Gym "friend" drama, need opinions

AllOutof_Bubblegum

Ok, so I don't usually do this dirty-laundry-online thing, (truly! I swear, lol) but I really want to know what others would do in this situation. Sorry if it gets long, I want to make sure I include everything that might sway an opinion one way or the other.


I met a lady, let's call her Anna, who works out at my gym, and we hit it off almost immediately. Same sharp wit, biting sarcasm, snarky sense of humor, both married and mothers of young kids, we both love the gym life and being bad@$$ girls in the weightroom, etc. We became super close friends, we traded off on babysitting each other's kids, texted and Facebooked and Snapchatted each other constantly, planned out gym schedules so we'd show up at the same time, all the makings of a best friend.

Here's a little backstory so y'all can understand what was going on.

We had this love-each-other-to-death relationship going on for about 6 months. Around a year ago, Anna told me she started drinking and selling weight loss shakes for a popular direct-supply "health food" company. Now...I HATE MLMs. They truly infuriate me. I think they are predatory and vampiric and shady as hell, and I feel that sales and profits of weight loss shakes in particular depend on the ignorance and desperation of overweight people who just don't know any better. Being a college nutrition major, seeing these shakes take the place of real food just gets under my skin in a way that I can't even articulate. R e g a r d l e s s, she was my friend, and after telling her I didn't really agree with it at all, I just sort of rolled my eyes at it and let her do her thing.

Fast forward a few more months, and Anna just can't seem to stop raving about her shakes on Facebook and Instagram, and to contact her if you're ready to make a change! Ughhhh, SMH. So whatever, I did my best to not let it annoy me, because what harm was it doing, really? It truly made her happy, so I shelved my irritation as best I could, knowing it was my problem, not hers.

On of Anna's online posts said something about how eating "junk food" was now a thing of her past, and instead of eating "processed, chemical-laden garbage", she reached for her [insert company name] shakes! I commented on it and was like, "Wait, how "processed" is that shake mix you drink every day? It certainly didn't grow from a tree, so why is that so much better than like a box of Goldfish crackers?" My whole point being that "processed" =/= "bad". Well, if I'd had any idea of the sort of sh!tstorm about to take place, I never would have bothered making any comment at all. Anna immediately deleted my post from her feed, and sent me a direct message, demanding that I "NEVER talk *kitten* about her shakes online, EVER again."

I was extremely taken aback, but I apologized anyway for having apparently crossed a line and said I'd stop. I guess that wasn't enough for Anna, though, because the next thing I knew she'd deleted me from her social media accounts. Over the next few months I'd sent a message or two to her, asking if she wanted to meet for playdates, etc, and she would say, "sure, let me check my schedule!" and would never follow through. Just being really passive-aggressive. I texted her a few months later, and asked her to put everything out on the table, because not knowing where we stood was worse than pretending to still be friends.

Our paraphrased convo went something like this:

"You are acting really distant. Are we still friends?"

"I think you're really cool, but I don't think I can hang out with you, because I just can't trust you to not disparage my business."

"I'm sorry for making you feel like I was disrespecting you. It wasn't intentional. I was only trying to offer perspective, but if you don't like it, I won't do it anymore. But pretending like nothing was wrong and letting me think we were still friends was really hurtful."

"Honestly, I thought you'd get over it. I figured you'd be like 'Fine, **** that *****!' and forget about it."

Me: 'Um, No? I loved you, I would never do that to a friend."

She didn't answer. A number of hours later I said,

"Ok, well, I have my answer. I have enough self-respect than to go chasing after people who clearly don't want me in their lives, so I guess this is it. No hard feelings, and my door's always open if you change your mind and want to talk."

That was almost a year ago. Since then we've seen each other at the gym, but she pretty much looks through me and pretends I'm not there. Which I've learned to be ok with. Sometimes friendships just don't work out, and I get that.

