I'm still alive

Darton2010

This isn't a conventional success story but it's a bit of a long one, most importantly it's a open ended story because my journey is far from over.

I joined myfitnesspal in 2014, had awesome success and within a year lost over 110lbs, I inspired and motivated other people here to lose weight.

But no matter how much weight I lost I never became happier, I never felt better about myself, eventually I turned to the bottle, I took risks, didn't care and I guess you can say I just gave up. I gained back all I lost within a year.

3 months ago I ended up in the hospital from a motorcycle accident, I walked away with 3 chipped teeth, road rash and some really bad bruises. I thought I broke my arm because it struck a guardrail, swelled and turned all kinds of colors. All I can say is I got lucky, someone upstairs was looking after me when I wasn't.

It took another 2 months after that to tell myself to come back here but I was scared of being miserable again, I guess I finally got tired of trying to escape my life and need to live it, how ever I do that.

I can happily report I haven't had a drink in over a month, I never considered myself as a dependent of alcohol, I was more self destructive and used alcohol as a tool to escape my own probs, ones that never went away.

Depression has many forms, in my situation I pushed myself so hard to lose weight I made myself miserable and forced myself into what I like to call environmental depression, my story could have easily ended 3 months ago, so my advise to you all is just watch the signs and take care of yourself first.

Losing weight is very beneficial but it's not worth it if you have nothing to come back from. Something I still have to remind myself of.

My new journey has begun, your all welcome to join me.

I'm just glad to be able to start a new journey - that's my success story I guess, a new start.

thielke2015

Thank you for reaching out and sharing that. What an inspirational story

Darton2010

Hopefully people don't take it as far as I did but I know they do and worse.

If it helps one person it will be worth posting

dorisj717

Stay strong and good luck on your new journey, you got this!

nowine4me

It sounds like you have it figured out, and I'm happy for you. Im also on my second go round, and I gave up serious drinking in order to hit my goals. This time, I'm taking the opportunity to educate myself on nutrition, portion sizes and what foods make me feel best. I'm taking it slowly and seriously as a life long change, but am having fun at the same time. Lean on this great community and enjoy the ride.

Unknown

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CynthiasChoice

You are hopeful again, and that's everything! And you've found the courage to begin dealing with your struggles. Courage and hope are both powerful life-changers. Realizing that weight loss will be just part of your journey towards a better life seems really significant.

There's a great book by Dr. Timothy J Sharp called "100 Ways to Happiness" (a guide for busy people). He packs a lot of inspiration into one little page. I need to get back to the book myself, as I got stuck on the forgiveness chapter and laid it aside. I guess that's how you know what you really need - when you lay down the book because it's tough.

Another good book is "The Law of Happiness" by Dr. Henry Cloud. I also think Dr. Daniel Amen's books on brain health are really eye-opening.

I wish you the best!

Darton2010

Thanks everyone, it's just part of my journey, nobody said it was going to be a gold lined highway lol

cschu544

Darton2010 wrote: »

This isn't a conventional success story but it's a bit of a long one, most importantly it's a open ended story because my journey is far from over.

I joined myfitnesspal in 2014, had awesome success and within a year lost over 110lbs, I inspired and motivated other people here to lose weight.

But no matter how much weight I lost I never became happier, I never felt better about myself, eventually I turned to the bottle, I took risks, didn't care and I guess you can say I just gave up. I gained back all I lost within a year.

3 months ago I ended up in the hospital from a motorcycle accident, I walked away with 3 chipped teeth, road rash and some really bad bruises. I thought I broke my arm because it struck a guardrail, swelled and turned all kinds of colors. All I can say is I got lucky, someone upstairs was looking after me when I wasn't.

It took another 2 months after that to tell myself to come back here but I was scared of being miserable again, I guess I finally got tired of trying to escape my life and need to live it, how ever I do that.

I can happily report I haven't had a drink in over a month, I never considered myself as a dependent of alcohol, I was more self destructive and used alcohol as a tool to escape my own probs, ones that never went away.

Depression has many forms, in my situation I pushed myself so hard to lose weight I made myself miserable and forced myself into what I like to call environmental depression, my story could have easily ended 3 months ago, so my advise to you all is just watch the signs and take care of yourself first.

