The eye of the beholder
rickweinberg
Posts: 53 Member
I remember what it was like to feel trapped. I remember how I felt helpless about my weight, size and the way I looked and felt. I was 254 pounds. With being 6 foot 3 inches and my football playing and competitive basketball days way behind me, I had to face up to the fact that I was obese. This was hard to confront and make myself realize. Eventually I was able to face head on and realize that the choices that I have made put me in an unhealthy situation, a situation that found me without the tools and knowhow to change it. The turning point came when I was driving in my car and realized how I uncomfortable I felt sitting up straight. I could feel my stomach bouncing against my legs when I went over potholed roads in rural Pennsylvania. While driving I would lean far to the right, resting my right arm on the armrest just so I could feel comfortable.
I joined a program and learned the tools to lose weight. I wrote down everything I ate religiously and exercised a little bit at a time. I exercised what I could handle, building up my strength and stamina until I achieved difficult but not too lofty physical goals. My weight loss goal was 200 pounds. I dedicated myself to this goal and the pounds fell off. I remember weighing myself and I gained weight and wondered how it was possible not to lose when I was so focused on my goal in such a dedicated way? I came to the realization that you will lose battles but not giving up will allow you to win the war. So, I stuck with it. I lost over 54 pounds in about 7 months time.
By Early April I reached my goal and weighed in at 197.8. I met my goal and was so very proud of myself.
I became so proud that possibly I lost sight of my real goal and became a bit arrogant. I felt that “I could do this, I don’t need to go to weigh myself every week or log the food I was eating. I was wrong. Some lessons are learned the hard way and that is how I learned this one. The goal I lost sight of was to be healthy and feel better about myself. After feeling like “I had done it” and my struggle was “over” I started making poor choice again. I gained weight. I felt embarrassed, ashamed. I felt that people were right. Even though I'd lost weight that eventually I “would find it again.” I was “finding” my weight with every poor choice I made. I became depressed. I ate to help with my depression. Gaining caused me more anxiety which caused me to eat more. It was happening. I set up the dominos and the cause and effect of the vicious weight gain cycle was in full action. I asked for help and help was given.
My family supported me. My wife would work hard to cook with lower calories and help me keep track of them. My family encouraged me to exercise. The expectation of me being home to do “Dad stuff” was adjusted so I could take steps to be more healthy. Changing light bulbs, vacuuming the floor and pick up and drop off children to sporting events was fit around my exercise schedule. I could not have been more appreciative.
I was back. I felt happy because I was back in control again. I also vowed to stay healthy. This time I lost weight more slowly, learning to make healthy choices, set realistic goals and not depriving myself of foods that I really wanted. I reached my goal weight again.
I am doing some things differently. On occasion I will have a beer (or two), butter on my vegetables or fish or a 130 calorie prepackaged ice cream cone. I also now reward myself for achieving goals with non-food, healthy choices. I also keep these goals written and in a spot I see many times a day. I have customized my web browser's home page so that whenever I log on to my computer and open the Internet, the first thing I see are my goals. I also customized the home screen of my phone. Instead of having a picture of my family or a big fish I caught, I put a screenshot of the goals that I want to achieve. I can always look at pictures of my family, high school buddies or before or after weight loss pictures by accessing the phone’s photo stream if I need inspiration. My whole view on life changed. I felt more confident and knew that if I could lose weight I could do anything. I started setting loftier goals in all aspects of my life.
My Fitness Pal allows me to write everything down and keeps me in check. Sure, I still have days when I go over my daily calorie allowance. And more recently I've gained 25 pounds. I have lots of excuses. The holidays, high calorie foods, the short days and staying home due to the cold and not going to the gym are just a few excuses.
This journey has been long. One of my greatest moments, and one that I am very proud of, was completing my first triathlon. It was a sprint triathlon so the distances were shorter. The swim was 300 yards. The bike was 15 miles and the run/walk was 3 miles. The biggest problem was I could not swim. I was unable to complete one length across the pool without standing up or just about drowning myself. The lifeguards at my local YMCA would actually pace back and forth while I swam. They did this, although I never asked, so they would be closer to rescue me. All the while the lifeguards had their long red foamy life saving device in their hands.
I started adding laps until I could swim 12 lengths in the pool without stopping. By the end of May, I was able to do 12 laps, which was 300 yards. From Memorial Day until the first weekend in August, I did my own triathlon every weekend. I would ride my bike to the YMCA, swim my 12 lengths, ride my bike (same bike from high school) for 15 miles to a local running trail and would run 2.5 miles. Then I would ride back to the YMCA, change my clothes and pick up my swim equipment. This would take me about 2 hours.
Well, I completed my triathlon. Subsequent complete 3 more after that one. Triathlons are out due to knee injuries from basketball. Now, I've thrown myself into cycling. Recently I rode my bike 425 miles in 5 days. I rode from my house in Pennsylvania to Connecticut.
