How do you fight through? How do you lock in?

Brocksterdanza

I used to weigh 330 pounds... found out my mom had cancer... started exercising and eating healthier and lost aboutt 100 pounds... went through a gambit of losing my mom, my dad, and having major stresses in my marriage due to me not dealing with their deaths. Needless to say, i have gained back up to 255... the sad part is, i am a exercise science major, have taught health and PE for quite a while... and i know the science, etc. But for some reason, i am really struggling to get the weight back off... my heart and soul wants in gone... but when it's time to hit the gym, go for a run, eat healthy, etc... i trip all over myself... im in a funk.. its getting me down... im depressed because I'm fat.. im fat because I'm depressed.... vicious cycle. Any ideas how to get out of this? One of the promises i made my mom before she passed was that i wouldn't regain my weight. Im breaking that promise and I'm pissed about it. Any advice for a near 40 year old?

crzycatlady1

The only thing that matters for weight loss is eating at the correct calorie deficit for your weight loss goals. No need to make drastic changes to the kinds of food you're eating, no need to exercise. Enter your stats into MFP and then follow their calorie recommendation. You can do this, just keep things simple and sustainable for yourself

Brocksterdanza

Oh i know all about MFP... i used it to help me lose my 100 pounds... again my issue isn't not knowing the process, it's the mind games, etc. I have never experienced this... my motivation, desire, etc has always been there to push me through those temptations... for some reason, they aren't stepping up anymore. I'm kinda alone with it. Very weird

dragon_girl26

First off, I'm sorry to hear of your losses. Understandably, that can cause emotional turmoil for anyone. One thing that may help is to speak with a counselor, both for the depression, and to help with getting you into the right frame of mind to do this. Is this something you are currently doing?
The next thing is not to be so hard on yourself. As you know from you past experience, it takes a while sometimes to find your groove. Baby steps...I'd start by simply just logging everything you eat...get yourself used to doing that, and don't initially worry about changing anything. Find out what your starting point is. From there, just try making small changes. Use your exercise time as a way to relieve stress and anxiety...even a 15-20 minute walk could help. Be kind to yourself..you've been through a lot. You can do this, you already know it's possible.

Brocksterdanza

Thanks dragon girl... i have seen counselors as well as my pastor. Im just so used to be able to say "ok, hit the gym, or don't eat those wings, etc" now it almost seems to be an IDGAF type mindset... the problem is, i do care. It's a failure thing for me.

cerise_noir

Brocksterdanza wrote: »

Oh i know all about MFP... i used it to help me lose my 100 pounds... again my issue isn't not knowing the process, it's the mind games, etc. I have never experienced this... my motivation, desire, etc has always been there to push me through those temptations... for some reason, they aren't stepping up anymore. I'm kinda alone with it. Very weird

You can eat what you like, just as long as you're in a calorie deficit. Calories are king for weight loss. Chocolate/ice cream/chips/cookies/cake are okay.. Just use a food scale for everything. Yes, everything that isn't a liquid, that is.

Eating what you crave is okay, just make sure that you are prepared by prepackaging the food into single pre-weighed servings.

I'm sorry to hear about your stress and everything.

Go slow.

This year, I lost my mom to heart disease. It was tough. Instead of keeping to a deficit, I bumped my calories up to maintenance for a while to ease the stress. I split my calories up between all my meals and prepared meals to fit the meals I allocated the calories to... this saved a LOT of stress. During the week, I ate simply what I had prepared and pre-portioned (such as chips, chocolate, ice cream) and nothing else. Once I felt strong enough to, I ate at a 250 cal deficit (to lose .5lbs per week). You could gradually bump your loss from .5-1-1.5-2 over a period of time instead of jumping into the 2lb per week loss. This will take a lot of stress off you.

Pre-logging for the next day works well, too.

JustMary82

I am so sorry for your losses.

Usually I adopt the "just keep swimming" mentality to consistently track my food, especially when I am at a low point. And I am sure you remember how easy it is to stay on point once some weight starts coming off.

"I am kinda alone with it", maybe this is where you can make a change? Do you have a friend you can confide in? Someone you can work thru the emotional side of things. I've found that when I am unhappy, it doesn't matter how much weight I lose, I'll still be unhappy.

With the day to day stuff, when starting out I find that when I make it as easy as possible, I will stick with it. Especially since I'll make any little excuse to cheat LOL. So go thru the steps that we all do when eating better...cleaning out the pantry/fridge, pre-plan your meals, keep junk foods out of the house, etc

Good luck!! I know you can do this!!

Brocksterdanza

I do have great friends... many of whom are in great shape. I completed the spartan trifecta this year with a group of guys. One of those has invited me to workout with him... however he is the type of guy that belongs on cover of muscle and fitness. I am really intimidated by that. My wife is much like me, has about 30 pounds to lose to be very healthy. She isnt athletic at all and is really into art, etc. I was a big athlete in school. We have a5 year old and we had children later in life.. we are both at or over 40... she has no desire to lift weights... she is fearful of doing it.

spiriteagle99

What I've found when life got overwhelming was that it was actually a relief to focus on eating well or fitness, because it was one thing I could have control over. I couldn't stop illness or death, I had no control over other people's actions or emotions, but I could choose to head out the door for a run, and I could decide what to put in my mouth. It was helpful to have one thing that really was under my control and nobody else's.

