"baby" weight & letting go

RAGGEDYANN1970

after many years of infertility, last year my husband & i conceived a baby while on our anniversary trip to las vegas. it was a miracle and a dream come true. everything went very well for the first 3 months, and all my sonograms were perfect, heart-beat of baby was fine. i gain weight very quickly when i'm pregnant, and sure enough, i put on about 20 lbs. during those 3 months. sadly, our baby had several chromosomal abnormalities, and died when i was 3 months pregnant. i had to have surgery, then 3 months later, had to have a very invasive total hysterectomy. (long story) that was in january of this year. now, i am still holding the weight. i have lost a few lbs. here and there, but i will typically gain it back. (before i got pregnant last year, i had lost 41 lbs in a year)

for me, this is probably 99% psychological. i have done alot of meditating and i feel like i am holding-onto the weight as the last kind of hold on the baby. we won't ever be able to have another baby, and that pregnancy was my very last one. (i have been pregnant 7 times, we have 3 living children)

i am trying really hard, i go to the gym every weekday (and sometimes saturdays) and i eat within my calorie goal almost every day. sometimes i will sabotage myself, and eat cupcakes or drink several sodas in one day. i get so angry with myself and "start over" the next day, only to do it again the following week. then, i had to have ear surgery last month, so that put me back a little more.

i know it's mental, and at this point, i am ready to accept that our baby is gone and move forward, but i'm not sure how to do it as it relates to my body. i feel sad that i "un-did" all the hard work from the previous year when i lost 41 lbs. i hate that i have to do it all over again.

if anyone can relate, please post. sorry to vent so much.

Mia_RagazzaTosta

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't relate but I used to be a labor and delivery nurse and helped many families through the loss you described. My heart goes out to you.

Your mind is still healing. I'd suggest making small, incremental changes as not to bombard yourself.

RAGGEDYANN1970

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't relate but I used to be a labor and delivery nurse and helped many families through the loss you described. My heart goes out to you.

Your mind is still healing. I'd suggest making small, incremental changes as not to bombard yourself.

thank you. i had not considered making small changes. i immediately wanted to go back to the way i was "before" with my working-out and eating regime. obviously that is not working for me! LOL

Ready2Rock206

Oh honey - what a lot you have been through! I agree - small steps. Give yourself the time you need to fully deal with your loss and do what you can along the way. Sounds like you are making great progress.

danika2point0

I can't relate to your exact situation but I think many people can relate to the idea of holding onto weight or anything for the matter as a sign of comfort and not giving something up or letting go. Have you thought to talk with a counsellor about it? Even if you have any free help lines in your area, it might just help to have a listening ear.

It sounds like you are very conscious of the relation of your weight to your desire to hold on to your dreams of another baby and I think that is half the battle. When you are ready (and a counsellor may help to get you there quicker), you will be able to make the steps you need. Also, the 'small' steps a previous posted suggested are great.

Also remember that by treating yourself better now and loving yourself now, you will be there as a good role model and mom for your three children; it does not mean you have forgotten the ones you lost. x Danika