One Year Logaversary Reflection. 95lbs and counting!
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dumb_blondes_rock
Posts: 1,568 Member
Today is my 365th day logging in a row, so I decided to do a post about how much one can change in a year. Warning: it's a very long read, and it is pretty candid, but I'm hoping it might help someone struggling, or connect with someone who can relate, or just inspire someone to stick with it. Feel free to add me, but since my friends list can get large, I remove friends who are inactive for more than 3 weeks 
I can't really pinpoint when the catalyst for change happened, but gladly it did and this has honestly been one of the most life changing years I have ever experienced. If I had to try to find the catalyst, I would say it was me promising myself I would give this whole "weight loss thing" an honest chance AGAIN for 6 weeks, which I did, and I have done a few times. I have been on mfp for 6 years now, with small successes of 20 or 30 lbs and of course always gaining them back AND then some, but something really stuck this time and I couldn't be more amazed! Instead of looking at the big picture, I literally took it day by day. Instead of being so concerned with being perfect and giving up the moment I failed, I would just brush it off and start back at it. I have lost around 70lbs in a year, almost 100 total, and I have not only physically changed, but mentally changed in ways I could have never imagined.
When you start to lose weight, you think it's all about food and exercise, but it is so, so much more than that. You don't get to be almost 300 lbs without an underlying reason. I didn't even realize I was a food addict, or even how depressed I had been most of my life because I am a happy and positive person by nature. I just thought I liked to eat...A LOT. Then when I started dieting for more than a month, I noticed I had a lot of triggers: gosh, I had a bad day, I really want to get a large milkshake to feel better; I had a really good day, I wish I could celebrate with chili cheese fries; I'm so stressed out, I just want to get a large pizza, stuff myself silly and go to sleep. And I LOVED to sleep, almost hibernating-like, taking 3 hour naps everyday even. I realized I wanted food anytime I felt something, even if it was happy, or just to sleep the feelings away (don't get me wrong, mama still loves her 8 hours at night and a "little" nappy-poo during the day, it's best for beauty!). When you can't numb feelings with food (or whatever addiction you may have) you have to learn to hit them head on, and then you realize it IS ok the have feelings, and even though it may feel like they will kill you, feelings WON'T kill you. When you allow yourself to work through the feelings, you end up coming out stronger in the end and you learn a lot about yourself. Like I said, I didn't even realize I was so depressed, since I wasn't sad, but then I stopped numbing with food and realized I had a LOT of issues I was supressing and decided to use this experience just work on myself, physically AND mentally.
I have went from watching hours upon hours of tv, to not even having cable because tv is not important to me anymore, when it used to be my life.I almost just lived vicariously through these characters, since I had no life. The only life I had outside of working and TV was partying, and I was THE party girl! Having a hangover was such a normal feeling for me, since I went out at least 3 nights a week for YEARS, because I'm extremely social and love to have a lot of fun, and that was the only way I thought I could have fun. Granted, I'm somewhat glad I got to go have that fun, and oddly I met some of my best friends from parties, but when I would go out I would drink endless amounts of calories, then go through the drive thru and get at LEAST 1000 calories worth of food to "soak up the alcohol". I also picked up a lovely DUI that financially drained me a few years back, but was a much needed wake up call. Now when I go out, I usually don't even drink at all, and offer myself as the designated driver, because I love to go out and dance and be around my friends. Sometimes I'll have a drink or two, but NOTHING compared to what it used to be.
I have went from being out of breath walking up stairs, not being able to walk through those turny metal things at the fair or amusement park without sucking in and squeezing sideways, seatbelts were barely clicking, even toilets were starting to creak when i sat down, to being able to actually jog on a treadmill, lift weights some men can't even lift, and workout 2 hours a day almost everyday. I went from eating whatever the hell I wanted , to actually caring about nutrition and wanting to fuel my body to better perform at the gym. I went from searching for validation from mens affection to being celibate and validating my own self with my hard work and accomplishments. I thought I was just a free spirit and liked to have sex, and of course I do, but now when I look back I see sometimes I just wanted to feel like someone was attracted to me, and wanted me, even if it was just for sex, as sad as that sounds. I wasn't a sleezy beezy TOO much, but I definitely didn't care if men respected me, and now I'm celibate and am waiting for a man who respects and cherishes me, and wants a relationship with me because I realize im WORTH it.
