Weight loss after recovered eating disorder

sarko15

Hi, return user here after a couple years away. I'm sorry if there is a thread like this already, I couldn't quite find it, so if there is and you can link me to it I promise I will delete this one right away.

I've been in "recovery" you could say from disordered and unhealthy eating habits for about three years. I initially joined My Fitness Pal so that I could basically restrict every calorie I ate and punish myself for going over. I exercised--hard--until I was faint. I blew tons and tons of money on potentially dangerous diet pills. I weighed myself often and felt deeply depressed when I gained a pound or two in a day (even though I knew that fluctuation was normal). I would guzzle water the day before a weigh in purely because I didn't want any bloat to show up on the scale. I took laxatives regularly. I didn't become gaunt like some of the more dramatic instances of eating disorders, but I lost about 15 lbs (5'3", down to 117-120 lbs from 135 lbs). People said I looked great--I felt miserable. It wasn't enough--it wouldn't be enough until I got to a BMI of 18, in my mind.

Eventually, I met my current boyfriend who made me promise to stop self destructive behaviors. So I did. I didn't weigh myself for three years and stopped counting calories. I exercised a healthy amount and still ate healthy foods. I started eating carbs that weren't fruit again. Much happier. Until recently, when I accidentally peeked at the scale at the doctors office. Now, I'm overweight, at the highest weight I've ever been, and decided that I want to lose those pounds to get back to the "healthy" zone. I'm not trying to get to a BMI of 18, I'm just trying to get back into the healthy range.

My problem is, I don't know how to do it without reverting back to previously unhealthy tactics. I know I need to measure my progress but the thought of taking the scale out of where I stuffed it deep in the closet is terrifying. Even joining this website again and counting calories to make sure I don't go over 1200 makes me sweat. I went to a networking function after work today and definitely ate more than 1oz of cheese and now I'm cooking myself a bowl of brussels sprouts for dinner because I've already gone over my calorie limit.

Has anyone been here before with any advice on how to navigate the triggers but still achieve a healthy weight?

SCoil123

Hi recovering bulimic here. I found ranges help me. I dont go over or under a set calorie range for the day. This helps me avoid over restricting and binging. I also have a goal weight range. If I let myself have one number in mind I fixate and it becomes very unhealthy. Ranges are more obtainable for me. Before Id have a set number and freak if I didnt see it, on a calorie counter or the scale.

I also have a few people in my life who are also in recovery and week check in with each other. I do pretty good but still have off days and struggle so having a safe place to talk about it instead of acting on it helps. The secrecy and shame of having an eating disorder kept me sick for a long time.

CaeTroi

Good morning (: Recovering EDNOS (Anorexic, bulimic, binge/purge tendencies) here. I just recently rejoined the site also, as I have a couple weddings upcoming and feel that it's finally time to get back to a health weight, a healthy way. My boss (who has recovered from Anorexia) always reminds me to never tell my body no within reason. Like if I want a piece of cake to eat it, even if that means going over the "limit" for the day. Navigating triggers food wise, I always recommend having a good support system. I have a handful of people that if I get really anxious over food, walking through the grocery store, or anything that might trigger a relapse I can call/text them and we help each other journey through recovery of our multitude of things.

I'm going to friend request both of you, as I hope we can share our stories and journey together.

robininfl

I am recovered for almost 30 years now, and what has worked best for me (technically - emotionally the best and most important change is to appreciate and care for your physical body, to love being embodied and want to nourish and sustain your physical form) is:

Using moderation, and the scale, not counting calories. So say you have gotten too fat, or too skinny, you are outside your range of acceptable healthy weight. But not yet in a mindspace where you can trust your appetite. I either take something out, or add something to my diet or exercise in this case. Too heavy? Usually I just work out more, or if I can remove something unhealthy from the diet (alcohol, cookies) I will do that but remember to eat good meals each day. Also if it's a small amount of weight I've just skipped supper a few times a week, replacing it with popcorn or a glass of water, but if you have more weight that might not be healthy... If too skinny (I can still drop too low when anxious or if I don't notice I'm not eating enough) then I add a snack to the day, and watch until the weight returns. I try to do either of these slowly, not quickly, and really it's only happened a few times over the years.

Smaller plates, putting back half of what you took, intermittent fasting, building standard meals and putting them together, skipping one meal a day, or three meals a week, increasing your exercise. Try other methods if counting calories makes you get obsessive.

Good luck to you, and congratulations on your recovery.

sarko15

Thanks everyone--your input is really helpful. I was worried that people would say that I shouldn't try to lose weight because it's like a recovered alcoholic having a beer, but it's good to know there are other people out there who have experienced this and have solid advice for doing it the healthy way without totally indulging the demons

misskarne

IMO, you should talk to a health professional about this. It doesn't sound like you ever got treatment for the ED originally, and this could send you back down a dangerous path.