Losing weight is very beneficial but it's not worth it if you have nothing to come back from. Something I still have to remind myself of.

My new journey has begun, your all welcome to join me.

I'm just glad to be able to start a new journey - that's my success story I guess, a new start.

Darton2010 wrote: »

This isn't a conventional success story but it's a bit of a long one, most importantly it's a open ended story because my journey is far from over.

I joined myfitnesspal in 2014, had awesome success and within a year lost over 110lbs, I inspired and motivated other people here to lose weight.

But no matter how much weight I lost I never became happier, I never felt better about myself, eventually I turned to the bottle, I took risks, didn't care and I guess you can say I just gave up. I gained back all I lost within a year.

3 months ago I ended up in the hospital from a motorcycle accident, I walked away with 3 chipped teeth, road rash and some really bad bruises. I thought I broke my arm because it struck a guardrail, swelled and turned all kinds of colors. All I can say is I got lucky, someone upstairs was looking after me when I wasn't.

It took another 2 months after that to tell myself to come back here but I was scared of being miserable again, I guess I finally got tired of trying to escape my life and need to live it, how ever I do that.

I can happily report I haven't had a drink in over a month, I never considered myself as a dependent of alcohol, I was more self destructive and used alcohol as a tool to escape my own probs, ones that never went away.

Depression has many forms, in my situation I pushed myself so hard to lose weight I made myself miserable and forced myself into what I like to call environmental depression, my story could have easily ended 3 months ago, so my advise to you all is just watch the signs and take care of yourself first.

Losing weight is very beneficial but it's not worth it if you have nothing to come back from. Something I still have to remind myself of.

My new journey has begun, your all welcome to join me.

I'm just glad to be able to start a new journey - that's my success story I guess, a new start.

cschu544

Thanks for sharing- I'm here for support as I went through something similar (but not nearly as almost-fatal) I think people are scared at starting over because they're afraid to fail.. when really the only failure is ignoring what your body needs and wants and suffocating it with bad foods and bad choices. Proud of you for stepping up and realizing what you still have to gain in this life. Realize you are not alone, and many other people feel or have felt the way you have. Just make tomorrow a better one and connect with some forgotten passions and dreams. Welcome back.

Darton2010

cschu544 wrote: »

Thanks for sharing- I'm here for support as I went through something similar (but not nearly as almost-fatal) I think people are scared at starting over because they're afraid to fail.. when really the only failure is ignoring what your body needs and wants and suffocating it with bad foods and bad choices. Proud of you for stepping up and realizing what you still have to gain in this life. Realize you are not alone, and many other people feel or have felt the way you have. Just make tomorrow a better one and connect with some forgotten passions and dreams. Welcome back.

I endlessly searched for something to bring me joy, I'm a food addict in every sense of the word, I eat not only because I'm hungry all the time but because I really enjoy it, it's like getting high, I was miserable all the time, wanting something so bad but having to limit myself was exhausting.

I had massive success losing weight but chose to go back to fat and happy rather than skinny-er and miserable.

I didn't like the transformation back to a very heavy person but drinking all the time and eating whatever sounded good whenever I wanted was awesome and brought me lots of happiness.

Now I guess I'm crazy because I'm literally going back and expecting a different result, even now I'm very aggravated and hungry, denying myself any food, granted it's just my second day back but it's deff not fun.

mila_lova

Have you considered therapy? I'm not sure that weight loss is the answer- you need to fix the underlying cause of your compulsion and depression. What drove you to escape your life? Also, your accident must have been traumatic, it would be helpful to process that with a professional.

Overeating and drinking too much doesn't bring real happiness. It's compulsion, something is driving you crazy on the inside and you're trying to numb it. It's understandable- I've struggled with compulsive behavior for a LONG time. I'm in therapy because I have a trauma history and lots of issues. I'm still trying to learn moderation, but now I know that food, alcohol, self-harm, over-exercising, and various eating disorders won't bring happiness or satisfaction. You get numb for a minute but when your head clears you're right where you started or worse, you've moved backwards.

You've found out first hand that being thin doesn't make you happy or solve your problems. Eating too much doesn't make you happy. You have to deal with what's on the inside- fat or thin is the state of your body. I prefer being thin because I like being healthy, but no matter what I weigh, I'll still have the same issues. These issues can be successfully dealt with, but not through dieting or binging.