I honestly never even could imagine that I could shop in the "normal" section at the store, or that there would be a day I couldn't be identified as a "fat person". It still is a mind game, because when I meet new people, they see me as a normal size, and I still consider myself fat, becauae I have been all of my life. I even had a stranger say something along the lines of me being thin, which I NEVER thought would happen in my lifetime.
I have also had some of the most traumatic events of my life happen this year, from my brother having a mental breakdown caused mainly by my mom back in late August, then the death of my mom( Dec 16th) just 4 months after the whole escapade that led to his breakdown, having to break the news to him while he was in a treatment facility, and then planning a funeral by myself for a person I really didn't even know and dealing with all the paperwork, stress, guilt and emotions, and just getting a huge reality check of just all the work that goes into losing a loved one that I never even gave thought to before. I am currently financially drained from all the gas and time off work I have had to take driving to down to LA for my brother to be by his side, then now going to Fresno to deal with the business side of death, and my mom didn't have life insurance or anything, so had to raise money to get her cremated, since I paid for the memorial myself(besides food, I have my aunt to thank for that!) I have dipped into my rent and car fund a few times, knowing somehow it would all end up working out in the end, which it did. My brother got the help he needed, and is putting back the pieces of his life together and is doing well, we got the money for the cremation, and the family members that I care about the most are closer than ever. Our family is so messed up and broken, and in these past few months we have turned it around and now have an open line of communication, when before we would talk maybe once every year to 3 years. All of these events have brought a RUSH of memories and feelings back that I completley blocked out, which has sent me on an emotional rollercoaster, which is difficult to deal with when I don't have my best friend "food" to help comfort me, but I found a lot of comfort knowing I stepped up to the plate and proved myself as an adult (im the baby of the family), as a sister since now my brother knows he has someone in his corner, and as a daughter because I respected my mom in her death and I even spoke at her funeral on Saturday. I was just comforted seeing all the wonderful people I have in my life who have helped support me emotionally this year from encouraging me to stick with weight loss when i felt like giving up, and now helping me deal with these issues, and even financially helping out by donating for my mom's cremation. I had to learn to get over my pride and except help from others, which was one of the harder lessons for me.
But back to the positives: I have tried new things and tried to conquer some fears, from jumping off a 20-30ft cliff even though I can't even climb a ladder without getting an anxiety attack, to even just trying to workouts I thought I never could do, like jogging on a treadmill or the Jacob's ladder. It sounds strange, but I realized I have lived my life in such fear, because I didn't want to end up like my family who have gone down bad paths or struggle mentally or to have a breakdown, so I stayed in my little bubble, just eating and watching tv and letting the world pass me by, all because of fear. I realize I was even afraid to lose weight, even though I had wanted to SO BADLY for all of my life, just because I was so afraid of what would happen after losing weight, if I would be different and people wouldn't like me anymore because I had changed, basically just afraid of the future. Now with all these events that have gone on, I realize I can handle way more than I ever thought I could, and still function, and it has helped me want to step out of my comfort zone in more ways than fitness.
I still have about 20-35 more lbs I want to lose, and I'll get there, but I'm mostly excited to see how much more I will be changing in non-physical ways in the future. For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid of the future anymore, I'm not afraid to live a life worth living, and I'm comforted knowing I can keep my sense of "normalcy" in some of the most stressful situations possible.
I also have changed what I wanted to do in the future. I did hair for 6 years, right now I'm a server, but I always thought I would just do hair forever, but now along with that, I want to go to college and study kinesiology and nutrition, so I can be a personal trainer, mainly for morbidly obese people. I want to come at a realistic angle, knowing people are still going to eat fast food, still might binge, but showing them ways to work past that, and how to utilize my fitness pal for them to get results they want and be part of their support system. I want to use my experience to inspire others, because there are a lot of people out there who want to change, but just honestly don't know how, maybe they don't believe they can (I know I never did, even seeing before and afters on mfp ALL THE TIME), or are just afraid to start.
I'm far from perfect, I still binge, I still eat crap way more than I should, but I have found a sense of pride in myself from learning just how strong I really am, TRULY loving myself and I wish everyone could feel this way. If you are like me, and have been on mfp multiple times and still haven't found much success, please just don't give up. Who knows, maybe it will be your turn next to write a one year logiversary reflection post and share with everyone just how much you've changed!
