Last few pounds: really struggling, overeating, obsessing over food (long post)
artemislav
Posts: 10 Member
Hi everyone,
I have been using mfp for over a year now, but this is my first post here and that's because I have really started to struggle lately and I don't know what to do.
My journey started last March; I hurt my ankle and my physical therapist did a body composition analysis as part of the first exam. At the time, my weight was 76kg/167lbs with a 28.4 BMI. My BMR was estimated at 1583kcal. I decided that I should finally lose some weight, so I bought a food scale and started eating at 1200 calories a day and since I wasn't exercising at the time, it was relatively manageable. Around June, according to the same machine as above, I weighed at 62.4kg/137.5lbs, my BMI was 23.2 and my BMR at 1421kcal. By the end of the summer I was 60kg/132lbs. During those months, I took a few breaks here and there, when I was on vacation etc. and I also started walking a lot (difficult trails too), which was a fairly easy change, as I was always doing sports a lot in previous years.
Since then, while trying to lose the rest of the weight, as I still have fat that bothers me in places, I have lost and gained the same 10lbs about 3 times and I am generally really tired with this. Food, thinking about food, worrying about food, planning meals, researching prices and shopping for food has taken over my life and I have lost the ability to just eat, without counting and measuring everything, and adjusting my diary 100 times. I stress so much when I have to eat out (for work etc) or when I take time off and I depart from my routine and I end up either underrating or overeating.
Right now, I am about the same weight (130lbs), 23 years old and my height is 5'4''. I prep all my breakfasts (cinnamon oats) and lunches, which include a lot of vegetables (cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, green beans, peas), chicken or fish and quinoa or potatoes. I have an issue about never really feeling full, so I try to focus on foods with volume. I also eat 2-3 pieces of fruit and usually oatmeal again for dinner, and often a hard-boiled egg. Since I eat a lot of fruits, vegetables and oats, my carb intake is rather high (55-60%) and my fats a bit low (~15%), and I take in about 35-40gr of fiber daily. In total, 1200 calories. Everything weighed and logged.
So, why I have gained back these 10lbs 3 times: currently, I work out 3 times a week on average and I do 40' cardio on the treadmill (10' for warm up and 30' to run a 5K) and then I do 1 hour of weight training (dumbbell lunges & bulgarian split squats, leg & calf press, barbell glute bridges, weighted back extension, dumbbell chest press, triceps pushdowns, push-ups, planks, hanging leg raises, and sometimes squats on the smith machine). I generally do 3 sets of 15 and I go as heavy as I can. I feel like complete garbage throughout and after this and I really have to force myself to go every single time, so sometimes I don't make it. I don't eat back exercise calories. As you might expect, I am always tired, dizzy, lethargic, weak, and hungry. I took breaks during Christmas and for 2 other occasions and each time it was incredibly difficult to get back to this, because I go SO overboard when I let go. During Christmas, I was uncomfortably full for 2 weeks straight and the thing is, I really can eat a lot; 4000 calories at a time is perfectly manageable for me.
The past two weeks, I haven't been able to stop myself from overeating again and again. Some days I will eat 7000 calories, others 3000, others 5000 and I just feel terribly awful, both physically and emotionally. Before this, I stuck to the aforementioned diet for a good 7 weeks following Christmas, during which time I went off added sugars as well, just to see if my MAJOR sweet tooth would go away. It did not. I also tried upping my calories to 1300 for 3 weeks, but I was losing SO slowly or not at all, so I went back to 1200 and then the overeating cycle began.
www.sailrabbit.com says my BMR is ~1300 calories and my sedentary TDEE ~1600 and I know that since I feel this bad at 1200 calories, it probably means I should eat more, but I have a difficult time sticking to that. Instead I go to the other extreme for a while and then back again. I don't know what to do. I obsess over everything, all the foods I don't eat, measuring each gram correctly and planning all my meals a week ahead and I just want to be able to think about other things at some point.
I guess I was just wondering if anyone had experienced something similar.
Thanks for listening, I know this was rather long.
I have been using mfp for over a year now, but this is my first post here and that's because I have really started to struggle lately and I don't know what to do.