Well, this morning we ended up walking to the gym door together with our kids, who were very happy to see each other. Anna and I made polite small talk, and we went our separate ways once inside.

NOW I got a Facebook friend request from her later this afternoon.

I seriously feel like I'm being screwed with. I want to keep my word that if she ever changed her mind I'd be open to patching things up, but after months of being treated like I'm nothing, I don't know if I feel that way anymore. She dumped me so fast, it was astounding. No remorse, no deep thought, just straight to the chopping block and *axe*. I loved her face to freakin death. But shame on me, I'm just not feeling up to getting my feelings jerked around again like a marionette the next time I might say something that threatens her. But I feel like if I ignore or deny the request it will make things even more awkward when we see each other at the gym.

What's the high road to be taken, here? I don't want to play into anybody's games, 8th grade was such a long time ago. I'm not looking to go back.

Thanks for reading.

alarmed123

Real friends call each other on their crap and don't get all crazy when they hear the truth. Those stupid "shake" diets annoy the crap out of me as well. Honestly, maybe you should accept her request because you're the bigger person and more mature but don't get too close to her again.... she doesn't seem like a real friend to me....

toned_thugs_n_harmony

if she's gonna cut you off over expressing an opinion on a damn shake, just think of what she'd do when you actually have a real disagreement...not worth the friendship. I'd respectfully decline. And by respectfully, I mean that I'd send her an informative message letting her know that I don't need friends like her.

kschwab0203

Accepting her friend request does not necessarily mean you have to be BFF's with her. If you want to be polite, go ahead and accept the friend request. As far as rekindling a friendship with her, I'd have my guard up and keep things very short and sweet.

NEOHgirl

I agree with Alarmed, I'd accept the friend request. You might be able to salvage a different friendly relationship, but it will never be the one you previously had with her, as your trust in her is legitimately damaged beyond full repair. If nothing else, it might open the door for the kids to spend some time together, but again, I'd keep her at a cordial distance.

kbmnurse

To long, sorry.

snowflake954

After what happened your friendship will never get back to what it was. She may really need the money from her business, or she was sucked into the hype. She may be getting out of it and that's the reason she's coming back. Whatever, everyone makes mistakes. I'd slowly work her back in, but not overdo and just play by ear and see how it goes.

klkarlen

I would accept the request, knowing that the relationship will not be the same as it was, and see what happens from here.

I had something similar happen between me and a close friend, except it wasn't business, it was a man that "broke us up". Years later she did make contact, and we never spoke about what happened between us, we are not as close as we were, but we can share fun memories of the times before that now.

Unknown

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Motorsheen

AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »

Ok, so I don't usually do this dirty-laundry-online thing, (truly! I swear, lol) but I really want to know what others would do in this situation. Sorry if it gets long, I want to make sure I include everything that might sway an opinion one way or the other.


I met a lady, let's call her Anna, who works out at my gym, and we hit it off almost immediately. Same sharp wit, biting sarcasm, snarky sense of humor, both married and mothers of young kids, we both love the gym life and being bad@$$ girls in the weightroom, etc. We became super close friends, we traded off on babysitting each other's kids, texted and Facebooked and Snapchatted each other constantly, planned out gym schedules so we'd show up at the same time, all the makings of a best friend.

Here's a little backstory so y'all can understand what was going on.

We had this love-each-other-to-death relationship going on for about 6 months. Around a year ago, Anna told me she started drinking and selling weight loss shakes for a popular direct-supply "health food" company. Now...I HATE MLMs. They truly infuriate me. I think they are predatory and vampiric and shady as hell, and I feel that sales and profits of weight loss shakes in particular depend on the ignorance and desperation of overweight people who just don't know any better. Being a college nutrition major, seeing these shakes take the place of real food just gets under my skin in a way that I can't even articulate. R e g a r d l e s s, she was my friend, and after telling her I didn't really agree with it at all, I just sort of rolled my eyes at it and let her do her thing.

