Seeking Connections

thetruevivian

I'm looking for connections on here. Let me tell you a little bit about myself and my situation as I see it and you can decide if you think we may be a good fit.

I'm less than a month away from 40. It's just kinda snuck up on me. I'm barely over 252 pounds and have been around this weight for a few years now. I've been over 230 for about 8 years. I'm constantly "trying" to get it under control but I have terrible follow through. In all honesty I'm fat and I'm lazy and I just don't know how to break through that. I have a loving family and I try to talk to them about it but all I ever hear is how beautiful they think I am and blah blah blah. "It's not that bad, mom." I know they mean well and they don't want to hurt my feelings, but in the process they are hurting my feelings. I wish my health were more important to them. I wish they showed as much desire for me to live a longer life as I feel inside. But they don't. So I give up. If it doesn't matter to my family, why should it matter to me? Intellectually I know this is the wrong way to think about it. At this point I am just in a tug of war between giving up on life and figuring it out. I just can't do it alone.

I've tried MFP before along with every other app you can find. The problem that I have with them is that I am still on my own. There may be a lot of people on my friends list, but they aren't usually very interactive. I need connections with a desire to interact. Praise when deserved. Called out when needed. Forget the BS of keeping mouths shut if there's nothing nice to say. I think sometimes we need to hear the bad. I need to hear the bad.