My journey started last March; I hurt my ankle and my physical therapist did a body composition analysis as part of the first exam. At the time, my weight was 76kg/167lbs with a 28.4 BMI. My BMR was estimated at 1583kcal. I decided that I should finally lose some weight, so I bought a food scale and started eating at 1200 calories a day and since I wasn't exercising at the time, it was relatively manageable. Around June, according to the same machine as above, I weighed at 62.4kg/137.5lbs, my BMI was 23.2 and my BMR at 1421kcal. By the end of the summer I was 60kg/132lbs. During those months, I took a few breaks here and there, when I was on vacation etc. and I also started walking a lot (difficult trails too), which was a fairly easy change, as I was always doing sports a lot in previous years.
Since then, while trying to lose the rest of the weight, as I still have fat that bothers me in places, I have lost and gained the same 10lbs about 3 times and I am generally really tired with this. Food, thinking about food, worrying about food, planning meals, researching prices and shopping for food has taken over my life and I have lost the ability to just eat, without counting and measuring everything, and adjusting my diary 100 times. I stress so much when I have to eat out (for work etc) or when I take time off and I depart from my routine and I end up either underrating or overeating.
Right now, I am about the same weight (130lbs), 23 years old and my height is 5'4''. I prep all my breakfasts (cinnamon oats) and lunches, which include a lot of vegetables (cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, green beans, peas), chicken or fish and quinoa or potatoes. I have an issue about never really feeling full, so I try to focus on foods with volume. I also eat 2-3 pieces of fruit and usually oatmeal again for dinner, and often a hard-boiled egg. Since I eat a lot of fruits, vegetables and oats, my carb intake is rather high (55-60%) and my fats a bit low (~15%), and I take in about 35-40gr of fiber daily. In total, 1200 calories. Everything weighed and logged.
So, why I have gained back these 10lbs 3 times: currently, I work out 3 times a week on average and I do 40' cardio on the treadmill (10' for warm up and 30' to run a 5K) and then I do 1 hour of weight training (dumbbell lunges & bulgarian split squats, leg & calf press, barbell glute bridges, weighted back extension, dumbbell chest press, triceps pushdowns, push-ups, planks, hanging leg raises, and sometimes squats on the smith machine). I generally do 3 sets of 15 and I go as heavy as I can. I feel like complete garbage throughout and after this and I really have to force myself to go every single time, so sometimes I don't make it. I don't eat back exercise calories. As you might expect, I am always tired, dizzy, lethargic, weak, and hungry. I took breaks during Christmas and for 2 other occasions and each time it was incredibly difficult to get back to this, because I go SO overboard when I let go. During Christmas, I was uncomfortably full for 2 weeks straight and the thing is, I really can eat a lot; 4000 calories at a time is perfectly manageable for me.
The past two weeks, I haven't been able to stop myself from overeating again and again. Some days I will eat 7000 calories, others 3000, others 5000 and I just feel terribly awful, both physically and emotionally. Before this, I stuck to the aforementioned diet for a good 7 weeks following Christmas, during which time I went off added sugars as well, just to see if my MAJOR sweet tooth would go away. It did not. I also tried upping my calories to 1300 for 3 weeks, but I was losing SO slowly or not at all, so I went back to 1200 and then the overeating cycle began.
www.sailrabbit.com says my BMR is ~1300 calories and my sedentary TDEE ~1600 and I know that since I feel this bad at 1200 calories, it probably means I should eat more, but I have a difficult time sticking to that. Instead I go to the other extreme for a while and then back again. I don't know what to do. I obsess over everything, all the foods I don't eat, measuring each gram correctly and planning all my meals a week ahead and I just want to be able to think about other things at some point.
I guess I was just wondering if anyone had experienced something similar.
Thanks for listening, I know this was rather long.
