Changing baby's name after birth
stephmph16
Posts: 114 Member
in Chit-Chat
Here's a random question for you internet friends. What would you do if your spouse wanted to change your 9 month old's name?
Backstory: You both agreed to a name, then you decided to change it last minute. Spouse wasn't happy, but went along. Neither of you necessarily love the given name, but you are now used to baby having that name. Spouse would still like it changed to the original name.
Would you change it, tell spouse to suck it up, find another compromise?
Backstory: You both agreed to a name, then you decided to change it last minute. Spouse wasn't happy, but went along. Neither of you necessarily love the given name, but you are now used to baby having that name. Spouse would still like it changed to the original name.
Would you change it, tell spouse to suck it up, find another compromise?
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Replies
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I'd change it. The baby probably doesn't know it yet. Or just add a new first name and push the old name into the middle name spot and the kid can have 4 names. First, middle, middle, last.0
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That's a tough one. I think I'd be hesitant to change it after nine months. I do know someone that changed her baby's name after birth, but it was only a few weeks after.0
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I'd leave it. You can always use the other name as a nickname. But the baby is already registered as one name, imagine e the paperwork, etc. To change it0
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Can you use the other name as a nickname and leave the birth certificate as is? I know a lot of people whose everyday names don't exactly match their given names. That said, you could probably still change it if you really wanted to.0
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Nine months later? No, leave it as is..1
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Change it.0
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stephmph16 wrote: »Here's a random question for you internet friends. What would you do if your spouse wanted to change your 9 month old's name?
Backstory: You both agreed to a name, then you decided to change it last minute. Spouse wasn't happy, but went along. Neither of you necessarily love the given name, but you are now used to baby having that name. Spouse would still like it changed to the original name.
Would you change it, tell spouse to suck it up, find another compromise?
I would agree to the name change since you do not actually love the given name. I would say go with the original name choice or choose something different together. Maybe keep the current given name for a middle name.
The compromise my spouse and I made was about spelling of the first name and I picked the middle name for our dd. We did that before she was born. I wanted us both to like her name.0 -
Thanks guys for your thoughts. The new name husband wants is actually just her middle name, so to me it makes sense to leave her given name on the birth certificate, then call her by the middle name if he wants. I don't want him to hate his kid's name, and I feel bad that I pushed so much to change it in my hormonal pregnant craziness. He has a lot of anger over it still.1
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stephmph16 wrote: »Thanks guys for your thoughts. The new name husband wants is actually just her middle name, so to me it makes sense to leave her given name on the birth certificate, then call her by the middle name if he wants. I don't want him to hate his kid's name, and I feel bad that I pushed so much to change it in my hormonal pregnant craziness. He has a lot of anger over it still.
just do that then. My brother has gone by his middle name his entire life.
And he agreed to the name at some point. It's just a name for goodness sake, it's not worth holding onto anger about0 -
My aunt and uncle changed my cousin's name when he was a couple of months old. No idea why (went from being named after my uncle to a different, but kind of similar, name). It took me awhile to understand (I was only 4 at the time), but 35 years later, my cousin is doing just fine. Fit and healthy, college graduate (though neither of his parents went beyond high school), successful career, etc.
9 months may be a bit old for that, though. When I was that age, I am told that I was talking and walking and could point to people in a family picture and say their names (not clearly, mind you). A name change at that age might generate some confusion at a time the kid is picking up critical language skills.
That being said, many people on that side of the family also go by their middle names. My grandpa did, my dad and brother do (they were named after my grandpa), one uncle does, and my grandma does (my grandparents had 8 kids so there are plenty of aunts and uncles who use their first names, as well).1 -
Sounds like you could have avoided this drama, if you had stuck to the original name you first agreed upon.1
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My grandfather's name was Marion. He was teased as a little kid, b/c it was a "girl's" name. He went by his middle name for nearly 80 years! It is not uncommon for people to use their middle name.0
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TheRoadDog wrote: »Sounds like you could have avoided this drama, if you had stuck to the original name you first agreed upon.
I know
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I always had the idea that once you gave the name its precious to just them
But whatever floats your boat0 -
DanyellMcGinnis wrote: »9 months may be a bit old for that, though. When I was that age, I am told that I was talking and walking and could point to people in a family picture and say their names (not clearly, mind you). A name change at that age might generate some confusion at a time the kid is picking up critical language skills.
