training my personality to embrace moderation... is this possible??

emilysusana

I have learned so much from you guys, and I think I have a good sense of what works and what doesn't work from reading your discussions over the past several months. I started in July and have lost 21.5 lbs. I'm 5'2 and very close to my goal weight (actually at the original goal weight I'd set), and I feel great. One would say I've figured out what works, that I've shown I can do it, and that all I have to do is keep it up, whether it's for weight loss for a couple more lbs or for maintenance. But...

I'm not sure if it's diet fatigue, or old habits creeping in, or increased hunger due to weight lost, or what, but I'm going over my calorie goal most days now. I can't increase my exercise beyond what I'm already doing, because I'm doing a lot. I had tried to avoid making absolute rules for myself, such as no candy or no baguette with my soup, because I felt those were unsustainable in the long term and I've learned on here that people are more successful at maintaining when they don't do extreme things to lose the weight in the first place. This approach was working well for me for a long time, but now I'm having more trouble indulging with moderation. I'm also so used to my treat after dinner that I have it whether I have the calories left or not.

I've yoyo dieted ever since having children 9 years ago. I don't want to repeat that pattern this time. I just feel like I'm at a critical moment, seeing that I'm going over my calories most days (I haven't gained any weight yet)... in the past, this is where I start to shift toward different habits.

My question -- finally -- is, what should I do here? Should I set some absolute rules, like no sweets, for awhile? Should I embrace my body wanting a few more calories right now and eat at maintenance for awhile so I can start afresh? Should I keep trying what I'm doing, but just try a little harder (and if so, any suggestions for how to boost willpower lol?). I am determined not to continue in my old all-or-nothing patterns. It easy to say it... but to do it?

janejellyroll

Eating at maintenance may be a good idea.

I don't handle absolute rules well at all. One thing that did work for me was an absolute rule for the DAY based on the circumstances of the day. For example, I know what I'm having for dinner and how many calories I've dedicated to it so for lunch I'm saying "No chips with my sandwich TODAY." Tomorrow is a whole other day, it's all about balancing. Saying "No candy today" feels very different to me than saying "No candy."

Are you pre-logging or deciding what you're eating more on the fly?

emilysusana

I like pre-logging, but I'm behind schedule in all aspects of my life right now (you know how it is in December). I teach at a college so it's crunch time, and all the holiday stuff is happening. I do think through the calories for my lunch as I pack it, my breakfast is super-light, so I'm usually good to indulge in a nice, healthy but hearty family meal. The between meals part is what I'm not doing so well at.

Need2Exerc1se

Even though I was at a low-med BMI and fit for most of my adult life I have never really learned to eat within my limits. I can do it for a few years then for some reason I just start overeating and gaining weight. I imagine I'll always be this way. The trick for me is to make sure I yo-yo within the healthy range. I don't know if that is helpful or not but it works for me.

quiksylver296

Many people swear by taking a diet break for anywhere from 6 weeks to 3 months and just eating at maintenance. When they feel "refreshed" (for lack of a better word), they go back to trying to lose the last bit. Just a note, though, I had a really hard time getting back on the wagon after my break.

jenniferdee1974

I could have written your post!! I'm about at my goal weight too & keep pushing the limits. I feel like everytime I get to a new goal, I need a little time to just maintain & usually end up taking it, wether I want to or not (: But I think it's kept my metabolism running really quickly because I read how little some people need to eat to lose weight & I continue to eat quite a bit & still lose when I'm "on". The little breaks keep me from burning out & it feels nice to take my foot off the gas sometimes & enjoy where I'm at (:

Cylphin60

Yes, it's possible.

What's been working for me is not beating the heck out of myself if I bust my mfp numbers here and there lol. A little over here and there isn't going to undo my gains. Neither is it a justification for continuing to bust my numbers because I, you know, blew it.

everher

emilysusana wrote: »

I like pre-logging, but I'm behind schedule in all aspects of my life right now (you know how it is in December). I teach at a college so it's crunch time, and all the holiday stuff is happening. I do think through the calories for my lunch as I pack it, my breakfast is super-light, so I'm usually good to indulge in a nice, healthy but hearty family meal. The between meals part is what I'm not doing so well at.

I think first you have to identify what is making you go over your calories. If it's genuine hunger maybe you should work on your macros. If it's just eating for the sake of eating, it's just a habit you have to break. Also, if you aren't drinking enough water that could make you feel hungry when really you are thirsty.

