Binge Eating. How do you get past the past?

Sgt_Pepper33

I'm fairly certain I have binge eating disorder, or at least I have some very unhealthy symptoms that point to psychological problems and eating combined. I eat in secret. When I know I am going to be alone, I plan on eating
a LOT of food that I normally feel like I am unable to eat in the presence of others. I understand the reasons I do this. I see how I was treated as a child about my own weight by peers and especially my mom. I have worked on this and other issues due to depression and anxiety with counselors. I've been in counseling for 11 or 12 years now. However, I still cannot figure out how to control this, or how to change my own views towards health. I know part of the issue is that for certain health reasons, I have been living with my parents for the past year. My mom is my best friend, but the food thing is a constant struggle between us. I guess I'm just looking for advice from others who have this disorder or who have some kind of issues due to eating and their childhood. If working with a counselor hasn't helped yet...What can? Any advice or success story or encouragement is greatly appreciated! Also, please excuse the length of this post; I majored in writing and can be a little long-winded I have been told.

mactaffy428

I'm sorry you are having difficulties. I don't have BED and can't really offer any suggestions. I just wanted to give support. Maybe you can talk with your counselor on tips or suggestions? I wish you luck in dealing with this.

Sgt_Pepper33

Thank you for your support! I value kind words just as much as advice

acarpenter6

I struggle with BED. I have since I was about 9. When I was 12, I put myself on an innocent diet due to the comments my mom made about my weight. I was about 150 at the time and around 5', so not extremely big. It was so simple until my mom told me I wasn't losing it fast enough and to go on a low carb diet. So I did and started depriving myself of everything. Soon, it became too much, and I binged. Before I knew it, BED turned into Bulimia, so I could "have my cake and eat it too". The purging continued until I met my now husband at 17. With his help and understanding, I've stopped throwing up and haven't done it in almost 4 years. While that was HUGE for me, I still have BED. Its a constant struggle everyday, but one thing that has helped me is asking myself if the choices I'm making now will make me happy in the future. Instant gratification just isn't worth it in the long run.
I know it's not much advice, but I just wanted to post and let you you're not alone and we can beat this!

cnbbnc

I suffered from BED. The thing about these issues is that of course the food is not the issue. The problem that's fueling the bingeing is. In my case it was the end of my marriage. You have to identify the root cause and deal with it in order to move forward. Something is driving you to it. You can overcome it though.

cnave99

I also have BED. I use a twelve step program to help me emotionally (free therapy if you can buy into it) and I use MFP to help me with the physical.

Good luck! And keep at it.

kbarrett0701

I don't know about you, but whenever I'd binge, I'd always say afterwards it wasn't worth it and how awful I felt. How I looked at it, was the negativity it gave me. I haven't binged since I started my journey 1/6/15 and I've lost 155lbs.

mellowadam

Recovery is possible! I started working with a therapist who specialized in Eating disorders. I've been in recovery for almost two years now. Totally changed my life. So much happier. I also go to support group meetings. It helps to have people around you who get it when everyone seems oblivious.

elpint0r

I was diagnosed with BED & Bulimia... The only thing that helped me was checking myself into an inpatient residential treatment center for 4 months. (Renfrew Center)

Absolutely SAVED my life. I would look into doing something like that where you are fully immersed in changing your behaviors.

jennilynnjohn

We have the same thing in common Sgt_Pepper 33. I binge also trying to fill a void or something? I haven't figured it out yet.

Sgt_Pepper33

Thank you so much for all your feedback, everyone. I do really appreciate it. It's nice to know that there are people who have struggled with this but have also overcome it. After reading through these, I seriously am considering looking into a therapist that deals exclusively with disorders such as this. I live in a small town/country area, so it may take some digging, but I feel like it's a good direction to look into. @acarpenter6 the beginning to your story sounds very similar to my own. I believe my first diet was at the age of 8, prompted on by my mom, and looking back at photos, I see that I did not have a big weight problem at that time. It saddens me a bit; I don't think childhood is a time for counting calories and stepping on a scale every single day. It became an obsession, and it just continued to progress with passing years.

SLE0803

1. Seek professional help
2. I would recommend Overcoming Overeating by Lisa Morrone. She helps dive into the "whys"

I struggle as well and am utilizing 1&2 to help me.

dark_sparkles37019

Ugh, I ate too much today. I ate within my calorie range at first... but then I had to dip crackers into leftover chili on the stove, a sundrop, and spicy nacho doritos...

