Tools to deal with an unsupportive spouse.
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Look into the book "Crucial Conversations" and learn how to relay this information to him in a way that works.
I'm also siding with the "He's not on a diet so let him have his pizza" crew.1 -
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/972-mom-on-a-mission
Here is a mothers group for you OP. Hopefully they can give you ideas for exercise with your little one.
Good luck0 -
competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »So those who think it's too much to ask for her hubby not to make pizza at 9pm...do you ever pick up something that dropped for someone else? Ever hold a door someone else? How bout let someone out in traffic when you might be in a rush yourself? How bout hold in a fart as you sit next to someone?
No? Oh.
Successful weight loss involves learning to live normally while keeping your eating in check. You only gain the skills to do that through practice and practice starts at home. You can't learn to swim if you never get in the water.
She's in the water
Your analogy would be to jump in the deep end and either sink or swim. Her hubby watching her drown but sit back and eat his pizza on deck
BS, she's in the water. How is she going to handle socializing with friends? Family picnics? Work dinners? That's the deep end, not refraining from eating pizza because her husband is. Those are the situations where people will be pushing about her trying food or where she'll feel obligated to try a bite so as not to offend. Her husband is passively eating a pizza in his own home. She can go to another room. She can take a walk. She can go to bed. There are dozens of things she can do besides eat with him and she needs to figure out how to do one or more for the next 50+ years.6 -
Yes, we all wish all the stars would line up perfectly for us, and everyone who deals with us to be perfectly fine tuned to fit our personality and desires. That's not how life works, though. We could sit here shifting the blame from one side to another, but in the end it wouldn't matter. The only thing you can control is how you react to situations.
I would not expect anything from the husband. It's nice to have support, but it's something given not demanded or taken for granted. Food, in particular, can get very personal for some reason and asking someone to change their eating habits for you may not end well.
Here is what you CAN do, though. Sit down and have a direct but calm talk with him. Explain everything. Not just random backhanded remarks whenever he does something "not right", but a real talk. It would be nice to learn his side of the issue.
IF after the talk nothing changes, then you will need to learn to handle it on your own. You don't need to leave the house to work out. Toddlers can be a workout just being themselves. Play hide and seek, run around the house, use him as a "weight". Toddlers are active by nature so the possibilities are endless, but if your's is not, sit him down with his toys where you can keep an eye on him and do some youtube videos.
As for fasting, have you considered a different way that may work without being overly affected by your husband's habits? If you do well on fasting, you might want to consider daily "eating window" kind of fast, limiting your intake to 1-2 meals. You may be able to join him for pizza, or at least not be as phased by it when you are already full, keeping your fasting window during less challenging hours.0 -
Why does it have to be one extreme or the other for the pizza issue? Why can't they talk and compromise. It seems it's being taken as though he is making pizza or something similar every night at 9pm. So OP, why not compromise? Perhaps DH could do this on weekend nights when he is enjoying his weekend, and lay off during the week to help support?
Also on your end, up the exercise and save calories for the weekend and perhaps enjoy this treat and indulge with him while keeping with in that calorie allotment?
I'm not saying this is the answer, but perhaps just another way to try and work as one in your marriage0 -
I fall somewhere in the middle of most of these responses. Having lived too long with a spouse who could never take my wants and needs into consideration in any reasonable way, I feel your pain. BUT, ultimately, it is your diet, not his. Asking him to make some specific compromises that meet your needs as well as his is entirely reasonable (turn on the kitchen exhaust fan while cooking the pizza?). Expecting him to eliminate foods he loves from his diet because they tempt you is too much.
Assuming you have communicated appropriately, his unwillingness to help on weekends is a red flag. That is something worth addressing independent of the food issue.
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competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »You're annoying
It's about being nice and helping people
And at these big family picnics you speak of maybe her family doesn't keep saying "here try this" or "why won't you try it? Just eat"
She needs to tell her husband and family she needs a little boost getting started
You're still annoying
Is that what you say to everyone that disagree with you
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
No usually I just ignore them. Thanks for the life lesson. You must be a wise old owl.
