People that say rude comments that don't even notice it...

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  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    I find the first case more sub-consciously aggressive. Your friends have no problem deeming something over 200 pounds fat. While it's medically correct, the word carries connotations. Now you know what your friends think of you on the inside. You don't need friends like that.

    As to random folks barging in, they're just morons and socially handicapped. I have gained a little weight, after my marriage. I'm no longer the dashing young man I once was who had plenty of time to work out because I had to date and look good. I had plenty of time to stay fit. But my job has gotten really tough and my wife and I have our own issues and I have lost my shape and my belly has come out a little. I was taking out Indian food and the guys working there told me I have gotten fat and I need to work out in front of other diners who were all shocked for a moment.... didn't bother me at all. I laughed it off but then I told my wife and she went ballistic.

    I don't know. I don't think it's a big deal. Stepping outside of the receiving end is helpful to evaluate the situation. When I see someone who is big in the street, my line of thought goes like "this person is big". It ends there. Total time spent thinking about that? 2 seconds. The magnitude of judgement and "aggressiveness" is similar to that of seeing a person with messy hair or a stained shirt, insignificant. Judging by my own judgements, I don't think people think about me that often or consciously sit there thinking up all kinds of meaningfully aggressive ideas about me in their free time. If someone's social filters accidentally let something slip that isn't totally politically correct, I don't take it to heart.
  • brookielaw
    brookielaw Posts: 814 Member
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    1- In all honesty, your friends probably have NO clue what you weigh. When I mentioned being under 200 lbs and what a big deal it was to finally be there (after being MUCH closer to 400 than 350), my Mother balked and basically said that she thought I was there ages ago. People quite frequently have zero concept of the weight or struggles of another. I am pretty sensitive and honestly don't think comment #1 was a dig on you but a personal reference to what that person felt was an excessive weight for herself. I cannot count the number of times back in 2013 when I first started MFP where I saw people saying how disgusting and huge they were and how disappointed in themselves at a weight that was 100+ below where I was after working to lose. Comparison really is the thief of joy.

    As for #2, the guy's an *kitten*. I'm sure that's going to be censored to kitten, but I am saying he is an *kitten*. Nobody has the right to comment on your choices, particularly like that in the workplace. You could have a lot of fun taking that to the HR department if you have one.
  • 2gr8tervs
    2gr8tervs Posts: 1 Member
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    I can totally sympathize with you on both counts :(
    In the first situation, all I can say is that those women probably felt huge and to them 200 is huge, but they obviously don't think you are huge. Did that make any sense? Yes, it hurts. I know. I probably would have joined in going OMG, not 200!!!
    The second guy needs his *kitten* kicked.
  • Jules_farmgirl
    Jules_farmgirl Posts: 225 Member
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    The friends? Yes girls notice EVERYTHING and they knew what they were saying. I have had this issue since re-gaining about 35lbs in the past months.

    The co-worker? This is why I think violence in the work place should allowed! I would have thrown a stapler at his head!

    Keep doing your thing, and don't worry if they don't notice yet. Cause honestly?? You are doing this for you OP and not for the "kittens" of the world. One day you will go shopping for that new pair of pants and top cause your old ones aint gonna stay up and work anymore, and they will all see that first big change and jaws will drop and you will feel amazing!
  • Tedebearduff
    Tedebearduff Posts: 1,155 Member
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    GemstoneofHeart wrote: »
    Sorry I have to rant here because twice today people have said things that really erk me. I know they don't mean to be rude, it was more of a lack of compassion. We all do it, but it's super hard when you are fighting the fat battle...

    1. Two friends, very thin, we're discussing pregnancy weight with me. One says "omg guys, I was so fat, I actually reached 200 pounds before I had her." Other friend replies, " WHAT? 200 pounds????? That's insane". Right next to the girl who weighed 227 just months ago and still weighs over 200 pounds...not pregnant
    2. I ate a very healthy lunch. Salad, vinaigrette, grapes, tomato, and carrots. I finish it off with a dark chocolate covered rice cake. A guy walks in my office (door was closed) and says "oh I see you are hiding because you are stuffing your face with cookies!" All I could think to say is "actually this is a rice cake, they are fairly healthy". He retorts "some healthy rice cake covered in chocolate"

    WHY?!?!?! And literally no one notices that I've lost almost 20 pounds. Not a single word about that...

    I'm sorry, I'm just really frustrated. I'm not doing this for anyone but me, but it sure would be nice to receive some positive motivation from those around me.

    1. it' a perspective thing, they might not realize or see you as 227lbs
    2. Guys a dick

    I get this all the time, people at work are by far the worst! I lose weight, get comments about how I might go to far, when I do a bulk cycle I get "oh did you quit the gym? looking like you've put some weight on" then when I cut again I get 'You have to be on steroids" it's all super rude, you just kind of don't give a *kitten*.