2
Replies
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Don't give up. Life and things come at us be we must get back up and fight another day.1
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You may have included it here, but I got a bit lost. What is your ultimate weight goal? You're 130 now and want to get to 120? What 10lbs do you keep gaining back. You mention losing "the rest of the weight" - your goal?0
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You're right, I should have clarified. So, yes, I'm 130 now and I would like to get to about 120. I don't have an exact number as a goal, but right now I feel heavy. Oh, also, I'm a woman, I don't think I mentioned that either.0
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Our stories are different but also very similar in a lot of ways. What I personally believe needs to happen is you need to figure out why you have such an incessant need to obsess over this process. You're close to goal and obviously due to your success know the science necessary to reach that goal, but this should not be all encompassing. You're clearly miserable living the way you are right now so what I would suggest is this:
1. Take a break. Take it easy on yourself for a while stop worrying about losing and eat at maintenance until you feel healthy, not dizzy etc. You're obviously eating too little for your workout regime and I know all too well how unenjoyavle that is.
2. Reassess why you feel the need to get to the goal you've chosen. I'm not sure by your post because I don't believe you mentioned it but it sounds like you're a woman. Do correct me if I'm wrong but regardless this applies to men as well (it just, kinda affects women more imo) We, as women, are thrown at us from very early ages that we must be x body fat and x weight to be beautiful/strong/confident/etc. Your self worth is not a number on a scale.
3. Kick the heavy training for something fresh and new that you actually WANT to do. The pounds will melt away.
I make these suggestions as someone that initially felt amazing having lost over 40lb only to gain back 15 and become depressed and crappy feeling. I too found myself obsessing over getting to a predetermined number that somewhere along the way I forgot why I had picked it. After working with a therapist to address my unhealthy relationship to food (which by the way seriously sounds just like yours, obsessing over going out etc.) I figured out that I was obsessing because I was trying to meet an ideal and not my own goal. I had started out wanting to get healthy and strong and became obsessed with just being thinner.
Now, I'm taking a much more relaxing approached and it feels "easy" again, o don't obsess, I let myself indulge sometimes, etc, and I find the weight coming off naturally as I focus on my other goals, my real life goals.
Maybe my advice will help you and maybe it won't but I hope you tackle this and get back to a healthy mindset particularly with your eating habits!8 -
Please speak with a health professional about your post feel free to show him/ her the post as well. I'm a little bit concerned of your binge eating, and the fact even though you feel lethargic from not eating back even some of the calories you burned during working out you still continue with it.
Maybe consider seeing a nutritionist/ dietician as well Best of luck!4 -
Hmmm. Your experience is not too different from mine so I hope some of the MFP geniuses will chime in. The similarities with me seem to be the extremes, being close to goal weight, and not sticking with a process long enough. Are you set up to lose .5 a week or more? Did mfp give you 1200 calories? You said you stuck with a diet for 7 weeks - were you losing, were you miserable? Are you losing inches, clothes feel loser? I was 138 in Jan. 135.6 or thereabouts now. I just knew I'd be 125 by now! NOT! And I'm working out a lot, too.0
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Maybe dispose of the goal weight of 120, and think more a goal "look". Work on body recomposition. You will likely end up still weighing about 130, but be smaller and more toned than you would be at 120. You'll also be able to eat more, which will give you wiggle room so don't feel like your diet is consuming your life.5
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CeeBeeSlim wrote: »Hmmm. Your experience is not too different from mine so I hope some of the MFP geniuses will chime in. The similarities with me seem to be the extremes, being close to goal weight, and not sticking with a process long enough. Are you set up to lose .5 a week or more? Did mfp give you 1200 calories? You said you stuck with a diet for 7 weeks - were you losing, were you miserable? Are you losing inches, clothes feel loser? I was 138 in Jan. 135.6 or thereabouts now. I just knew I'd be 125 by now! NOT! And I'm working out a lot, too.
