I am sick and tired...
Catchphrase33
Posts: 40 Member
CW 139
GW 145
HW 233
I have lost a significant amount of weight and am now pretty much maintaining. I now have three pet peeves.
1) When people ask if I am sick or if I am taking pills or if I had gastric bypass.... Seriously people have asked me if I am sick and not just one but multiple people. No, I am not sick, No I am not taking a magical pill that does not exist and No I did not have gastric bypass. (not that there is anything wrong with people who have it)
2) When people say I am way to skinny. First and foremost. I am at the high end of my BMI. 5'3" 139. I did get down to 135 and my favorite weight was between 136 and 138 so I am probably going to try to lose 3 lbs but I am not fretting really over it. I could probably lose a few more pounds but I am very happy with where I am at.
3) Ask me how I did it. I tell them and they say... Oh I could never do that.
When I was trying to lose weight I HATED when people would ask...
1) Me to eat things. People would say things like... Its just one why can't you eat that, or its not going to hurt you. I was very strict and what I would do was politely decline but then I would get the stink eye or the whatever look...
2) I know your not eating, or I know your anorexic. (then of course they would laugh but eating disorders are nothing to laugh at.) and no I ate and I am not anorexic. It was all hard work and dedication.
3) Your done dieting so now you can eat whatever you want. No, No I can't made a lifestyle change that I am going to keep forever and ever. Because If I go back to the way I was eating I am going to gain back all the weight I lost and I refuse to do that. I worked to hard to get to where I am today.
So my question is what do you say to people who say those things to you. Either if you are losing weight or maintaining? And I am sure everyone gets it. It just makes me so mad...
4
Replies
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Why does it make you mad? I don't understand. People are obviously just concerned. Even if you feel they are wrong to be concerned, why do you have to get angry about it? Most people like it when others care.
Why would it upset you if people say "Oh, I could never do that" in response to your telling them how you achieved your results? It is a reflection of them, not you. Why waste your energy on anger over something so insignificant!?
And eating disorders are hard work, by the way. That's why they can be so deadly. Maybe I am over-reading, but your post came across as your feeling superior to those suffering with EDs and I think you should re-think that attitude.
You can only control you; ultimately, you get angry because you want to get angry. You have other choices: figure out why you want to be angry and come up with a way to deal with it, smile and nod at whatever stupid or insensitive thing someone says, walk away, tell them you're happy with your results, thank you for your concern. But anger over even misplaced concern? No. Be thankful you have friends.5 -
I eat what ever I want wether I'm wanting to lose or gain weight.2
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Catchphrase33 wrote: »So my question is what do you say to people who say those things to you. Either if you are losing weight or maintaining? And I am sure everyone gets it. It just makes me so mad...
I just smile and change the subject. I compliment their shoes or something.
BTW - I work in the health industry, and yes, the question about whether I had lost weight because I was sick did come up several times ... especially since I lost the weight relatively quickly. I expected that question.
I also work in an environment of awareness that people have allergies and intolerances, etc. so if I refuse a food, that's OK. Nobody forces food on anyone else.
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I know why it makes you mad - because it is hugely disrepectful. When this has happened to me I have noticed that 1/2 the time the ppl doing this have their own weight issues and are basically jealous of my success and trying to undermine me, albeit unconscously? At the best they might be concerned because you look different, but they will get used to it.
As for forcing food on you - maybe you find it hard to resist, so it is very challenging, you need to get some little mantras in your head to help you resist. Usually involving some choice swear-words in my head!
AS to what to say to their face. Politeness and "broken record" saying the same thing over and over are powerful tools. Keep is simple e.g. "Thanks for your concern, but I am fine as I am". If they say something else, repeat the same phrase with a fixed smile until they stop!
It is none of anyone's business how you nourish yourself and your saying anything that invites discussion allows them to think they ARE entited to butt in, so closing it down as soon as poss seems the best way to go, for me,4 -
I used to get a lot of that. My first response was "My target is to return to my wedding weight where you all thought I was fit and trim. I still have xx pounds to go." When I put it in that perspective, most of the time, the answer was "wow, good plan", because they then recalled the person I was, before I became the heavy person they had more recently gotten used to.
And if they continued to press, they'd eventually get a snarky reply along the lines of "hey, don't let the fact that I'm only having one portion stop you from having thirds." That certainly put an end to the commentary!
I know what fit looks like; I don't have the patience for cr*p from people who don't. 11 -
This is what i got. (okay i was technically underweight but i like that look. I dont want to be fitness model ripped)
- you look gaunt
- you need to stop now
- you have lost your lovely bust
- you are flat chested, what does your husband think?
- You dont look curvy enough for men. Men like curves.
- You need to eat *insert food here* to build yourself up
- how much do you weigh? what dress size are you,? How much have you lost?