If someone's annoying, I tell them or just ignore them.
And no *kitten* you gotta deal with stuff in life. Not making a pizza at night for a few weeks to help your wife is one of them.
Lol. So you really can't have a conversation without insulting
So pizza ban for two weeks what if the food list keeps growing until he starts creeping outside3 -
competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »You're annoying
It's about being nice and helping people
And at these big family picnics you speak of maybe her family doesn't keep saying "here try this" or "why won't you try it? Just eat"
She needs to tell her husband and family she needs a little boost getting started
You're still annoying
Is that what you say to everyone that disagree with you
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
No usually I just ignore them. Thanks for the life lesson. You must be a wise old owl.
If someone's annoying, I tell them or just ignore them.
And no *kitten* you gotta deal with stuff in life. Not making a pizza at night for a few weeks to help your wife is one of them.
Lol. So you really can't have a conversation without insulting
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
But you don't think the OP shouldn't have to?3 -
competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »You're annoying
It's about being nice and helping people
And at these big family picnics you speak of maybe her family doesn't keep saying "here try this" or "why won't you try it? Just eat"
She needs to tell her husband and family she needs a little boost getting started
You're still annoying
Is that what you say to everyone that disagree with you
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
No usually I just ignore them. Thanks for the life lesson. You must be a wise old owl.
If someone's annoying, I tell them or just ignore them.
And no *kitten* you gotta deal with stuff in life. Not making a pizza at night for a few weeks to help your wife is one of them.
Lol. So you really can't have a conversation without insulting
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
Yes a wise old owl said it. It's so true2 -
Behavior conditioning. Like Sheldon in the Big Bang show. Chocolate and the spray bottle episode. Only you have something far more powerful. He makes pizza, you get a headache. He watches the little one while you do a 30 fitness routine, and later that night you really enjoy snuggling
Seriously though, find some compromises. My wife will get fast food for dinner twice a week, my diet is very strict vegan. My wife love chips, ice cream, etc; and I have a strict rule and avoid all that stuff. I run marathons, and she goes with me, gets a nice vacation in a great city and motel, and she sleeps in race morning. Find opportunities and you can overcome obstacle!2 -
I fall somewhere in the middle of most of these responses. Having lived too long with a spouse who could never take my wants and needs into consideration in any reasonable way, I feel your pain. BUT, ultimately, it is your diet, not his. Asking him to make some specific compromises that meet your needs as well as his is entirely reasonable (turn on the kitchen exhaust fan while cooking the pizza?). Expecting him to eliminate foods he loves from his diet because they tempt you is too much.
Assuming you have communicated appropriately, his unwillingness to help on weekends is a red flag. That is something worth addressing independent of the food issue.
To be clear, I'm all for supporting spouses. I just don't think that my husband limiting his foods needs to be part of that. My husband is a huge source of support for me. He cheers me on, will write down calories or grams when cooking because he knows I need them, gets me equipment or encourages me to buy it and helps put it together, etc.
But he has also always been encouraging to me outside of health/wellness pursuits,just as I've been with him. If he hadn't been, I wouldn't expect that to change when I was losing weight and if he had been and suddenly changed when I was losing weight, I'd talk to him to figure out what was going on. If the OP has marital problems, whether new or old, she and her husband need to work them out and not focus on pizza.2 -
competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »You're annoying
It's about being nice and helping people
And at these big family picnics you speak of maybe her family doesn't keep saying "here try this" or "why won't you try it? Just eat"
She needs to tell her husband and family she needs a little boost getting started
You're still annoying
Is that what you say to everyone that disagree with you
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
No usually I just ignore them. Thanks for the life lesson. You must be a wise old owl.
If someone's annoying, I tell them or just ignore them.
And no *kitten* you gotta deal with stuff in life. Not making a pizza at night for a few weeks to help your wife is one of them.
Lol. So you really can't have a conversation without insulting
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
Yes a wise old owl said it. It's so true
Well played. But you called yourself old.
What's wrong with being old?1
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