What was your "OK, time to lose this weight" moment?

zlagv

As I've been chugging along in my weight loss journey I find myself wanting to share more about what inspired me in the first place, so I'll start.

In October, my beloved stepmother died of alcoholic liver disease. It was extremely sudden - she went from active, happy, healthy (in outward appearance, at least), and, you know, normal, to dead within the span of a week. It is one of the most terrifying and saddest experiences of my life so far. First of all, I loved my stepmother with all my heart, and in many ways was closer to her than my own mother. I had a daughter in May of last year and my stepmother saw my daughter as her grandchild, was at the hospital within an hour of her birth, was the fourth person to ever hold her, showered her with love and affection and was there for my daughter (and for me!) in every way. I always thought of her a as a heavy social drinker but not necessarily an alcoholic.. I just had no idea what to look for, and of course the picture has become more clear since her death. One day my father called and said she was in the hospital with jaundice but not to visit her because she was very embarrassed and should be released in a few days. Well, a few days later she was dead. We did get to visit her once before she died and it was absolutely horrible. She was intubated because she couldn't breathe on her own. Her arms were strapped to the sides of her bed because she was delirious and would claw at the tube if she was allowed freedom to move. She was small, sunken, sallow, yellow, she just looked like death. She died a few hours later.

So, that in and of itself was a huge wakeup call about the fragility of life. As I learned more about my stepmother's history with alcohol, I found out that she had been told by her doctor over a year before that she needed to stop drinking.. her daughters knew this was coming.. my uncle had caught her sneaking drinks in the morning.. her google search history was full of "how to stop drinking," "how to reverse liver damage," etc. etc. etc. I still grieve for her daily but I am also ANGRY at her! Her doctor had spoken to her about this. I miss her with all my heart but I am mad, I feel I have been betrayed, my father has been betrayed, her daughters, and her granddaughter, we were all betrayed every time she took another drink. She never would have wanted to leave this world before her daughters had children of her own - her younger daughter is only 18! She never would have wanted to die without seeing my daughter grow up. So terrible.

Writing that was cathartic. But feeling it was horrible. And it also made me examine my own behavior. Despite being vegan, I've always been overweight. An attractive overweight, if I say so myself! I've always felt healthy and been very confident about my appearance. But when I got pregnant I really gave myself free reign to gorge and then after giving birth just sort of hoped the baby weight would magically disappear. I knew it wasn't disappearing and was even getting worse. Near the end of my pregnancy, I had to switch to a larger placeholder wedding ring due to the swelling in my extremities. Then, a few months AFTER giving birth, I had to switch to a LARGER ring. I knew things were not good and I kept thinking that every time I shoveled some insane quantity of garbage in my mouth I was betraying my child the way my stepmother had betrayed hers. And I just wasn't feeling confident or healthy anymore.

I wish I could say that I got serious about weight loss right then! But the truth is that I continued my terrible eating habits and just felt incredibly guilty about it. Sometimes I couldn't sleep at night because I was consumed by my guilt. But then in the light of day I would just snack all day long!

Last month (41 days ago, apparently, as today is my 40th day in a row logging in ), I went to the mall to get some new nursing bras; none of mine have underwires and I hate that feeling. In the dressing room, however, none of the bras in what I thought was my size fit. None of them. I'm sure anyone who has gained weight knows the feeling of going into a dressing room and huffing and puffing and literally sweating trying to get a garment on, feeling like you could burst through the seams, so uncomfortable, under those dressing room lights and with full length mirrors all around you. I knew then that I could not keep burying my head in the sand and pretending the baby weight was going to magically fall off. And then, I knew, I had to really get real, that even beyond the baby weight, I needed to make some serious changes in my lifestyle and my eating habits. I want to live long enough to see my daughter have her own children, her own grandchildren. That even if I WAS confident in my appearance at merely overweight, that I had to stop being so superficial to just focus on how I looked and instead consider my HEALTH, my longevity.

So, here I am. 24 pounds down! 6 pounds until I reach the highest weight I ever was before I got pregnant. 10 pounds from my weight when I actually got pregnant. And 76(!!!) pounds from reaching a healthy BMI. But I know that I can and will do it, because my daughter is worth that.

ds41980

Awesome! Thanks for sharing!

mactaffy428

Sorry for your loss. Good luck with your weight loss. I think you have the motivation part down!

estherdragonbat

I've always been heavy, as have two out of five members of my immediate family. My dad and sister have both had bariatric surgery and I don't want to go that route. I probably still would have blown off my dad's urging to get on that wait-list if I wasn't going to do something about my weight on my own, except I finally lost the lottery and developed a significant health issue. Bare bones: cellulitus on my calf developed into lymph edema (huge ugly water blisters that needed to be lanced and would not stop seeping; I had homecare nurses coming daily to change the dressings). I was also on seven courses of antibiotics (two courses of Antibiotic A took care of the cellulitus but not the infection that was keeping the lymph edema wounds from healing over. One course of Antibiotic B did nothing. Ditto Antibiotic C. By the time they realized D was the charm, it took three doses before the wounds closed up.) GP referred me to a vascular surgeon who told me that the veins in my legs were refluxed, so the blood was pooling instead of circulating properly. Treatment: Compression stockings and lose weight.

I'm doing both. Because I'm 44 and this isn't going to get better as I get older. Because now any time I break the skin on that calf, I stand a great chance at infection that doesn't respond to over the counter antibiotic ointments or betadine and I don't want to build up a tolerance to the prescribed ones. This is my life and I'd like it to be a long and relatively-healthy one. (Oh and I'm not going to have the surgery if I can get the weight off with MFP. So far, I'm down 35 lbs! So, there's that.)

DezYaoified

Im sorry for your loss.

My moment was when i went to Harry Potter world last year. The broom stick ride has a holster that comes over your chest and locks. I thought i had it pulled down all the way but i guess not. It was between 2 clicks and when the ride went forward the holster clicked out to the bigger setting i was stuck between.

I thought i was going to fall out.

Outside the ride there was a sample seat to make sure you fit... The holster to lock me in would only lock on the biggest setting.

I go back at the end of march and i want to enjoy the park without feeling embarrassed bc i dont fit the rides. I want to not think about it. I want to just walk to the ride and know that fitting is not a worry.

SusanHill6

I'm sorry for your loss. My ah-ha moment came the day my Dr. said my A1C was 8.5! I knew I was headed for a grave if I didnt get control over my diabetes. I so many health issues. And pushing towards 300 lbs did me in. I have lost 16 lbs so far. I'm excited to know I am sticking to this! And I am refusing to go back.