Dealing with negative feed back

lee91356

I'm getting sick and tired of the negative feed back I'm getting aside from unsolicited exercise for my bat wings (thanks like I'm not feeling self-conscious as it is about it :embarassed: ) - today's comment courtesy of my dad, is that I need to go to the doctor because I'm sick. I asked him if it was because I have been stressed and tired. His response "no, you have that illness where people dont eat." I laughed it off (if only people could see my food dairy as of late). Its annoying, that prior to my weight loss I was fat and needed to lose weight, and now that I'm at healthier weight I'm "too skinny" and being told that I'm anorexic, despite the fact that my BMI is still "overweight". Dear god I wish they would lay off!

megsmom2

hang in there...yes, that is really annoying. But really...maybe he really is concerned that you are unwell, and just not saying it very well. Yes, I know...you're not anorexic. But you've made some pretty major changes, and folks aren't used to seeing you this way. Plus...people are so used to seeing us (everyone us) overweight, they have no concept of what "normal" weight is. They think a healthy weight looks skinny because they never see it! Stay strong...thank him for his concern, offer to show him what you're doing so he understands that you really ARE eating, and well!
And as to the batwings comments....I can relate. I have them too. Hate it. Oh well. If that's my biggest physical problem, I guess that's ok.

jess6742

Congrats on your success so far! I normally deal with the negative feedback by either completely ignoring the person or just saying that I am getting healthy. I also make it a point to never talk about my weight loss with anyone unless they are working on theirs too. Conversations about weight always seem to end up with someone being offended.

greattimes

I just remember the good comments and ignore the bad.

PlayerHatinDogooder

The conditions for feedback follow the Barkhausen stability criterion, namely that, with sufficiently high gain, a stable oscillation can (and usually will) occur in a feedback loop whose frequency is such that the phase delay is an integer multiple of 360 degrees and the gain at that frequency is equal to 1. If the gain is increased until it is greater than 1 for some frequency, then it will be equal to 1 at a nearby frequency, and the system will start to oscillate at that frequency at the merest input excitation, that is to say: sound will be produced without anyone actually playing. This is the principle upon which electronic oscillators are based; although in that case the feedback loop is purely electronic, the principle is the same. If the gain is large, but slightly less than 1, then high-pitched slowly decaying feedback tones will be created, but only with some input sound.

Early academic work on acoustical feedback was done by Dr. C. Paul Boner. Boner reasoned that when feedback happened, it did so at one precise frequency. He also reasoned that it could be stopped by inserting a very narrow notch filter at that frequency in the loudspeaker's signal chain.[2] He worked with Gifford White, founder of White Instruments to hand craft notch filters for specific feedback frequencies in specific rooms. Boner was responsible for establishing basic theories of acoustic feedback, room-ring modes, and room-sound system equalizing techniques.[3]


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Audio_feedback

Basically you need to keep your microphone away from your speaker system.

Janice2Shakira

The conditions for feedback follow the Barkhausen stability criterion, namely that, with sufficiently high gain, a stable oscillation can (and usually will) occur in a feedback loop whose frequency is such that the phase delay is an integer multiple of 360 degrees and the gain at that frequency is equal to 1. If the gain is increased until it is greater than 1 for some frequency, then it will be equal to 1 at a nearby frequency, and the system will start to oscillate at that frequency at the merest input excitation, that is to say: sound will be produced without anyone actually playing. This is the principle upon which electronic oscillators are based; although in that case the feedback loop is purely electronic, the principle is the same. If the gain is large, but slightly less than 1, then high-pitched slowly decaying feedback tones will be created, but only with some input sound.

Early academic work on acoustical feedback was done by Dr. C. Paul Boner. Boner reasoned that when feedback happened, it did so at one precise frequency. He also reasoned that it could be stopped by inserting a very narrow notch filter at that frequency in the loudspeaker's signal chain.[2] He worked with Gifford White, founder of White Instruments to hand craft notch filters for specific feedback frequencies in specific rooms. Boner was responsible for establishing basic theories of acoustic feedback, room-ring modes, and room-sound system equalizing techniques.[3]


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Audio_feedback

Basically you need to keep your microphone away from your speaker system.

