Married but never see my partner

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  • kassierodriguez1
    kassierodriguez1 Posts: 357 Member
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Have a kid. That's what kept me from being bored the last 12 years.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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    I have a kid and I still get bored. It's great when she's there. But when she goes to school or bed. Or when you want to do adult things on the weekend with someone...not alone
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,594 Member
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    kassierodriguez1 wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Have a kid. That's what kept me from being bored the last 12 years.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
    I have a kid and I still get bored. It's great when she's there. But when she goes to school or bed. Or when you want to do adult things on the weekend with someone...not alone
    Lol, I guess it may be that I still like to do kid things then. My DD and I hang out a lot together. Just came back from watching LOGAN.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    I feel your pain. My husband works shift work and I work 8-5. When he's on evening shift I'll go 4-5 days without seeing him. I hated it at first but now I'm used it to. So much so that when he's on day shift I kinda resent it because I feel like he's intruding on my time.

    All those years that I was alone I eventually found a hobby that morphed into a second career that I can do from home. So now I work 2 jobs and I never have any down time. Hubby doesn't seem to mind because...double the income.

    The only advice I have is to find something that you like to do, but it seems like you're already trying that.

    Good luck!
  • kassierodriguez1
    kassierodriguez1 Posts: 357 Member
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    kassierodriguez1 wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Have a kid. That's what kept me from being bored the last 12 years.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
    I have a kid and I still get bored. It's great when she's there. But when she goes to school or bed. Or when you want to do adult things on the weekend with someone...not alone
    Lol, I guess it may be that I still like to do kid things then. My DD and I hang out a lot together. Just came back from watching LOGAN.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png


    I love doing kid things too so I get it. But when I want to go out dancing, who am I gonna go with? Or shopping and actually be able to get a solid opinion lol. There are few things I need another adult for. But it would be nice to have one in those moments
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,594 Member
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    kassierodriguez1 wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    kassierodriguez1 wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Have a kid. That's what kept me from being bored the last 12 years.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
    I have a kid and I still get bored. It's great when she's there. But when she goes to school or bed. Or when you want to do adult things on the weekend with someone...not alone
    Lol, I guess it may be that I still like to do kid things then. My DD and I hang out a lot together. Just came back from watching LOGAN.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png


    I love doing kid things too so I get it. But when I want to go out dancing, who am I gonna go with?
    Haha. Just go to a Zumba class. You don't even have to dress up.
    Or shopping and actually be able to get a solid opinion lol. There are few things I need another adult for. But it would be nice to have one in those moments
    But don't most men just say "what do you think" so they don't have to make the decision? One thing I love above my wife, she NEVER asks me what I think on clothes. And I think they all look great on her. But maybe that's just me.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,369 Member
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    How about finding a hobby or sport? My husband works a lot so I'm alone a lot and I have a social network through the sports I do.

    Might be a start
  • kassierodriguez1
    kassierodriguez1 Posts: 357 Member
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    kassierodriguez1 wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    kassierodriguez1 wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Have a kid. That's what kept me from being bored the last 12 years.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
    I have a kid and I still get bored. It's great when she's there. But when she goes to school or bed. Or when you want to do adult things on the weekend with someone...not alone
    Lol, I guess it may be that I still like to do kid things then. My DD and I hang out a lot together. Just came back from watching LOGAN.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png


    I love doing kid things too so I get it. But when I want to go out dancing, who am I gonna go with?
    Haha. Just go to a Zumba class. You don't even have to dress up.
    Or shopping and actually be able to get a solid opinion lol. There are few things I need another adult for. But it would be nice to have one in those moments
    But don't most men just say "what do you think" so they don't have to make the decision? One thing I love above my wife, she NEVER asks me what I think on clothes. And I think they all look great on her. But maybe that's just me.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    Pft that is no fun.
  • JLAJ81
    JLAJ81 Posts: 2,477 Member
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    kassierodriguez1 wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    kassierodriguez1 wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Have a kid. That's what kept me from being bored the last 12 years.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
    I have a kid and I still get bored. It's great when she's there. But when she goes to school or bed. Or when you want to do adult things on the weekend with someone...not alone
    Lol, I guess it may be that I still like to do kid things then. My DD and I hang out a lot together. Just came back from watching LOGAN.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png


