Object to Object Interaction

LAMCDylan

This may not be new to people but I think a lot of people don't bother to think about it. Anyway, I've been on this health journey since Dec 2014. I lost a bunch of weight and look and feel better. But, recently I've been getting more frustrated, getting more self-conscious, envious etc, to lose the last bit of weight. And I know a lot of people struggle with this. Then, it hit me. I started to realize how I "objectify" people's bodies. It is such an automatic thing too. And the way I look at and judge a man's body and a woman's body is different. I also realize that I also objectify my body. All this does is push you away from what you really want -connection with others. BUT if you are so fixed on body image then it all becomes object to object interaction rather than person to person. Add in the male and female gender roles too. This also causes rigidity in how men and women interact. Gender roles have specific set of rules (putting yourself in a box). Some of which actually cause us a lot of pain. All I am saying is step outside the box sometimes I am not saying stop being a male or a female.

Now, I know some people might want to argue but I can almost guarantee the most fit people are also some of the most self-conscious. They think about their bodies nearly every minute of every day, looking in the mirrors constantly , etc. I am not trying to dog them but I am providing an example how detrimental this could be. Instead of trying to be perfect and stick so strongly to "gender roles" try to focus more on human qualities. It gives you a little slack and makes your experience of connection more authentic and energizing. You are not preoccupied about bodies or trying to overcompensate your masculinity/femininity. What people don't realize is that people like you more based on your human qualities not on how many muscles you have or how flat your stomach is. If you are vain and care about you body and what other people think then you will drive yourself crazy to maintain that body to gain approval from those people. Doesn't sound that happy to me.

If you look past everyone's body you will see they are just a human (they are not god-like, like we sometimes think). But we are so fixed on being intimidated/scared/aroused etc on bodies. One way I am helping myself is giving up on porn. I also notice that the objectification of bodies is nearly everywhere. So, I am trying to limit myself to the exposure where it is so blatant (some of the threads here are other examples). Now, when I talk to a woman I try to focus on something good about her that does not involve her body (pay attention to human qualities). When I talk to a man, I can look at his body and not feel "gay" and not feel "intimidated" or that he is a threat because he might be more fit than me. All these "sissy lessons" and "*kitten* lessons" and macho BS we got growing up just trains males to be competitive toward one another and in the end causes us to isolate from each other. Once I look past a man's body I can see a person and get a deeper connection. I can see his human qualities. By doing all this I have learned to see mine and I don't make my body or masculinity such a big issue anymore.

synchkat

Can you summarize please that's alotta words

JeanieWww

I agree. Many get engrossed and obsessed with the looks" rather than the person

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

The bottom line in all of these negativity sums up in 3 words: LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE. A lot of us including me are lacking confidence in ourselves & need validation from others for us to feel better. We care what other people think of us which is why we bend ourselves backwards just to fit into their standards while ignoring our individuality & that includes our body.

OP I admire your attitude & willpower to transform yourself into a better you.