Fast forward a few more months, and Anna just can't seem to stop raving about her shakes on Facebook and Instagram, and to contact her if you're ready to make a change! Ughhhh, SMH. So whatever, I did my best to not let it annoy me, because what harm was it doing, really? It truly made her happy, so I shelved my irritation as best I could, knowing it was my problem, not hers.

On of Anna's online posts said something about how eating "junk food" was now a thing of her past, and instead of eating "processed, chemical-laden garbage", she reached for her [insert company name] shakes! I commented on it and was like, "Wait, how "processed" is that shake mix you drink every day? It certainly didn't grow from a tree, so why is that so much better than like a box of Goldfish crackers?" My whole point being that "processed" =/= "bad". Well, if I'd had any idea of the sort of sh!tstorm about to take place, I never would have bothered making any comment at all. Anna immediately deleted my post from her feed, and sent me a direct message, demanding that I "NEVER talk *kitten* about her shakes online, EVER again."

I was extremely taken aback, but I apologized anyway for having apparently crossed a line and said I'd stop. I guess that wasn't enough for Anna, though, because the next thing I knew she'd deleted me from her social media accounts. Over the next few months I'd sent a message or two to her, asking if she wanted to meet for playdates, etc, and she would say, "sure, let me check my schedule!" and would never follow through. Just being really passive-aggressive. I texted her a few months later, and asked her to put everything out on the table, because not knowing where we stood was worse than pretending to still be friends.

Our paraphrased convo went something like this:

"You are acting really distant. Are we still friends?"

"I think you're really cool, but I don't think I can hang out with you, because I just can't trust you to not disparage my business."

"I'm sorry for making you feel like I was disrespecting you. It wasn't intentional. I was only trying to offer perspective, but if you don't like it, I won't do it anymore. But pretending like nothing was wrong and letting me think we were still friends was really hurtful."

"Honestly, I thought you'd get over it. I figured you'd be like 'Fine, **** that *****!' and forget about it."

Me: 'Um, No? I loved you, I would never do that to a friend."

She didn't answer. A number of hours later I said,

"Ok, well, I have my answer. I have enough self-respect than to go chasing after people who clearly don't want me in their lives, so I guess this is it. No hard feelings, and my door's always open if you change your mind and want to talk."

That was almost a year ago. Since then we've seen each other at the gym, but she pretty much looks through me and pretends I'm not there. Which I've learned to be ok with. Sometimes friendships just don't work out, and I get that.

Well, this morning we ended up walking to the gym door together with our kids, who were very happy to see each other. Anna and I made polite small talk, and we went our separate ways once inside.

NOW I got a Facebook friend request from her later this afternoon.

I seriously feel like I'm being screwed with. I want to keep my word that if she ever changed her mind I'd be open to patching things up, but after months of being treated like I'm nothing, I don't know if I feel that way anymore. She dumped me so fast, it was astounding. No remorse, no deep thought, just straight to the chopping block and *axe*. I loved her face to freakin death. But shame on me, I'm just not feeling up to getting my feelings jerked around again like a marionette the next time I might say something that threatens her. But I feel like if I ignore or deny the request it will make things even more awkward when we see each other at the gym.

What's the high road to be taken, here? I don't want to play into anybody's games, 8th grade was such a long time ago. I'm not looking to go back.

Thanks for reading.

When will this be made into a feature film?

Motorsheen

These shakes... by any chance are they available in the flavor of: Cream Puff or Frosted Pop Tart ??


If so, count me in on this pyramid scheme.

Fuzzipeg

Sometimes people get too close, too fast. Sometimes people get drawn in to something which in imv, worse than junk food, chemical drinks, assumption from what I have seen over here. (a friend of mine died because she used something like that too much, 30 yrs ago) You gave her so much of your time, she was close to your family. Its sad, its life unfortunately. Do what you know is right for you. True friends are hard to find, not convinced she was one.

