Be my relationship role model!

LeeBGoode

I'm not going to go into a long story, but recently I decided that I need to work on being a better partner. My example growing up was horrendous, and my programming has been corrupted for sure. I'm making more of an effort to do nice things, like tonight we are watching my stepson's basketball game, so I'm bringing my sweetheart a snack and a tea, as he is coming straight from work and we won't get home until late.

Be my role model and tell me the big and little things you feel are important in a relationship!

dc8066

I am in a loving and satisfying relationship with myself, all the others involving more than one human didn't work out (except friendships)

RoxieDawn

Been married almost two decades, so for us never going to bed angry.. Now that I am an empty nester spontaneity is fun.

angelxsss

my boss says to always have a codeword that means "drop it" if an argument goes too far, and agree to immediately drop it

vikinglander

The rule in our house is "Always Kiss Me Goodnight."

Also, just a thought, but loving another human is the hardest thing any of us will ever do, but this quote helps me a lot:

“You're an interesting species. An interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other.”

Blueberry09

saying thank you goes a long way - even if it's for the every day things like taking out the garbage.

km8907

I'm surprised this didn't immediately turn sexual.

Communication is most important to me I think. Never assume your partner knows what's bothering you.

KyleGrace8

Make an effort to touch them often throughout the day. Doesn't have to be sexual at all if you don't want it to be. I think hugs and hand holding are underrated. Kisses goodbye are a staple.

Just_J_Now

I'm far from worthy of being called a "role model" and God knows I'm still learning but one major thing for me is
communication. In fact this is huge to me. I hate guessing games. If I have something to say, I'll say it, even if its uncomfortable. I expect the same.

As for the "little things", I like terms of endearment, a gentle touch (even in public), it's nice to know you're thought of etc.

Lounmoun

Listen. Ask questions about what they did, how they feel about things.
Talk. No one is a mind reader. If you want something, are upset about something then say it. Don't say you are fine when you are not.
Have a common interest. You don't have to do everything together or like all of the same things but share something.
Learn to do things for yourself and your household.
Take care of yourself. If you are unwell physically or mentally get help or follow throughon medications/diet changes/treatment plans. It can stress your relationship a lot to have untreated problems.
Compliment or thank your partner regularly. People like to feel appreciated.

djeffreys10

Both of you take the five love languages quiz. Determine yours and his love language, and show affection in that manner. For me, touch me. Let me hold your hand, put my hand on your leg. Rub my arm. Sit as close as possible and lean on me. Whatever, just be in physical contact with me. But that may just annoy the *kitten* out of someone with a different love language.

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dc8066

km8907 wrote: »

I'm surprised this didn't immediately turn sexual.

Communication is most important to me I think. Never assume your partner knows what's bothering you.

That was always driving me crazy, and girls are usually the worst in communicating their needs. Boys are much better in that regard.

Timshel_

Accept them for who they are and what their goals are. Support how they want to improve themselves. Let a man know/feel he makes you happy physically and in everyday life. Understand that even the smallest break in trust will completely change a relationship forever.

km8907

dc6088 wrote: »

km8907 wrote: »

I'm surprised this didn't immediately turn sexual.

Communication is most important to me I think. Never assume your partner knows what's bothering you.

That was always driving me crazy, and girls are usually the worst in communicating their needs. Boys are much better in that regard.

I can sympathize. Women want their partner to know what's wrong without being told. It doesn't work like that though.

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thisonetimeatthegym

Be respectful. When you argue, keep it above board. No cussing, calling him out of his name, no making him feel small. Brag about him to his friends. Conspicuously ignore the one staring at your cleavage and smelling your hair when he gives you a too long hello hug.

Be enjoyable to be around. Put a smile on your face and stop complaining. Be playful. Touch a lot. Don't talk a lot.

Enjoy sex. And have lots of it. But only with him, obviously.

Pray together.

Have a life. Putting the onus on your partner to be everything and everything to you is unfair and men feel smothered by neediness. On the other hand, don't have so much of a life that he feels sidelined. Many men have this feeling once women have kids and feel like their woman is more interested in the kids than him.

Let him think you need him to open a jar or get something off a high shelf. Ego, baby.

Forgive. That's the biggest and hardest. But if you are in a relationship for many many years, you will disappoint him and vice versa at some point. You can quit and get someone better who, after many many years, he will also disappoint you and you, him. People are people. Our notions of romantic relationships is actually a model of perfection, of which we all fall short. And add to that, it's highly unrealistic, given the reality we see all the time around us, but still whine about how the man/woman they get better be superhumanly perfect.

Notice patterns. Do you always have a fight before your period? Do you feel neglected during football season? Do you get busy during certain work cycles/seasons and he feels neglected? Is he cranky during certain times of the day or after certain activities? Instead of railing against "emotional weather," work with it. Take an umbrella, dress warm, wear shorts, whatever. Notice the patterns and work around them, not against them. If you know you are a cranky b before your morning coffee, don't talk about anything until after breakfast.

