A Failing Marriage and Weight Loss

martn78
martn78 Posts: 6 Member
edited November 13 in Introduce Yourself
Good Morning, MFP, and happy Friday to you all! Okay, so this is a bit embarrassing to admit, but I weigh just south of 400 pounds AND my marriage is on life support. I am a stress eater, so you can see the challenges this is providing. 2016 was supposed to be my year of change. I turned 30 in January, was ready to start that next chapter and start getting in shape to be a dad, a lifelong dream of mine. Welp, 11 months later, I am the same weight, if not heavier, and am closer to divorce than fatherhood. Things have been bad since the summer, and honestly don't show signs of getting any better, and that nasty D word is becoming more regular in my vocabulary.

That being said, I am not on here for sympathy! I am on here, because I finally have realized that it truly is me vs. The World, and I am damn excited to take it on. I have 200 pounds I want to lose, and through the bad days and depression of a possible divorce, I have finally realized that it is time to do this weight loss and healthy lifestyle FOR ME. If there is anyone that has or is going through a similar situation, I would love advice on how you dealt with it in relation to healthy habits, especially if stress eating is/was a problem for you. I don't have a lot of friends in the real world, so looking for anyone to kick some *kitten* with!

Replies

  • 4theking
    4theking Posts: 1,196 Member
    I would love to help any way I can. There is always hope! :)
  • samm9581
    samm9581 Posts: 17 Member
    Hi,

    I can really relate, except for the divorce part. I am a stress eater too. I was very hesitant to start using MFP, but my therapist asked me to try. Now I have found a few friends and I'm in a group that I feel supported by. I sabotage myself all the time. So, I won't offer you any sympathy, but I will share how I cope.

    My worst habit is being very black and white, either I'm all in or I'm not trying at all. I'm working very hard to look at each meal, snack, etc. as just a choice, not good or bad, just a choice. Given that, I will allow myself to make the choice to have something that maybe doesn't quite fit in my meal plan, and just watch my portions. That's the choice.

    I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes about 25 years ago. Wow! 25 years! I haven't tended to keeping it under control at all. Now, I have neuropathy in my hands and feet and problems with my eyes. When the discovered retina issues, I thought that would shock me into reality...did not at all. My treatment has been successful, which I am SO grateful for, but still I wasn't changing things.

    I don't have a lot of stress in my life, except for work. And it's BAD! I've been with my employer 25 years and have always loved my job. Now, I have a horribly controlling boss, all new team mates and it seems like I just don't fit. I've gone into therapy to get through it. 5 years and I can retire. I want to be in good shape so I can enjoy myself. I want to be happy!

    I have two good friends, and I lean on them a lot. I also have my faith.

    I would like to challenge you to change your thinking....2016 IS your year! You are moving forward. It may not be they way you'd like it to be...but it's where you are. Each step is part of your journey! You can do it! You have it inside....just dig away til you find it! Along the way, you will heal and meet more challenges!

    Friend me if you'd like. I would love to be a support for you!
  • Ann262
    Ann262 Posts: 266 Member
    It sounds like a tough situation. The best thing you do is work on you, being the best you you can be and focusing on your health is a great place to start. I am up 30#, the heaviest I have ever been. I am determined to turn that around. Let's support each other!
  • annaskiski
    annaskiski Posts: 1,212 Member
    edited December 2016
    You need to work on getting yourself healthy. That needs to be your number one priority for now (and really, always).

    With regard to marriage, what happens, happens. Stressing about it CAN'T make it better.
    Come to terms with what you need to do to be happy.

