accountability without judgement?

buffinlovin

My fiance and I have been on a healthier eating plan since 1/15/17. I meal prep all the breakfasts/lunch/snacks on Sunday, and I plan dinners throughout the week. I am personally counting all my calories to keep track of my weight loss, but he does not count. He has lost some weight, mostly because I portion everything so that he should be in a deficit as long as he doesn't eat outside of the planned meals. He was really excited when he lost 15lbs just from watching what he ate.

Lately he's been cheating. A slim Jim here, a stuffed pretzel there. He gained a few pounds (most likely just water weight), and it's like all the motivation he had when we first started losing is gone. I keep telling him it's not a bad thing to eat those, just adjust eating some of the other snacks in the day. It would be easier if he was counting so he could see the deficit, but that's a battle I've fought and lost more than once.

Recently he's been telling me that I judge him. I pick up a bag of chips on the counter to look at the nutrition facts to see if I can have some, and he instantly jumps to "don't judge me, I had a rough day, I want chips", like the reason I'm looking at it is to point out the calories to him. He was upset because he didn't like the chicken salad I made yesterday, and instead of making Tocino (a pork belly-type of product from the Phillipines, it's been in our freezer for a while), he decides to order chinese food...which was probably just as bad calorie-wise as the tocino...all because he didn't want me to judge his decision. And to be honest, I didn't care about the calories, it was money he didn't need to spend.

We made a decision to make 2017 a healthier year for both of us. I do all of the "heavy lifting" by meal prepping/calculating everything. Literally the only thing he needs to do is just eat the meals I lay out for him and nothing else. I add in a ton of lower calorie snacks and I try to mix it up so he doesn't get bored. Lunches can get repetitive, but I try to make dinners interesting and special.

I want to hold him accountable for his actions because that was our plan, but how do I do this without making it sound like I'm judging him? We have a ton of incentives planned when we get to our goal weights, and I really want to achieve those goals together, not just by myself.

TavistockToad

He obviously isn't fussed for losing weight, so you just do you, and leave him to it.