Overeaters Anonymous: Food and Family

Azadi

Hi, my name is Azadi and I'm a recovering bulimic

Yeah, I kinda like starting my posts with that. Hope it's not too annoying.

Came back today from 4th of July weekend with my extended family on my dad's side. That meant staying at Grandma's lots of time with my sister, barbecue at my uncle's, small cousins who might say or ask anything...

Here are some of the more priceless moments:

5-year-old cousin: Cousin Azadi, do you have a husband?
me: no...
cuz: Do you have a boyfriend?
me: no...
cuz: Do you have ANYTHING???

8-year-old cousin: (looking at me with my iPod) What're you doing cousin Azadi?
me: Well (*thinking about how I believe in being honest with children*) I'm writing down what I'm eating in a food diary.
cuz: Oh. *goes over to table of various family members and says very loudly* Azadi's writing in a food diary!

Grandma: Do you want anymore food?
me: No grandma, thanks.
Grandma: Are you sure? There's so much left!
me: I'm sure, thank you. I'm finished. Really.
Grandma: Okay... but I have to clean out the refrigerator. Are you sure you don't want anymore?
me: I'm really not hungry anymore grandma, I've eaten plenty, but thanks.
Grandma: Okay... but are you sure...?

Then of course there was the fact of Sunday... and the assumption that everyone would be perfectly happy having a big brunch and then big barbecue, with no clear meal distinctions. Cause, you know, in my family, you just eat when food is put in front of you.

Anyway... there was a time when this would all drive me really really insane, make me angry, upset, send me sulking to a room alone, make me want to just gobble down food without limit and/or purge. Honestly, I was amazed and impressed with myself.

My calorie count was way over goal, but my calorie count isn't my bottom line. My bottom line is 3 reasonably timed/spaced meals, no bingeing, no purging, no killing anyone. Reasonable portions, no seconds, no snacks. I advocated for myself... I was careful with my breakfast, eating only enough to satisfy me physically, though it was the kind of breakfast I could have easily binged on (many favorite foods), I laughed at my young cousins' innocence, I asked to please be allowed to make myself a lunch out of what was ready at 1 pm (a few hours still before the actual barbecue was scheduled), held off from eating a subsequent meal until 4, though food started coming off the grill around 3:15, resisted the temptation of snow cones and pretzels at the fireworks.

I went off alone when I had to, not to hide, just to take some breaths. I texted my sponsor, I left some voicemails for OA fellows, and repeated to myself "It doesn't matter what the rest of them do, I have a program, and I'm sticking to it." I made a decision to enjoy myself, to be happy, not to stress, and to focus on being a cousin (cousin-ness is very important in my family).

I got to talk to my aunt last night until quite late... she has lyme disease and feels very depressed and lonely a lot of the time, and feels like her whole life is spent online talking to other lyme patients. I was able to talk to her about the similarities between having lyme disease and having an eating disorder, in terms of stigma and politics, and the feeling of loneliness and the need to maintain anonymity and secrecy sometimes about the condition. It was like talking to an OA fellow and it felt good to be able to be there for someone. Nice reminder about how important service is to this process.

Anyway, I just wanted to share here what I felt to be a big accomplishment: I survived the weekend with my abstinence intact.

Anyone want to share about their weekend? Challenges? Triumphs? Learning experiences?

Thanks for listening

dfwtxmissy

I appreciate your candor and understand how you feel and the need to walk away and breathe...I do not let the calories control me tho seeing them gives me a bigger picture and makes my goal that much closer. I have also found that the gym is quite useful in working out any doubts and makes me feel like I have achieved one of many small goals to reach the bigger goal.
You are awesome and I will think of you when I have doubts because I know it can be done...

Rororosie

Thanks, enjoyed your post muchly.

I had a nice weekend, but did not have to be around family this year. Sometimes I feel sad and lonely on holidays when I am away from family but this year I went to the Art Museum on Sunday with a friend and it made the day feel quite festive. I have been stepping up my working out and today I had the day off, so besides doing my strength training, I also went to a Belly Dance class. It was a hard decision for me to start taking a class because I do not think I am a very good dancer. Belly Dance class is generally frienly to larger women as well as to older woman (I am both over weight and in my 50s) so that part isn't so hard, but feeling uncoordinated like I have trouble learning steps and movements is.
Luckily, the class was mostly stuff I had learned in my previous class experiences and I only got swtiched around a little. I found that dancing always makes me feel happy even if it is a little hard.... something about it gives me zest.
My fears about purusing dancing are also that it will take time from my music. A lot of times though it feels like it makes my singing voice stronger, so ... I'm going to have to balance everything.
I have a full time job, I am learning to sing, trying to find time to write songs, and work out and get fit. I love life though. What a blessing to have so many opportunities to learn and grow!
Thanks for your post and for sharing your growth with us. Hearing success stories means a lot to me espeically for those of us who come from a place of struggle, we can "feast" on our successes and bask in the pleasure of making our goals!

spob

You are very strong and actually I see a very great and funny sense of humour as well! So laugh this moment off. I think you could and should write a book with these family dialogues. Not only would everyone relate, but they would also synpathize and giggle. Next time when asked about the food journal, you should instead say that you are recording information for a family biography. Human behavior dictates that all the perspective characters will behave themselves with a little more civility. (maybe not the five year old) You could have a lot of fun with this one and also feel self important which I find is always handy at family gatherings. For example you could ask random questions like: "how do you spell Damian?" " Aunt Sue, what was your third husband's name?" etc. etc.

You have come through so much and wow what a life experience you have had to date. It is interesting and a new way to see both food and calories for someone that does not understand Bulimia or the relationship to food that you have. Your post is poignant and timely as I struggle with my own relationship to food. Keep venting, celebrate your strenghth and start writing that family biography.

MarriedMama

Hi Azadi,

I've had a few challenges in mid-June & this July 4th weekend. I took my family to Disneyland in June, and all the restaurants really made it difficult to stay within my calorie allowances. I thought I was sort of careful, but when I started logging all the calories in my fitness pal, it was clear I was way over my limits. In 7 days, I ended up eating about 5400 calories over my recommended calorie allowance. As soon as I got back in to my regular work routine, I decided to excercise all the calories off. I did 5 straight days cardio & strength training. I walk to Leslie Sansome 5 mile walking video with 2 minute jogging boosts. I ended up walk-jogging about 25 miles. Then, I did heavy strength training. I think I burned a good amount of it off.

A couple weeks after Disneyland, I weighed in at a 3.3 lb loss for the month. I weigh myself once a month. Last month I lost about twice that amount. So, this month was not as good, but I'm still happy with my progress.

Then, this 4th of July weekend, I over ate about 650 calories Saturday and about 225 calories on Sunday. So, I did 5 miles with Leslie again today and more strength training. I'm going to do atleast 2-3 more days this week to help make up for it.

I like the walking video because I don't have to go anywhere, I don't need fancy equipment, and I can wear what I want. This is great for rolling out of bed with crazy hair, not matching outfits, while excercising in the privacy of my own home.

You are doing so good! It's hard to go to big events with great food. I'm so glad you had a good talk with your aunt. Family support is very helpful. I wish you the best with your life goals. My bootcamp instructor's favorite saying is, "progress not perfection." You are doing very good

IrishChik

Hey hun, you can follow all my struggles and achievements at www.selfemployedwriter.com...I have so many!!