What happened to that girl that people would say “I want to be you, you’ve got it all together”?

GeorgesGirl65

This is my fat picture with no make-up, with my friend who recently lost over 150 lb. It used to be the other way around, I was 150 lb. smaller and she was the big one. I have lost over 100 lb. twice, but this time seems much harder. (sorry picture won't load)

I was looking for a support group online last night and couldn’t find anything that wasn’t a platform to sell stuff or just has basic weight loss information on it. I don’t want to buy anything, and I know how to lose weight, I just need support right now. I have a degree in nutrition and multiple food allergies. I don’t feel like I can easily talk to my friend about things, there are just some things I don’t want to share with her. And I am embarrassed.

I need to be able to vent sometimes. I need someone to say I am with you on that or you are doing good, keep it up. I have lots of stress in my life and my weight is contributing to it, I need to stay focused on me and not everyone else coming before me.

I have several medical issues that I think are the difference in losing weight now. But probably if I lose weight those might get better. I have fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue, hypo-thyroid, food allergies, depression, plantar fasciitis, degenerative scoliosis, and osteopenia/osteoporosis, and have had several broken bones. I currently have a broken wrist. The adrenal fatigue and fibromyalgia both suck the energy out of me! I used to do yoga until I developed plantar fasciitis and it was too painful to do. My food allergies make it hard for me to just grab a salad anywhere, most of them have preservatives on them.

Damn it, I love going to the gym! I like the feeling when I am eating well and exercising, but at this weight and all of the issues I have its hard to get started. Life is difficult enough! My husband has cancer and doesn’t usually clean house. I’m tired of living this way! I don’t have energy to clean house when I get home from work and I have to prepare food. Not to mention grocery shopping. The only way I can do this is to go directly to the gym after work.

I am tired of the way I look and the way I feel. I am disgusted by the rolls on my back and how I am physically not able to do things because of how big I am. I hate that I have hit 300 lb. I want to have more energy and feel like I can do anything I want to do. I want a clean house and to have the desire to cook and prepare food that is good for me. I don’t want to be tired all of the time.

I feel so old! I am not that old. I fear getting even older with all of my problems. I am often in pain and can’t focus on things. I know I need to meditate but with all of the other things going on in my life I have a hard time finding the time. I even put a reminder on my phone in the morning and the evening, but in the morning I want extra sleep and in the evening there is always something else to do. I even don’t want to take a shower because I don’t have time, but I do. Then I usually get less sleep. It is especially hard with the broken wrist.

I got a new job that is less stressful, which has helped but I am still depressed. I know that depression will lift once I can get my life back to a point where I have a clean house, I am exercising, I am losing weight, I am not so tired all of the time, and when I have the desire to do things. I feel bad that I think the only way that will happen is when my husband dies.

When I look at myself in the mirror or see a picture I can’t believe that is me. I see myself as a lot cuter, thinner and younger looking. What happened to that girl that people would say “I want to be you, you’ve got it all together”?

subcounter

We all need to vent sometimes, and this is a good place for that. For losing weight don't worry about working out right now since you have a broken arm. Honestly most of the conditions you list gets worse with being overweight too, so it must effect you x2. You are carrying a huge load on your back both in your daily life and literal load that is the extra weight.

You need to start logging your food daily, and not cheat yourself. Weigh every meal you take, and follow MFP guide to lose weight. You can set it as 1.5lb loss/week and see how you do, and adjust the calories depending on your weight loss. Check your weight every week at least if not everyday.

The reality of things is this though, you have to want this. People can show you the door, show you the path but if you don't walk through it, its useless. You really need to want to change your life. Depression is a big issue and people will say this and that but its you who is in that, and only you can get out of it. You need to understand how eating more food does not solve your problem but makes them worse.

Anyways, long story short, you need to start logging your food daily and stay at a caloric deficit. Try to join one of the weight-loss groups here to stay motivated. Good luck!

GeorgesGirl65

Thanks Subcounter! I am great about planning out what to do and when to do it, I just need to follow through and not get side tracked. Which is hard when my husband wants me for something or I feel that the house needs to be cleaned and should be priority. I guess I need to always think of myself as the priority, then the house will come later. My husband always says to put myself first and to tell him "F... You!" But it's hard!

fittocycle

You're welcome to add me as a friend if you'd like. I am also dealing with hypothyroidism, scoliosis, some other back issues, and osteopenia. Also had planter fasciitis which has finally cleared up- thank goodness!

You're smart to pay attention to your diet and health now. Just concentrate on making good choices and fitting in workouts when you can. Whatever you do, don't ever give up! Ever

Piqueaboo

I am with you. You are doing well. Keep it up. Don't give up. We are all with you here.

fittocycle

I just reread your post and want to say that I am so sorry to hear your husband is dealing with cancer. You have so much going on with your life right now. No wonder you feel stressed! I'll keep you and your husband in my prayers.

Sira125

You do have a lot of stressors operating right now. Taking care of yourself has to be a priority. It feels selfish, but I once heard someone liken it it to the airplane emergency instructions to put on your oxygen mask and then help others. You can't do anyone any good if you are not operational due to lack of self-care. *hugs*

Sira125

If you haven't, you might check with your hospital's social worker to find out about family support services and local resources. You aren't alone in feeling this way and sometimes having friends who can really understand what you are going through can help. And if cleaning is a huge stressor and you can afford it a cleaning service might help.

PeachesNcreamgal

I know how you feel!!! I was size 0 a decade ago and my cousin who's a decade older than me was the chubby one. Now its the reverse and it hurts. ALOT. I grapple with morbid depression and extreme self loathing coz i feel really undesirable and ugly! But you and I are in the right place and this is the opportunity for self healing so don't let it go girl! You can always inbox me if you want to talk.