    I love doing kid things too so I get it. But when I want to go out dancing, who am I gonna go with? Or shopping and actually be able to get a solid opinion lol. There are few things I need another adult for. But it would be nice to have one in those moments
    I'll go shopping with ya! But you have to tell me if I look fat in certain outfits
  • mandymay01
    mandymay01 Posts: 758 Member
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    get a 2nd job, that's what I did. keeps my mind and body busy
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    candythorns wrote: »
    km8907 wrote: »
    Find a hobby. Something you can do inside until the weather's better, then find something to do outside. Volunteer somewhere. Is there any way you can keep in contact with him when he's at work? Facetime, sexy texts, stupid voicemails etc.

    We honestly rarely txt when hes on his afternoon shift. I wake up at 5am so i go to bed no later than 11pm. He crawls into bed around 1am....
    And dont get me wrong the relationship part is fine.
    Im just lonely, and bored as *kitten*.
    Hobbies never motivated me. I never did extracurriculars growing up (i started ging out drinking with my friends at 14) and before that just spent time doing nothing with friends....not the best development for a healthy motivated adult life
    I have tried taking up painting, coloring, playing keyboard. I used to write a lot. I dont play video games. I started to try my hand at baking a couple weeks ago but then i just eat it all so that's out lol

    If you're bored and lonely the relationship part isn't 'fine'....
  • candythorns
    candythorns Posts: 246 Member
    edited March 2017
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    kassierodriguez1 wrote: »
    candythorns wrote: »
    Ok i exaggerate, i get to see him every other week due to our work schedules. I work a consistent 7-3 and his schefule changes weekly.
    I have no hobbies, and very few friends because ive always been kind of a loner....but i still like being around ppl.
    I found myself googling "things to do alone" but honestly, its -15C out, who wants to wander aimlessly in that weather.
    I looked up different meet ups but haven't gotten to the point where i want to make myself uncomfortable.
    Just needed to say this somewhere....any ideas that im not thinking of??

    Man I feel ya here. My husband works 12 hour shifts and it definitely gets lonely. I'm also a bit of a loner. I'm not good at making friends. I have a hard time feeling like I relate to a lot of women. And guys usually only want to be friends with me because they are hopeful. So that is usually temporary because they taper off once they give up hope I think. And I would never hang out with them alone. :(
    kassierodriguez1 wrote: »
    candythorns wrote: »
    Ok i exaggerate, i get to see him every other week due to our work schedules. I work a consistent 7-3 and his schefule changes weekly.
    I have no hobbies, and very few friends because ive always been kind of a loner....but i still like being around ppl.
    I found myself googling "things to do alone" but honestly, its -15C out, who wants to wander aimlessly in that weather.
    I looked up different meet ups but haven't gotten to the point where i want to make myself uncomfortable.
    Just needed to say this somewhere....any ideas that im not thinking of??

    Man I feel ya here. My husband works 12 hour shifts and it definitely gets lonely. I'm also a bit of a loner. I'm not good at making friends. I have a hard time feeling like I relate to a lot of women. And guys usually only want to be friends with me because they are hopeful. So that is usually temporary because they taper off once they give up hope I think. And I would never hang out with them alone. :(

    This is the story of my life. My work friend doesn't even talk to me anymore because I guess he hoped for more. I literally said hi to him the other day when we were passing through a door, and oh he heard me, and I was literally invisible to him.