Sgt_Pepper33

It's okay, @dark_sparkles37019. I ended up going waaay over yesterday! But started anew today. We got this!

emjam99

I struggle with the same thing, I've gotten to all time lows where I still can't get over when I binged on Easter, it feels like you're always going to feel ashamed and while you may not be proud of
It as time goes on you have to start focusing on your new, healthy habits to push forward. Focusing on my disorder is what helped me move on

TigerLily100

I have struggled with binge eating, especially chocolate!
So will follow with interest as it's a bad habit I need to break, if I. don't want to later regain what I loose this time around.

jbeth30

I know this seems counterintuitive but I know that for me fasting helps. My binge eating would always happen at night...so now what I do is fast until lunch or even dinner so that at night my dinner is huge! My calorie allowance is 1500 a day. So sometimes I will eat 500 at lunch and 1000 for dinner. If I know I am going out For dinner I will try to eat it all at dinner. It gives me that really full feeling without going over my calories for the day and I don't feel restricted because usually with eating all the calories at once you can pretty much eat what you want. I think for me binging starts with a feeling of deprivation and or not achieving that really full feeling with my dinner meal. I can have what I want and I am still losing weight. It might not work for you and might even be totally inappropriate for even suggesting a fasting time for this post so if it is I apologize in advance...I just thought to share what works for me. I know everyone is different in the reasons of binging...so learning yourself and learning how to space out your allowed calories through the day might help. I can't graze all day or eat smaller meals...for some reason that triggers binging for me...sort of weird.

SCoil123

Recovering bulimic/binger here. I got therapy and worked through the EDA 12 step workbook for disordered eating. The combination saved my life. Please know you are not alone and recovery is possible.

arbolesta1

Hey OP. You sound like me almost to a T. I eat in secret like a sneaky food troll and plan my binges hours or even days ahead of time. It feels like I'm completely out of control and once the thought of having a huge binge session takes hold, there is no willpower to stop it. In that moment, binging feels like the only thing that will bring me comfort and relaxation, though I always end up hating myself after. While my mother and I are very close now, my weight was a source of much "concern" and cruel remarks growing up. I hope you are able to overcome it. I've been fighting it for years. While I haven't defeated it myself, I noticed that the severe restriction and overexertion I use while dieting and exercising generally lead me to binge again within 1-2 weeks. Try your best to have balance and don't be too hard on yourself if you relapse. I don't generally follow my own advice, of course, but that's my two cents. I also suggest therapy with someone who deals specifically with disordered eating like this, not just anorexia and bulimia. Good luck

flagrantavidity

Breaking habits is the suck, I'm not sure what can be said except that I support your efforts.

The act of trying to find way to better yourself is a step in the right direction and I applaud you for it. Keep going, I wish you the best of luck.

Carebear199125

I didn't know there is a disorder for that but I feel your pain. My struggle is at night and I wait til I'm alone. My weakness is sweets. I can eat and eat and usually don't stop until I feel sick and/or I see myself in a mirror and feel disgusted. That's where my weight gain came from.

Fit_Prit

I don't know if I have BED.. But I used to Overeat.. I still do sometimes.
& when I wish to overeat or wish to eat Junk food I do following-

1) See where this urge for Binge is coming from! & most of the times its "Emotional Eating" so try to get hold of that & distract yourself from that particular emotion (it could be Anger/ Heart break/ loneliness etc.)

Next 2) I Try to control myself by reasoning the food choices I'm about to make. Most of the times it works.

If not then 3) I Go & stand in front of mirror.. Look at my whole exterior & stare myself in the eyes. This look is enough for me to back down !
(Psychological fact - we all can look in d eyes of other and lie/cheat... But we can't cheat ourselves ! We can't stare in own eyes if we are lying )

& if U Still want to Binge..
4) Talk to / Call ur best buddy & tell him/her what u r going through & ask for help & motivation.
For this U should have the Support system of friends & family members - who r well aware of ur situation & are willing to help U pass ur difficult times

I Hope U will follow this simple 4 steps & Overcome the Tough times
All d Very Best Luck to U.

SillyCat1975

Just know you are not alone, I struggle with it too. I've gained 10 pounds in the last month (10)!!! At September I weighed 218, by Oct 18th I weighed 200. On Oct 18th my aunt passed away, I was very close to her and this hurt badly, I turned to food for my comfort. My husband didn't know how to comfort me. He lost his dad almost a year ago and he didn't express his pain like I did mine, he didn't turn to food. I know it hurts him to know his dad is gone but I don't know how he personally deals with that loss. For instance with my eating, I decided to make Pumpkin Pie for Thanksgiving, I ate the whole dang pie!! I would sit here at night and eat bags of blow pops! Who does this?? Me, I do this. I am starting on Day 3. I've made it through the last two days, I know I can do this. I know you can too.

curvygalnz

I also have BED and I can relate to so much of what you have said. I plan being alone just so I can binge.

Anyway, I've had some success with a book called Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen. It's a really interesting read, and has a bit of a different slant on the why of binge eating. I hope you find the help you need.

Sgt_Pepper33

I just want to thank each of you for your outpouring of support! It really warms me when I see so many people willing to give advice or to tell me that they too struggle with this. You all have been so kind and wonderful, so thank you! I started reading a book called Never Binge Again by Glenn Livingston. It has very mixed reviews, and I can see why because the author is pretty sarcastic and ruthlessly straightforward, but I think that's why I'm enjoying it.. It's already given me some insight. I woke up late for work this morning, and as I was running around trying to get stuff ready and look somewhat presentable, I kept taking handfuls of m&ms that were sitting on the table. I think this is the first time I realized I was binging purely from stress! So that was an eye-opener. Thank you again, everyone!

szkodzt

I also have had issues with binge eating and the forever cycle of eating everything in sight, because tomorrow I am going to be better, and then tomorrow comes and I decide that the NEXT day is going to be my start, etc, etc. One thing that helped me was to keep telling myself that whatever food will always be available - this is NOT the last time I am going to be able to eat it. And taking it one meal at a time. If I can eat well this meal, maybe I can do it the next, etc. Not saying to myself, you have to eat perfect now for the rest of your life, which just led to more binge eating.

