Dealing with sabotage attempts
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This is exactly why no one outside of the MFP community and the accountability group I am in knows that I am making changes in my life. The key to success is the best kept secret. I managed to go 90 days before people even noticed I was "losing weight". I went through the holidays, declining treats and savory items without a single person noticing, now that I have lost weight people are like OMG what have you been doing, or they say things like oh can you eat this or no or they come in my office with treats and go oh I forgot you are on a diet... Umm Seriously people?? I am not on a diet. It was so much easier when my lifestyle change was the best kept secret because no one even blinked an eye... Unfortunately it was kind of hard to NOT notice the 40lbs I lost but other than that I keep it to myself. when people ask, I tell them I am simply just eating better, and when they push or say things like Oh having X won't kill ya, I just tell them no thank you that I am not hungry and walk away.... NO ONE IS CONTROL of my journey but me. I have a handful of tootsie rolls sitting on my desk that someone gave me right before thanksgiving that I said, oh I just ate, I will eat them later and to this day, there they sit. (not because I can't eat anything in moderation, but because I choose not to eat them) Some people are jealous and don't want to see you make changes so they are going to do whatever they can to sabotage you. Others are just being polite with offering/sharing. Like you said, you know the difference, and eventually the haters will get bored and move along... even if they don't... YOU GOT THIS!2
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ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »Stop telling people your business. If you say nothing about it, no one will even think about it. They'll be too busy worrying about their own problems or meddling in someone else's business. When you make something public, people think they have free reign to participate in it. Ignore those fools and do your thing.
So what happens when people say, "Have you lost weight?" Should one say, "I am not discussing that with anyone ever." People will notice eventually. Also no one should have to avoid talking with people they do trust because someone else may hear it and act like a *unicorn* who needs a foot in the *rainbow*.
Then you say "Yes, thank you for noticing," and change the subject. "What's new with you?" People love to talk about themselves....0 -
ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »Stop telling people your business. If you say nothing about it, no one will even think about it. They'll be too busy worrying about their own problems or meddling in someone else's business. When you make something public, people think they have free reign to participate in it. Ignore those fools and do your thing.
So what happens when people say, "Have you lost weight?" Should one say, "I am not discussing that with anyone ever." People will notice eventually. Also no one should have to avoid talking with people they do trust because someone else may hear it and act like a *unicorn* who needs a foot in the *rainbow*.
Then you say "Yes, thank you for noticing," and change the subject. "What's new with you?" People love to talk about themselves....
My point is that you can't lose a lot of weight and expect it NOT to eventually come up. There are some people who are spiteful and hateful and once they see someone succeed where they have either failed or simply not tried, or are upset that someone is getting attention where they are not will do things like try to sabotage the effort. But you know that.1 -
You say these are people you know, have known for a while, and know you are trying to lose weight.
If that is the case, nicely tell them you feel as though they are sabotaging your efforts, and would they stop offering you 'all the food', or offer it only once with no insistsnce, as you do enjoy a treat during the day, or whatever suits your WOE.
A good honest conversation never hurt anyone.
Cheers, h.1 -
Take one, smile and say thank you, and walk away. The moment they aren't paying attention..trash it.
I find it infinitely more amusing to take one or two (if it's something I like), thank them and eat it right in front of them, and make it fit into my overall calories for the day/week. Then, if they actually are trying to sabotage you, it's all the more more mystifying and frustrating to them that you're still losing weight despite eating cookies, cake, candy, chips or whatever.
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ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »Stop telling people your business. If you say nothing about it, no one will even think about it. They'll be too busy worrying about their own problems or meddling in someone else's business. When you make something public, people think they have free reign to participate in it. Ignore those fools and do your thing.
So what happens when people say, "Have you lost weight?" Should one say, "I am not discussing that with anyone ever." People will notice eventually. Also no one should have to avoid talking with people they do trust because someone else may hear it and act like a *unicorn* who needs a foot in the *rainbow*.
Then you say "Yes, thank you for noticing," and change the subject. "What's new with you?" People love to talk about themselves....
My point is that you can't lose a lot of weight and expect it NOT to eventually come up. There are some people who are spiteful and hateful and once they see someone succeed where they have either failed or simply not tried, or are upset that someone is getting attention where they are not will do things like try to sabotage the effort. But you know that.