Darton2010

I have not considered therapy and don't plan to pursue it.

As far as why I eat, I always have ever since I was little, it's not a emotional issue, it's a physical one, hunger and dopamine release.

I wouldn't say the accident was traumatic, I never missed a day from work over it and it didn't really make me change my routine, road rash was mighty painful though lol.

Besides all that the underlining reason of wanting to escape is wanting to get away from responsibilities for awhile.

I have had a job since I was 16, used my graduation money to buy tools, bought my house at 23, and I'm 26 now. From the time I was 16 I never took risks, always went by the book, did everything right. literally I just worked, ate and slept, I ever had a rebellious phase, always wanted to just leave and travel, not worry about anything and live life in the moment, not planning every part of it.

Was another reason I took risks, I guess after I was comfortable with my finances I started to get a bit rebellious (taking more risks), but I still never called off work or let it affect my job.

mila_lova

You have accomplished a lot at a really young age. It makes sense that you need time off to just relax and have fun, you work hard. I guess the trick is finding ways to do it that don't end up hurting you. Good luck!

kittybenn

Amazing courage to share your story, and thank you for doing that. I think most of us here, to one extent or another, have been in the position of having to start again. Of course, most of us sure haven't been through all that you've been through, and I totally admire you for reaching out and trying again. I think at some point you just have to ask yourself what's harder and what life is going to be like a year from now if you continue to be out of control. I love this quote from, I think it was Martha Beck: "Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Pick your hard."

Elise4270

Glad you are here!

chadisallin70

Thanks for sharing a different aspect here. This is my second start too...didn't get nearly as far on my first (only about 35 lbs into the 90 I needed to drop). But I can relate a little on some of the same type things. I will really keep my eye on the things that helped me get off track last time. I should probably quit focusing on a number so much and just try and get healthy and happy.

I wish you much success and even more importantly, happiness on your journey this time, man!

sfsoccermom2

So glad you are venturing on this journey in life once again. This is my third time starting again after regaining the 70 pounds I lost. I too am a food addict. Welcome back, and know you are not alone here.

shadowloss

Your story really hit home for me. I would never have considered myself and alcoholic, but I sure looked forward to the weekend when I could open the liquor cabinet and escape. It was all I could think about on the weekends. Then in May of 2016 I was on an annual ride with my buddies when a Coyote jumped in front of me and changed my motorcycle ride into a life flight ride and 5 days in ICU and 3 more in the hospital. "Lucky" for me it lacerated my liver and the doctors mentioned how high my liver levels were showing alcohol. I took that as a sign along with the direction from doctors that I shouldn't drink for a few months or it could be fatal. Subtle hint!

I had success on MFP the year earlier but had gained a lot back before the accident. During my hospital stay I didn't eat because of internal damage. I lost the 35lbs I had gained back from the year before. Now I'm back to lose that same 35lbs +. I've decided to focus my attention on the things I CAN control. I can't control my job (most of the time), I can't control my family and comittments, I can't control my businesses, I can't control my relationships, but what I do have complete control over is my health and my weight. If I focus on me, the rest will work itself out. How I realized this was my 8 days in the hospital. My job, my family, my relationships, my business none of this went away or changed DRAMATICALLY. It still went on without my direct interaction. My health and my life are what I am 100% in control of, and it is now my focus.

I know this may sound Philosophical, but sometimes we have to look at the things that happen to us and understand there was a reason for it. We've been down similar roads, and it's not an easy ride, but nothing in life is easy and if we want it bad enough we have to be persistent and fight everyday. It is exhausting most of the time, but you have felt success and know what it's like. If you focus on making tomorrow better than today, you have success daily. Good luck on your journey! I'm "nearly" twice your age, but I would be happy to share the journey if you want to send a friend request. (Sorry so long)

JeromeBarry1

I also survived a self-destructive and very overweight period of my life. I turned that corner 1/1/y2k. It gets better from here.

SisterSueGetsFit

I wondered where you went! I'm glad you're back and healing.

Woodmouse1

Bless you, thanks for sharing Things can change.Take care