get bored? Maybe try being consistent about a thing for a month and then switch to something else? When I get tired of logging my calories, I try to switch my focus to managing my macros, or watching added sodium - I'm doing the same task, but with a different focus.

Same with exercise. One week I may focus on time exercised, one on calories burned, one on finding new routes to walk - the variety keeps it interesting.

Soulwriter

@Meghanebk I think its less boredom and more that when I have an off day I stay down too long. Also I have clinical depression and when I'm happy I'm really good with routine but when I'm depressed I tend to let everything go. The routine usually keeps me happy but the feelings I have of failure when I get out of that routine are usually my worst enemy.

Meghanebk

Depression sucks. When I go through it I just lose all motivation to do absolutely anything. Except focus on worries and past events. And the drug regime side effects are worse for me than the depression.

I hope when you have bad days you'll be able to come here for support or distraction.

Ming1951

Meghanebk wrote: »

Depression sucks. When I go through it I just lose all motivation to do absolutely anything. Except focus on worries and past events. And the drug regime side effects are worse for me than the depression.

I hope when you have bad days you'll be able to come here for support or distraction.

I have just learned about how serious this is, my daughter always suffered with anxiety/depression..so bad that she had few friends. 2 years ago suffered a complete breakdown and was diagnosed bipolar..now on meds doing well but still has some symptoms like motivation, gained over 80 lbs and just not motivated to lose it. I hope one day something will be out there to help her overcome this. At least she can work now but it totally drains all else out.

Soulwriter

Meghanebk wrote: »

Depression sucks. When I go through it I just lose all motivation to do absolutely anything. Except focus on worries and past events. And the drug regime side effects are worse for me than the depression.

I hope when you have bad days you'll be able to come here for support or distraction.

For me I have found a medication that works well and has a low enough dose that the side effects aren't killer. I am not willing to go without medication just because of my family history we are pretty riddled with mental illness. My uncle committed suicide about 5 years ago and I really have worked hard to keep on top of it ever sense. For me its not going away any time soon its just something I have to live with and manage. Its hard because on the outside (at least I think) it looks like i'm not doing much with my life but on the inside I'm fighting at times for every day I'm alive. I think that is actually one of my motivators, I fight depression in my life so this is cake compared.. or at least thats what I tell myself.

Soulwriter

[quote="Ming1951;38208586"

I have just learned about how serious this is, my daughter always suffered with anxiety/depression..so bad that she had few friends. 2 years ago suffered a complete breakdown and was diagnosed bipolar..now on meds doing well but still has some symptoms like motivation, gained over 80 lbs and just not motivated to lose it. I hope one day something will be out there to help her overcome this. At least she can work now but it totally drains all else out.
[/quote]

I know that it really helps to have a parent who understands. I'm sorry that your daughter has had to go through this. Bipolar is a whole other monster and I really feel for those who suffer with it, my step mom is bipolar and in my book a rockstar. Give her some time to live with her brain working better and hopefully she will be strong enough to tackle the other stuff in her life. Good luck I know its hard.