- do you throw up after eating ( i eat all day long)
- youve gone from an 8-9/10 to a 4/10.
My responces:
- Im 40, its not weight its age! Thanks for pointing out that im old dad. I used to have a very round face even when underweight. Ive lost volume with age. No problem, as i hated it.
- at this point its my lifestyle dictating my weight- what and how much i like to eat and how active i am
- i prefer small breasts and its my body. Im entilted to look how i want to. My husband doesnt come into it. (his tastes are for small chests anyway)
- curvy is a body shape not a fat percentage. (as an hour
- glass, i have plenty of curves at a iow weight and a big ol round booty! - even as a child )
- I eat the way i like, thanks
- my weight is none of your business
- no, i dont throw up. I dont have an eatibg disorder, and please dont ask me again. (complained to manager about this)
- to the last one- whatevs! (to the office creep who hit on all the women).
It upsets me how much i get judged for being slim- like i have it so easy - no cares in the world and every man must want me. It must be oh so effortless for me! None of this is true in the slightest, but no one wants to hear that.1 -
I get this all the time: "It's not fair. You're so lucky. I hate you." As if I just magically got fit. I think some people want to believe that fitness is dependent on something out of their control, something like luck rather than effort, so they have an excuse for not doing what needs to be done. When you say, "I could never do that," or "I can't help it, it's in my genes," you've already made up your mind to fail. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy.
But it's not luck; it's behavior. People ask me what I do and then think it's outrageous, it's too simple, and I must be lying. But it's really not that big of a deal. It just takes setting priorities and putting forth a minimum of effort (I only work out a few times a week but I make sure I hit my calorie goals most of the time - that's it!) Most importantly - it takes perseverance. You have to stick with it to make it last. I've been on maintenance for almost 6 years now!
So yes, OP, I feel you. I've also had people ask me if I had cancer or some other dread disease. And this was at the top of the normal BMI range, not underweight or even slim. Some people are so used to seeing overweight that they have trouble recognizing "normal" weight, especially since normal weight is NOT the norm anymore. Reminds me of a national study that recently came out that said that the majority of overweight people perceive themselves to be much leaner than they actually are.
None of this makes me mad or upset, though. Other peoples' perceptions and reactions are their baggage, not mine. I just let it roll.
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Just look at them and say "Why do you want to know"? I've found that when people are questioning you and trying to get information, they don't expect that you're going to do the same. It always really throws them for a loop.1
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Catchphrase33 wrote: »CW 139
GW 145
HW 233
I have lost a significant amount of weight and am now pretty much maintaining. I now have three pet peeves.
1) When people ask if I am sick or if I am taking pills or if I had gastric bypass.... Seriously people have asked me if I am sick and not just one but multiple people. No, I am not sick, No I am not taking a magical pill that does not exist and No I did not have gastric bypass. (not that there is anything wrong with people who have it)
2) When people say I am way to skinny. First and foremost. I am at the high end of my BMI. 5'3" 139. I did get down to 135 and my favorite weight was between 136 and 138 so I am probably going to try to lose 3 lbs but I am not fretting really over it. I could probably lose a few more pounds but I am very happy with where I am at.
3) Ask me how I did it. I tell them and they say... Oh I could never do that.
When I was trying to lose weight I HATED when people would ask...
1) Me to eat things. People would say things like... Its just one why can't you eat that, or its not going to hurt you. I was very strict and what I would do was politely decline but then I would get the stink eye or the whatever look...
2) I know your not eating, or I know your anorexic. (then of course they would laugh but eating disorders are nothing to laugh at.) and no I ate and I am not anorexic. It was all hard work and dedication.
3) Your done dieting so now you can eat whatever you want. No, No I can't made a lifestyle change that I am going to keep forever and ever. Because If I go back to the way I was eating I am going to gain back all the weight I lost and I refuse to do that. I worked to hard to get to where I am today.
So my question is what do you say to people who say those things to you. Either if you are losing weight or maintaining? And I am sure everyone gets it. It just makes me so mad...
That's because they probably cant do it. Let's face it, if everyone could do it no-one would be obese or overweight.
I have a friend who lost a significant amount of weight and someone started a rumor that he was a drug addict.
Personally I don't engage. I smile and wave and walk away.3 -
I have the same problem and yes,it annoys me. I wouldn't dream of asking an overweight person why they don't eat less or are they bulimic etc. Even if it's said out of concern it still gets to me but I've learned to just smile,say I'm fine and thank you for your concern,then change the subject.
I also think - and can only speak for myself here- that it gets under my skin because it taps into a lack of self esteem about my body. Which is my problem,not theirs2 -
I don't get annoyed. People are a. want to show they care b. curious and want to know, or think they know and want to help c. need time to accept change d. want to express opinion (human nature) e. want to share the joy of food and f. just want something to talk about.