ISWYDT

jenilla1

People are full of crap. Most of them can't handle change. I can almost guarantee that if you'd always been thinner, you wouldn't be getting these comments. I've always been on the thin side, so everyone thinks it's normal for me to be skinny. My sister, on the other hand, grew up on the heavier side. When she lost weight she got all kinds of comments about getting sick and wasting away - even though she's still bigger than me.

It's probably because they are used to you being bigger and it's unsettling to see you becoming "a different person." They may unconsciously fear you are pulling away from them, especially if your weight and/or eating socially was a big part of your group identity. Or, maybe you are becoming an uncomfortable reminder that THEY aren't taking care of themselves. Other people's opinions are just background noise. Ignore it, or turn it around in your head and take it as a compliment. :flowerforyou:

ttippie2000

Stand up for yourself. Don't let the *kitten* get you down. Negative people are usually cowards and if you do stand up to them they'll think twice before trying that again. Do not to let negative people define how you feel about yourself. When I'm faced with negative judgments from other people I take a deep breath and try to think to myself some positive cleansing thoughts, such as:

"I can kick through a 2x4 with my shin. I wonder what I could do to your knee?"
or
"I wonder how long it would take you to suffocate if I crushed your trachea?"
or
"My guillotine choke really has improved, hasn't it?"
or
Well, you get the idea.

MzOnree

Your profile pic is great! You look amazing! Congrats on your loss and your continued success. I try and ignore negative feedback. I try to turn it into a positive. Usually the negative feedback is someone that is envious, or not used to seeing you as you appear now. In their minds they may think you are sick or suffering from an illness. In time, these individuals will adjust. You must remember you are doing this for yourself. All that matters is what you think. All you can tell people is that you are doing what is best and the healthiest for you. The people that don't understand...well, that is their problem, not yours. So don't waste your energy worrying about what they think. Stay focused on you girlfriend! Keep on rockin'!

garber6th

I think when we lose large amounts of weight, we definitely change on the inside as well as the outside, and often the change is more confidence. People are used to us being a certain way - like the bigger we are the more introverted we are sometimes, and that isn't a challenge for people. When we lose weight and change it makes them uncomfortable because they have to make changes in the way they interact with us.

willdob3

I don't ask for feedback - ever. When I get the negative comments anyway I just ignore it & don't let the it sink in to hurt me.

alisonlynn1976

I would just tell them in a matter-of-fact tone that your BMI puts you in the overweight range. Change that to normal range once you get there. Medically speaking, you're not "too skinny" unless you're in the underweight range.

slim4health56

First off, congratulations to you on your weight loss! You have amazing courage and tenacity and I LOVE your photo!

Even well meaning people can be so hurtful at times...I have no idea what kind of relationship you have with your dad, but if you could get up close to him, take his hands in yours, look him straight in the eye and tell him you've lost weight to ensure you live a long and healthy life full of energy and confidence and you really appreciate his love and support. Then, give him a big hug. He'll either respond more kindly to you if the hurtful comments have been unintentional or he won't - a pretty good indicator that his intent is something other than supporting you. You have made MAJOR changes - that's a threat to insecure people.

Keep calm and carry on!

2essie

I take it as a complement. I never thought I would hear anyone say I don't need to lose any more (even though I am still in the overweight bracket). My friends told me the other day that I was looking really trim and didn't need to lose more weight. I was pleased as punch but will carry on doing my 'thing'. I am glad someone worries about me.

stefjc

Firstly, congratulations on the loss.

Now, go and find a small tin, purse (pocketbook?) and write on it "Fines for Idiots", carry it round with you and every time someone makes a stupid comment fine them however much you think they can afford.

Pop the money away somewhere safe and, when you reach your goal weight, take it out and spend it on whatever you want. A little bit of surgery, new clothes, a holiday.... whatever makes you feel good.