Mfp gave me that number when I started, but then I did not adjust to a lower deficit when I dropped most of the weight. I think I lose about 0.8-1kg per week when I eat that much. I lose weight and my clothes fell more loose as well, not just due to fat loss, but mostly because a lot of water weight goes away; I tend to hold a lot of water when I overeat. I was quite miserable, tired and weak and pretty much knew that it was not sustainable. If I set it to 0.25 kg (.5 pound), it gives me 1350 calories.0 -
How much PROTEIN are you getting? This is an extremely important element, especially if you are lifting and want to retain muscle, and you don't even mention it. You should get at least 1 gram per lb of lean body weight or .08 g per total body weight. You should also boost your fats as they are very low. Both of these should help with satiety. If you haven't been fueling your workouts correctly, which includes eating back at least a portion of exercise calories, no wonder you are freaking out, binging and feel like crap. Please adjust your macros so you are heaviest in protein and are getting maybe twice the amount of fat you currently eat...healthy fats. Maybe it is time to take a break, eat at maintenance, and focus on recomping with a properly fueled program.2
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French_Peasant wrote: »How much PROTEIN are you getting? This is an extremely important element, especially if you are lifting and want to retain muscle, and you don't even mention it. You should get at least 1 gram per lb of lean body weight or .08 g per total body weight. You should also boost your fats as they are very low. Both of these should help with satiety. If you haven't been fueling your workouts correctly, which includes eating back at least a portion of exercise calories, no wonder you are freaking out, binging and feel like crap. Please adjust your macros so you are heaviest in protein and are getting maybe twice the amount of fat you currently eat...healthy fats. Maybe it is time to take a break, eat at maintenance, and focus on recomping with a properly fueled program.
I am getting about 80-90 grams per day. Indeed, you are quite right, I really need to do something about the fats.0 -
ashliedelgado wrote: »Maybe dispose of the goal weight of 120, and think more a goal "look". Work on body recomposition. You will likely end up still weighing about 130, but be smaller and more toned than you would be at 120. You'll also be able to eat more, which will give you wiggle room so don't feel like your diet is consuming your life.
I was considering recomp as well. I have to research it further though, I don't know enough about it. And since I'm very visual, I don't really care about the number, I just want to feel good about what I see in the mirror.0 -
artemislav wrote: »French_Peasant wrote: »How much PROTEIN are you getting? This is an extremely important element, especially if you are lifting and want to retain muscle, and you don't even mention it. You should get at least 1 gram per lb of lean body weight or .08 g per total body weight. You should also boost your fats as they are very low. Both of these should help with satiety. If you haven't been fueling your workouts correctly, which includes eating back at least a portion of exercise calories, no wonder you are freaking out, binging and feel like crap. Please adjust your macros so you are heaviest in protein and are getting maybe twice the amount of fat you currently eat...healthy fats. Maybe it is time to take a break, eat at maintenance, and focus on recomping with a properly fueled program.
I am getting about 80-90 grams per day. Indeed, you are quite right, I really need to do something about the fats.
That sounds like adequate protein. Does it help with satiety? Try increasing your fats and see if that also helps with satiety and performance. You are in a healthy range for your BMI, so it is good to be losing slowly. Think of it as successful pre-maintenance. Also, a strategic serving of cookies or other modest sweet an hour before you work out might help give you more energy. I go crazy on the days I have hash browns or a cappucinno.
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I'm 5'4" as well. When I was 130 and trying to get into the 120s it was just painful. I was already relatively lean. I was shooting for 1300 or 1400 calories which I find to be aggressive for me. The worst thing was my fat was too low...I actually lost my libido and my period.
I suggest taking it super slow. Make sure you are getting at least .35g of fat per pound of body weight, a 250 calorie deficit.1 -
Gosh, I hope you can get some peace with this. I have to say that if I am not careful, I can get pretty intense about it myself. I can see where it could get out of control for me too. I have to just make up my mind that I will NOT obsess over it. Not saying that its just that easy ... I know its hard. I hope you find some answers.1
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Was the 1350 liveable for you, albeit the loss may have been slow? Your workouts should be something to look forward to. You sound as if your 90-100 min workouts are miserable to you. Can you cut back some?
@bbell1985 How long did it take you? It is "painful"!0 -
CeeBeeSlim wrote: »Was the 1350 liveable for you, albeit the loss may have been slow? Your workouts should be something to look forward to. You sound as if your 90-100 min workouts are miserable to you. Can you cut back some?
@bbell1985 How long did it take you? It is "painful"!