Age: 29
Height: 5'3
Starting: 265
Heaviest:278
Jan 1st 2016: 250
Current:183
I would post before and afters, but I'm on the mobile app
I can't really pinpoint when the catalyst for change happened, but gladly it did and this has honestly been one of the most life changing years I have ever experienced. If I had to try to find the catalyst, I would say it was me promising myself I would give this whole "weight loss thing" an honest chance AGAIN for 6 weeks, which I did, and I have done a few times. I have been on mfp for 6 years now, with small successes of 20 or 30 lbs and of course always gaining them back AND then some, but something really stuck this time and I couldn't be more amazed! Instead of looking at the big picture, I literally took it day by day. Instead of being so concerned with being perfect and giving up the moment I failed, I would just brush it off and start back at it. I have lost around 70lbs in a year, almost 100 total, and I have not only physically changed, but mentally changed in ways I could have never imagined.
When you start to lose weight, you think it's all about food and exercise, but it is so, so much more than that. You don't get to be almost 300 lbs without an underlying reason. I didn't even realize I was a food addict, or even how depressed I had been most of my life because I am a happy and positive person by nature. I just thought I liked to eat...A LOT. Then when I started dieting for more than a month, I noticed I had a lot of triggers: gosh, I had a bad day, I really want to get a large milkshake to feel better; I had a really good day, I wish I could celebrate with chili cheese fries; I'm so stressed out, I just want to get a large pizza, stuff myself silly and go to sleep. And I LOVED to sleep, almost hibernating-like, taking 3 hour naps everyday even. I realized I wanted food anytime I felt something, even if it was happy, or just to sleep the feelings away (don't get me wrong, mama still loves her 8 hours at night and a "little" nappy-poo during the day, it's best for beauty!). When you can't numb feelings with food (or whatever addiction you may have) you have to learn to hit them head on, and then you realize it IS ok the have feelings, and even though it may feel like they will kill you, feelings WON'T kill you. When you allow yourself to work through the feelings, you end up coming out stronger in the end and you learn a lot about yourself. Like I said, I didn't even realize I was so depressed, since I wasn't sad, but then I stopped numbing with food and realized I had a LOT of issues I was supressing and decided to use this experience just work on myself, physically AND mentally.
I have went from watching hours upon hours of tv, to not even having cable because tv is not important to me anymore, when it used to be my life.I almost just lived vicariously through these characters, since I had no life. The only life I had outside of working and TV was partying, and I was THE party girl! Having a hangover was such a normal feeling for me, since I went out at least 3 nights a week for YEARS, because I'm extremely social and love to have a lot of fun, and that was the only way I thought I could have fun. Granted, I'm somewhat glad I got to go have that fun, and oddly I met some of my best friends from parties, but when I would go out I would drink endless amounts of calories, then go through the drive thru and get at LEAST 1000 calories worth of food to "soak up the alcohol". I also picked up a lovely DUI that financially drained me a few years back, but was a much needed wake up call. Now when I go out, I usually don't even drink at all, and offer myself as the designated driver, because I love to go out and dance and be around my friends. Sometimes I'll have a drink or two, but NOTHING compared to what it used to be.
I have went from being out of breath walking up stairs, not being able to walk through those turny metal things at the fair or amusement park without sucking in and squeezing sideways, seatbelts were barely clicking, even toilets were starting to creak when i sat down, to being able to actually jog on a treadmill, lift weights some men can't even lift, and workout 2 hours a day almost everyday. I went from eating whatever the hell I wanted , to actually caring about nutrition and wanting to fuel my body to better perform at the gym. I went from searching for validation from mens affection to being celibate and validating my own self with my hard work and accomplishments. I thought I was just a free spirit and liked to have sex, and of course I do, but now when I look back I see sometimes I just wanted to feel like someone was attracted to me, and wanted me, even if it was just for sex, as sad as that sounds. I wasn't a sleezy beezy TOO much, but I definitely didn't care if men respected me, and now I'm celibate and am waiting for a man who respects and cherishes me, and wants a relationship with me because I realize im WORTH it.
I honestly never even could imagine that I could shop in the "normal" section at the store, or that there would be a day I couldn't be identified as a "fat person". It still is a mind game, because when I meet new people, they see me as a normal size, and I still consider myself fat, becauae I have been all of my life. I even had a stranger say something along the lines of me being thin, which I NEVER thought would happen in my lifetime.
