Binge Eating Disorder and Food Addiction
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At age 60 I went to my first OA meeting, after having struggled with binging and extreme dieting and everything in between since I was 15 years old. In my 40s, with no support and no diet plan, I finally found my own internal solutions and stopped all binging, changed up my diet and slowly (3 pounds a month for two full years) lost 75 pounds. I kept it off with hardly any struggle, a little but not that bad, for a decade. Then I started a medication known to cause weight gain, within two weeks it was like all my efforts were washed away in a tidal wave and I was back to binging and unable to stop it. It was completely frightening and disheartening. Gained about twenty pounds over the course of three years or so in spite of starting over and over and over... Then I finally went to OA, feeling humbled and broken. I learned a lot there and it got me back into my own head. Still not 100% but about 80%, haven't binged for months and months, no white knuckling. I am not a Christian and do not believe in a personal god that hears my prayers--there are many the same way in OA, it is not a requirement and until someone really goes and learns for themselves it can seem at first glance to be a religious organization. I did not find this to be true at all. I"m just writing to tell my experience, OA was exactly right for me because it did not focus on the food and some new diet but on the psychological and emotional changes that have to happen to be able to truly stop needing to binge.1
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I understand completely. I didn't realize until the last couple years that I am a food addict. I think the hardest part about being a food addict and overweight is everyone thinks its a choice and that you should just stop eating but it doesn't work like that. It's an internal struggle constantly. There are certain foods that I don't even keep around because it will trigger me to binge eat. I grew up eating fast food regularly 2-3 times a week and everyone spoiled me with food. Then from the time I was 11 til 18 my parents forced me on diets to lose weight. I felt so awful and it never worked because I was never losing it for myself. Here I am at 27 still struggling. Trying to reverse 20 something years of habits. It's a battle that I grow threw everyday. I wish more people understood this.0
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So, I have been away from MFP WAY TOO LONG. A few weeks ago I began looking into FAA and OA. I have decided to admit to my food addiction and do something about it. So I was abstinent from sugar/ flour/ and wheat for 9 days before I relapsed. I felt so ashamed and guilty because I didn't want to let my support team down. After 2 days of binging and drowning in my self pity, I realized that I needed to forgive myself and get back on track. So, last night I went to a meeting and this is day 2 of my abstinence. I am moving forward with renewed determination and a lot more information I have learned about myself. So, my relapse hasn't been all bad because I am able to recognize certain red flags that I wasn't able to see before. One day at a time0
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I am absolutely a binge eater. I'm the kind of person that will stop mid binge, get disgusted with myself, throw it in the trash, and the try to dig it back out of the trash an hour later (if I can make it an hour). Often times, I'll do great for a month and then one day will have me spiral into a 50+ lb binge. Ugh I'm in my first week AGAIN.0
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You are not alone. Please consider seeking counseling or another form of in-person support. Counseling helped me so much because I was able to understand why I binge. I don't do it nearly as often. I did it today but the last time before that was about a month ago. I used to do it about twice a week. I hope you are able to get some help0
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