I have lost 40 lbs since June and while I still have binge eating thoughts (and still indulge in them once in awhile) I can say that for the most part I feel like I have it figured out. It helps that once you get started and you see results you want to continue seeing those results. Good luck to you! It is definitely not an easy thing to overcome!

150poundsofme

Hi, Same story here. At about 15 years old with maybe 15 pounds to lose, I went to WW with my Mom. That started me on diets and the all or nothing yo-yoing for over 45 years! Imagine that, over 45 years every single day I have thought about diets and either dieting or binging, never "normal" eating. Sometimes when I am dieting, I wonder how is it I can stay on it. Then when I go off (and that can last for months which is what I am into now - thought Jan. 1 was going to be the day but well, you know the drill), I try to figure out why. Did I make to many exceptions in the restaurants, maybe breaking my "rules". I recently had one session with a dietician who deals with eating disorders (hard to find). But I guess I wasn't willing to start yet. Old habits sooooo very hard to break. I have a number for a therapist that I believe deals with BED. I need to make the phone call. Went to an OA meeting recently (I go about every year and a half and then don't go again). Met a woman who said she would be my sponsor and she really seems to know what she is talking about. But I haven't gone back. You know, I am almost 60 and my Mom is in her late 80's and she still talks about getting under that number on the scale and talks about eating too much or she will say "well I am in my late 80's. I should be able to eat what I like". I can't believe all my life I have wasted being so consumed with my weight and wanting to start my life only until I lost the weight. So much wasted years. Really sad, But I never felt bad because I truly believe that there is this pull inside of me that I can't control, wanting and needing those tasty carbs. Hugs to us all who struggle and hope 2017 we will get a better handle on our weight issues.

ShanBanKrup

Sgt_Pepper33 wrote: »

I'm fairly certain I have binge eating disorder, or at least I have some very unhealthy symptoms that point to psychological problems and eating combined. I eat in secret. When I know I am going to be alone, I plan on eating
a LOT of food that I normally feel like I am unable to eat in the presence of others. I understand the reasons I do this. I see how I was treated as a child about my own weight by peers and especially my mom. I have worked on this and other issues due to depression and anxiety with counselors. I've been in counseling for 11 or 12 years now. However, I still cannot figure out how to control this, or how to change my own views towards health. I know part of the issue is that for certain health reasons, I have been living with my parents for the past year. My mom is my best friend, but the food thing is a constant struggle between us. I guess I'm just looking for advice from others who have this disorder or who have some kind of issues due to eating and their childhood. If working with a counselor hasn't helped yet...What can? Any advice or success story or encouragement is greatly appreciated! Also, please excuse the length of this post; I majored in writing and can be a little long-winded I have been told.

ShanBanKrup

I recommend checking out overeaters anonymous meetings in your area. Get some phone numbers there and call them when you feel the urge to binge. I also think seeing a nutritionist can help you find a meal and diet plan according to your own health and body type, dietary needs. A therapist too is great for the emotional aspect. But my main emphasis that I don't think was mentioned enough on this forum is Overeaters Anonymous.

nowine4me

Not to assign blame, but my parents were both very weight conscious and very thin, while I was a chubby kid. They were relentless about me dieting, restricting foods even diet pills. Guess what? When I was at school I would eat packets of sugar, trade my sandwiches for twinkles and sneak in large bags of candy to eat at home. I'm now 50 and my mom still comments on my weight (too heavy, too thin, gonna lose my boobs, etc).

I didn't realize until very recently how deeply this affected me. I still sneak candy once in a while (not just take it from the work candy jar, but actually sneak it. I sometimes eat copious amounts of food when my husband is out of town. But at least now I realize what's going on and why. The next step is figuring out how to put binge eating in my past.

I plan to buy and read both books mentioned in this thread.

ShanBanKrup

@nowine4me Being honest is such a great step in the right direction and I applaud you for that. I tend to want to binge when I'm alone too so sometimes
Reaching out and making phone calls or getting out of the house for random errands or just to get away from the kitchen can help me. I definitely struggle when binge foods are in the house that other people like to eat. For me, I end up mentally obsessing about it, picking at it, then tearing into it and hating myself after. I was taught a long time ago that compulsive overeating affects us spiritually, mentally, and physically, and that often one of these is out of balance when the behavior strikes. I try to write what I am feeling before or after a binge and what I was feeling during. Logging your food in MFP also keeps you honest. I know for me I grew up believing food meant love and that if I refuse what someone else cooks for me, I am hurting them.