I have also had some of the most traumatic events of my life happen this year, from my brother having a mental breakdown caused mainly by my mom back in late August, then the death of my mom( Dec 16th) just 4 months after the whole escapade that led to his breakdown, having to break the news to him while he was in a treatment facility, and then planning a funeral by myself for a person I really didn't even know and dealing with all the paperwork, stress, guilt and emotions, and just getting a huge reality check of just all the work that goes into losing a loved one that I never even gave thought to before. I am currently financially drained from all the gas and time off work I have had to take driving to down to LA for my brother to be by his side, then now going to Fresno to deal with the business side of death, and my mom didn't have life insurance or anything, so had to raise money to get her cremated, since I paid for the memorial myself(besides food, I have my aunt to thank for that!) I have dipped into my rent and car fund a few times, knowing somehow it would all end up working out in the end, which it did. My brother got the help he needed, and is putting back the pieces of his life together and is doing well, we got the money for the cremation, and the family members that I care about the most are closer than ever. Our family is so messed up and broken, and in these past few months we have turned it around and now have an open line of communication, when before we would talk maybe once every year to 3 years. All of these events have brought a RUSH of memories and feelings back that I completley blocked out, which has sent me on an emotional rollercoaster, which is difficult to deal with when I don't have my best friend "food" to help comfort me, but I found a lot of comfort knowing I stepped up to the plate and proved myself as an adult (im the baby of the family), as a sister since now my brother knows he has someone in his corner, and as a daughter because I respected my mom in her death and I even spoke at her funeral on Saturday. I was just comforted seeing all the wonderful people I have in my life who have helped support me emotionally this year from encouraging me to stick with weight loss when i felt like giving up, and now helping me deal with these issues, and even financially helping out by donating for my mom's cremation. I had to learn to get over my pride and except help from others, which was one of the harder lessons for me.
But back to the positives: I have tried new things and tried to conquer some fears, from jumping off a 20-30ft cliff even though I can't even climb a ladder without getting an anxiety attack, to even just trying to workouts I thought I never could do, like jogging on a treadmill or the Jacob's ladder. It sounds strange, but I realized I have lived my life in such fear, because I didn't want to end up like my family who have gone down bad paths or struggle mentally or to have a breakdown, so I stayed in my little bubble, just eating and watching tv and letting the world pass me by, all because of fear. I realize I was even afraid to lose weight, even though I had wanted to SO BADLY for all of my life, just because I was so afraid of what would happen after losing weight, if I would be different and people wouldn't like me anymore because I had changed, basically just afraid of the future. Now with all these events that have gone on, I realize I can handle way more than I ever thought I could, and still function, and it has helped me want to step out of my comfort zone in more ways than fitness.
I still have about 20-35 more lbs I want to lose, and I'll get there, but I'm mostly excited to see how much more I will be changing in non-physical ways in the future. For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid of the future anymore, I'm not afraid to live a life worth living, and I'm comforted knowing I can keep my sense of "normalcy" in some of the most stressful situations possible.
I also have changed what I wanted to do in the future. I did hair for 6 years, right now I'm a server, but I always thought I would just do hair forever, but now along with that, I want to go to college and study kinesiology and nutrition, so I can be a personal trainer, mainly for morbidly obese people. I want to come at a realistic angle, knowing people are still going to eat fast food, still might binge, but showing them ways to work past that, and how to utilize my fitness pal for them to get results they want and be part of their support system. I want to use my experience to inspire others, because there are a lot of people out there who want to change, but just honestly don't know how, maybe they don't believe they can (I know I never did, even seeing before and afters on mfp ALL THE TIME), or are just afraid to start.
I'm far from perfect, I still binge, I still eat crap way more than I should, but I have found a sense of pride in myself from learning just how strong I really am, TRULY loving myself and I wish everyone could feel this way. If you are like me, and have been on mfp multiple times and still haven't found much success, please just don't give up. Who knows, maybe it will be your turn next to write a one year logiversary reflection post and share with everyone just how much you've changed!
