People who waited for marriage to live together

Lounmoun

So curious questions for people who didn't live with any partner prior to marriage who later got married:
What circumstances or beliefs kept you from living together before marriage?
How long did you maintain seperate residences before marriage?
When did living together start for you and your spouse? How did you handle the transition from living apart to living together? Surprises?
Do you wish you had lived together with a partner (your spouse or previous partner) for any length of time before you married? (Days, weeks, months, years)
If you have been married more than once did you do things differently with later relationships?

I met my partner and we were somehow living together a month later, engaged a couple months after that and married 5 months or so later. I know we are not typical but that worked for us.

distinctlybeautiful

We got married eight months after meeting, and we lived apart during that time because he's in the military. It just made more financial sense for him to continue living in the barracks until we were married. He moved in the week we got married, maybe a few days before. I can't remember exactly. The transition was easy enough. I don't have any regrets. I love him enough and share enough of the same values with him that I knew any little thing that might come up wouldn't be a deal-breaker.

yayamom3

I got married way too young, because I was crazy in love and wanted to be with him every second of the day. If my parents had ever caught us sleeping over, it would have been hell to pay. So we dated for seven months, got engaged, and were married eight months later. I feel like I missed out on lots of fun, carefree single times in my twenties. I will encourage my kids to wait, wait, wait. I have absolutely no problem with them living with someone before marriage.

In my parents' defense, times/society were much different then than now.

Francl27

First marriage we lived together for almost 2 years before getting married and ended up divorcing after 4 months...

Second one, we had to get married because of immigration issues, we lived together maybe 5 months before getting married (and pretty much moved in right away after we met). We've been married almost 14 years (although it's been a bit rocky lately).

I really don't think it matters. It will just come down to how much people love each other and how much they are willing to compromise.. married or not.

km8907

_unsteady_ wrote: »

Francl27 wrote: »

First marriage we lived together for almost 2 years before getting married and ended up divorcing after 4 months...

Second one, we had to get married because of immigration issues, we lived together maybe 5 months before getting married (and pretty much moved in right away after we met). We've been married almost 14 years (although it's been a bit rocky lately).

I really don't think it matters. It will just come down to how much people love each other and how much they are willing to compromise.. married or not.

he probably didnt wanna get deported lolol! I kid! I kid!i couldn't resist

Bruh....

HealthyBodySickMind

My husband and I did not technically live together before we got married, nor for another year and an half after we got married. We lived in the same house (different apartments in the same triplex) while we were dating. I told him I was moving out of state for grad school, and he put a ring on it before I moved two states away. We had a short engagement and got married while I was still in school. I finished my master's and moved back. We lived together for 6 months while I had a long (2 hrs one way) daily commute, and he worked second shift. So basically we were just sleeping next to each other. I finally convinced him we needed to move closer to my job. He searched unsuccessfully for a job in his line of work (this was in winter of 2009/2010), and finally just decided to enroll in classes where we were moving. We got keys to an apartment near my job on Sunday of that week. The following Friday he was in orientation for school, and I was called into a meeting and told that our department was going away and we were being laid off, less than a week after I'd finally moved down there. I then found a job in my field literally 4 blocks from the old triplex back home. My coworkers were joking with me that I could now drive four hours a day in the other direction. Instead I moved back to the triplex, and my husband lived in the apartment we'd just gotten while he went to school. So we did the long distance thing for another year, but at least in the same state.

On our 5 year anniversary we celebrated that we had now lived together for more of our married life than we had lived separately. We'll be at 9 years of marriage in January, and we only occasionally threaten to live in separate households again.

Heartisalonelyhunter

_unsteady_ wrote: »

Francl27 wrote: »

First marriage we lived together for almost 2 years before getting married and ended up divorcing after 4 months...

Second one, we had to get married because of immigration issues, we lived together maybe 5 months before getting married (and pretty much moved in right away after we met). We've been married almost 14 years (although it's been a bit rocky lately).

I really don't think it matters. It will just come down to how much people love each other and how much they are willing to compromise.. married or not.

he probably didnt wanna get deported lolol! I kid! I kid!i couldn't resist

Ha! Although as that poster has said repeatedly on these boards that she doesn't find her husband attractive and never did, I suspect she was the one who was looking for a visa....

MrStabbems

isn't that illegal btw? prob not a good thing for online sharing no?

Alatariel75

MrStabbems wrote: »

isn't that illegal btw? prob not a good thing for online sharing no?

It's only illegal if you're ONLY doing it for immigration reasons. Plenty of couples in legitimate relationships get married earlier than they otherwise would have because one of them won't be able to stay in the country otherwise. Nothing illegal about that.

MrStabbems

Alatariel75 wrote: »

MrStabbems wrote: »

isn't that illegal btw? prob not a good thing for online sharing no?

It's only illegal if you're ONLY doing it for immigration reasons. Plenty of couples in legitimate relationships get married earlier than they otherwise would have because one of them won't be able to stay in the country otherwise. Nothing illegal about that.

Ahh ok. Didn't know that. cheers!

DeficitDuchess

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

Francl, this is a good lesson for you or anyone else. People use the information you share against you even when there is no relevance.

I agree, this' getting; ridiculously mean!

MaybeLed

Alatariel75 wrote: »

MrStabbems wrote: »

isn't that illegal btw? prob not a good thing for online sharing no?

It's only illegal if you're ONLY doing it for immigration reasons. Plenty of couples in legitimate relationships get married earlier than they otherwise would have because one of them won't be able to stay in the country otherwise. Nothing illegal about that.

Yep, since 'our' Brexit vote I know a few couples where one of them is from an EU country where they're planning to marry sooner than perhaps they would.

Hungry_Shopgirl

What circumstances or beliefs kept you from living together before marriage?
We both believe in celibacy before marriage and fidelity in marriage; very happy to live those beliefs out IRL. Lots of people talk about being pressured by family and friends to act in a certain way but this was truly not the case for us, we just both believed in this and agreed it was the best way.

How long did you maintain separate residences before marriage? When did living together start for you and your spouse?
Moved in together after our honeymoon.

How did you handle the transition from living apart to living together? Surprises?
I was surprised to have trouble sleeping the first couple nights. It was just so weird to have someone in bed with me. Other than that the transition was pretty smooth. Had to figure out stuff like why on earth would someone put dirty clothes on the floor RIGHT NEXT TO THE HAMPER?? Makes no sense. Stuff like that. But no major "deal-breaker" surprises.

Do you wish you had lived together with a partner (your spouse or previous partner) for any length of time before you married? (Days, weeks, months, years)
No, I wouldn't change a thing.

If you have been married more than once did you do things differently with later relationships?
N/A.

Lounmoun

Really interesting replies!
I do know a few people who dated or were engaged for years while living apart before marrying. When they finally got married they didn't seem to have happy marriages. I don't know if it was because they didn't view marriage as important, were too used to living alone or other issues.

Francl27

MrStabbems wrote: »

isn't that illegal btw? prob not a good thing for online sharing no?

People pretty much have to get married if they want to live together in this country (and someone isn't a US citizen). You can get a fiance visa too. Nothing illegal about it. We even went through a lawyer. Also I'm a US citizen now, so...

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

Francl, this is a good lesson for you or anyone else. People use the information you share against you even when there is no relevance.

The person who wrote the post you must be referring to is on ignore because she's been harassing me for months for some reason. So thanks for not quoting her, lol.