Cake for Breakfast

mila_lova

I just had a small victory I want to celebrate.

I used to binge every day. Then, my boyfriend sat me down and told me he was really worried about my unhealthy behavior. I also gained 20 lbs in the past year.

I haven't binged for ten days. I was really looking forward to Thanksgiving because I felt like I had permission to binge and, after ten days of agonizing and longing for a binge, I could FINALLY eat as much as I wanted.

So I tried having cake for breakfast. I thought it would be so much fun and I'd eat half the cake just enjoying myself.

Trying to force myself to eat the cake felt awful. I didn't enjoy it one bit. I kept thinking "WTF am I doing to myself?" The cake was delicious. I powered through the first slice. It didn't feel good and I wanted so badly for it to feel good, I wanted binging to work for me like it worked in the past. Determined to get some enjoyment out of it, I started on my second slice.

I stopped eating halfway through.

Binging doesn't feel good anymore. It doesn't do anything for me. The cake tasted good, but I just no longer want it.

I want to celebrate this shift in my attitude towards food. I have loved binging for at least 20 years, but now I've changed. I don't know how much I'll eat the rest of the day, but my mind is blown that I feel this way about food now.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

MsAmandaNJ

That is wonderful to hear! There are bad habits I too used to enjoy, thought I was embracing a part of me. As it turns out, I was just rationalizing destroying myself. Have a super day!

red99ryder

I had cake for breakfast too , one piece to replace my normal breakfast it was yummie and no guilt here

leanjogreen18

Often times when we take the power away from the food it can be freeing.

I don't pretend to understand binging but perhaps you've taken the power back and now cake will be just that a slice of cake.

Yay you!!!!

KANGOOJUMPS

I like cake for brekkie sometimes.

kitten8u

this confuses me...

mila_lova

Thanks for all of the encouragement guys!!!!

bfanny

If you haven't binged in 10 days and that is HUGE after doing it every day, why just why would you "plan" a day to do it?
I don't get it, it's like playing with fire and you know what's going to happen...eventually so why sabotage yourself?

mila_lova

You're right, it doesn't make sense.

I was just feeling so much tension, I wanted to do it so bad and I was looking for any excuse.

Binging can be counted as a process addiction, so I think it was the irrational addict in me just trying to do it one last time.

I'm kind of glad that I tried binging again, because I realized that I don't like it anymore. It doesn't do anything for me these days. My desire to binge is now gone because I know my new healthy habits feel much better. I can now move forward knowing that I prefer being healthy. I think I needed to do that experiment.

Before Thanksgiving, I was obsessed with binging. I resented being healthy because I thought binging felt better. I had to force myself to make each healthy choice. Now, I no longer have that psychological burden. I've tried being healthy, then I tried binging, and I know that binging feels much worse.