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Thin Again

wallisrevelette
wallisrevelette Posts: 2 Member
in Motivation and Support
It's hard to admit but I spend most of my night looking up articles on weight loss, success stories, new research. Lots of research. I haven't felt comfortable in my body for quite some time now (6 years). I have tried throwing caution to the wind and embracing myself but I find I always fall short and my obsessive mind keeps the fallacy going that one day when I'm thin again my life will be great.
I am up. It's 1:23 in the morning and I know that my son will wake up at 7:30. Realistically I should get some sleep. Or read a book that isn't related to body image, or even health. I have been stuck on the 209 page of Game Of Thrones. Still, my mind doesn't budge.
I once thought I was fat. When I was 15, I did everything I could to feel better about myself, I saw my "rolls" as I would lean over and shudder to think I looked "fat".
My father passed away when I was 18. He was only 49, and far too unhealthy for his age.
His death was the catalyst for my cat and mouse game. Gaining weight but brushing it off as a bad week, bad month, bad year. Tomorrow it would be different. I would start tomorrow and I will one day be thin again.
I hit a point at 240, but I brushed it off as baby weight. (Which would have been a valid excuse if it wasn't 4 months after the fact)
I would walk by mirrors and catch a glimpse, straighten myself out and say "ahh you don't look that bad". Every picture was from the wrong angle, I look better in person, I just know it.
Until I saw "the picture", a candid of me walking into a store. I fell to pieces. That really was me.
I couldn't brush it off anymore, so, I changed.
Damn it's been hard, especially when the weight doesn't melt off of you. It slowly dwindles. 30 lbs down in 7 months
But, I'm still whittling away, plugging this formula in to get a better outcome than that formula.
Reading my fleeting research, at 1:38 in the morning.

Replies

  • MissBeeGonz
    MissBeeGonz Posts: 141 Member
    I'm pretty sure everyone has been (or is) in your shoes! I saw a picture of myself and thought the same thing and knew it was time for a change! I have the picture as my wallpaper on my phone as a reminder to why I'm doing this. Just take one day at a time you'll get there!

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