Age: 29
Height: 5'3
Starting: 265
Heaviest:278
Jan 1st 2016: 250
Current:183
I would post before and afters, but I'm on the mobile app
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Replies
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Phenomenal journey! Great job on taking back your life! :-)4
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Amazing and honest account of your journey. Thankyou for sharing and taking the time and being so open. Your storey is bound to help others.
Condolences on the loss of your Mom and glad your brother got the care he needed.
Well done
You have really proven your worth and self reliance to yourself! 0 -
That is exactly what I needed today! So happy for you and thank you so much for sharing your journey and success!
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Your post has really moved me, what a journey you have been on. You have really learned about yourself and have truly broken through your past struggles and changed your mindset which is so hard to do. I'm excited for your future, you are very inspiring. Best xo0
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Thank you for sharing this! It's very uplifting. :-)0
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So glad you decided to share. I'm sure your story will help many others. Sorry for the loss of your mother and glad your brother is doing better. And a big kudos to you for keeping the faith and having the strength to stay positive through all of what you have been through. So good that you made these changes while still young. Best to you and your family.1
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I don't often have time to read many posts, especially long ones, but I'm so glad I read yours! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm incredibly moved and inspired.1
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Thanks everyone! Like i said, i just know a lot of us go through our pain and issues silently, probably thinking we are the only ones, but i wanted to maybe help someone feel they arent alone in this journey. And i realized i put Dec 16th as her death, but it was Nov 16th haha. Thats how functioning my brain has been lately! And even if you dont want to add as a friend, but feel like you need to vent to SOMEONE, feel free to write it out and message it to me. I may not even have advice to give, but i can be a non-judgemental ear because talking to people in your daily lives can be very difficult.
When there is a will, there is a way and we WILL make it, we just have to put the time and work in, and realize everything somehow works out in the end, even if it may not the way we desired:)2 -
Very moving read thanks for sharing and awesome progress0
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I saw myself in so much of your post....thank you for being raw and telling it like it is. I'm at the beginning of my journey for what seems like the 1000th time. Hoping this is the last beginning and I can post a story similar to yours a year from now!0
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Your story and insights are so inspiring, thank you for taking the time to share them. Condolences for your losses as well. Keep fighting the good fight.0
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dumb_blondes_rock wrote: »Today is my 365th day logging in a row, so I decided to do a post about how much one can change in a year. Warning: it's a very long read, and it is pretty candid, but I'm hoping it might help someone struggling, or connect with someone who can relate, or just inspire someone to stick with it. Feel free to add me, but since my friends list can get large, I remove friends who are inactive for more than 3 weeks
I can't really pinpoint when the catalyst for change happened, but gladly it did and this has honestly been one of the most life changing years I have ever experienced. If I had to try to find the catalyst, I would say it was me promising myself I would give this whole "weight loss thing" an honest chance AGAIN for 6 weeks, which I did, and I have done a few times. I have been on mfp for 6 years now, with small successes of 20 or 30 lbs and of course always gaining them back AND then some, but something really stuck this time and I couldn't be more amazed! Instead of looking at the big picture, I literally took it day by day. Instead of being so concerned with being perfect and giving up the moment I failed, I would just brush it off and start back at it. I have lost around 70lbs in a year, almost 100 total, and I have not only physically changed, but mentally changed in ways I could have never imagined.
When you start to lose weight, you think it's all about food and exercise, but it is so, so much more than that. You don't get to be almost 300 lbs without an underlying reason. I didn't even realize I was a food addict, or even how depressed I had been most of my life because I am a happy and positive person by nature. I just thought I liked to eat...A LOT. Then when I started dieting for more than a month, I noticed I had a lot of triggers: gosh, I had a bad day, I really want to get a large milkshake to feel better; I had a really good day, I wish I could celebrate with chili cheese fries; I'm so stressed out, I just want to get a large pizza, stuff myself silly and go to sleep. And I LOVED to sleep, almost hibernating-like, taking 3 hour naps everyday even. I realized I wanted food anytime I felt something, even if it was happy, or just to sleep the feelings away (don't get me wrong, mama still loves her 8 hours at night and a "little" nappy-poo during the day, it's best for beauty!). When you can't numb feelings with food (or whatever addiction you may have) you have to learn to hit them head on, and then you realize it IS ok the have feelings, and even though it may feel like they will kill you, feelings WON'T kill you. When you allow yourself to work through the feelings, you end up coming out stronger in the end and you learn a lot about yourself. Like I said, I didn't even realize I was so depressed, since I wasn't sad, but then I stopped numbing with food and realized I had a LOT of issues I was supressing and decided to use this experience just work on myself, physically AND mentally.
