Death and Comfort Eating

LittleBeanMachine

2 weeks ago my friend passed away suddenly of heart complications due to diabetes. Today I learned my grandfather has 2 weeks left to live. My friend's death impacted me in a positive way that made me change the way I ate, and I've been dieting and exercising for 10 days and lost 13 pounds so far. Today, I learned my grandfather has 2 weeks left to live. I just am at a loss. I am grieving heavily and just want to eat junk food. But I don't want to sacrifice all of my hard work. I don't know what to do to cope except exercise because I don't drink or do drugs. Could someone please help?

Julia0983

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. This is a very English thing to say but I really do find a cup of tea very comforting - you don't necessarily need to reach for the junk food. You will find you are more able to cope mentally if you are physically in a better place... keep up the good work. Take care of yourself.

serindipte

Call a friend, go for a walk, if you have a pet, get extra snuggles. I'm so sorry for the pains you're dealing with. I hope you find comfort.

CafeRacer808

My condolences. We all need time to grieve. Take the time you need and maybe eat at maintenance until you're ready to get back at it again. You won't be losing weight, but you won't be gaining either. If you find that the grieving process is turning into a full blown depression, speaking to your doctor or a therapist will help you work through some of that. Best of luck to you.

knittnponder

When my mom got sick she spent the next six months at death's door before she finally succumbed to it. It was really hard to deal with and I did spend a lot of time eating ice cream. I tried to find my therapy in exercise but because I was at the hospital a lot, it didn't work out very well and I did gain an unfortunate amount of weight before I regained control. It's okay to have some ice cream (or whatever) but keeping it under control is going to be much better for your mindset in the long run.

What I found helped me the most was journaling. I would spend some time writing out what I was thinking or feeling and allowed myself to grieve. Let yourself think about these people you love and remember the good times with them. Cry, be mad if you need to, feel what you need to feel and just let yourself grieve. And remember, you will grieve in your own way, in your own time. Nobody gets to tell you that you "should be over it" or "it's been long enough".

I am seven days away from the one year anniversary of her death and it's very much on my mind so I am having to practice what I preach right now. Nothing we can say will make it easier but you do have some tools and you can always come here if you need to share with someone outside of the situation. My heart goes out to you and just remember, you can get through this. When we love deeply, we feel the loss deeply and that's okay. Doesn't feel very nice right now but you will be okay.

LittleBeanMachine

knittnponder wrote: »

What I found helped me the most was journaling. I would spend some time writing out what I was thinking or feeling and allowed myself to grieve. Let yourself think about these people you love and remember the good times with them. Cry, be mad if you need to, feel what you need to feel and just let yourself grieve. And remember, you will grieve in your own way, in your own time. Nobody gets to tell you that you "should be over it" or "it's been long enough".

I love journaling! Lately I can't seem to find the words to jot down, as I am just in shock. I think I will start writing a book, instead. I love writing!!!

Your advice was so sincere and kind. Thank you. These next few weeks is going to be difficult. There's going to be a lot of walking but also a lot of food. My fear is ruining all my hard work. I felt like going to McDonald's and gorging myself. But I said to myself I had to be stronger and walked home instead. (It was over a half mile walk). I have a history of comfort eating and compulsive eating, and feel so sad and fragile right now.

I think I will try and do some strength training and take a hot bath, spend time with my partner and my hedgehog before bed. It's all I have left. I am 400+ calories under today but I can't seem to eat. This is such a horrible year for me already. I hope my weight loss continues so I can say something positive happened.

LittleBeanMachine

serindipte wrote: »

Call a friend, go for a walk, if you have a pet, get extra snuggles. I'm so sorry for the pains you're dealing with. I hope you find comfort.

Thank you. Luckily I have my partner and hedgehog to snuggle during this difficult time. They are my rocks. I love walking. I plan to trek to the bus stop again tomorrow. Maybe I can take that time to ask God for strength.

LittleBeanMachine

Julia0983 wrote: »

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. This is a very English thing to say but I really do find a cup of tea very comforting - you don't necessarily need to reach for the junk food. You will find you are more able to cope mentally if you are physically in a better place... keep up the good work. Take care of yourself.

Thank you. I find tea so comforting! I will have a cup tonight.