Unknown

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chocolate_owl

You said your door was always open... Accept the friend request, but don't initiate further contact or anticipate that she wants more than cordiality because of your kids. It's just Facebook. Unless you curate your list so it's only close friends and family, being her "friend" on social media isn't a big deal.

everher

Alright, here's my humble opinion:

This seems like a whole lot of drama for someone you really didn't even know that long. I would accept the friend request, remain cordial, but other than that would not instigate a friendship with her further. I do think you didn't have to say anything about her business, whether you agreed with it or not, but I also think she way overreacted.

km8907

I would accept, only because you said your door was open. You don't have to talk to her and it'll make gym time less awkward.

Unknown

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Motorsheen

km8907 wrote: »

I would accept, only because you said your door was open. You don't have to talk to her and it'll make gym time less awkward.

This.

Why not?

WillLift4Tats

chocolate_owl wrote: »

You said your door was always open... Accept the friend request, but don't initiate further contact or anticipate that she wants more than cordiality because of your kids. It's just Facebook. Unless you curate your list so it's only close friends and family, being her "friend" on social media isn't a big deal.

I was going to say the same thing. Accepting her request doesn't automatically put ya'll back to where you were pre-argument. Don't reach out, let it be. And maybe unfollow her because spamming MLM is yuck.

KyleGrace8

Accept the request and keep her at a distance. That was a huge overreaction on her part. Or tell her off. I really can't decide which. But...since the kids like each other I'm leaning on being cordial for their sake.

jkwolly

Yeah, good time to cut those cords.

Getting older, I realized I like having people around me that I want around me. I don't have time for BS anymore.

Alatariel75

You seem to have had a pretty open line of communication before, so I'd be messaging her (either via FB or text) and saying "Hey, whattup with the friend request? Are we cool? not cool?"

xWondertje

There are multiple (a lot of) reasons to why she has been acting as she did, and you're in no position to know them as it is right now. Give her the benefit of the doubt, accept the request and see what she has to say. If it doesn't work out, never look back - one second chance is more than enough. If it does work out, rejoice in the fact that you went through something really difficult but came out stronger on the other side.

Friends fall in and out of each other all the time, it's never the end of the world. But I know personally that I'd feel much better having given her a second chance. (Almost) everyone deserves a second chance, at the very least the chance to explain themselves.

SoDamnHungry

I'm normally one to tell to you to ignore her because she sounds obnoxious, but sit down and think about it. Clearly you guys had a lot of fun together. Decide, is it worth being friends again if she just pulls this same thing again in the future? If it is, then go ahead and try to open the lines of communication and be honest. Maybe you can be friends again. Maybe she misses you and feels stupid. If watching her be an idiot who sells shakes and flips out at the drop of a hat is going to be too much, spare yourself the misery and politely say hello and make small talk, but don't try to revive the friendship.

ETA: For the record, there's no high road left to take. You already took it. It's just time for you to decide what you want.

777Gemma888

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

Decline politely.

You kind of screwed with her snake oil business and I can see why she shunned you out.

My wife's cousin sells essential oils and posts all kinds of voodoo sheet about how the oils cure her kids. It's a joke but we don't comment or try to sabotage her business because she is making a living out of it and they are kind of poor, husband's a landscaper. So we both play along when we see them we encourage her for being a good saleswoman.

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

Well, the important thing here is some people have a business on social media - amway, scamway, nutrilite, oils, shakes and fries...

You may think you are debating for justice - but you are actually hurting someone's opportunity to make 50 bucks. And that's kind of selfish and thoughtless to do to a friend or relative - especially if they are trying to make ends meet. Unless they are selling meth or plotting to rob a bank, unfollow. Live and let live. That's not the place for your health acumen.

Agree@Cutaway_Collar's view.

mwalle09

I would accept her because of the good relationship you guys did have before all of that crap hit the fan. But I'd definitely tell her that you will not just take her word on certain things and if she doesn't want a civil discourse online then fine.