As for the between the meals parts, I try not to eat between meals and if I do I try to keep a snack to 100 calories or so. I'll allow myself one snack in the morning and one in the afternoon if I'm hungry, but no more than that and certainly nothing calorie dense.

JeromeBarry1

Moderation, in food and personal conduct, is a learned habit. Practice it by doing it.

LiminalAscendance

everher wrote: »

emilysusana wrote: »

I like pre-logging, but I'm behind schedule in all aspects of my life right now (you know how it is in December). I teach at a college so it's crunch time, and all the holiday stuff is happening. I do think through the calories for my lunch as I pack it, my breakfast is super-light, so I'm usually good to indulge in a nice, healthy but hearty family meal. The between meals part is what I'm not doing so well at.

I think first you have to identify what is making you go over your calories. If it's genuine hunger maybe you should work on your macros. If it's just eating for the sake of eating, it's just a habit you have to break. Also, if you aren't drinking enough water that could make you feel hungry when really you are thirsty.

As for the between the meals parts, I try not to eat between meals and if I do I try to keep a snack to 100 calories or so. I'll allow myself one snack in the morning and one in the afternoon if I'm hungry, but no more than that and certainly nothing calorie dense.

This gets repeated a lot (i.e. you shouldn't be hungry while you're running a deficit), but it certainly doesn't fit with my experience.

I'm constantly ravenous when cutting (especially now that I'm nearing goal). You just deal with it.

JaydedMiss

Not read everything but i assume you are happy with how you look now, So you dont stick as strictly. Maybe just go into maintenance and save yourself some grief

emilysusana

JaydedMiss wrote: »

Not read everything but i assume you are happy with how you look now, So you dont stick as strictly. Maybe just go into maintenance and save yourself some grief

This definitely might be part of it. I'm not so much worried about not losing or not losing quickly enough, I'm more worried about my patterns shifting because this would pose a problem for maintenance as well. My maintenance calories aren't that high anyway...

Thanks for all your feedback and tips.

quiksylver296

LiminalAscendance wrote: »

everher wrote: »

emilysusana wrote: »

I like pre-logging, but I'm behind schedule in all aspects of my life right now (you know how it is in December). I teach at a college so it's crunch time, and all the holiday stuff is happening. I do think through the calories for my lunch as I pack it, my breakfast is super-light, so I'm usually good to indulge in a nice, healthy but hearty family meal. The between meals part is what I'm not doing so well at.

I think first you have to identify what is making you go over your calories. If it's genuine hunger maybe you should work on your macros. If it's just eating for the sake of eating, it's just a habit you have to break. Also, if you aren't drinking enough water that could make you feel hungry when really you are thirsty.

As for the between the meals parts, I try not to eat between meals and if I do I try to keep a snack to 100 calories or so. I'll allow myself one snack in the morning and one in the afternoon if I'm hungry, but no more than that and certainly nothing calorie dense.

This gets repeated a lot (i.e. you shouldn't be hungry while you're running a deficit), but it certainly doesn't fit with my experience.

I'm constantly ravenous when cutting (especially now that I'm nearing goal). You just deal with it.

I wouldn't think you can compare "cutting" as I understand that word, with a slow, sustained weight loss. Apples and oranges.

LiminalAscendance

quiksylver296 wrote: »

LiminalAscendance wrote: »

everher wrote: »

emilysusana wrote: »

I like pre-logging, but I'm behind schedule in all aspects of my life right now (you know how it is in December). I teach at a college so it's crunch time, and all the holiday stuff is happening. I do think through the calories for my lunch as I pack it, my breakfast is super-light, so I'm usually good to indulge in a nice, healthy but hearty family meal. The between meals part is what I'm not doing so well at.

I think first you have to identify what is making you go over your calories. If it's genuine hunger maybe you should work on your macros. If it's just eating for the sake of eating, it's just a habit you have to break. Also, if you aren't drinking enough water that could make you feel hungry when really you are thirsty.

As for the between the meals parts, I try not to eat between meals and if I do I try to keep a snack to 100 calories or so. I'll allow myself one snack in the morning and one in the afternoon if I'm hungry, but no more than that and certainly nothing calorie dense.

This gets repeated a lot (i.e. you shouldn't be hungry while you're running a deficit), but it certainly doesn't fit with my experience.

