Impatient at 2 lbs/week

RickyCoogin
RickyCoogin Posts: 178 Member
edited November 15 in Motivation and Support
I know everyone says 2 lbs a week is the absolute max you're supposed to lose, but does anyone else with a lot of weight to lose get impatient? I have 60-75 lbs to lose and I hate that I've got to wait like eight months before I can start dating.

Replies

  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,230 Member

    did you gain it at 2lbs a week?
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  • seska422
    seska422 Posts: 3,217 Member
    Where's the fire? Where was the fire last year, two years ago, five years ago, ten years ago?

    If you'd started two years ago, you'd be there by now. You didn't start two years ago, though.

    You can't walk into a magic booth and walk out looking fabulous. You have to put in the work and the patience.

    You want a certain type of woman that wouldn't accept you how you currently are. You can't date that kind of woman now because of how you currently are. That leaves you two choices: wait until you are perfect (which may never happen) or adjust your expectations.
  • momar74
    momar74 Posts: 56 Member
    Ninkyou wrote: »
    OP, you really need to seek professional help.

    I think this is also at least the 2nd thread in a week stating the exact same thing. Learn some patience. Do you really think any of us here didn't want the weight gone immediately? The problem is that there's no instant gratification in weight loss. We all had to learn to lower our expectations, be patient, and trust the process.

    You however, based on posting history have tons of red flags. You need to deal with your self harm and body image issues with a professional. Even if you lost the weight tomorrow, doesn't mean it's going to fix your problems or dating issues or anything else.

    This is great advice, I was going to recommend the professional help part also. A licensed mental health professional can help OP sort out where the disconnect is.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    This is the 3rd thread of this ilk I've seen you start. Please stop posting threads on an Internet message board expecting different answers and schedule an appointment with a professional. I'm truly concerned for you mental well-being at this point.
  • RobertWilkens
    RobertWilkens Posts: 77 Member
    There's always that surgery... But besides it being risky and doing unnatural things to your body, everyone i've heard of that did it gained the weight back because they didn't change their diet. I guess liposuction might be an option too..

    Also, if you're the type to gain weight when you're not dieting, be prepared to continue to "diet" for the rest of your life (or track here, but set goal to maintain rather than lose).

    -Rob
  • Reaverie
    Reaverie Posts: 405 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    I know everyone says 2 lbs a week is the absolute max you're supposed to lose, but does anyone else with a lot of weight to lose get impatient? I have 60-75 lbs to lose and I hate that I've got to wait like eight months before I can start dating.

    I have to agree with Annie on this. Why do you need to wait? You probably won't be happy with someone who would judge you based on weight anyways. What if, God forbid, something happened that limited your mobility and you gained it all back?

    It's not your weight that is the problem, it's your confidence in your worth. I do understand where you are coming from though. I have to fight the internal urge not to aim for more. I don't want to look like a deflated balloon.

    I'm not saying don't lose the weight, but don't do it to be pleasing to others.. do it for you. I dated 4 guys over 400lbs when I was fit. I liked their intelligence and confidence. Someone will like you for you.
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  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    I know everyone says 2 lbs a week is the absolute max you're supposed to lose, but does anyone else with a lot of weight to lose get impatient? I have 60-75 lbs to lose and I hate that I've got to wait like eight months before I can start dating.

    You don't have to wait 8 months before you start dating...
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  • seska422
    seska422 Posts: 3,217 Member
    edited February 2017
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive as I look right now, and I don't think it's wrong for a woman to want a slim, attractive mate just as much as a man does. Looks are what usually gets your foot in the door.

    This is about pleasing both of us. If I thought I looked attractive, I wouldn't be on this site.

    You've made that clear. It's not actually relevant to the point at hand. It's your "why" but doesn't have an impact on "how" or "when" which all we can give useful advice about since you are not willing to change your "why".
  • GottaBurnEmAll
    GottaBurnEmAll Posts: 7,722 Member
    Last time you looked for motivation and support and advice all you did was ignore it and keep repeating yourself.

    What are you hoping to hear this time? Tell us.
  • Reaverie
    Reaverie Posts: 405 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive as I look right now, and I don't think it's wrong for a woman to want a slim, attractive mate just as much as a man does. Looks are what usually gets your foot in the door.

    This is about pleasing both of us. If I thought I looked attractive, I wouldn't be on this site.

