Trying to cope with it.

night_watcher

Im a 28 year old female and currently I weigh 98 kilos, 216 lbs, and I had been in toxic relationship since 2010 i have binged eaten out of depression and never really realized till Dec 2015. I'm still completely not out of it yet but i am trying really hard to gather my focus again.

Can you guys help build my focus/ motivation back?

What should I do?
I know the basics, its the focus or consistency that I can not nail

Please tell me what was your starting and current weight and what did you do to lose it? Also the challenges along the way. Thank you so much

HardcoreP0rk

Honestly, I think the mental health is the top priority for someone like you. I struggled with depression for years and came out of it with a combination of medication, lots of learning, and lifestyle / behavioral changes. One thing that helps me stay healthy is finding comfort in ritual and routine. You could conceivably combine your fitness goals with your mental health goals by developing routines that work for you.

Particularly if you struggle with focus and consistency, you might want to really get on this whole ritual thing. I have a minor ritual for morning and evening. Each month, I create a little grid for am and pm habits and I fill in the boxes for those habits each morning and evening. It's simple for me... little things like medications, skin care, etc... but I find it really relaxing and productive. I keep this journal by my bed, with the habit tracker and I store my to-dos in there. At work, I'll build my to-do list at the end of the work day before I leave (planning for the next day). At night before bed, I review my calendar and update this list, since things are always changing.

The ritual of planning and the routine of executing and tracking my habits is a comfort that keeps me focused. Maybe it can help you?

night_watcher

HardcoreP0rk wrote: »

Honestly, I think the mental health is the top priority for someone like you. I struggled with depression for years and came out of it with a combination of medication, lots of learning, and lifestyle / behavioral changes. One thing that helps me stay healthy is finding comfort in ritual and routine. You could conceivably combine your fitness goals with your mental health goals by developing routines that work for you.

Particularly if you struggle with focus and consistency, you might want to really get on this whole ritual thing. I have a minor ritual for morning and evening. Each month, I create a little grid for am and pm habits and I fill in the boxes for those habits each morning and evening. It's simple for me... little things like medications, skin care, etc... but I find it really relaxing and productive. I keep this journal by my bed, with the habit tracker and I store my to-dos in there. At work, I'll build my to-do list at the end of the work day before I leave (planning for the next day). At night before bed, I review my calendar and update this list, since things are always changing.

The ritual of planning and the routine of executing and tracking my habits is a comfort that keeps me focused. Maybe it can help you?

Thankyou @HardcoreP0rk , I have tried maintaining planners and habit trackers as well. The maximum i have stuck to is 20 days. I am struggling at even committing to myself. I have a habit tracker installed in my cell phone, I have excel sheets which I would fill in for a maximum a month and then as soon as I have a couple of bad days, i just lose hope. I have tried meditation, music therapy, I have noticed that exercise keeps me atleast happy otherwise i feel sloppy and sad all the time. But i am not even consistent in exercise. I will exercise with full dedication for a couple of weeks and then this goes down the drain too.

I am trying really hard to cope with it on my own.. Do you think seeing a psychiatrist will help? Im sure they're probably gonna tell me the same thing that keep yourself busy, do things that you love, but i am on a point where nothing excites me, I feel like there are lots of feelings bottled up inside and i can not even let them out, i can not even cry anymore, the tears just won't come.

Spliner1969

Starting weight 305+, current weight ~185, lowest weight 178, I'm 47. Took me a little over a year to lose about 110 lbs, and at my lowest weight my total lost was 126 lbs. I'm doing slight bulk/cut cycles now so I fluctuate a few pounds, but it's to be expected. I've been in maintenance mode now since fall of 2016 and going strong. For me the right formula was exercise and staying within my calorie goals. I exercised at least six days a week for the same amount of time, ate back half of those calories on top of what MFP set for me. It wasn't rocket science, and I didn't have to "eat clean" or all "whole foods" or "low carb". I just logged and weighed everything that passed my lips and stayed under my calorie goal as often as possible. I allowed myself to cheat never. Even on holidays and special occasions when I'd go over my calorie goal I logged it, then added a little extra to my deficit the next few days or a week until I felt it was "paid in full". Just realize you can't always stay below your calorie goal, but you can always make up for it if you don't. Try not to set yourself at so low of a goal that you can't sustain it, and a good mix of exercise will help you earn more calories as well as help you improve your body.