.... I may take my own advice, I'd definitely consider surgery on my batwings.

amy1612

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ISWYDT
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Hahaha it took me a minute too.

HollisGrant

Stand up for yourself. Don't let the *kitten* get you down. Negative people are usually cowards and if you do stand up to them they'll think twice before trying that again. Do not to let negative people define how you feel about yourself. When I'm faced with negative judgments from other people I take a deep breath and try to think to myself some positive cleansing thoughts, such as:

"I can kick through a 2x4 with my shin. I wonder what I could do to your knee?"
or
"I wonder how long it would take you to suffocate if I crushed your trachea?"
or
"My guillotine choke really has improved, hasn't it?"
or
Well, you get the idea.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha LOL

I love you.

I'm a sweet, nice person who has a hard time telling people to shove off.

I think I'll post this on my office wall.

HollisGrant

I'm getting sick and tired of the negative feed back I'm getting aside from unsolicited exercise for my bat wings (thanks like I'm not feeling self-conscious as it is about it :embarassed: ) - today's comment courtesy of my dad, is that I need to go to the doctor because I'm sick. I asked him if it was because I have been stressed and tired. His response "no, you have that illness where people dont eat." I laughed it off (if only people could see my food dairy as of late). Its annoying, that prior to my weight loss I was fat and needed to lose weight, and now that I'm at healthier weight I'm "too skinny" and being told that I'm anorexic, despite the fact that my BMI is still "overweight". Dear god I wish they would lay off!

Your dad is nuts.

You look FABULOUS. Look at all the weight you've lost! You're a freaking champion!

NostalgicGraeme

I keep thinking about it in my mind and respond to the thoughts by turning it into motivation.

For instance your dad's comment is actually a compliment, it means you've been so good at a restricted diet that he's noticed! Well done you! Keep it up!

GuybrushThreepw00d

People who knew you when you were bigger will always have you at that size as a frame of reference. You can't get away from it.

Chin up

joyfuljoy65

I would just tell them in a matter-of-fact tone that your BMI puts you in the overweight range. Change that to normal range once you get there. Medically speaking, you're not "too skinny" unless you're in the underweight range.

This is what I do repeatedly - even when they they go "well those charts must be wrong". I am sick of people saying I have lost enough now".... who are they to tell me how much to lose? I am still in the overweight category - and I am goaling for 'normal' - which will still be 12st 1b..... HARDLY SKINNY!!!!!!

I now just smile sweetly, tell them I am still medically overweight, and that I will continue to aim to lose that weight even if it takes a year or so.

GuybrushThreepw00d

I would just tell them in a matter-of-fact tone that your BMI puts you in the overweight range. Change that to normal range once you get there. Medically speaking, you're not "too skinny" unless you're in the underweight range.

This is what I do repeatedly - even when they they go "well those charts must be wrong". I am sick of people saying I have lost enough now".... who are they to tell me how much to lose? I am still in the overweight category - and I am goaling for 'normal' - which will still be 12st 1b..... HARDLY SKINNY!!!!!!

I now just smile sweetly, tell them I am still medically overweight, and that I will continue to aim to lose that weight even if it takes a year or so.

Well, to be fair those charts are wrong

I find the best response when someone says "have you lost weight"/"you're getting too skinny", is to say "nope, i've leveled off recently and haven't lost any in weeks".

TheVeganFrenchie

Oh... It sucks! People around you should be thinking about the health benefits you're getting! Your body is yours and only you can decide where on the scale "healthy" is. If you feel good, if you feel better than before and if you're not putting your life in danger, just keep going on. I know it's sounds easy and it's not, but you managed to do wonderful things lately... You totally can ignore them ♡

Be strong and have a great day!

leebesstoad

Keep this handy:

emergencytennis

People who knew you when you were bigger will always have you at that size as a frame of reference. You can't get away from it.

Chin up

This is the truth. It is the people with the "too skinny" comments who lack perspective.

You know you are doing it right. Good on you, keep it up.