I doubt it would confuse a 9 month old. Almost everyone I know has used a cute nickname for their baby interchangeably with their name and no one's child grew up confused or with poor language skills. If you consistantly use the same name they will quickly know it refers to them.
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stephmph16 wrote: »Thanks guys for your thoughts. The new name husband wants is actually just her middle name, so to me it makes sense to leave her given name on the birth certificate, then call her by the middle name if he wants. I don't want him to hate his kid's name, and I feel bad that I pushed so much to change it in my hormonal pregnant craziness. He has a lot of anger over it still.
So he completely hates the current first name or just that you overrode his feelings about it?
I'd personally do the name change to put the hard feelings to rest. If it is already part of the child's name just agree to start using the original name today whether you change it officially or not. You'll get used to it.
My grandmother went by her middle name her whole life. It is not uncommon.
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stephmph16 wrote: »Here's a random question for you internet friends. What would you do if your spouse wanted to change your 9 month old's name?
Backstory: You both agreed to a name, then you decided to change it last minute. Spouse wasn't happy, but went along. Neither of you necessarily love the given name, but you are now used to baby having that name. Spouse would still like it changed to the original name.
Would you change it, tell spouse to suck it up, find another compromise?
I would change it. It sounds like you made this decision alone and you're not even crazy about the name yourself.
All my life I've gone by my middle name, but it's just a hassle to be honest. Most people don't even know what my legal first name is (including family members) and it has created some confusion in my professional life. I plan to have it legally changed after I'm married.0 -
My husband is quite used to using his middle name, because that's how it's been for him since birth. I found that there were inconveniences associated with that. The paperwork that came into the house was all over the place - sometimes his first name, sometimes his middle name, depending on how "official" the matter was, and when I filled out forms on his behalf, I'd have to check how he wanted to go about it.
When our daughter was 7 months, we switched to using her middle name. It was slightly embarrassing to make the change, but it was definitely worth it because it suits her far better. Both names are classic and pretty, but one had a much softer sound, which didn't quite suit such a vivacious girl. All of our daughters have two middle names.
In the end, the world around doesn't care as much as one initially thinks it does. Your acquaintances and friends change and many of them can't quite remember the names of your children anyway.
You didn't mention that you were concerned about other people's perceptions, but I throw that in there anyway.
So for a while we were calling her by her middle name and the paperwork remained in the original name. I didn't like the situation all that much. When arriving at the doctor's office, everyone would call her by her original name but we no longer thought of her with that name.
Eventually (maybe about age 1.5?) we got the paperwork fixed up to make everything line up. Now things are perfectly straightforward. The paperwork for children at that age is usually very simple.
It's too bad that the issue has caused stress for you and your husband, but on the plus side, it's good that you both care about the name and want to give your child the very best name that you can. It's okay to keep tweaking things if you feel you didn't get it quite right at first.
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DanyellMcGinnis wrote: »9 months may be a bit old for that, though. When I was that age, I am told that I was talking and walking and could point to people in a family picture and say their names (not clearly, mind you). A name change at that age might generate some confusion at a time the kid is picking up critical language skills.
I doubt it would confuse a 9 month old. Almost everyone I know has used a cute nickname for their baby interchangeably with their name and no one's child grew up confused or with poor language skills. If you consistantly use the same name they will quickly know it refers to them.
My middle daughter's name is Grace and we've always called her Lou. Just about everyone does. She has always answered to both even when she was real little. She's just fine.0 -
Your decision but just know your child may take your choice away later. My experience with 2 boys:
Youngest son was given nickname (RJ) when born. 4 years he went by that name and never mentioned wanting to be anything different. His Kindergarten teacher says RJ is introducing himself to everyone as Robert, which one should we use? My answer "call him Robert." It is his name. He's Robert to everyone except my immediate family, he will always be RJ to them.
Oldest son is a Junior who we thought would be less confused if we called him by his middle name as my hubs goes by their 1st name, really old-fashioned. Imagine our surprise when in 8th grade, after changing school systems, everyone around town starts calling my son by his 1st name, completely his choice.
Neither are legal changes, so a little different, but they both chose to be called something different than what we chose.