You might try setting some short term fitness goals. If you like Spartan races, go for another of those. Or train for a half marathon. Do the training to get ready for that. Maybe train with your wife for a race. Take your 5 year old hiking once a month. Or skiing if you live someplace with good snow. Or start the 100 pushup challenge. Your gym might have some sort of challenge you could join in.

jennifer_417

Congratulations, you're human! You've hit a hard patch in life and lost your motivation. That's ok, it happens. The time will come when you find it again, plus you will be better able to help others who are going through the same thing. Meanwhile, just do the best you can and don't give up.

ajwcyclist2016

Life can be cruel. If you where to get someone in shape the same as you how would you go about it . What goals would you set them say a 6 month goal , monthly goals, weekly goal , daily goals etc. Is there any events you would like to enter to help focus the mind. No matter what shape you're in getting fit for any event is never easy.

Brocksterdanza

Valid points everyone! I made myself spend nearly 50 minutes on the elliptical tonight... my polar ft7 said i burnt nearly 875 calories tonight... i guess that eradicated the blaze pizza i ate today... or the candy... or the bread... haha get the picture? Either way, i did more than i did in the last 2 weeks since my last race... anyone feel free to befriend me and keep track of me and ill do the same for you... i need that voice in my head each day... thanks to all of you.

duddysdad

I have never experienced the loss of a parent, only my grandmother. I do however suffer with severe depression and I know it makes me want to drown it in food. Back in 2007-2008 I lost over 100 pounds, got badly depressed again, and gained from 185 to 340. Even though I was still depressed, I had enough of it and set my mind to it and lost 160 pounds. I have gained 50 pounds this year due to depression and binge eating disorder. I am currently in the process of losing it again.

It's never an easy task to find the right mindset or motivation to do something like losing weight, especially when your head just isn't in it. You just have to be mindful of what you are eating, maybe see a therapist for the depression if you don't already, then slowly start making changes again.

I've battled obesity my entire life, losing well over 400 pounds over the years and gaining it back. Some day it will just all click together and you can finally take control. You just have to take care of yourself first. I wish the best for you.

Docbanana2002

Sounds like you are dealing with some depression that might need to be addressed. Low energy levels, weight gain, recent history of loss, negative cognitions, guilt, many symptoms are there. Being fat isn't making you depressed, though maybe some negative and self condemning thoughts about what it means to be fat is driving your depression. I hope you will see a counselor if you are not already, to work on these things. As you said, this is not about knowledge of the nutrition science, this is about implementing it. That is a psychological battle that you may need outside assistance with.

Meanwhile, since you are in IDGAF mode...don't force yourself to care about all of it at once, that is too overwhelming a change to implement at once as can lead to giving up. Instead, maybe do this in smalls bits, just setting a small but attainable goal like going for a short walk a few days a week and just try to ignore everything else. That will help you get started and maybe also help lift your mood. Then when ready, add something new, like making a tweak to your diet that will take you in a positive direction with your weight without going into full on weight loss mode. For example, replacing a caloric drink that you have each day with something calorie free. Or replacing a caloric snack that you eat regularly with something else (e.g., trade afternoon potato chips for some fresh fruit). I don't know your actual diet so these are just examples--adapt your situation. The main idea is to let go of the all or nothing, "I have to be an A+ student all at once on this super hard set of assignments or I am a failure as a daughter and a human" that will just beat your motivation in the ground and destroy ability to make progress. Maybe shoot for being a C student this week, with a short list assignments for yourself to accomplish, and feel good that you are moving in a positive direction. When you feel accomplished at a few basic things, add something new to work on. This is a lifelong journey toward learning healthy living and taking good care of yourself, so just take a step in the right direction and keep moving. The goal is steady progress, not perfection.

sbrandt37

I have a few pieces of advice:

1. Forgive yourself. You are only human. Depression is real and that vicious cycle of depression/eating/gaining/shame is crippling. Forgive yourself and let go of your self-judgement and shame--they only make things more difficult. Your short-term emotional needs have been inconsistent with your long-term goals. That's ok. It just means you need to focus more on your long-term goals. You are doing that now!

2. Log your food. Log every meal accurately and honestly, even when you go over your calorie target. Logging helps keep you mindful of what and how much you are eating, which makes it easier to make conscious decisions about your eating. Weighing your food also helps.

3. Make small, sustainable changes. Don't think in terms of the big goal, think in terms of small goals and small successes. Try to do something to move yourself forward every day. Get some physical activity. Eat less carbs and more protein and higher fiber alternatives (e.g., green veggies). Skip dessert. Eat one less french fry. Every one of those things helps, and is a gift to yourself that contributes to your long-term health and well-being. Celebrate each one of them.

4. Start today. Think of one thing you can do today and do it. Do the same thing tomorrow. And the next day And so on. When you are able to do more, do more.

If you make these things a habit, the big changes will come--and stay.

Tacklewasher

I don't know. Lost my Mom to cancer a couple years back and have daily worries about my dad. Only recently did I start losing weight and, until I was ready, no one could talk me into it. It needed to come from inside.

I'd work through the loss of your parents and maybe set a goal of just not gaining for a bit while you do that. Your 10 years younger than I am so your parents were probably that much younger (as a guess) and it may be more of a shock.

Take it easy.

successgal1

When having gone through traumatic life-altering times, if money and time allows, I find a vacation helps. A real one, somewhere else. Let the mind wander, let your brain sort itself out with no other thoughts but light ones.

gems74

So sorry for your loss.

Have you considered seeing a psychologist to help you through this period of your life? It appears to me that there are some unresolved issues that need to be dealt with so you can move on with your life and get out of this funk.

Best of luck to you. *hugs*

esjones12

Ugh I can't find the podcast I want to share. But there was one I listened to this past summer while going through a lot that really hit home. It is SO much harder to lose weight when you are stressed out about stuff. Basically a long the lines of what others are saying. But there is some science behind it to back it up. You have to deal with the emotional issues and reduce stress in your life for your body to relax and lose the weight.

Having a goal to work towards is great, but you have to work on all the other stuff as well.