LittleBeanMachine

CafeRacer808 wrote: »

My condolences. We all need time to grieve. Take the time you need and maybe eat at maintenance until you're ready to get back at it again. You won't be losing weight, but you won't be gaining either. If you find that the grieving process is turning into a full blown depression, speaking to your doctor or a therapist will help you work through some of that. Best of luck to you.

Thank you for your advice. I see my therapist Thursday, I think he will be able to offer me comfort. I still plan to exercise every day for meditation. I will either attempt to comfort eat or not have an appetite these next few weeks. Either way, I will try to remain conscious of both my physical and mental state when life gets stressful. I appreciate your kind words.

boothekm1

I packed on the pounds since my dads diagnosis in June of last year until his death in September. Depression and grief are horrible. I've finally started walking everyday which has helped tremendously along with lots of praying. Also I started Zoloft which has made a huge difference as well. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Pinkylee77

I have no words of wisdom but, just my deepest caring and I am sorry for your pain. I lost my mom 8 months after my husband lost his. Just know many of us have been there and care.

JeromeBarry1

While grandpa is still with you, interview him and write all he can remember. Or, write all you can remember and talk to his other kids/grandkids to collect their memories of him. My dad wrote his memoir and printed a copy for each of his kids. He died 2 months after completing it. It's precious.

ScubaAmyMN

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and the bad news about your grandfather. A few years ago, both my best friend and my Dad died within a year of each other. I still tap into that when I need motivation. I think about how my friend would LOVE the opportunity to work out, but she no longer can. I also think about trying to create a healthier me so if/when I ever do get a bad medical issue, I will be in a better position to fight it. Last, I try to think about what they would both want my life to look like. I'm sure they would want me to be happy and healthy, so even though I get in my fair share of ruts, I try not to stay there too long.

Fill your refrigerator with fruits and vegetables so when you have an uncontrollable urge to eat in excess, you can try turning there first.

Also, rely on this sentence of yours: "I don't know what to do to cope except exercise because I don't drink or do drugs." You have an answer right there.

I like the suggestion above of just trying to maintain for a couple weeks if you feel like you don't have the energy/ability to keep up the hard work of the last couple weeks.

Last, what would your friend and grandfather want for you???

ScubaAmyMN

And wait, one more thing now that I have reread all of this ... you have a hedgehog???? Okay, that totally makes me smile. I know that doesn't help you any, but I just love that you have a hedgehog! Now I need to go Google hedgehogs because the thing I'm picturing looks like a porcupine ...


Refer to my above post for my actual ideas.

diwijo13

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

While grandpa is still with you, interview him and write all he can remember. Or, write all you can remember and talk to his other kids/grandkids to collect their memories of him. My dad wrote his memoir and printed a copy for each of his kids. He died 2 months after completing it. It's precious.

My mom completed a grandma book years ago. I love reading it to my daughter. It brings back good memories

LittleBeanMachine

Thank you for your kindness. I am going to be doing a ton of walking to the bus stop and walking home from the bus stop to my grandparents' house these next few weeks. I think prayer and an increase in my Lexapro will do me wonders, as will my long walks.

everher

I lost my mother nine months ago.

Historically, I have been a comfort eater, but after she passed I had no appetite and couldn't bring myself to eat.

The real problem came after the initial shock and grief wore off were I just couldn't bring myself to care about weight loss or what I ate.

Lean on your family and friends during this difficult time, seek solace in prayer if religious, and just allow yourself to grieve.

I am truly sorry.

LittleBeanMachine

Unfortunately, my grandfather is too sick to be coherent to share memories with to write a memoir for relatives. He has the final stage of colon cancer and may not live to share Valentine's Day with my grandmother. Like I posted above, I will be walking, praying and spending quality time with them as much as I can. I may not focus too much on calories if I'm barely eating, but will try not to reach for bad snacks. I definitely want to load up our house with veggies and fruit instead of Muddy Buddies. My partner suggested low fat ice cream. I want Oreos or a big greasy Quarter Pounder. Lol....But I'm trying to stay strong and preserver. I know after only dieting for almost 2 weeks my taste has changed so I may not even like it. My stomach has also become sensitive to junk food. I don't know why. Stress or habits have changed I guess. I will take walks to cope. Or lift weights. Scream into a pillow. Cry.

Yes, I have a wonderful little hedgehog, named Bahpu, which is minion speech for "apple" lol. He is my rock.