Of course - and the less of a big deal you make of it, the more frustrating it's going to be for them....I like the other poster's idea of just saying "Thank you!" for the cookies then eating them, making them work into your plan just to show them their attempt won't work, bwaaahaaa haaaa - love it!0 -
ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »Stop telling people your business. If you say nothing about it, no one will even think about it. They'll be too busy worrying about their own problems or meddling in someone else's business. When you make something public, people think they have free reign to participate in it. Ignore those fools and do your thing.
So what happens when people say, "Have you lost weight?" Should one say, "I am not discussing that with anyone ever." People will notice eventually. Also no one should have to avoid talking with people they do trust because someone else may hear it and act like a *unicorn* who needs a foot in the *rainbow*.
Then you say "Yes, thank you for noticing," and change the subject. "What's new with you?" People love to talk about themselves....
My point is that you can't lose a lot of weight and expect it NOT to eventually come up. There are some people who are spiteful and hateful and once they see someone succeed where they have either failed or simply not tried, or are upset that someone is getting attention where they are not will do things like try to sabotage the effort. But you know that.
Of course - and the less of a big deal you make of it, the more frustrating it's going to be for them....I like the other poster's idea of just saying "Thank you!" for the cookies then eating them, making them work into your plan just to show them their attempt won't work, bwaaahaaa haaaa - love it!
I am speaking in reference to the idea that the effort should be kept a secret.
Again, not everyone can just eat a cookie and "make it fit" because one cookie at work turns into a whole pack of cookies after work. Not everyone wants to eat that cookie or whatever the item may be. So you do it your way and other people will do it their way.1 -
I'm not arguing with you - I am just saying the less of a big deal you make of it, the less of an issue it's going to be...just because people notice it doesn't mean you have to talk about it either....as I said in my first comment...say "Thank you for noticing, what's new with you?" if you don't want to talk about it or set up any future issues....you don't have to say "I don't want to talk about it." That seems awkward to me....
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I see your point. But you know there are always "those" people who have some general problem with just being rotten. I hope the OP is able to get those types who keep playing this game to step off and just let her be.1
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IWearDaCrown wrote: »If they didn't ask they would be considered rude, but then they do ask and you think they are sabotaging you. Just say no thanks and move on. Eventually they will stop asking (at least that's what my office does since they know I don't order out anymore).
I'm not talking about everyone but with some people it is quite obvious. Some people are in fact quite devious intentionally when it comes to certain things...especially if you are making progress in an area they have been unsuccessful in themselves. If you have yet to encounter these types of people, you have been fortunate.
Honestly, I think people read too much into this stuff...I don't think it's deliberate sabotage. I've been rocking this for 4.5 years and people still offer me doughnuts, cake for breakfast, etc...my mom tries to send me home with leftover deserts after a dinner, etc...they're just thinking they're being nice.
As someone up thread said, I changed the way I was living life...my environment and the people around me didn't change. They're doing the same things they've always done.0 -
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IWearDaCrown wrote: »TriPaulCantRun wrote: »This is definitely sabotage, putting cookies on your desk when they know you are trying to lose weight is not being polite.
It's what weak people do when they see somebody else being stronger and more successful than them. They are jealous of how well you are doing, it makes them feel like *kitten*. The worst group I have ever experienced for this are smokers, those guys hate to see somebody successfully give up and will not hesitate to give you a cigarette if you are having a moment of weakness.
I also work in an office where we regularly have cakes/cookies etc. But because there are a number of healthy eaters around the place there are nearly always healthy options (fruit, nuts etc.). Try to encourage that sort of thing, I'm sure hat you're not alone.
Re tackling their behavior, try being polite, if that doesn't work, be rude. Just dump it in the trash in front of them. They won't want to see their money being wasted too often.
This! I'm glad some people understand what im getting at here. I definitely don't expect everyone to agree with me (not the way life works lol). But I think its so funny when people imply that it's just my imagination when I know it's not lol. Especially with these scenarios being with people I have known for years in some instances so I'm familiar with what is normal behavior and what is not for these people.
Sure some people are just being polite and wanting to share. But trust and believe ...I'm smart enough to know the difference between being friendly and having other motives ...just saying .... Thanks for the reply.
That's great that you're so aware and knowledgeable of their efforts. What have you learned from their previous attempts to sabotage your efforts in another area? I would encourage you to apply that lesson to weight loss as well.2
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