Stand up for yourself. Call him out if he oversteps with you, and do it early. Make it known you are to be respected.

Make him go out of his way. Have him open doors, take you to pricey dinners, make him want to impress you. Don't let him get comfortable. My hubs keeps my car gassed up for me and valets it when I come home after dark. They actually like this stuff for some reason. Don't ask me why, but they do.

Go out of your way. Cook. Clean. Get dolled up. Do the stuff he likes in the bedroom to your level of comfort. Suffer through stupid movies like Starship Troopers. And if your politics/social justice warrioring/sports opinions differ, realize he has the same right to his opinion as you do yours. So let him have it without belittling it.

I'm not a relationship expert by any means, but I am realistic. Long term relationships are hard and worth the effort. I highly recommend it, if you can do the work.

The advice I'd like from married men is this: how much should the man feel secure/jealous? I notice that in relationships if men are too jealous they act nuts, and if they are too secure they get complacent. There is some kind of balance that men seem to need other men to desire their woman and yet not feel worried she's stepping out on him.

I've always had men interested which keeps my man on his toes, but since I got more religious and had kids, I keep my distance from male friendships to stay away from temptation. I realized he was more into me when I had male friends he could scare off. But lately my gym going and dieting has my hubs randomly showing up mid day and making comments about why I need to get jazzed up to go out by myself. Do I calm him down, or feed it with the comments I get from the men I encounter?

OP, so that should show you - I've been with the same man for all of my adult life and I still don't have it all figured out.

And women who are married longer than me ask me what the secret is. And I'm like, I was going to ask you!

No one has it all figured out.

melmelw03

Don't smother him and let both of you have some freedom. Don't be super clingy.
Oh and BJ's are always appreciated.

Angela937

I'm getting divorced, so I don't feel qualified to chime in here.

AdamAthletic

I consider it my contribution to society to never give relationship advice! Lol

Just.. be kind on yourself!
A relationship based on mutual respect is the best kind!

distinctlybeautiful

djeffreys10 wrote: »

Both of you take the five love languages quiz. Determine yours and his love language, and show affection in that manner. For me, touch me. Let me hold your hand, put my hand on your leg. Rub my arm. Sit as close as possible and lean on me. Whatever, just be in physical contact with me. But that may just annoy the *kitten* out of someone with a different love language.

I was going to mention the love languages too. Not only does it help you show love in a way they understand and desire, it can also help you recognize when they're trying to show love in a way that's not your primary language. For example, if your love language is touch and your partner's is acts of service, you can start to recognize that when your partner cleans the house for you, your partner is showing love.

FairhavenDS

I've never been married, but one thing that's worked for me in long-term relationships is something my dad shared. "Keep short accounts." Resolve issues as best as the two of you are able in a timely manner, don't let them linger for years until they stack up into bitterness and resentment. And if there are things you just can't resolve in the moment no matter how hard you try but they aren't deal breakers, have a radical acceptance with yourselves that it is what it is, and forgive and move on. My own experience with hanging on to past hurts is it's kind of like putting on colored glasses. Once they're on, everything they do is seen through that filter.

Another is making sure your worlds aren't four-walls-big. If you both get out and do things together, have friends to spend time with (both together and separately), have activities in and out of the house, and basically have a bit of diversity of where you spend your time and energy and with whom, then any one issue affects only part of your "world" instead of most or all of it. They might be a big part, and it can still be a let down, but it puts issues in their proper place instead of going all Manifest Destiny on your mood/attitude.

unrelentingminx

Having escaped from a dismal relationship last year and now being in a much more satisfying and happy relationship, I'd say this:
- Talk as respected equals. Don't shout over one another in an argument and for pity's sake don't tell one another to 'hush' or 'shut up' - nothing gets the blood boiling faster.
- Keep in contact. When you are together, even if you are doing separate activities, a short stroke of the arm or kiss on the forehead lets that person know you are thinking of them. When you are apart, text or call one another but not every two minutes. Just a few times that tells your partner 'I was thinking of you just now.'
- Be honest with each other. Respect and trust go straight out the window if you look your other half in the eye and tell them an outright lie.
- Show interest in one another's interests. You don't have to love all the same hobbies and activites as each other if you have at least some in common, but do show interest in their hobbies that aren't yours. Don't dismiss them.
- Ask for what you want in bed. No one is a mind reader.
- If you are dining out, offer to split the bill. If he insists he pays, let him if you want. If you do split the bill, thank him for offering to pay for the whole bill.
- Make plans. Not just for tomorrow or at the weekend. Plan things together for next month, next year, the year after. It reinforces that you're both in this for the long run.
- Recognise that you will both need 'me time.' Sometimes people just need to be alone for a bit and that's ok. It's no reflection on the other person and they shouldn't feel offended when it happens.
- Laugh, joke and be silly together.

Theo166

Just be whatever he want's you to be
(that was a joke, unless you are into role playing)