    I always tell this, I walked into the kitchen one day to get my lunch and go back to my office, a girl goes, "I earned these Brad" I was head in the fridge and said "huh? what was that?" she said "I earned these, it's time for a treat don't judge me" I was dumbfounded... I said "I didn't even see you there.... and I don't care what you do, I'm just getting my lunch"
  • butcher206
    butcher206 Posts: 61 Member
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    Tedebearduff wrote: »
    GemstoneofHeart wrote: »
    Sorry I have to rant here because twice today people have said things that really erk me. I know they don't mean to be rude, it was more of a lack of compassion. We all do it, but it's super hard when you are fighting the fat battle...

    1. Two friends, very thin, we're discussing pregnancy weight with me. One says "omg guys, I was so fat, I actually reached 200 pounds before I had her." Other friend replies, " WHAT? 200 pounds????? That's insane". Right next to the girl who weighed 227 just months ago and still weighs over 200 pounds...not pregnant
    2. I ate a very healthy lunch. Salad, vinaigrette, grapes, tomato, and carrots. I finish it off with a dark chocolate covered rice cake. A guy walks in my office (door was closed) and says "oh I see you are hiding because you are stuffing your face with cookies!" All I could think to say is "actually this is a rice cake, they are fairly healthy". He retorts "some healthy rice cake covered in chocolate"

    WHY?!?!?! And literally no one notices that I've lost almost 20 pounds. Not a single word about that...

    I'm sorry, I'm just really frustrated. I'm not doing this for anyone but me, but it sure would be nice to receive some positive motivation from those around me.

    1. it' a perspective thing, they might not realize or see you as 227lbs
    2. Guys a dick

    I get this all the time, people at work are by far the worst! I lose weight, get comments about how I might go to far, when I do a bulk cycle I get "oh did you quit the gym? looking like you've put some weight on" then when I cut again I get 'You have to be on steroids" it's all super rude, you just kind of don't give a *kitten*.


    I always tell this, I walked into the kitchen one day to get my lunch and go back to my office, a girl goes, "I earned these Brad" I was head in the fridge and said "huh? what was that?" she said "I earned these, it's time for a treat don't judge me" I was dumbfounded... I said "I didn't even see you there.... and I don't care what you do, I'm just getting my lunch"

    lol

    I wonder if she went and blogged about it on tumblr.
    "OMG MR FITNESS NAZI TOTALLY WALKED INTO THE BREAK ROOM, SLAPPED MY CHOCOLATE CAKE OUT OF MY HAND AND SAID "LOSE SOME WEIGHT FATTY MCFATFAT"
  • bigislandgrrl
    bigislandgrrl Posts: 196 Member
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    Not defending scenario 1 in any way, but there are several people in my life that were absolutely shocked when I told them what I actually weigh. Either these people would not do very well judging the weight of the fat man at the carnival or we carry our weight very well. I would take it as an inadvertent compliment :)
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
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    bigislandgrrl wrote: »
    Not defending scenario 1 in any way, but there are several people in my life that were absolutely shocked when I told them what I actually weigh. Either these people would not do very well judging the weight of the fat man at the carnival or we carry our weight very well. I would take it as an inadvertent compliment :)

    This is very true. Whenever mom asks me how much I weigh she is in disbelief, one of the smartest people I know and still she can't judge weight. Her friend's mother in law weighs 140 something kg (my last known heaviest weight was 137 but probably more when I started), no way I was even remotely as fat as that woman at my heaviest. Mom, that woman is barely 5 feet tall and has 10 BMI points on me at my heaviest.

    I weigh 90 kg now and my body fat is higher than average. She still wouldn't believe me. "Well, you don't look it". Yes mom, I do very much look it, you just have a certain image in your head of what "fat" looks like. I have a different shape than the one in your head, but I'm still pretty much obese.
  • Tum22
    Tum22 Posts: 102 Member
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    Tell him to "mind ya business". I don't know why some people think they have permission to talk to people like that.
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
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    1) I know it hurts - sometimes those of us, especially the ones who've been heavy their whole life, internalize things and interpret comments according to our own internal biases. But I think the others are right - the girls probably didn't mean anything against you personally.

    And those who said you probably don't look like you weight what you do are right as well. My brother and I are like that; both of us are obese, but when we mention our actual weight to someone, they are usually shocked as they would have guess we were weight lighter than we actually are. However, that's a problem on the flip side too - when we manage to lose weight, we have to drop a significant amount before it becomes noticeable!

    2) the guy was a jerk. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those types out there. Compassion and understanding aren't in vogue these days, sad to say. I was watching a couple of TED videos the other day from large women who are encouraging us as large people to be more accepting of ourselves, to be easier on ourselves, and to find joy in who we are as a person and quit evaluating our selfworth based on our body weight. The video was quite inspiring, but the comments below where horrible - people basically commenting that if you are fat, you don't deserve to be happy or even treated with any respect at all because by giving us affirmation or respect or compassion as a fat person, that would be "encouraging our unhealthy lifestyle."

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