    More background, we are 31 and do not have kids. Anyone that thinks we have overlapping hours in the one week off, no. And he works far. I work in the city which I train 30 minutes east to. He works on the boonies which he drives 30 minutes west to. I do not drive, so even when he works weekends I'm not gonna try and use their broken transit system to travel an hour to have a lunch with him. He'd prob also think I'm crazy lol

  • candythorns
    candythorns Posts: 246 Member
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Have a kid. That's what kept me from being bored the last 12 years.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    That is literally my plan, I wanted kids anyway but I feel like my involvement in their care will help.....
  • candythorns
    candythorns Posts: 246 Member
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    mandymay01 wrote: »
    get a 2nd job, that's what I did. keeps my mind and body busy

    Thanks for the suggestion, but I understand it would be hard to find a job just for my husbands opposite shifts. I want to be able to spend SOME time with him
  • candythorns
    candythorns Posts: 246 Member
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    happimess1 wrote: »
    i am about to read How to win friends and influence people.

    i have no aspirations to win, even a participation ribbon would do just fine
    Me too....I get competitive for fun but I honestly don't even care mostly

  • JstTheWayIam
    JstTheWayIam Posts: 6,357 Member
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    So feel your pain...

    Although I'm not bored, super freaking busy actually but when I do have time, she often doesn't...

    I interact with coworkers but largely work alone. Have a lot of private time with my own thoughts, so I reach out on mfp for more social interaction with other people...

    Don't have time for much else, wish I did, but I'd rather spend any free time with my boy then out on the town
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    I second Meet up because you typically get to do something... so even if you don't talk to anyone, you're still busy. I go hiking with a Meet up group too... was a bit awkward at first and I don't always talk to a lot of people but I'm just walking at my rhythm anyway so it's ok. Although obviously there hasn't been much hiking in the past few months.

    The thing is, you shouldn't rely on your husband completely to find your own happiness either. I understand wanting to see him but I don't think it's the only issue here. Heck most couples I know really don't spend much time with their husband at all (but they have kids so it takes time too).

    Find something you like to do. Fitness classes, go to the gym, watch Netflix... live for yourself too.

    For what it's worth, I moved to the US 15 years ago and I didn't have any friend until last year really and I definitely don't recommend that either. I ended up meeting my friends through my daughter because she started hanging out with theirs. So.. that's definitely another good thing about having kids (although in your case it probably wouldn't be practical).
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
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    candythorns wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    I'll be honest, you're striking me as a bit immature. My husband was military, multiple deployments for months at a time. I'd have been up *kitten* creek if I'd depended on him for all my social interactions. What do you want? You don't like hobbies, you don't want to meet people, the only thing you've mentioned with any amount of enjoyment is drinking. Join a yoga or spin class ffs!

    Red flags everywhere with the male coworker. You need a girlfriend that you can go for pedicures and shopping and get gossipy with, not a stand-in husband.



    Having someone away long term with the hopes of a return, is quite different then 1 week on or off. I have some friends but to be honest, when girlfriends get controlling (which they have) or crazy (non stop talk about how they want their parents to die) I cut that *kitten* loose!
    Also you strike me as someone who doesn't read the whole story because I do sign up for fitness classes. These are pretty much the only classes I've found that are ok because any more class commitment where I need to be there weekly takes a day away from when I may get to spend time with my husband.

    I go to concerts alone, movies alone, workout alone. Social anxiety is a thing so I haven't found a meetup yet that I've actually forced myself to go to. Also not everyone makes friends easy.

    Emotions are not immature. Wanting to make things better are not immature. Holding things in for years for me HAS been immature. I'm gonna live, and thrive, and say *kitten* you for thinking you're so special and different just because you're some military wife.

    Thank you to those who could actually empathize with my rant because *kitten* I'm allowed to express these things and be frustrated for things being hum drum when I'm not.

    And p.s. Having issues with alcoholism isn't immature. If you think it is I'd highly suggest you tell that to the multimillion membership of AA

    I apologize if you've struggled with alcoholism. I did not gather that from your posts, only that in the past you've based social interactions around drinking and are struggling to move beyond that. I'd never equate alcoholism with immaturity. Please don't put words in my mouth.

    Good luck to you. I hope you find what you're missing in your life right now.

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