    It's not about them finding you physically attractive now (I didn't think the guys I dated looked attractive at all and I did my best to encourage them to diet), it's about finding someone who isn't going to leave you just because your looks are deteriorating. There is nothing wrong with having a type. I have a type. Everyone has a type! And in a perfect world everyone would find their perfect type. But you get what you pay for. And if shallow is what you seek, you will be right back on here making red flag posts because you couldn't keep her. You can find your type now that accepts you as you are but loves you enough not to let you stay that way. Then when you are so old you are bed ridden, she won't care about your wrinkles or weight. At the moment I kinda feel sorry for whoever you end up with. She will be getting a shallow basket case.
  • Nikki10129
    Nikki10129 Posts: 292 Member
    Just want to say, I'm certainly not where I want to be yet, but I find myself attractive and guys have too. If you can't accept yourself and get some patience this is never going to be a long term thing. You aren't going to suddenly feel confident enough to put yourself out there when the weight comes off, it's not some magic confidence pill people think it is. Skinny people are just as capable of hating themselves and their appearance as bigger people.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    I met my husband when I was extra large and he liked me that way. I decided to get to a healthy weight and he supported my plans. He's the same goofy, sweet guy I met fifteen years ago and we still are each other's best friends.

    I say don't wait to date and make friends. Challenge your disordered thinking and stop blaming the scale.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    edited February 2017
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive as I look right now, and I don't think it's wrong for a woman to want a slim, attractive mate just as much as a man does. Looks are what usually gets your foot in the door.

    This is about pleasing both of us. If I thought I looked attractive, I wouldn't be on this site.

    I think I look attractive and I'm on this site, so...

    As mentioned in your many previous threads, Ricky, you really need competent professional help with your body image and self-harm issues. I know you've mentioned previously that nobody could help you - that you seemed to know more than they did - but if you are truly looking to change your life, (instead of just complaining about it) you *have* to start from within. Otherwise, even if you do lose the weight you think you need to in order to attract a woman that meets your unrealistic criteria, she still won't find you attractive enough to stay with the person you've become on the inside.

    Once again, please get help. Continually starting threads like this one expecting different answers is just burning daylight. :(
  • Annie_01
    Annie_01 Posts: 3,096 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    There's no way I'm attempting to date looking like this. I'm not saying I don't go out with friends, but I don't want to date a girl who'd have to settle for someone my size.

    No matter what weight that you are do you really want to date someone that "settles" for you?

    To answer your first question...YES...most everyone gets impatient at some point especially at first.

    IMO...many of us at one time or another has body image issues. I have them myself. There are a couple of issues that I have...one I can fix...the other I can't.

    Does that issue bother me...yes. There were times at first that I thought what was the use in trying to lose weight and get fit. There were times that I thought losing weight was pointless. Matter of fact the more weight that I lost the more pronounced that my "body deformity" became.

    Here were my choices...I could stay fat and sedentary...or...I could lose the weight, become fitter, be able to do the things that I wanted to be able to do. I chose to lose the weight and become fitter.

    Not a day goes by that I don't look in the mirror and am reminded that I can't change what I see. Not a day goes by that I don't also realize how much healthier and happier that I am without all the extra weight.

    The choice is yours Ricky...you can wallow in self-pity or you can put aside your self-pity and work toward becoming the best that you can be with what you got to work with.

    None of us will ever be perfect...but we can be better than what we were yesterday.
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  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    My frustration in this thread is with how slow it will take

    Instead of focusing on how long it's going to take, focus on how far you've come.

    For example, instead of saying "I have 70 lbs to lose and it's going to take at least a year!!"
    say "Wow, I've lost 10 lbs and it's only been 4 weeks!!"

    It's all about perspective.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    Yeah, it sucks that weight loss isn't instantaneous. But that's the reality of it. You need to get a hobby or interest other than obsessing about your weight or baldness or height.
  • KeithWhiteJr
    KeithWhiteJr Posts: 233 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    I AM trying to be the best person I can be. My frustration in this thread is with how slow it will take, not over the stuff I can't change such as my height.

    I don't want to date someone that settles for me; that's why I'm trying to lose weight. I don't want to date a girl who finds fat bald guys attractive. If an overweight woman here said "One of the reasons I'm losing weight is I hate being the fat girl. The only guys interested in me are those who want me just because of how big I am," would she get the same flak? She doesn't want to be the fat girl. I don't want to be the big fat guy.

