Something life changing happens and you can't get back on track

Plammi1988

I don't really know where to start.

When my daughter was born 2and a half years ago I decided to change my life and become a healthier person. I weighed in at 112kg. Over the time I managed to get under 80kg and was able to keep it under control. I had changed my lifestyle and was extremely happy with my achievement.

Then my world crumbled as my daughter was diagnosed with a life threatening condition at the end of August. Since that moment I have been unable to control my eating and binge on food most nights. Even though my little angle is a lot better now and had most of the operations needed we are still waiting on the all clear in the middle of January.
I weighed myself this morning and was 93 kg.
I know in my mind that what I am doing to myself is wrong but I seem to be unable to stop myself. I am not usually someone to share these things but I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how they managed to get out of it.
Many thanks,
Mo

HippySkoppy

Oh dear what an incredibly stressful time you are enduring. Having a seriously ill child is truly every parent's nightmare and focusing on anything else other than their needs is incredibly difficult.

I do speak from experience, even though it was almost 30 years ago now. Our youngest child was born, critically ill and struggled to thrive. We/He endured lengthy intensive care stays, operations and it was touch and go at times for the first 3 years of his life.

Please, don't beat yourself up for not eating as well as you would have liked or for putting on weight. You are doing an incredible job looking after your daughter and being there for her 24/7.

I would make these suggestions though. I would really try to get the help of a counselor. I felt so stressed and there was such a sense of grief that I experienced that alone I just couldn't sort out my feelings.

I remember so clearly being distraught and angry that this had happened to my child and our family. So much pain, disruption and the terrible sense of impotence you feel when you HAVE to trust others with the very life of your child. Birth and childhood just isn't meant to go this way and the dreams you had prior to their birth may be well and truly shattered. If that is the case then you really need to honour those feelings, talk about them, cry, write, share or do whatever you need to do to release the pressure cooker you are in.

I truly believe that given a chance to unburden yourself in this way you will be able to get back into a better place food wise. This binge eating is really only a symptom of the incredible load you are bearing.

If the whole counselling thing is not able to be done then foodwise I would suggest that you look at going back to basics. Try changing one thing about your current way of eating to a more positive and life enhancing style. ie: If you are drinking a lot of your calories look at drinking more water each day. Next, commit to getting back to logging, from there you can look at hitting your macros, etc etc. Seeing that you have been successful in the past you will quickly catch back on to how this all goes.

I am so pleased that the dark times you have gone through are easing. Keep reminding yourself how wonderfully you have coped through this. Enlist those around you that love you to bolster up your spirits, maybe now she is out of the woods it could be a time where you feel that you could have some ME time. Perhaps treat yourself to a new hair do, pedicure or whatever takes your fancy. Look into every way of de-stressing your life maybe take up Yoga, meditation, long walks on the beach or in woodlands, again fit in whatever takes your fancy.

I send you, your little girl and your loved ones my very best wishes and hope for continued good health for all.

mistlechild

I can't imagine what it must be like to have a sick child, but I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. This is a stressful time in your life and food is a coping mechanism, and not the worst kind either. I would be very kind to myself at this time. I think we've all gone through those dark times in different ways. The one thing to remember that I like to remind myself is that there's always an upswing in life. Yeah, we're in the downswing now, but it sure sounds like your daughter (and you as well) are coming out of it! Best of luck to both of you!