HardcoreP0rk

I'm not really sure. A psychiatrist will help with medication. A therapist will provide talk therapy or other assistance. Maybe a combination of the two will help for you? I find talk therapy counterproductive for me, since it allows me to relive past trauma.

But at this point you should definitely see someone, keeping in mind that it could take several someone's before the find what works. Or it could take several false starts with your treatment team before you nail the formula.

It sounds like you're in good shape mostly but you get really derailed by a bad day or minor setbacks. Definitely mention that and they can help you work on resilience training. I can tell you that a bad day isn't the end of the world, but without someone actually working with you to help you bounce back... it's just well meaning words.

night_watcher

Spliner1969 wrote: »

Starting weight 305+, current weight ~185, lowest weight 178, I'm 47. Took me a little over a year to lose about 110 lbs, and at my lowest weight my total lost was 126 lbs. I'm doing slight bulk/cut cycles now so I fluctuate a few pounds, but it's to be expected. I've been in maintenance mode now since fall of 2016 and going strong. For me the right formula was exercise and staying within my calorie goals. I exercised at least six days a week for the same amount of time, ate back half of those calories on top of what MFP set for me. It wasn't rocket science, and I didn't have to "eat clean" or all "whole foods" or "low carb". I just logged and weighed everything that passed my lips and stayed under my calorie goal as often as possible. I allowed myself to cheat never. Even on holidays and special occasions when I'd go over my calorie goal I logged it, then added a little extra to my deficit the next few days or a week until I felt it was "paid in full". Just realize you can't always stay below your calorie goal, but you can always make up for it if you don't. Try not to set yourself at so low of a goal that you can't sustain it, and a good mix of exercise will help you earn more calories as well as help you improve your body.

@Spliner1969 hey thanks alot for your reply, can you please guide how did you set your calorie goal? Did you go with custom one of MFP or some other method?

night_watcher

HardcoreP0rk wrote: »

I'm not really sure. A psychiatrist will help with medication. A therapist will provide talk therapy or other assistance. Maybe a combination of the two will help for you? I find talk therapy counterproductive for me, since it allows me to relive past trauma.

But at this point you should definitely see someone, keeping in mind that it could take several someone's before the find what works. Or it could take several false starts with your treatment team before you nail the formula.

It sounds like you're in good shape mostly but you get really derailed by a bad day or minor setbacks. Definitely mention that and they can help you work on resilience training. I can tell you that a bad day isn't the end of the world, but without someone actually working with you to help you bounce back... it's just well meaning words.

Actually the problem with me that for the past 6 years my closest social circle has only been him. So I have never even told anyone anything. The day he went away was the day I realized what a mistake i have made for isolating myself. I think I need to talk it out. I should go to a therapist first seeing how that works out. May be it will help in bringing that mind peace back. Thank you so much

faramelee

Would you normally be an 'all or nothing' type of diet/exerciser? If this is the case it will seem daunting looking forward. Incorporate small changes bit by bit and they will, over time, become habit. You said in your previous post that 'as soon as you have a couple of bad days you just lose hope'. I think everyone on MFP has their own ways and will think differently from each other but I've learnt to try to avoid assigning good/bad thinking around food. If you do have a day whereby you haven't done any activity and are over your calories it's OK, you're human, please don't see it as a failure and quit, get back up, brush yourself off and tomorrow is a new day. You'll find that you'll put yourself under less pressure this way.

I really hope that you can find some equilibrium both mentally and physically. Depression is an absolute b*tch. Best of luck to you.

night_watcher

faramelee wrote: »

Would you normally be an 'all or nothing' type of diet/exerciser? If this is the case it will seem daunting looking forward. Incorporate small changes bit by bit and they will, over time, become habit. You said in your previous post that 'as soon as you have a couple of bad days you just lose hope'. I think everyone on MFP has their own ways and will think differently from each other but I've learnt to try to avoid assigning good/bad thinking around food. If you do have a day whereby you haven't done any activity and are over your calories it's OK, you're human, please don't see it as a failure and quit, get back up, brush yourself off and tomorrow is a new day. You'll find that you'll put yourself under less pressure this way.