    This thread got way off track just because I said that dating was probably the main reason I want to lose weight.


    I generally just reads posts on here and log my food for the day, but, I just couldn't help myself this time...

    You don't want some girl that finds "fat bald guys" attractive, or a girl that finds "skinny guys with a full head of hair" attractive! You need to find a girt that finds YOU attractive. A girl that will love you no matter how fat or skinny you are. No matter how sick or healthy you are. Someone that sees the real you, the one on the inside and not just what is presented on the outside. Someone that can be both your lover and your best friend! A true life partner...

    Plus, why can't you go on a few casual dates now? It would be more fun than sulking around and wishing you were skinnier, plus, it would be good practice for later when you want to get more serious about it. It's not like the first girl you meet is going to be the your future wife...

    And what if you meet your "soul mate" but end up letting her pass you by, just because you don't feel you are the "best weight" for dating? Meeting your perfect match can be a once in a lifetime event, don't miss it!

    We only get one (very short) go-around in this world, so make every moment you have in it count!

    Go on a date. Heck, go on 50 dates! Keep loosing the weight at a steady, healthy pace and be happier with who you are on the inside! You won't be happy with any potential partner until you're happier with yourself.
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  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
    OP, take it nice and slow. Throw in some weight training which will help immensely! I'm sure you'll find a nice writer lady to share your days and stories with.
  • kk_inprogress
    kk_inprogress Posts: 3,077 Member
    You could speed up your weight loss and lose all your muscle mass and be unhealthy. Women love that.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,463 Member
    Everyone is impatient, regardless of the amount to lose. 8 months really isn't that long in the big picture. It took me 2 1/2 years, with steady losses every week. Take a peek at the Success Stories forum and read the stories of some folks who had to lose so much it took 3, 4, 5 years. Now that's a long time!
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    edited February 2017
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    I know everyone says 2 lbs a week is the absolute max you're supposed to lose, but does anyone else with a lot of weight to lose get impatient? I have 60-75 lbs to lose and I hate that I've got to wait like eight months before I can start dating.

    Oh gosh.....been there, done that. I thought I could not do anything at all while fat, much less date. I mean, why would anybody want to be with me, the fat girl? As if all of my attributes were hidden just because I was fat.

    Fat was the reason I put up that wall between me and men, and even between me and other people. Shoot, I made sure I even kept my friends list small to ensure that I had skinny friends to try and change me into a thin person. This validated my own low self esteem.

    Fat was the reason I could not excel in my job. After all, a fat employee working with clients, or taking any leadership roles? I mean, come on. Nobody likes a fat employee!

    Fat was the reason I could do not do many of the things I wanted to do--speak my mind (who would listen to a fat person?), go running (I'd probably fall and break the ground, or people would laugh at me), why I couldn't........and the list goes on.

    So, just like you, I let fat stand in my way of living in the here and now. I used it as an excuse not to move forward with things I wanted to do.

    When did this change? When I decided enough was enough. I started taking those chances. I signed up for a dating site, met lots of nice guys, some not so nice, and some who I had no interest in. I learned that everybody gets rejected sometimes, and that it's not personal. I now have been with the same guy for 12 years. We met when I was at a healthier weight, he stayed when I gained 30 pounds, and he's still here since I've lost 40 plus and maintained for the last 3 years or so.

    I got help for my eating disordered past and learned how I was using food in unhealthy ways, but that the food itself was not the problem. I was the one creating my own problems because I thought as long as I was fat I was not worth a penny. I thought I only deserved people who did not treat me well. Once I changed how I felt about me inside, and consciously dumped not so nice friends and replaced them with respectable people, I began to simply attract people who treated me well (my current partner being one).

    So, @RickyCoogin, my point is this: stop putting yourself down. Stop saying you are not attractive. Stop letting your weight get in your way.

    Get busy now and put yourself on the dating circuit. Just be you and show all of your attributes, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Love yourself no matter what your weight is, because the building of your self-esteem will be a big part of your weight loss journey. Please call your doctor and ask for a referral to a counselor to help you with your body image issues.

    Be patient with your weight loss too. 60-70 pounds is not all that much to lose either, considering there are people on this site who have lost a 100 pounds or more (one lady lost 140 some odd, and I think one lost something like 250, and there are more stories). Take it one day at a time, start getting out there socially, and make it a point to treat yourself well. :)
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