I see no reason why these comments would annoy me. People are just being people. I'm "people", and I'm sure I make dumb and meaningless comments that I don't realize are "offensive" about various subjects too.
Could you be feeling like your hard work is not being recognized causing you to get upset?2 -
You got to where you are without relying on validation of others, maintain your goal with the same grace and ignore the rest.
Drops the mic;)
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I hate this too! I hate people who say things like "No way you weight that much!" "You're not fat, you're a little plump" I was morbidly obese at the time. My own GP was telling me I would die if i didn't lose.
When i lost weight i got to 155lbs at 5'3 so BMI wise i was still overweight and people were constantly telling me i was too thin. I wish people would just back off and let me get to my goals and let me decide what I'm happy with but sadly people don't.
I've also had people ask me how i lost weight and refuse to believe it's as simple as calories in and out, then get mad at me as if i'm keeping some magic pill a secret.
Best to be your own judge and if many people say something similar, then maybe talk to a professional just to make sure you are still healthy. I don't think people mean to be rude or sabotage us.. well some of them. If they want to know how you lost it, tell them and if they don't believe you it's their loss.1 -
mactaffy428 wrote: »Why does it make you mad? I don't understand. People are obviously just concerned. Even if you feel they are wrong to be concerned, why do you have to get angry about it? Most people like it when others care.
Why would it upset you if people say "Oh, I could never do that" in response to your telling them how you achieved your results? It is a reflection of them, not you. Why waste your energy on anger over something so insignificant!?
And eating disorders are hard work, by the way. That's why they can be so deadly. Maybe I am over-reading, but your post came across as your feeling superior to those suffering with EDs and I think you should re-think that attitude.
You can only control you; ultimately, you get angry because you want to get angry. You have other choices: figure out why you want to be angry and come up with a way to deal with it, smile and nod at whatever stupid or insensitive thing someone says, walk away, tell them you're happy with your results, thank you for your concern. But anger over even misplaced concern? No. Be thankful you have friends.
It makes me frustrated because it feels like they want me to fail. Trust me when I say they are not concerned. These are the same people who when I was heavier would say, do you really need to eat that. and are now the people who joke and e.g. when I eat something and then go to the bathroom say ohhhh there she goes to throw up. Which gets old very quickly.
I am not sure about your comment about eating disorders being hard work? What I am saying is I used hard work and dedication to lose the weight so that doesn't make sense to me.
My actual friends would not be so cruel. And understand where I am coming from. I am angry because I am very tired of having to constantly, CONSTANTLY defend myself.
And I am thankful for my friends but the people who say things to me are not my friends. I guess I should say I work with the public and people see me frequently who are not my friends just people I know from work.
Also your comment about getting angry, I don't get angry, I get frustrated and to stay motivated it can be very difficult. Having low self esteem issues along with people saying I am to skinny and having health problems and that is why I am skinny gets me frustrated. And I wanted to see how other people dealt with this situation. Which I know I am not the only one.2 -
I just smile and change the subject. I compliment their shoes or something.
BTW - I work in the health industry, and yes, the question about whether I had lost weight because I was sick did come up several times ... especially since I lost the weight relatively quickly. I expected that question
lol That is what I usually do, Complement them on something. I also work in the healthcare field and one would think people would be more sensitive on the subject. But alas they are not and sometimes quite mean about it.
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People want to believe that you somehow cheated to lose weight.
- Surgery
- Being sick (yes, some people even believe weight loss due to sickness is cheating)
- A Magic Pill
Anything but hard work and diet. Because it makes them feel guilty for their own crappy lifestyle instead of being happy for you that you made a positive change.
They'll also try to tempt you to get you to fall off the wagon and return back with the herd.
Misery loves company I guess2 -
suzesvelte wrote: »I know why it makes you mad - because it is hugely disrepectful. When this has happened to me I have noticed that 1/2 the time the ppl doing this have their own weight issues and are basically jealous of my success and trying to undermine me, albeit unconscously? At the best they might be concerned because you look different, but they will get used to it.
As for forcing food on you - maybe you find it hard to resist, so it is very challenging, you need to get some little mantras in your head to help you resist. Usually involving some choice swear-words in my head!
Ugh... I hear that. And you are correct it is usually the people who have the weight issues that say it. At the very beginning of my journey it killed me to resist but now it is no big thing and because I am at my goal weight I can nibble on something and not feel guilty or stressed. lol
My mantra through this whole process is "I control the food, the food does not control me" lol
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Whitezombiegirl wrote: »- you need to stop now
- you are flat chested, what does your husband think?
- You dont look curvy enough for men. Men like curves.