I really hope that you can find some equilibrium both mentally and physically. Depression is an absolute b*tch. Best of luck to you.

@faramelee thank you so much, You're right I should not let one day de-track me like that. But it does.. I will try and work on it.

rsclause

I gave up sweet drinks and counted calories. This revealed how badly I was over eating so I reduced portion size and breads & potatoes. I then started running. I worked my way up to 25+ miles a week and the weight started melting off. I lost 53 pounds and my large beer gut. I have put about 15 pounds back on so I need to step up my running again. Looking to do some more half marathons this spring too.

Spliner1969

night_watcher wrote: »

@Spliner1969 hey thanks alot for your reply, can you please guide how did you set your calorie goal? Did you go with custom one of MFP or some other method?

Originally I set my goal with MFP's wizard. I stayed with it for probably the first three or four months of my journey. But I found it to be too restrictive, and way too low on protein macros. Someone suggested IIFYM.com so I used their site to re-adjust. I paid for a year of MFP so I could set my macros by the gram (it made things easier, but you can still do this with the free edition you just have to use percentages), and used their calculator to figure my daily calories and set my macros. Catch is, I did not enter exercise on their calculators at all. The entire first year I set myself ad sedentary without calculating exercise levels into the iifym calculator. I set my protein at 1g/lb of my target body weight (which meant I left it set at default on theirs at .8g/lb because I was overweight then). Since my target weight was 190, I made sure my protein macro was set at 190g/day. Unless you have kidney disease of some sort never be afraid of too much protein. It'll help you lean out faster and retain (and even build) muscle in my humble opinion.

So basically I went to iifym.com, used their iifym calculator, entered my age, height, current weight, set myself at sedentary, left the exercise level at 0 times per week, 0 minutes per day, and set myself at a -20% loss rate. Then I'd calculate my macros. IIFYM gave me 1800ish calories a day, where MFP was giving me 1600. So at -20% with IIFYM it was probably setting me around 1.5lb/wk loss. That was fine with me and at my size/height the extra 200 calories a day was very welcome.

Then I purchased a HRM to pair to my phone and purchased Endomondo tracking app. I would wear the HRM, start up Endomondo, set it to walking, and walk every day up to 4 miles as fast as I could manage. I suggest 5-6 days a week of that, no more. I did 7 days a week at first and managed to hurt myself doing it, but I'm 47 and have previous injuries so you'll have to make that decision. I also cannot lift because of previous injuries to my back and knees so walking was best for me. Endomondo with the HRM would estimate somewhere around a 1000 calorie burn most days, sometimes 800 sometimes 1100. Because of what I'd heard on the boards I only trusted 50% of those calories. So I would allow Endomondo to add calories into MFP every time I walked, and then I would purposely finish the day with half of those exercise calories to spare. So if it was 1000 calories of exercise I'd finish the day with 500 left. I probably averaged close to 2lb/wk loss for that entire year, like I said, it ended up being 110 lbs total loss in that year and I got to eat up to 2300ish calories a day.

People will argue that you can't trust an HRM. I certainly don't trust trackers like Fitbit/etc. I figured IIFYM was calculating my daily calories just fine so I only used the HRM strap and my app when I was walking for exercise. I allowed MFP to add in calories for steps, but it seems to do a good job of not adding steps on days I enter a ton of exercise from walking (it did a good job of not double dipping the calories). So it worked for me.

I did purchase a Bowflex M5 for Winter use. It's a combination of a stair stepper and an elliptical. In the Winter in Missouri it gets cold/wet/nasty and I hate cold/wet/nasty so you won't see me out walking in it. Instead in the Winter I use my machine for 30 minutes, then transition for another 60 minutes into body weight circuit training. I do a routine that I made myself which takes into account my injuries. Works great for me. In the warmer weather I go back to walking (and can even jog now) and I mix in the circuit training while I'm walking (I'll stop and do push ups or pull ups on equipment in the park then continue on my walk).