I will always try to keep in mind that my weight lose journey is not over just because I met my goal. Some days I still lose the battle. But now I no longer feel trapped. Yes. I am 25 pounds overweight now but I'm still calling this my success story. Why? I’m not that helpless guy who sat crooked in the driver side seat of his car. That guy will never return again.
I joined a program and learned the tools to lose weight. I wrote down everything I ate religiously and exercised a little bit at a time. I exercised what I could handle, building up my strength and stamina until I achieved difficult but not too lofty physical goals. My weight loss goal was 200 pounds. I dedicated myself to this goal and the pounds fell off. I remember weighing myself and I gained weight and wondered how it was possible not to lose when I was so focused on my goal in such a dedicated way? I came to the realization that you will lose battles but not giving up will allow you to win the war. So, I stuck with it. I lost over 54 pounds in about 7 months time.
By Early April I reached my goal and weighed in at 197.8. I met my goal and was so very proud of myself.
I became so proud that possibly I lost sight of my real goal and became a bit arrogant. I felt that “I could do this, I don’t need to go to weigh myself every week or log the food I was eating. I was wrong. Some lessons are learned the hard way and that is how I learned this one. The goal I lost sight of was to be healthy and feel better about myself. After feeling like “I had done it” and my struggle was “over” I started making poor choice again. I gained weight. I felt embarrassed, ashamed. I felt that people were right. Even though I'd lost weight that eventually I “would find it again.” I was “finding” my weight with every poor choice I made. I became depressed. I ate to help with my depression. Gaining caused me more anxiety which caused me to eat more. It was happening. I set up the dominos and the cause and effect of the vicious weight gain cycle was in full action. I asked for help and help was given.
My family supported me. My wife would work hard to cook with lower calories and help me keep track of them. My family encouraged me to exercise. The expectation of me being home to do “Dad stuff” was adjusted so I could take steps to be more healthy. Changing light bulbs, vacuuming the floor and pick up and drop off children to sporting events was fit around my exercise schedule. I could not have been more appreciative.
I was back. I felt happy because I was back in control again. I also vowed to stay healthy. This time I lost weight more slowly, learning to make healthy choices, set realistic goals and not depriving myself of foods that I really wanted. I reached my goal weight again.
I am doing some things differently. On occasion I will have a beer (or two), butter on my vegetables or fish or a 130 calorie prepackaged ice cream cone. I also now reward myself for achieving goals with non-food, healthy choices. I also keep these goals written and in a spot I see many times a day. I have customized my web browser's home page so that whenever I log on to my computer and open the Internet, the first thing I see are my goals. I also customized the home screen of my phone. Instead of having a picture of my family or a big fish I caught, I put a screenshot of the goals that I want to achieve. I can always look at pictures of my family, high school buddies or before or after weight loss pictures by accessing the phone’s photo stream if I need inspiration. My whole view on life changed. I felt more confident and knew that if I could lose weight I could do anything. I started setting loftier goals in all aspects of my life.
My Fitness Pal allows me to write everything down and keeps me in check. Sure, I still have days when I go over my daily calorie allowance. And more recently I've gained 25 pounds. I have lots of excuses. The holidays, high calorie foods, the short days and staying home due to the cold and not going to the gym are just a few excuses.
This journey has been long. One of my greatest moments, and one that I am very proud of, was completing my first triathlon. It was a sprint triathlon so the distances were shorter. The swim was 300 yards. The bike was 15 miles and the run/walk was 3 miles. The biggest problem was I could not swim. I was unable to complete one length across the pool without standing up or just about drowning myself. The lifeguards at my local YMCA would actually pace back and forth while I swam. They did this, although I never asked, so they would be closer to rescue me. All the while the lifeguards had their long red foamy life saving device in their hands.
I started adding laps until I could swim 12 lengths in the pool without stopping. By the end of May, I was able to do 12 laps, which was 300 yards. From Memorial Day until the first weekend in August, I did my own triathlon every weekend. I would ride my bike to the YMCA, swim my 12 lengths, ride my bike (same bike from high school) for 15 miles to a local running trail and would run 2.5 miles. Then I would ride back to the YMCA, change my clothes and pick up my swim equipment. This would take me about 2 hours.
Well, I completed my triathlon. Subsequent complete 3 more after that one. Triathlons are out due to knee injuries from basketball. Now, I've thrown myself into cycling. Recently I rode my bike 425 miles in 5 days. I rode from my house in Pennsylvania to Connecticut.
I will always try to keep in mind that my weight lose journey is not over just because I met my goal. Some days I still lose the battle. But now I no longer feel trapped. Yes. I am 25 pounds overweight now but I'm still calling this my success story. Why? I’m not that helpless guy who sat crooked in the driver side seat of his car. That guy will never return again.
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Replies
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Way to persevere! Keep going!!1
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Wow - well done you. Keep it up!1
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well done. It is a common story and one very similar to mine. Been up and down a few times in my life, hope to stay here now!
Congrats.1 -
riffraff2112 wrote: »well done. It is a common story and one very similar to mine. Been up and down a few times in my life, hope to stay here now!
Congrats.
Thank so much for you comment.
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This discussion has been closed.
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