- You need to eat *insert food here* to build yourself up
- how much do you weigh? what dress size are you,? How much have you lost?
- do you throw up after eating ( i eat all day long)
- youve gone from an 8-9/10 to a 4/10.
It upsets me how much i get judged for being slim- like i have it so easy - no cares in the world and every man must want me. It must be oh so effortless for me! None of this is true in the slightest, but no one wants to hear that.
Seriously!!!! Girl, I hear every word you are saying. Another one I really hate is when people ask me what my husband thinks. My response is, Well my husband was watching me kill myself slowly the other way so I "think" he is happy I am going to be around longer. lol ugh.
When people say you make it effortless (because I get that a lot as well) I say "every single day is an effort" It is not an easy journey but rather a very difficult one that is going to be on going forever.
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comptonelizabeth wrote: »I have the same problem and yes,it annoys me. I wouldn't dream of asking an overweight person why they don't eat less or are they bulimic etc. Even if it's said out of concern it still gets to me but I've learned to just smile,say I'm fine and thank you for your concern,then change the subject.
I also think - and can only speak for myself here- that it gets under my skin because it taps into a lack of self esteem about my body. Which is my problem,not theirs
Yes, Yes, Yes on all levels!1 -
amusedmonkey wrote: »
Could you be feeling like your hard work is not being recognized causing you to get upset?
No, I don't think that is what it is. I just think it is because I feel like I am constantly defending myself. Not that I have to by any means but feel that I need to. I don't know. I have been in maintenance mode for a couple of months so it is still new to be at this weight and maybe in a year or so people will be over it but as of right now it just gets frustrating.
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DietVanillaCoke wrote: »I hate this too! I hate people who say things like "No way you weight that much!" "You're not fat, you're a little plump" I was morbidly obese at the time. My own GP was telling me I would die if i didn't lose.
When i lost weight i got to 155lbs at 5'3 so BMI wise i was still overweight and people were constantly telling me i was too thin. I wish people would just back off and let me get to my goals and let me decide what I'm happy with but sadly people don't.
I've also had people ask me how i lost weight and refuse to believe it's as simple as calories in and out, then get mad at me as if i'm keeping some magic pill a secret.
Best to be your own judge and if many people say something similar, then maybe talk to a professional just to make sure you are still healthy. I don't think people mean to be rude or sabotage us.. well some of them. If they want to know how you lost it, tell them and if they don't believe you it's their loss.
I am 5'3!!! And people said the same thing to me!!!! That is funny I think when I got down to 170 people started telling me I need to stop I am losing to much weight. And I would say well I am still considered obese. Diabetes runs in my family and I don't want to get that and I already have High blood pressure so I am going to continue to lose weight until I can be in my "normal" BMI so I don't get Diabetes. (which was the reason I started this journey in the first place)
I also get you never looked that Heavy! ugh that drives me crazy also. I want to say well you never saw me naked. lol
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I read somewhere once that when we see people we know getting skinnier our evolutionary fight or flight instinct takes over. Our body subconsciously begins to worry about food scarcity and illness. We are historically used to seeing people shrivel away before they die. Therefore we want them to eat to reassure ourselves that there is food.
It's all very psychological, and might be total crap, but I thought it was an interesting theory.2 -
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Catchphrase33 wrote: »amusedmonkey wrote: »
Could you be feeling like your hard work is not being recognized causing you to get upset?
No, I don't think that is what it is. I just think it is because I feel like I am constantly defending myself. Not that I have to by any means but feel that I need to. I don't know. I have been in maintenance mode for a couple of months so it is still new to be at this weight and maybe in a year or so people will be over it but as of right now it just gets frustrating.
I get it now. You feel like you are being bullied. It's still all new and will eventually cool off, don't worry. People hate change and resist it. If you understand it's just a reaction and not deliberate bullying, ignoring it becomes easier. I'll admit ash3monti's theory sounds interesting. I might have to look into it. Because even I have an easier time accepting weight gain in people than weight loss. I don't say anything about it, of course, because I've lost weight myself, but it's there in the back of my mind. Weight loss change feels more alien.1 -
The other day my boss said to me, "you go to the gym before and after work!? You're crazy!"
I just smiled and thought to myself what would happen if I'd said, "you don't go to the gym!? You're so lazy!"
No point getting angry about it..4 -
distinctlybeautiful wrote: »The other day my boss said to me, "you go to the gym before and after work!? You're crazy!"
I just smiled and thought to myself what would happen if I'd said, "you don't go to the gym!? You're so lazy!"
No point getting angry about it..distinctlybeautiful wrote: »The other day my boss said to me, "you go to the gym before and after work!? You're crazy!"
I just smiled and thought to myself what would happen if I'd said, "you don't go to the gym!? You're so lazy!"
No point getting angry about it..
"You're Fired!"
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