All of this was very successful for me, but I contribute it to IIFYM and exercise equally. Had I not had those extra 500 calories a day of exercise calories to eat I'd have been miserable and might have failed.

Now that I'm in maintenance I did not stop my exercise routine. I still go for 90 minutes a day 5 days a week, I simply eat at or slightly above maintenance (I'm in a very slight bulk phase right now) and do the same amount of work. In the spring I'll probably cut down a couple hundred calories a day to do a slight cut for a while until I hit 10% body fat or so, then bump back up to maintenance until winter again and repeat. My ultimate goal is to look in the mirror the day I turn 50 and see someone who's in the best shape of their life.

HardcoreP0rk

night_watcher wrote: »

Actually the problem with me that for the past 6 years my closest social circle has only been him. So I have never even told anyone anything. The day he went away was the day I realized what a mistake i have made for isolating myself. I think I need to talk it out. I should go to a therapist first seeing how that works out. May be it will help in bringing that mind peace back. Thank you so much

Social support will be HUGE. Maybe consider doing small group training. You can meet some cool people that way. It's hard to make friends in this age range, unless youre close with people at work or have a lot of nearby college friends.

boothekm1

A combination of walking, meds, and HIIT training has helped with my depression (abusive relationship and my daddy passed). Also, get some sunshine, sunshine, sunshine!! We are here for you!

situationdesired

I am 58 and recently divorced. It is very weird being this age and finding myself single again. My marriage was totally dysfunctional and loveless and entering the marriage in top physical form, I managed to gain a whopping 100 pounds over the whole 20 years of the marriage.

The worst of the emotional baggage of the divorce is over. It was impossible for me to diet/lose weight while the divorce was in progress. I was just too strung out. Things are better now, more calm, and I am in more control of myself.

So coping with being single at 58, having to lose 100 pounds, is difficult as well. But it must be done if not for my health, than for my happiness. As I said I went into this marriage in top shape, so that is me naturally.... all of this weight is a symptom of the dysfunctional marriage. Now that I'm out of it, I can begin the process of returning to the real "me" inside.

Good luck. Keep in touch. We can do this together.

HardcoreP0rk

situationdesired wrote: »

I am 58 and recently divorced. It is very weird being this age and finding myself single again. My marriage was totally dysfunctional and loveless and entering the marriage in top physical form, I managed to gain a whopping 100 pounds over the whole 20 years of the marriage.

The worst of the emotional baggage of the divorce is over. It was impossible for me to diet/lose weight while the divorce was in progress. I was just too strung out. Things are better now, more calm, and I am in more control of myself.

So coping with being single at 58, having to lose 100 pounds, is difficult as well. But it must be done if not for my health, than for my happiness. As I said I went into this marriage in top shape, so that is me naturally.... all of this weight is a symptom of the dysfunctional marriage. Now that I'm out of it, I can begin the process of returning to the real "me" inside.

Good luck. Keep in touch. We can do this together.

It's really sweet of you to share your story. Thanks!

night_watcher

situationdesired wrote: »

I am 58 and recently divorced. It is very weird being this age and finding myself single again. My marriage was totally dysfunctional and loveless and entering the marriage in top physical form, I managed to gain a whopping 100 pounds over the whole 20 years of the marriage.

The worst of the emotional baggage of the divorce is over. It was impossible for me to diet/lose weight while the divorce was in progress. I was just too strung out. Things are better now, more calm, and I am in more control of myself.

So coping with being single at 58, having to lose 100 pounds, is difficult as well. But it must be done if not for my health, than for my happiness. As I said I went into this marriage in top shape, so that is me naturally.... all of this weight is a symptom of the dysfunctional marriage. Now that I'm out of it, I can begin the process of returning to the real "me" inside.

Good luck. Keep in touch. We can do this together.

@situationdesired Hey you are such an inspiration.. And i really hope that you achieve the best. And yes together we can build support and do this.

night_watcher

boothekm1 wrote: »

A combination of walking, meds, and HIIT training has helped with my depression (abusive relationship and my daddy passed). Also, get some sunshine, sunshine, sunshine!! We are here for you!

