Freaked Out About My Body Shrinking....

LenGray

Hi all,

I've been logging for the past 3 months and have lost a good chunk of weight, about 20 lbs. I've been really excited about getting to a healthy weight, but have discovered something a little bit disturbing.

The other week, I looked in the mirror and noticed that I'd gotten smaller. However, rather than being excited about it (after all, I am trying to lose weight) it freaked me out. Like, really freaked me out. It scared me that I'd changed and hadn't even noticed it.

So, I took a diet break for a few weeks. And that worked. After a week or two, I was okay and could look in the mirror again without feeling creeped out. Now, I'm back to trying to lose again and yesterday I noticed that I'm starting to avoid looking in the mirror because I don't want to freak myself out.

I have a... complicated history with food and used to be considered malnourished, to the point that I was hospitalized. I guess what I'm worried about is, could this be because of my past relationship with my weight or is it something that everyone goes through? It seems like a psychological block since no one else has noticed that I look different, but it's a pretty tough row to hoe, as they say.

As always, advice is appreciated. Thanks, in advance.

usmcmp

I freaked out about how skinny my face looked. It looked like a skull wrapped in skin. I got used to it, but for a while I hated looking in the mirror or seeing pictures.

JeromeBarry1

You do get familiar with the new you after the passage of a not too long time.

sbrandt37

I have been losing weight slower than you and I am struck by my changing appearance, but in a positive way. Your reaction does sound like it may have been colored by your past experience, which wouldn't be surprising. My non-professional advice--as the father of a child who has an anxiety disorder--would be to just take it as slow as you need to, and if you find your discomfort becoming unmanageable, consider seeking some professional help with it.

hopeyheartbear

i struggle with fear as my body begins to change as i'm so uncomfortable with the attention that losing weight brings and how everyone is SOOO happy for you and thinks you look SOOO good and it only makes me think - what must have they thought about how i looked before. why does me losing weight suddenly make me worthy of praise and attention when i was invisible before. it's a struggle because i REALLY DO need to lose weight for my health but emotionally i'm in a weird place.

azulvioleta6

Give yourself time...it really does take a while for your mind to catch up with your body.

I lost about 80 pounds before I could start to perceive myself as smaller at all.

fr33sia12

I've lost 42lb so far and do sometimes get shocked by my appearance. Being able to see my collar bones and ribs, feeling my hip bones. It doesn't help that I'm still wearing baggy clothes (until I go on a massive shopping trip after the Christmas binge) which makes me look like an ill person that's lost a lot of weight quickly. I remember how I wouldn't always notice the weight I'd put on when I got bigger until all of a sudden, so it makes sense that the same would happen when you lose weight too.

courtneyfabulous

Hmm I actually feel great getting smaller because clothes fit better, I like how I look in pictures & in the mirror better, etc. But one thing I find unsettling for some reason is getting flirted with more often and looked at by strangers. I was overweight for several years and I guess got used to no one noticing me at all. Suddenly as I lose weight I'm looking cuter and even look younger somehow so getting a lot more attention. It's a good thing I guess but takes some getting used to!

kenyonhaff

Hmmm... how well do you generally respond to change? I'm thinking that this is a big change in your appearance, and you are having difficulty with this. I'm thinking it's also ambivalent, more than all negative. Something within you does not want to change and that's worth exploring.

If you are hinting that you have a "it's complicated" relationship with food (and I'm assuming body image), I think that there is some baggage here too.

You also mentioned that no one has noticed the 20 lb loss...that strikes me as interesting. My guess is the weight loss may be very noticeable to you, but not so much to others. (Much the way a person will fret over how a new 'dramatic' change in a haircut is received, but then no one around you takes much notice). I think it may be quite possible people have noticed, but just haven't said anything. (Unfortunately, not everyone compliments people as they should. Pity.)

LivingtheLeanDream

I would have thought seeing the change in your appearance would have been a positive feeling for you. It was for me and I'm sure the majority of us.

Are you close to your goal weight ?

LenGray

Thanks everyone for the support. I'm glad I'm not the only one who was surprised!

@kenyonhaff I usually respond pretty neutrally to change, and I'm happily putting in the work to change, it just was odd how vehemently I felt when I saw a smaller me in the mirror. I figure that some baggage I haven't found/dealt with is probably in play, but I wanted to see if I was the only one with this reaction and if not, how they deal with it. It's going to be a very long journey if I have to maintain for 3 weeks after every month of weight loss!

As for other people not noticing, I'm guessing that that's because I wear baggy clothes normally and they don't notice that my clothes are getting baggier. I've had a few people remark on how healthy my food choices and stuff are though, or be shocked when they see me eat a piece of candy or sweet coffee.

@RunRutheeRun Nope. I'm currently 244 lbs. My goal is 150, though I'd mainly just like to get below 200 again.

cnbbnc

I've been a serial dieter my entire life and this has always been a struggle for me. I've always been overweight, so that's what's familiar. That's what's comfortable.... That's me. Or it was.... I've kept 45lbs off for a year now. It's taken me about that long to start getting used to how I look now. What felt so alien is slowly starting to become my new normal. I think this is very common.

Sounds like you're doing great so keep it up!

LAWoman72

100% disclosure here. When I lose more than a pound in a week...say, a pound and a half...I become terrified, I feel like pieces of myself are "falling away" and I overeat in terror and slow it down.

knelson095

I remember a few months back I reached to open the medicine cabinet and saw a skinny(ish) arm in the mirror as I went for the knob and it freaked me out because it didn't look like my arm. My family catches me staring at myself in anything reflective a lot because I catch my reflection and I have to stop and look because I am still trying to reconcile what I see there with what I perceive myself to be. And don't even get me started on how strangers see me now. I'm oblivious to flirting, it still doesn't even occur to me that men (or women) might see me as attractive. It is not until much later as I'm thinking back on it that it dawns on me, which has made for some retroactively awkward conversations. Lol.

I had no idea when I started this that I would have to worry so much about where my head was at. Drastic weightloss can mess with your identity and as much as we would all like to think otherwise, how we look has a huge impact on how we feel and interact with others. I can't speak for everyone, of course, but for me this has been true. Being freaked out is normal, in my opinion, but since you have had such a negative reaction I worry that it could cause you to give up on being healthier. Maybe you could talk to a professional? It might help you sort out your feelings.