Vent sesh

FitLaughLove

Looking back at my food log from a year ago brings me to tears. I used to think that 700-800 calories a day was what it took to keep my small frame from gaining weight again. There's one day where I had a little over 1000 calories. That same day I had 2 hours of cardio logged as well. I remember feeling like a complete slave. I even remember getting anxious about going out with friends because I knew that food would be involved. This is turning into a really sappy post.. but afterwards my body went into what I think was panic mode. I binged and binged for months and gained 30 lbs in less than a year. Im still trying to find that balance, it truly is a day to day battle. I know how to eat properly now after going to a nutritionist and reading all of your posts on here. It's just so hard to trust the process sometimes. I was so used to seeing changes in my body almost day to day back when I was restricting myself. It's tough to trust that if I stick with a reasonable goal.. I will see those changes again.. after a few weeks. I get impatient and then end up giving up and planning to start again "tomorrow". I don't understand it, it's like my brain knows the facts.. so why can't I do it!? This post probably seems really pathetic but sometimes I just like to come on here to vent. Sometimes it's embarrassing to talk about with your family and even your friends

CattOfTheGarage

It just takes time to form new habits. It's OK. We all struggle with this in one way or another.

Try breaking it down into one new habit at a time to make it easier.

As you've struggled with both binging and over-restricting in the past, you might benefit from seeking some help to deal with those urges. It sounds like you've done really well adjusting your mindset, but a little extra help might benefit you.

In the meantime, try listening to the Half Size Me podcasts, they often focus on binging and binge/restrict cycles and have lots of advice on tackling them and lots of stories from people who have.

Hang in there. You can do this.

ktrulez

venting and talking out loud, all good. weight loss journey is almost a lifetime commitment. there will be days you will re-feed (binge) and that is okay. change won't come over night, if it was easy, we won't have any overweight people. you are maturing and coming to realization what works for you. set small and attainable goals, while keeping your eye on the bigger goal. take on the mental warfare head on, challenge your inner thoughts, and tell it i am better because you are.

enjoy the process, be consistent, and you will find success!

GeorgiePie88

This sounds almost like me. Two years ago I went through the vicious cycle of bingeing and restricting. I managed to lose a lot of weight, but just looked and felt sick in the process. I suffered quite a lot mentally as well. It felt that I was trapped and that food and my perception of my body controlled my life. Since then, I lived through high periods of stress, started over-eating, and then packed the pounds back on.

Right now I'm just trying to find balance. My main goal now is to keep a healthy relationship with food and lose weight at a sustainable rate that doesn't involve my usual all-or-nothing approach. I have good days, then I have bad days. The biggest thing indeed is patience. I have my days where I look at my body, hate what I see, get angry, and feel tempted to go back to my old habits. But then I remember how much better I feel now that I'm eating moderately and regularly, and that weight loss takes time. It's a battle, but the first step is realizing that our original habits aren't healthy and need to change.

So far what has helped me is keep a modest deficit to lose 250 g (half a pound) a week. I try my best not to consistently eat under that goal (I found in the past I would spiral and try to "beat my record" of eating my lowest. Eventually I got to 600 calories a day and had to stop). I also tend to obsess over numbers (such as sugar and carbs), so I only track macros and nutrients that help me focus on health other than just weight loss. I have to trust that if I'm eating whole food 80% of the time and staying around my calorie goal, I shouldn't need to obsess so much over the breakdown of my food. I'm not body building, I'm just trying to lose a modest amount of weight. Furthermore, I only log once a day. Two years ago I would live on this site, constantly playing with my meal plan and re-doing calculations over and over. It drove me crazy. I know it's good to log on the go, but with my history of disordered eating, I honestly feel better setting out my meals in advance, logging it all once a day, and to continue on with my daily business.

Hopefully this insight has helped. It's not easy, and I'm still working on it.

Good luck

lemonychild

Doesn't sound pathetic, it sounds like your working through it, which is fine. We have been taught a lot of false things by the diet industry and the diet cult. We have been brainwashed to hate our bodies and to love the thinness. We have to basically ' unteach ' ourselves and submit to the normal functionality of our bodies. While I love MFP and use it daily ... I see some people becoming extremely obsessive compulsive over the littlest calories. I always ask myself how did people lose weight before all the calculators and technology and all the serving sizes and cups and grams... they simply ate less until they stabilized and got their normal weight. Hollywood destroyed our vision of normal and all of our actions have followed along with their vision and not reality

PAV8888

use a weight trend app or web site. Try www.trendweight.com (free fitbit.com account may be used to input weight data, available even without a fitbit device). Or www.weightgrapher.com. Or Libra for Android or happy scale for iphone. It may let you better see your long term progress.

Small weight level changes can be masked by much faster water weight changes.