Just saying your DD may decide she likes a different name all together.0 -
deputy_randolph wrote: »My grandfather's name was Marion. He was teased as a little kid, b/c it was a "girl's" name. He went by his middle name for nearly 80 years! It is not uncommon for people to use their middle name.
Was your grandfather...?
John Wayne
American film actor
Marion Mitchell Morrison (born Marion Robert Morrison; May 26, 1907 – June 11, 1979), known professionally as John Wayne and nicknamed Duke, was an American actor, director, and producer.[1] An Academy Award-winner for True Grit (1969), Wayne was among the top box office draws for three decades.[2][3]1 -
stephmph16 wrote: »Thanks guys for your thoughts. The new name husband wants is actually just her middle name, so to me it makes sense to leave her given name on the birth certificate, then call her by the middle name if he wants. I don't want him to hate his kid's name, and I feel bad that I pushed so much to change it in my hormonal pregnant craziness. He has a lot of anger over it still.
So he completely hates the current first name or just that you overrode his feelings about it?
I'd personally do the name change to put the hard feelings to rest. If it is already part of the child's name just agree to start using the original name today whether you change it officially or not. You'll get used to it.
My grandmother went by her middle name her whole life. It is not uncommon.
He says he completely hates the first name, though I think it's probably less the name and more the fact he feels he was 'browbeaten' into changing it (his words). He definitely has hard feelings, still, 9 months later.0 -
fastingrabbit wrote: »My husband is quite used to using his middle name, because that's how it's been for him since birth. I found that there were inconveniences associated with that. The paperwork that came into the house was all over the place - sometimes his first name, sometimes his middle name, depending on how "official" the matter was, and when I filled out forms on his behalf, I'd have to check how he wanted to go about it.
When our daughter was 7 months, we switched to using her middle name. It was slightly embarrassing to make the change, but it was definitely worth it because it suits her far better. Both names are classic and pretty, but one had a much softer sound, which didn't quite suit such a vivacious girl. All of our daughters have two middle names.
In the end, the world around doesn't care as much as one initially thinks it does. Your acquaintances and friends change and many of them can't quite remember the names of your children anyway.
You didn't mention that you were concerned about other people's perceptions, but I throw that in there anyway.
So for a while we were calling her by her middle name and the paperwork remained in the original name. I didn't like the situation all that much. When arriving at the doctor's office, everyone would call her by her original name but we no longer thought of her with that name.
Eventually (maybe about age 1.5?) we got the paperwork fixed up to make everything line up. Now things are perfectly straightforward. The paperwork for children at that age is usually very simple.
It's too bad that the issue has caused stress for you and your husband, but on the plus side, it's good that you both care about the name and want to give your child the very best name that you can. It's okay to keep tweaking things if you feel you didn't get it quite right at first.
Thank you so much, this helped to hear someone who went through this firsthand.0 -
My dad picked my name. My mother does not care for it. She gave me my nick and me my entire family uses. I have never heard my mother use my given name.0
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I'd change it.0
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Jimb376mfp wrote: »deputy_randolph wrote: »My grandfather's name was Marion. He was teased as a little kid, b/c it was a "girl's" name. He went by his middle name for nearly 80 years! It is not uncommon for people to use their middle name.
Was your grandfather...?
John Wayne
American film actor
Marion Mitchell Morrison (born Marion Robert Morrison; May 26, 1907 – June 11, 1979), known professionally as John Wayne and nicknamed Duke, was an American actor, director, and producer.[1] An Academy Award-winner for True Grit (1969), Wayne was among the top box office draws for three decades.[2][3]
No not John Wayne...0 -
It's pretty common in my family to go by a middle name. The only complication I ever had was at my first marriage, where I didn't want to drop my middle name so I dropped my first name instead. I went back to my full original name when I divorced, and didn't change it again when I remarried. I guess it would be different if I really hated my first name and didn't want to answer to it, but it's been a non-issue for most of my life. I use all three names for legal purposes, and sign [first initial] [middle name] [last name] for my legal signature.0
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I'd change it. We call our daughter a pretty unusual nickname for her real name and it's already a pain when people don't know her real name, so I'd rather just do it now and be done with it, lol.0
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I had my last name changed when I was 4. It has felt weird like it's not mine, but I accept it as my last name. Your kid is so young I say if you really aren't satisfied with the name then change it to what you feel fits best. Just don't make it a habit, lol.0
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