I have went from watching hours upon hours of tv, to not even having cable because tv is not important to me anymore, when it used to be my life.I almost just lived vicariously through these characters, since I had no life. The only life I had outside of working and TV was partying, and I was THE party girl! Having a hangover was such a normal feeling for me, since I went out at least 3 nights a week for YEARS, because I'm extremely social and love to have a lot of fun, and that was the only way I thought I could have fun. Granted, I'm somewhat glad I got to go have that fun, and oddly I met some of my best friends from parties, but when I would go out I would drink endless amounts of calories, then go through the drive thru and get at LEAST 1000 calories worth of food to "soak up the alcohol". I also picked up a lovely DUI that financially drained me a few years back, but was a much needed wake up call. Now when I go out, I usually don't even drink at all, and offer myself as the designated driver, because I love to go out and dance and be around my friends. Sometimes I'll have a drink or two, but NOTHING compared to what it used to be.
I have went from being out of breath walking up stairs, not being able to walk through those turny metal things at the fair or amusement park without sucking in and squeezing sideways, seatbelts were barely clicking, even toilets were starting to creak when i sat down, to being able to actually jog on a treadmill, lift weights some men can't even lift, and workout 2 hours a day almost everyday. I went from eating whatever the hell I wanted , to actually caring about nutrition and wanting to fuel my body to better perform at the gym. I went from searching for validation from mens affection to being celibate and validating my own self with my hard work and accomplishments. I thought I was just a free spirit and liked to have sex, and of course I do, but now when I look back I see sometimes I just wanted to feel like someone was attracted to me, and wanted me, even if it was just for sex, as sad as that sounds. I wasn't a sleezy beezy TOO much, but I definitely didn't care if men respected me, and now I'm celibate and am waiting for a man who respects and cherishes me, and wants a relationship with me because I realize im WORTH it.
I honestly never even could imagine that I could shop in the "normal" section at the store, or that there would be a day I couldn't be identified as a "fat person". It still is a mind game, because when I meet new people, they see me as a normal size, and I still consider myself fat, becauae I have been all of my life. I even had a stranger say something along the lines of me being thin, which I NEVER thought would happen in my lifetime.
I have also had some of the most traumatic events of my life happen this year, from my brother having a mental breakdown caused mainly by my mom back in late August, then the death of my mom( Dec 16th) just 4 months after the whole escapade that led to his breakdown, having to break the news to him while he was in a treatment facility, and then planning a funeral by myself for a person I really didn't even know and dealing with all the paperwork, stress, guilt and emotions, and just getting a huge reality check of just all the work that goes into losing a loved one that I never even gave thought to before. I am currently financially drained from all the gas and time off work I have had to take driving to down to LA for my brother to be by his side, then now going to Fresno to deal with the business side of death, and my mom didn't have life insurance or anything, so had to raise money to get her cremated, since I paid for the memorial myself(besides food, I have my aunt to thank for that!) I have dipped into my rent and car fund a few times, knowing somehow it would all end up working out in the end, which it did. My brother got the help he needed, and is putting back the pieces of his life together and is doing well, we got the money for the cremation, and the family members that I care about the most are closer than ever. Our family is so messed up and broken, and in these past few months we have turned it around and now have an open line of communication, when before we would talk maybe once every year to 3 years. All of these events have brought a RUSH of memories and feelings back that I completley blocked out, which has sent me on an emotional rollercoaster, which is difficult to deal with when I don't have my best friend "food" to help comfort me, but I found a lot of comfort knowing I stepped up to the plate and proved myself as an adult (im the baby of the family), as a sister since now my brother knows he has someone in his corner, and as a daughter because I respected my mom in her death and I even spoke at her funeral on Saturday. I was just comforted seeing all the wonderful people I have in my life who have helped support me emotionally this year from encouraging me to stick with weight loss when i felt like giving up, and now helping me deal with these issues, and even financially helping out by donating for my mom's cremation. I had to learn to get over my pride and except help from others, which was one of the harder lessons for me.
