Newbie Here!

SimplyHealthyDess

Hi, my name is Destiny! I am sick of being sick and tired, especially for my age. I am 20 years old and am a junior in college. I want to work with young children and their families to ensure their safety and development. I love to craft, decorate, plan, and simply be creative. After spending three years away from family, I have finally moved back to my hometown. I love being around all of the people I love and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I guess my weight problem began in late childhood. My mom was in an abusive relationship with my dad, whom was in an abusive relationship with drugs. Looking back on it now, I understand why I turned to food. It was safe, secure, comforting. Later on my father ended up going to prison and my mom was left with four kids to care for. She had my Nana (her mom), to help and that's when the weight really packed on. My Nana would take me out to eat at fast food restaurants, give me little treats, and just spoil the crud outta me. I think maybe she was trying to make things up to me due to everything going on. Me being a child, I soaked it up. I loved food and my family members loved giving it to me.
By the time I was a teenager I was obese. Slowly over the years I have gained now 270 pounds. I don't feel fat or obese. When I think of myself I think of a thin person. However, on the outside it is a different story. Looking in the mirror reminds myself that I'm fat. Going up stairs, tying my shoes, walking, it all reminds me that I am bigger than what I should be. However, just the other day, I saw a picture of me that someone had taken and put on Facebook. It was a full body picture of me holding my niece. At first I didn't realize why my aunt would tag me in the photo, I didn't even recognize myself! Once I realized that I was the fat person holding the cute baby, I cried. I stared at that picture for what seemed like hours. How is this me? What the hell happened? Are my thighs really that big? I couldn't believe it.
This is the point in which I knew I needed a change. Ive been on this site before. Ive downloaded apps plenty of times. Ive done stupid diets. I failed at all of them. This time is different. This time I am going to look at that picture everyday. Its going to be on my lock screen, my profile picture, on my bathroom mirror. I am going to look at it everyday and understand what I have done to myself my ignoring it. I will not ignore this anymore. Its gone too far.
So today has been my first "diet" day. However, this is not a diet, I hate that word. This is a lifestyle change. I planned my meals and prepped each one for a whole week. Its all set and ready to go, no excuses. So far I have eaten breakfast, walked my dog to the park a mile away, ate a snack, did some school work, and just finished eating lunch about an hour ago. I'm nervous that ill be hungry all day. So far Ive only been hungry for lunch. Ive decided that instead of quitting when things got hard I'm just going to adjust. For example, I became really hungry just before lunch time. That means I need to adjust something. Maybe I can wait a little longer to have my snack so that I'm not waiting as long between meals.
Anyways, happy first day to anyone else who is starting today as well. I hope your journey is full of hope and confidence. Please if you feel that you would motivate me or that maybe I could motivate you, add me as a friend. Accountability is important!