Honestly you are right about stuff like those shakes, speaking as someone who's wasted a lot of money because friends are starting their businesses and know I am trying to lose weight because that's been my default for 10 years. They prey on people who are desperate and you have people that put all this peer pressure and friendly pressure on you because of your friendship and it ends up being very awkward. The old fashioned way is the best way to lose weight, no gimmicks, no magic supplement. I hope you figure it out with your friend but I also understand if you hate to see her scam people.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »

Ok, so I don't usually do this dirty-laundry-online thing, (truly! I swear, lol) but I really want to know what others would do in this situation. Sorry if it gets long, I want to make sure I include everything that might sway an opinion one way or the other.


I met a lady, let's call her Anna, who works out at my gym, and we hit it off almost immediately. Same sharp wit, biting sarcasm, snarky sense of humor, both married and mothers of young kids, we both love the gym life and being bad@$$ girls in the weightroom, etc. We became super close friends, we traded off on babysitting each other's kids, texted and Facebooked and Snapchatted each other constantly, planned out gym schedules so we'd show up at the same time, all the makings of a best friend.

Here's a little backstory so y'all can understand what was going on.

We had this love-each-other-to-death relationship going on for about 6 months. Around a year ago, Anna told me she started drinking and selling weight loss shakes for a popular direct-supply "health food" company. Now...I HATE MLMs. They truly infuriate me. I think they are predatory and vampiric and shady as hell, and I feel that sales and profits of weight loss shakes in particular depend on the ignorance and desperation of overweight people who just don't know any better. Being a college nutrition major, seeing these shakes take the place of real food just gets under my skin in a way that I can't even articulate. R e g a r d l e s s, she was my friend, and after telling her I didn't really agree with it at all, I just sort of rolled my eyes at it and let her do her thing.

Fast forward a few more months, and Anna just can't seem to stop raving about her shakes on Facebook and Instagram, and to contact her if you're ready to make a change! Ughhhh, SMH. So whatever, I did my best to not let it annoy me, because what harm was it doing, really? It truly made her happy, so I shelved my irritation as best I could, knowing it was my problem, not hers.

On of Anna's online posts said something about how eating "junk food" was now a thing of her past, and instead of eating "processed, chemical-laden garbage", she reached for her [insert company name] shakes! I commented on it and was like, "Wait, how "processed" is that shake mix you drink every day? It certainly didn't grow from a tree, so why is that so much better than like a box of Goldfish crackers?" My whole point being that "processed" =/= "bad". Well, if I'd had any idea of the sort of sh!tstorm about to take place, I never would have bothered making any comment at all. Anna immediately deleted my post from her feed, and sent me a direct message, demanding that I "NEVER talk *kitten* about her shakes online, EVER again."

I was extremely taken aback, but I apologized anyway for having apparently crossed a line and said I'd stop. I guess that wasn't enough for Anna, though, because the next thing I knew she'd deleted me from her social media accounts. Over the next few months I'd sent a message or two to her, asking if she wanted to meet for playdates, etc, and she would say, "sure, let me check my schedule!" and would never follow through. Just being really passive-aggressive. I texted her a few months later, and asked her to put everything out on the table, because not knowing where we stood was worse than pretending to still be friends.

Our paraphrased convo went something like this:

"You are acting really distant. Are we still friends?"

"I think you're really cool, but I don't think I can hang out with you, because I just can't trust you to not disparage my business."

"I'm sorry for making you feel like I was disrespecting you. It wasn't intentional. I was only trying to offer perspective, but if you don't like it, I won't do it anymore. But pretending like nothing was wrong and letting me think we were still friends was really hurtful."

"Honestly, I thought you'd get over it. I figured you'd be like 'Fine, **** that *****!' and forget about it."

Me: 'Um, No? I loved you, I would never do that to a friend."