But back to the positives: I have tried new things and tried to conquer some fears, from jumping off a 20-30ft cliff even though I can't even climb a ladder without getting an anxiety attack, to even just trying to workouts I thought I never could do, like jogging on a treadmill or the Jacob's ladder. It sounds strange, but I realized I have lived my life in such fear, because I didn't want to end up like my family who have gone down bad paths or struggle mentally or to have a breakdown, so I stayed in my little bubble, just eating and watching tv and letting the world pass me by, all because of fear. I realize I was even afraid to lose weight, even though I had wanted to SO BADLY for all of my life, just because I was so afraid of what would happen after losing weight, if I would be different and people wouldn't like me anymore because I had changed, basically just afraid of the future. Now with all these events that have gone on, I realize I can handle way more than I ever thought I could, and still function, and it has helped me want to step out of my comfort zone in more ways than fitness.
I still have about 20-35 more lbs I want to lose, and I'll get there, but I'm mostly excited to see how much more I will be changing in non-physical ways in the future. For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid of the future anymore, I'm not afraid to live a life worth living, and I'm comforted knowing I can keep my sense of "normalcy" in some of the most stressful situations possible.
I also have changed what I wanted to do in the future. I did hair for 6 years, right now I'm a server, but I always thought I would just do hair forever, but now along with that, I want to go to college and study kinesiology and nutrition, so I can be a personal trainer, mainly for morbidly obese people. I want to come at a realistic angle, knowing people are still going to eat fast food, still might binge, but showing them ways to work past that, and how to utilize my fitness pal for them to get results they want and be part of their support system. I want to use my experience to inspire others, because there are a lot of people out there who want to change, but just honestly don't know how, maybe they don't believe they can (I know I never did, even seeing before and afters on mfp ALL THE TIME), or are just afraid to start.
I'm far from perfect, I still binge, I still eat crap way more than I should, but I have found a sense of pride in myself from learning just how strong I really am, TRULY loving myself and I wish everyone could feel this way. If you are like me, and have been on mfp multiple times and still haven't found much success, please just don't give up. Who knows, maybe it will be your turn next to write a one year logiversary reflection post and share with everyone just how much you've changed!
Age: 29
Height: 5'3
Starting: 265
Heaviest:278
Jan 1st 2016: 250
Current:183
I would post before and afters, but I'm on the mobile app
WOW. You certainly are a force to wrecking with. Keep going strong. Keep posting, your journey will inspire so many.
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Hey up,
I accidentally clicked on myfitnesspal - was meant to be logging on to do some of my studies. I thought seen as i've accidentally clicked on i might as wall have a snoop at the success stories, its been a while.
And here you are - describing my struggles through your own experiences?! I mean, yeah... its spot on. Its like reading my own words.
I'm 70% there with how you got started. Realised how many 'feelings' i shove down. I love a nap/early bed time. I also realise none of this helps me, it makes me feel worse. The last few weeks i've just stopped being as much of a pig, i know it won't help now. I also have sought validation from others in the past, stopped myself living etc.
I hope i am getting to the same turning point that you reached. You're done really brilliantly, you're so very inspiring!
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Wow!! Just wow! I'm sorry about your mom.
Gosh you remind me of me!! I'm 5'4 currently 237 started at 252. I'm going for my certification in personal training...
Congratulations on your weight loss!!0 -
Well done. Thank you for the inspirational post.0
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That's real and honest . Facing and confronting is what makes us successful! I'm inspired and so very happy for your journey. Thank you and you go girl!0
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Thank you for sharing your story! I can relate to so much of it and am closing in on my one year logaversary. Can't wait to see what this next year brings to you!0
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Thanks guys! I tell everyone, if I can do it ANYONE can do it, honestly. And as cliché as that is, I've been trying to lose weight basically my whole life, you just need that *click* to happen and push through the hard times! Pushing through the hard times is what makes one successful, because its hardly ever easy. You have to fight for what you want!1
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Thank you for sharing your life with us! I can definitely relate. Sorry for your loss...keep pushing! ❤0
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Your story was so moving and eye opening for me. I am literally crying. I have struggled my whole life too. Up and downs with my weight. I also thought I just liked food, that there were no issues leading to my weight gains. Reading your story was like being it in the face with reality. I cannot thank you enough for helping me wake up and see what I couldn't on my own. I hope that in a year I can do my own post, and this will be my AH HA moment.
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