I'm constantly ravenous when cutting (especially now that I'm nearing goal). You just deal with it.

I wouldn't think you can compare "cutting" as I understand that word, with a slow, sustained weight loss. Apples and oranges.

Ok, well I wasn't aware that such a distinction was being made.

However, if you're defining "slow, sustained weight loss" as losing .5lb (or less)/week, when you have 50lbs (or more) until goal (which is another nugget of wisdom that I gleaned from these forums), then yes, I will concede that what I do is nothing like that.

Apologies.

lorrpb

If you can't handle moderation, then do consider cutting out certain foods completely at least for awhile. When I started my journey, I found it easier to eliminate certain foods than eat a little bit of them. I did this for about 6 months, then have gradually started reintroducing them as i felt I could moderate. There are some foods, mostly sweets, that I would rather not have than have a small portion and have to stop. I also cannot have extra quantities of some things in the house, like a box of cookies sitting the counter.

middlehaitch

Why not move to maintenance at your goal weight?
If you are only a few pounds away it may make the loss a little slower, but it will come off. This will give you time to adjust to your maintenance calories, before you hit maintenance, while you can still tweak them down on the odd day to help with your loss.

Unless there is a medical reason, or a tendency to binge, don't avoid foods, just learn what the appropriate portion size is for you. You can always adjust it up or down depending on the calories you have that day, but having a base portion size is good to work from.

Cheers, h.

mlsh1969

janejellyroll wrote: »

Eating at maintenance may be a good idea.

I don't handle absolute rules well at all. One thing that did work for me was an absolute rule for the DAY based on the circumstances of the day. For example, I know what I'm having for dinner and how many calories I've dedicated to it so for lunch I'm saying "No chips with my sandwich TODAY." Tomorrow is a whole other day, it's all about balancing. Saying "No candy today" feels very different to me than saying "No candy."

Are you pre-logging or deciding what you're eating more on the fly?

This is exactly right, brilliant

Francl27

I wouldn't even worry about it. Even if you're going over, you're still probably eating under maintenance or close to it anyway... so why change anything? Keep your deficit, so at least you stick to it on easier days, and just don't sweat it if you go over a bit (either because you're hungrier or because that day you really wanted a piece of bread with your soup).

In my experience, increasing your calories to maintenance won't change much on the days when you would eat more anyway, but it would make it more likely for you to eat more on days when you could have actually kept a deficit... I mean, it's a mental thing. If I have a goal of 1800 and I'm not hungry after dinner, I'll stop there... but if my goal is 2100, I'm more likely to go for a treat that I don't even want that much, just because 'I have 300 calories left'... when I could just have saved those calories for a day when I'm hungrier.

Honestly it's what I've been doing for 2.5 years and at least I've maintained my weight this way. If I had put my goal at maintenance, I would have gained weight back, guaranteed, because hunger and appetite vary every single day and I'd rather save calories on days when I have more willpower or I'm just really not hungry (like the last few days here - but last week I was starving and went over every day).

GottaBurnEmAll

I have 6 more pounds I'd like to lose and am struggling with compliance too.

I've been limiting treats and don't want to. I want to get back to being able to moderate.

I've been at this longer than you have, but I know for sure that I have diet fatigue and need the mental reset of not eating at deficit. I'm slowly working my way up to maintenance calories because I don't want to see a huge scale jump, and I'm tightening up my logging.

I plan to maintain until I can see that I can moderate again. In my head, I'll just call this my recomp phase.

This whole deal of weight management is a long game anyway. There's no real finish line. Your body will keep changing over the years as you exercise, you'll still have to keep an eye on the scale no matter what you do.

I think it's more important to work on the issue that you feel is most important right now, and from reading your posts OP, that seems to be the issue of moderation.

Something somewhere shifted along the line for you. Just like it did for me. I don't know what, but I'm going to figure it out. I can't focus on the scale moving down while I'm trying to focus on just eating two cookies. Something has to give.

There's all the time in the world for the scale to move down.

The habit I'm trying to learn, to live with being able to just eat two cookies and walk away? That's for life. I want to nail that down first.

Pick which goal matters to you more and focus on it. If weight loss is more important to you, then you might just need to go the route of making rules. If not, try maintenance calories and seeing if that helps giving you the room to work on what you need to be able to moderate.