@boothekm1 I need to socialize... i will feel better once i do that. The problem is i had to shun everyone off. and its been 6 years, they've all moved along and i feel so embarrassed about this..

night_watcher

HardcoreP0rk wrote: »

night_watcher wrote: »

Actually the problem with me that for the past 6 years my closest social circle has only been him. So I have never even told anyone anything. The day he went away was the day I realized what a mistake i have made for isolating myself. I think I need to talk it out. I should go to a therapist first seeing how that works out. May be it will help in bringing that mind peace back. Thank you so much

Social support will be HUGE. Maybe consider doing small group training. You can meet some cool people that way. It's hard to make friends in this age range, unless youre close with people at work or have a lot of nearby college friends.

@HardcoreP0rk I have joined a couple of team challenges here to keep up with the motivation and support.

night_watcher

Spliner1969 wrote: »

night_watcher wrote: »

@Spliner1969 hey thanks alot for your reply, can you please guide how did you set your calorie goal? Did you go with custom one of MFP or some other method?

Originally I set my goal with MFP's wizard. I stayed with it for probably the first three or four months of my journey. But I found it to be too restrictive, and way too low on protein macros. Someone suggested IIFYM.com so I used their site to re-adjust. I paid for a year of MFP so I could set my macros by the gram (it made things easier, but you can still do this with the free edition you just have to use percentages), and used their calculator to figure my daily calories and set my macros. Catch is, I did not enter exercise on their calculators at all. The entire first year I set myself ad sedentary without calculating exercise levels into the iifym calculator. I set my protein at 1g/lb of my target body weight (which meant I left it set at default on theirs at .8g/lb because I was overweight then). Since my target weight was 190, I made sure my protein macro was set at 190g/day. Unless you have kidney disease of some sort never be afraid of too much protein. It'll help you lean out faster and retain (and even build) muscle in my humble opinion.

So basically I went to iifym.com, used their iifym calculator, entered my age, height, current weight, set myself at sedentary, left the exercise level at 0 times per week, 0 minutes per day, and set myself at a -20% loss rate. Then I'd calculate my macros. IIFYM gave me 1800ish calories a day, where MFP was giving me 1600. So at -20% with IIFYM it was probably setting me around 1.5lb/wk loss. That was fine with me and at my size/height the extra 200 calories a day was very welcome.

Then I purchased a HRM to pair to my phone and purchased Endomondo tracking app. I would wear the HRM, start up Endomondo, set it to walking, and walk every day up to 4 miles as fast as I could manage. I suggest 5-6 days a week of that, no more. I did 7 days a week at first and managed to hurt myself doing it, but I'm 47 and have previous injuries so you'll have to make that decision. I also cannot lift because of previous injuries to my back and knees so walking was best for me. Endomondo with the HRM would estimate somewhere around a 1000 calorie burn most days, sometimes 800 sometimes 1100. Because of what I'd heard on the boards I only trusted 50% of those calories. So I would allow Endomondo to add calories into MFP every time I walked, and then I would purposely finish the day with half of those exercise calories to spare. So if it was 1000 calories of exercise I'd finish the day with 500 left. I probably averaged close to 2lb/wk loss for that entire year, like I said, it ended up being 110 lbs total loss in that year and I got to eat up to 2300ish calories a day.

People will argue that you can't trust an HRM. I certainly don't trust trackers like Fitbit/etc. I figured IIFYM was calculating my daily calories just fine so I only used the HRM strap and my app when I was walking for exercise. I allowed MFP to add in calories for steps, but it seems to do a good job of not adding steps on days I enter a ton of exercise from walking (it did a good job of not double dipping the calories). So it worked for me.

I did purchase a Bowflex M5 for Winter use. It's a combination of a stair stepper and an elliptical. In the Winter in Missouri it gets cold/wet/nasty and I hate cold/wet/nasty so you won't see me out walking in it. Instead in the Winter I use my machine for 30 minutes, then transition for another 60 minutes into body weight circuit training. I do a routine that I made myself which takes into account my injuries. Works great for me. In the warmer weather I go back to walking (and can even jog now) and I mix in the circuit training while I'm walking (I'll stop and do push ups or pull ups on equipment in the park then continue on my walk).

