Who doesn't love roller coasters? Recovering from ED

thesophierose

Hello!

I am Sophie! I am 18, almost 19 now and I would like to share my story, even though it is not even close to being done yet. So at the age of 17, I was nearing 200 pounds and I would stand in front of the mirror asking myself why I did this to myself. Were chips, chocolate and pop worth this? Stretch marks started to form on my legs and I was just not happy.

Even before this realization, I went through high school a chubby girl and I was taunted incessantly and cruelly by my peers. It's not the greatest start to life and it did affect me. Big time. Their taunts stayed with me through middle school/ High school and so when I was 17 I wanted out.

I didn't want my life to be an unending story of emotional binging, and stretch marks. I'm a female, all I wanted was to be thin and beautiful. Was that too much to ask? The joys of society weighing down on a girl. I see it so often.

So, I started my change. The rocky road got worse. I cut out relatively all the sugar, most red meat, most food... actually. I literally only ate Special K original cereal, rice cakes, chicken breasts and pretzels. For months I did this, and I lost weight. A lot of weight. Of course that was do to my severe restriction with food, and in that time I let an ED demon come into my mind. So I kept eating less and less and I kept working out more and more.

Soon I was down to 130lbs. But of course I was not happy, I still had a belly. I didn't care that everyone was thinking that I was too skinny, I wanted to be thinner... so I'd have days where all I ate was cucumbers or broccoli. And more weight came off... and with that my periods stopped.

That might be a females dream come true and at first it was because I was like "**** yeah, no more pains... no more tampons... no more cravings!" I was ready to dance naked.

Weight kept dropping, I kept working out. I was white... and sick looking... but at the time I didn't see myself that way, I just was happy the numbers on the scale were dropping. And soon I hit 108lbs. My ribs , my spine and my shoulder bones were showing but I was still obsessed with losing my tummy... I still had an annoying layer of adipose tissue and all I ever wanted was for it to **** off but it wouldn't.

I was sick.

I stood in front of the mirror one day and I was looking at myself and I asked myself, "Do I really want this? to be boney, frail and sick looking...?" and my heart answered no. My head was a different story... but demons thrive there. I struggled to eat, but i tried. I slowly started to add more food back into my diet because eating the low calories I was made me grumpy and tired. I didn't want that. I wanted energy.

It took me awhile but soon I was able to reach 1200 calories and I was so happy with myself that I just stayed at that limit, (at the time I was not the brightest with how the body worked,) and I kept losing. I was like what.....!? So I started eating more...

My mind hated it. But I pushed through that, because I was sure my body couldn't take weight loss anymore. And soon I hit 1680. I gained until I hit 112 and soon I was maintaining. My workouts slowed down to yoga and walks. And it was like this for months. I was happy. My color came back, my hair loss lessened...But my periods still had not come back.

This is a concern because as a lady, you need your period and I realized it was because to my body I was still under weight. So I am at the point in my journey where I am ready... or going to attempt to be ready to gain the healthy 8sish pounds I need to for my body to be healthy again. I am defying a demon that has haunted me long enough.

The reason why I wanted to share this is because I see so many girls going through this and it breaks my heart. The ED demon is a beast in the worst way and no one deserves the hurt and pain that goes with it. Your body is your temple, respect it, work with it, worship it and it will worship you back.

You are all strong.

Much love,

Sophie.

spidey11186

I wish you all the best, kid! If you ever need anything, you know where to find me!

TribeHokie

Aww I thought we were gonna talk about roller coasters...

But for real, congratulations on the progress you have made in getting yourself healthy so far. Luckily you are still fairly young so your body will hopefully be able to make a full recovery soon. Even though this site is mostly people who are trying to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight, you're not alone. Good luck!

2ht2hand1e

Thank you for sharing with us, Sophie. You sound like a brave and wise young woman. I don't believe that an ED ever goes away, but the roller coaster does get a lot smoother.

MySweetPotato

The ED demon is a beast in the worst way and no one deserves the hurt and pain that goes with it. Your body is your temple, respect it, work with it, worship it and it will worship you back.

You are all strong.

Much love,

Sophie.

I love this. Be strong.

mimieon

Thank you for sharing. You can do it! Take control over the beast.

thesophierose

Thank you for reading.

ED is a life long battle, I know this. But remission can be life lasting, I am determined to keep going with this. So I can hopefully motivate others going through this that they don't have to be scared, or have an image of themselves of being so thin. Society is cruel. I am sick of that control, and I hope that anyone else going through ED here or anywhere I share my story can see that food is not the enemy. Food can help you look at your best and society can go **** itself.

My body is all I have, I know I have to care for it properly now.

pyrowill

Well done! I'm likewise recovering from an ED. Good to hear a nice positive story.

PriceK01

Good job, Sophie!

determinedbutlazy

You're very strong to tell your story here and fight this thing, I admire you.

thesophierose

I felt like it was a good thing to do because I don't want people to struggle with this without knowing an outcome that's positive. I want to be able to give support in the best way I can to those struggling with ED because I know what it's like to battle that demon.

EvgeniZyntx

Thanks for sharing. I know a few people struggling with EDs and it's great to see your inner dialogue. Good luck on your road to recovery and health.

Oishii

It's great to hear how you have turned things around. Are you seeing a dietician at all?

Sarauk2sf

You are very strong...good luck with your continued progress.

katz6910

Good luck Sophie

weese17

What a fantastic post. Good luck with your recovery, Sophie.

delicious_cocktail

Oh my god. I saw this topic earlier, saw it dealt with ED, and thought "oh not again, I don't want to look, can't bear it".

Someone else pointed my attention to it, and I actually read the darned thing and . . . wow. I can't believe it.

I'm stunned and amazed and so happy for you, and somewhat in awe of you. Congratulations. You're inspirational.

miss_jessiejane

Eating disorders suck. Thanks for sharing, and good luck.

AllonsYtotheTardis

Thank you for posting your story! So good to hear that you're winning the battle with that demon - I wish you much continued success!

JDHINAZ

You're the best. Thank you for your honesty. This is a great testament to staying determined and focused on being healthy. You're such an inspiration! Thank you!

Raw_Bean

Thank you for sharing your story and helping others out there with an ED.