She didn't answer. A number of hours later I said,

"Ok, well, I have my answer. I have enough self-respect than to go chasing after people who clearly don't want me in their lives, so I guess this is it. No hard feelings, and my door's always open if you change your mind and want to talk."

That was almost a year ago. Since then we've seen each other at the gym, but she pretty much looks through me and pretends I'm not there. Which I've learned to be ok with. Sometimes friendships just don't work out, and I get that.

Well, this morning we ended up walking to the gym door together with our kids, who were very happy to see each other. Anna and I made polite small talk, and we went our separate ways once inside.

NOW I got a Facebook friend request from her later this afternoon.

I seriously feel like I'm being screwed with. I want to keep my word that if she ever changed her mind I'd be open to patching things up, but after months of being treated like I'm nothing, I don't know if I feel that way anymore. She dumped me so fast, it was astounding. No remorse, no deep thought, just straight to the chopping block and *axe*. I loved her face to freakin death. But shame on me, I'm just not feeling up to getting my feelings jerked around again like a marionette the next time I might say something that threatens her. But I feel like if I ignore or deny the request it will make things even more awkward when we see each other at the gym.

What's the high road to be taken, here? I don't want to play into anybody's games, 8th grade was such a long time ago. I'm not looking to go back.

Thanks for reading.

When will this be made into a feature film?

Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt

There will be plenty of locker room and steam room scenes. Cutaway productions Inc.

Oooh, please tell me Emily will play my part. Never did care much for Anne Hathaway. She'd never get me right.

rdl81

You where obviously close friends she sounds like she got really committed to her snake oil business they normally do and felt that what you did was not something a friend would do and felt hurt and maybe over reacted now after time to reflect and seeing you with the kids and how they clicked made her realise how close you was.....i would give it another go but be upfront and say you don't agree with the shakes but understand she is trying to make a living and agree not to comment over social media.

PokeyBug

JMO, but I've seen a LOT of people get sucked in by the MLM scams and basically believe in something so much that they're willing to trash friendships or relationships with family over it. That doesn't make it right, but it does happen. I know that this is different, but I draw parallels between that and my brother's addiction. He was so into cocaine that he let it ruin his marriage and his relationship with our dad and mom until the day he saw clearly what it was doing to him.

That's when HE reached out to us, and we could have said, "No, you trashed our relationship. Deal with the results." Instead, we forgave him (even his ex-wife, but she'd already moved on to a new relationship, so she's someone else's SIL now, even though they're friends). People are going to screw up. I think when you said what you said about her shakes (I'm guessing Beach Body?), it was like you'd burned the Koran in front of a Muslim or the Bible in front of a Christian.

Okay, maybe not that dramatic, but you said her life basically centered around this worthless product, so I'm guessing that's pretty close. You accidentally damaged the friendship by being a friend and telling her what she needed to hear. Then, she damaged the friendship by going ape**** with her denial. Maybe she's not into the MLM crap anymore, maybe she finally realized that it is, in fact, crap. Give her a chance. No, things will never be like they used to be. She'll have to earn your friendship again if she wants it. But your posting this, looking for advice tells me that a part of you still cares about her. See if she wants to talk about what happened and clear the air. Maybe you need this just as much as she does?

AllOutof_Bubblegum

Fuzzipeg wrote: »

Sometimes people get too close, too fast. Sometimes people get drawn in to something which in imv, worse than junk food, chemical drinks, assumption from what I have seen over here. (a friend of mine died because she used something like that too much, 30 yrs ago) You gave her so much of your time, she was close to your family. Its sad, its life unfortunately. Do what you know is right for you. True friends are hard to find, not convinced she was one.

I totally agree, especially with the bolded parts. I do think we had a weird "whirlwind friendship" that probably masked some things about her that might have made me think twice about getting so close to her, had we developed our friendship at a more reasonable pace.

Unknown

This content has been removed.