All of this was very successful for me, but I contribute it to IIFYM and exercise equally. Had I not had those extra 500 calories a day of exercise calories to eat I'd have been miserable and might have failed.

Now that I'm in maintenance I did not stop my exercise routine. I still go for 90 minutes a day 5 days a week, I simply eat at or slightly above maintenance (I'm in a very slight bulk phase right now) and do the same amount of work. In the spring I'll probably cut down a couple hundred calories a day to do a slight cut for a while until I hit 10% body fat or so, then bump back up to maintenance until winter again and repeat. My ultimate goal is to look in the mirror the day I turn 50 and see someone who's in the best shape of their life.

@Spliner1969 this is such useful information. After reading this i went to IIFYM too, and have set my intake to what theyve told me with 30% of protein. How did you get your protein? I hate the taste of whey protein it makes me sick. So I stick to chicken breast meat only. That's the only thing that can help me hit that protein macro. Did you come across any good protein snacks? I work 9 to 6 but including commute it makes 7 to 8 and the max i can do is utilize lunch hour as gym. I will be starting slow so that I dont just run away. I love going to the gym and performing different kinds of workouts in the past. Now its very difficult for a past year. Still thanks a lot for such useful information.

night_watcher

rsclause wrote: »

I gave up sweet drinks and counted calories. This revealed how badly I was over eating so I reduced portion size and breads & potatoes. I then started running. I worked my way up to 25+ miles a week and the weight started melting off. I lost 53 pounds and my large beer gut. I have put about 15 pounds back on so I need to step up my running again. Looking to do some more half marathons this spring too.

@rsclause I have been thinking about starting running as well. But my knees have been bearing me for too long and i get pains, so I prefer walking on ramps instead

NannersBalletLegs

Maybe try making a list of all the reasons you want to lose weight and read it every morning. That has helped me a lot. I also keep a google drive folder with old pictures of myself from when I was thinner and a Pinterest board with photos of what I'd like to look like and be able to wear eventually to keep me inspired. Sometimes if I'm feeling lazy and wanting to hop off the treadmill earlier than usual, I will look through these images on my phone and refocus my eyes on the prize. Hope that helps!

jlscherme

If you decide to see a pdoc for help, make sure to ask if the meds they put you on are weight gainers or neutral. One of the first meds I tried was the worst one, I gained 70 lbs in about 5-6 months.

Also a therapy program or course in DBT may be helpful.

Spliner1969

night_watcher wrote: »

@Spliner1969 this is such useful information. After reading this i went to IIFYM too, and have set my intake to what theyve told me with 30% of protein. How did you get your protein? I hate the taste of whey protein it makes me sick. So I stick to chicken breast meat only. That's the only thing that can help me hit that protein macro. Did you come across any good protein snacks? I work 9 to 6 but including commute it makes 7 to 8 and the max i can do is utilize lunch hour as gym. I will be starting slow so that I dont just run away. I love going to the gym and performing different kinds of workouts in the past. Now its very difficult for a past year. Still thanks a lot for such useful information.

Currently I drink a protein shake from Optimum Nutrition, usually a chocolate flavor. I'll agree the flavors take some getting used to, but now I'm so used to them I simply mix them with water and I don't mind them. As far as snacks I used to buy Fit Crunch protein bars. They have a snack size if you an find it that's a hair under 200 calories for about 18-20g of protein. Otherwise their larger bars are around 380 calories and 30g of protein. But they are a baked 7-layer bar so they taste like a candy bar. One of the larger ones is damn near a meal replacement because they are very filling.

Otherwise I eat a lot of chicken or lean pork or beef. We tend to buy boneless skinless chicken breasts and boneless skinless chicken thighs each week. There's a million ways you can prepare them, but my favorite is probably just seasoned and tossed in the crock pot for 3-4 hours. In the summer I'll season and grill them or smoke them. Pork tenderloin is a good source of protein with very low fat so it's low calorie. Beef is always going to be higher calorie, but the really lean stuff can be good depending on how you prepare it. I do eat several eggs each day, and sometimes tuna or salmon, but the canned varieties are full of sodium so I don't eat them often.