Hypothetical example: A woman's weight may change by over 6lbs in a month due to nothing more than her cycle. A 0.5lb per week loss is 2lbs in a month. She can easily weight more than 4lbs more between two weight ins 30 days apart, and yet be losing at a rate of 2lbs a month.

Need2Exerc1se

It doesn't sound pathetic. The psychological aspects of weight loss are often the hardest. Just focus on the good days and don't beat yourself over the bad days.

zyxst

I think you need this.

FitLaughLove

CattOfTheGarage wrote: »

It just takes time to form new habits. It's OK. We all struggle with this in one way or another.

Try breaking it down into one new habit at a time to make it easier.

As you've struggled with both binging and over-restricting in the past, you might benefit from seeking some help to deal with those urges. It sounds like you've done really well adjusting your mindset, but a little extra help might benefit you.

In the meantime, try listening to the Half Size Me podcasts, they often focus on binging and binge/restrict cycles and have lots of advice on tackling them and lots of stories from people who have.

Hang in there. You can do this.

I have considered getting some extra help I just don't know who to go to. A nutritionist or an actual therapist? Also, I'll have to check out those podcasts. Are they on mfp? Where do I find them?

FitLaughLove

GeorgiePie88 wrote: »

This sounds almost like me. Two years ago I went through the vicious cycle of bingeing and restricting. I managed to lose a lot of weight, but just looked and felt sick in the process. I suffered quite a lot mentally as well. It felt that I was trapped and that food and my perception of my body controlled my life. Since then, I lived through high periods of stress, started over-eating, and then packed the pounds back on.

Right now I'm just trying to find balance. My main goal now is to keep a healthy relationship with food and lose weight at a sustainable rate that doesn't involve my usual all-or-nothing approach. I have good days, then I have bad days. The biggest thing indeed is patience. I have my days where I look at my body, hate what I see, get angry, and feel tempted to go back to my old habits. But then I remember how much better I feel now that I'm eating moderately and regularly, and that weight loss takes time. It's a battle, but the first step is realizing that our original habits aren't healthy and need to change.

So far what has helped me is keep a modest deficit to lose 250 g (half a pound) a week. I try my best not to consistently eat under that goal (I found in the past I would spiral and try to "beat my record" of eating my lowest. Eventually I got to 600 calories a day and had to stop). I also tend to obsess over numbers (such as sugar and carbs), so I only track macros and nutrients that help me focus on health other than just weight loss. I have to trust that if I'm eating whole food 80% of the time and staying around my calorie goal, I shouldn't need to obsess so much over the breakdown of my food. I'm not body building, I'm just trying to lose a modest amount of weight. Furthermore, I only log once a day. Two years ago I would live on this site, constantly playing with my meal plan and re-doing calculations over and over. It drove me crazy. I know it's good to log on the go, but with my history of disordered eating, I honestly feel better setting out my meals in advance, logging it all once a day, and to continue on with my daily business.

Hopefully this insight has helped. It's not easy, and I'm still working on it.

Good luck

Totally relatable! I used to even log my tsp of cinnamon that I'd put in my yogurt. I mean come on lol. Good luck to you though, feel free to add me

CattOfTheGarage

Go to http://www.halfsizeme.com/ or search for "Half size me" on iTunes or your podcast catching app (I use one called Podcast Addict).

How you can best access help depends on where you live. A good first step would be to talk to your doctor and ask for a referral to a dietitian - they might be able to help you directly, or put you in touch with someone who can.

Good luck! Lots of people on the boards have been exactly where you are - it is possible to get around it!

FitLaughLove

lemonychild wrote: »

Doesn't sound pathetic, it sounds like your working through it, which is fine. We have been taught a lot of false things by the diet industry and the diet cult. We have been brainwashed to hate our bodies and to love the thinness. We have to basically ' unteach ' ourselves and submit to the normal functionality of our bodies. While I love MFP and use it daily ... I see some people becoming extremely obsessive compulsive over the littlest calories. I always ask myself how did people lose weight before all the calculators and technology and all the serving sizes and cups and grams... they simply ate less until they stabilized and got their normal weight. Hollywood destroyed our vision of normal and all of our actions have followed along with their vision and not reality

I think about this all the time! I honestly felt the healthiest and looked my best when I just listened to my body. It wasn't until I started researching diets and the whole debate over carbs and stuff where I became obsessive. Too bad there isn't a way to just zap our minds and start over

FitLaughLove

Need2Exerc1se wrote: »

It doesn't sound pathetic. The psychological aspects of weight loss are often the hardest. Just focus on the good days and don't beat yourself over the bad days.

Yeah you don't hear much about the psychological aspects of losing weight but it definitely plays a huge role!!

FitLaughLove

I seriously love every one of your replies. They're so helpful. I'm sure I'll be rereading them in the future for motivation