The art of the intelligent insult

G085H173

Is there too much profanity these days? Is the art of the callous put down, to knack of sliding a verbal stiletto blade between the ribs dead? Is the pen (and the spoken word) still more deadly than the sword?? Do we have the mental wherewithal to match Oscar Wilde, Winston Churchill, Groucho Marx, even??

Here's my starter for 10.....

You're as useful as a broken tea cup

Just_J_Now

You're about as sharp as a bowling ball.

km8907

You're as funny as a cry for help.

Alatariel75

Somewhere in an attic, there's a picture of you getting prettier by the day...

Just_J_Now

You smell athletic

Archer2017

You're about as practical as a soup-sandwich.

G085H173

Not bad!
You dance with the grace of a one legged ostrich

Archer2017

Don't call me sir, I work for a living!

Sorry, I just heard that a lot at work.

G085H173

At least with that perfume, you don't smell like a corpse

RoxieDawn

You're as dumb as a brick and

Your elevator does not go to the top.

Grey_1

You're a can shy of a six pack.

Sharp as a bag of wet hair

Not the sharpest tool in the shed

All the discernment of a blind man in a fog bank...

Just_J_Now

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

Grey_1

Well that's as weak as a half brewed cup o joe

dwalt15110

People forget all about what you look like once you open your mouth.

Just_J_Now

Keep talking. Some day you'll say something intelligent.

Unknown

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manderson27

My family and I have spent endless hours trying to verbally "one up" each other and have had many a pleasant hour insulting each other and generally using sarcasm as a weapon against our nearest and dearest.

Mind you here in the West Country (UK) it is understood that the more you insult someone the more you like them. The time to worry is when we are being polite. Sadly our West Country culture is being undermined by political correctness and the terminally offended.

It is so sad that sarcasm and verbal jousting are seen as bullying and offensive and the art of the verbal putdown is losing favour. We should all be bland and unemotional with no passion or individuality.

I went to a Diversity Training in The Workplace workshop and they basically told us we should not be diverse as we might offend someone.

I said that at my age if someone offended me one day I probably wouldn't remember it the next anyway. My fellow colleagues kindly laughed.

But the person holding the class told me that this was just the kind of comment we should avoid making as it might offend other older people.....hang on....what? I make a joke about my own age and memory loss and some other person takes offense. How very dare they!!! I am offended by their being offended. If we cant take the p!ss out of ourselves who the hell can we take the p!ss out of?

Sorry I am waffling it's my age you know.

I miss being offensive

BoosDimples

manderson27 wrote: »

My family and I have spent endless hours trying to verbally "one up" each other and have had many a pleasant hour insulting each other and generally using sarcasm as a weapon against our nearest and dearest.

Mind you here in the West Country (UK) it is understood that the more you insult someone the more you like them. The time to worry is when we are being polite. Sadly our West Country culture is being undermined by political correctness and the terminally offended.

It is so sad that sarcasm and verbal jousting are seen as bullying and offensive and the art of the verbal putdown is losing favour. We should all be bland and unemotional with no passion or individuality.

I went to a Diversity Training in The Workplace workshop and they basically told us we should not be diverse as we might offend someone.

I said that at my age if someone offended me one day I probably wouldn't remember it the next anyway. My fellow colleagues kindly laughed.

But the person holding the class told me that this was just the kind of comment we should avoid making as it might offend other older people.....hang on....what? I make a joke about my own age and memory loss and some other person takes offense. How very dare they!!! I am offended by their being offended. If we cant take the p!ss out of ourselves who the hell can we take the p!ss out of?

Sorry I am waffling it's my age you know.

I miss being offensive

I hear you. In my family and with friends, you need worry when there are no insults and/or sarcasm.

manderson27

It makes for very lively get togethers

dc8066

manderson27 wrote: »

My family and I have spent endless hours trying to verbally "one up" each other and have had many a pleasant hour insulting each other and generally using sarcasm as a weapon against our nearest and dearest.

Mind you here in the West Country (UK) it is understood that the more you insult someone the more you like them. The time to worry is when we are being polite. Sadly our West Country culture is being undermined by political correctness and the terminally offended.

It is so sad that sarcasm and verbal jousting are seen as bullying and offensive and the art of the verbal putdown is losing favour. We should all be bland and unemotional with no passion or individuality.

I went to a Diversity Training in The Workplace workshop and they basically told us we should not be diverse as we might offend someone.

I said that at my age if someone offended me one day I probably wouldn't remember it the next anyway. My fellow colleagues kindly laughed.

But the person holding the class told me that this was just the kind of comment we should avoid making as it might offend other older people.....hang on....what? I make a joke about my own age and memory loss and some other person takes offense. How very dare they!!! I am offended by their being offended. If we cant take the p!ss out of ourselves who the hell can we take the p!ss out of?

Sorry I am waffling it's my age you know.

I miss being offensive

I think that Diversity Training was an insult to your intelligence )

Karb_Kween

These are dumb.. the intelligent insult is what reaches for the jugular

If you hurt somebody's feelings you did well

G085H173

Karb_Kween wrote: »

These are dumb.. the intelligent insult is what reaches for the jugular

If you hurt somebody's feelings you did well

I agree, but it's all about context; it could be a verbal jab;"you're as much use as a flat battery" or the verbal smash in the teeth;" you couldn't pour sh17 out a shoe even if the instructions were printed on the heel"