    Life is short. Don't spend years of your life miserable. Find your path.
  • Heartisalonelyhunter
    Heartisalonelyhunter Posts: 786 Member
    I agree that making babies when your marriage is a mess is a bad idea. Plus becoming a parent to a new baby is super stressful so if you are a stress eater that will only make things worse.
    Just wondering if your marital troubles are related to your weight? Do you want to lose to improve things or so you can move on feeling healthier?
  • RealRelicVa
    RealRelicVa Posts: 34 Member
    Just added you bro. We are here to keep each other accountable to ourselves. You are beginning to win by acknowledging that there are obstacles. I can recommend some things for stress. My biggest obstacle is insomnia...maybe you can help me with that. All I know is that stress, cortisol, and restlessness are some dirty *kitten* that like to f*** with our metabolism, so we need to slap them all around.
  • danjbadassery
    danjbadassery Posts: 90 Member
    I am not sure what I can say that has not been said above but you can add me to your friends list. When you fall I will try to be there to help you get back up, dust you off, and say.. it's ok, just get back on the horse. I struggled for years with drinking and cigarettes. Through time, patience, and perseverance I stopped smoking (took 5 attempts over 7 years) and got my drinking well under control. It took me a LOT of self-hypnosis and falling off the wagon to get there. You didn't get into this position over night or with one choice so it won't change that easy either but it can change if you stick with it!!! :)
  • martn78
    martn78 Posts: 6 Member
    This right here is amazing. Well said. I love it. Thanks, man!
    Hungry_Angler wrote: »
    It isn't you versus the world bro...it's you versus complacency, laziness, excuses, low self-esteem, and even self hatred. I don't even feel bad for writing all this. Why? Because I've been there. You need to get sick of being fat. You need to learn how to be proud of your appearance and actually confident in who you are as a man. Take your life back. Send me a friend invite.

  • DoctahJenn
    DoctahJenn Posts: 616 Member
    Feel free to add me, if you don't mind a HUGE geek and a runner. I know all about stress eating - I lost both parents in a single year - one to cancer, one to suicide - and I've learned a few tricks. If you're up for some advice and a little tough love, I'm always up for more friends.

    (But seriously. I'm a huge geek. If you're not interested in hearing about Marvel Movies, Star Wars, and Doctor Who... you may just wanna walk away. :P )
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,301 Member
    Good for you. There are loads of good people on here who have their own versions of what you are experiencing..

    Remember take it a day at a time, each one adds to the previous one. Don't make unrealistic changes it will be impossible to keep up. There will be some bad days, when they happen, get up and start again. Please don't set yourself too strict a time table for this life changing event, some of us seem to need longer than many to do it right. I hope you find food tastes better when are able to enjoy whats in front of you.

    All the very best.
  • RemarkablyUnremarkable
    RemarkablyUnremarkable Posts: 63 Member
    martn78 wrote: »
    Good Morning, MFP, and happy Friday to you all! Okay, so this is a bit embarrassing to admit, but I weigh just south of 400 pounds AND my marriage is on life support. I am a stress eater, so you can see the challenges this is providing. 2016 was supposed to be my year of change. I turned 30 in January, was ready to start that next chapter and start getting in shape to be a dad, a lifelong dream of mine. Welp, 11 months later, I am the same weight, if not heavier, and am closer to divorce than fatherhood. Things have been bad since the summer, and honestly don't show signs of getting any better, and that nasty D word is becoming more regular in my vocabulary.

    That being said, I am not on here for sympathy! I am on here, because I finally have realized that it truly is me vs. The World, and I am damn excited to take it on. I have 200 pounds I want to lose, and through the bad days and depression of a possible divorce, I have finally realized that it is time to do this weight loss and healthy lifestyle FOR ME. If there is anyone that has or is going through a similar situation, I would love advice on how you dealt with it in relation to healthy habits, especially if stress eating is/was a problem for you. I don't have a lot of friends in the real world, so looking for anyone to kick some *kitten* with!

    Divorce and stress eating, I have SO been there! It's hard not to worry and stress I know but trust that YOU will be ok! It might feel like you vs. the world but you have to ditch that mindset. Yes, you have significant work to do but it's all up to you! The world is yours to be what you make of it <3 You can do it, I bet you surprise yourself with the amount of strength you really have when you dig deep!
    Hugs and Prayers from Texas!
  • Barbell_Addict_
    Barbell_Addict_ Posts: 52 Member
    Added you! Here to help support and motivate where I can!
  • sjstrong66
    sjstrong66 Posts: 12 Member
    the best thing ever -- work on you -- seriously is the best step in the right direction. once you respect yourself. usually people notice and are proud for ya. its a great feeling.
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