It took me a couple months to go from 133 to 128ish. Three months maybe. That was as low as I could go. My purpose for getting lean was to actually gain weight BACK but in muscle. I did get a taste of being quite slim though...I've never been able to get back to it after my gain.0 -
You have gotten some good advice here. Im going to just add that since u are so close to ur goal weight, it will be hard...but u can do it.0
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I change my suggestion.
I think you should maintain for a bit. You want to feel successful. If you're running yourself down and eating at maintenance anyway, why not purposely do it? I'm 5'4" so I know that at your weight, you probably already look pretty dang good. Plus you'll get to eat more, rejuvenate, even out your hormone and leptin levels. I'm tell you. It will work wonders on mind and body.
I had to do this as well. I was you, trust me.4 -
I have similar problems quite often. In my experience, it's the extreme lows that trigger the binges. If your tdee is 1600 and you shoot too far beneath that your body will fight you and try to force you back up. You should look at your total calorie intake by week and month. Then the binges will make more sense - it's your body trying to maintain balance. What worked for me was never going more than 200 below my tdee and also going higher fat (30%) and high protein then of course lower carbs. Sugar, and oddly diet soda, triggers my binges atm so I'm trying to avoid them. It's working so far!1
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I change my suggestion.
I think you should maintain for a bit. You want to feel successful. If you're running yourself down and eating at maintenance anyway, why not purposely do it? I'm 5'4" so I know that at your weight, you probably already look pretty dang good. Plus you'll get to eat more, rejuvenate, even out your hormone and leptin levels. I'm tell you. It will work wonders on mind and body.
I had to do this as well. I was you, trust me.
Well, judging from your photo, it seems like you're in fantastic shape after doing this
I think I will probably either go for just a small deficit (TDEE -200 calories) or recomposition.
Thank you very much for the kind words and the useful info!0 -
I have similar problems quite often. In my experience, it's the extreme lows that trigger the binges. If your tdee is 1600 and you shoot too far beneath that your body will fight you and try to force you back up. You should look at your total calorie intake by week and month. Then the binges will make more sense - it's your body trying to maintain balance. What worked for me was never going more than 200 below my tdee and also going higher fat (30%) and high protein then of course lower carbs. Sugar, and oddly diet soda, triggers my binges atm so I'm trying to avoid them. It's working so far!
Yeap, I think my body finally got tired of such a big deficit and it's fighting me. That's great that you found what triggers your binges. When I tried going off added sugars for about 2 months, my cravings got worse I think. As for natural sugars, I was never interested in cutting those, because it makes no sense to me and I really enjoy fruit. I will definitely try to increase my fats. It seems that has helped quite a few people.
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CeeBeeSlim wrote: »Was the 1350 liveable for you, albeit the loss may have been slow? Your workouts should be something to look forward to. You sound as if your 90-100 min workouts are miserable to you. Can you cut back some?
@bbell1985 How long did it take you? It is "painful"!
I stuck to 1300 for 3 weeks, but I was losing very very little weight and at some point none at all, so I went back to 1200. 1300 was a bit better, but I was still feeling light-headed and weak. As for the workout, I don't know, maybe I should do a sport or something instead, but I just haven't found one that I enjoy so far.0 -
Did you try changing macros a bit?0
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artemislav wrote: »CeeBeeSlim wrote: »Was the 1350 liveable for you, albeit the loss may have been slow? Your workouts should be something to look forward to. You sound as if your 90-100 min workouts are miserable to you. Can you cut back some?
@bbell1985 How long did it take you? It is "painful"!
I stuck to 1300 for 3 weeks, but I was losing very very little weight and at some point none at all, so I went back to 1200. 1300 was a bit better, but I was still feeling light-headed and weak. As for the workout, I don't know, maybe I should do a sport or something instead, but I just haven't found one that I enjoy so far.
The key is to find something that you enjoy doing and look forward to. Then you are more likely to stick withnit long term. Walking, cycling, team sport, yoga, pilates, dance, kick boxing ...... there is so much that you can do.1 -
I am 5'4 and about 130 pounds typically. (I've spent the last five years having babies and I'm pregnant with my last one so when I reach my stable non-pregnant body again that's probably where I'll be.) In the past, when I am not pregnant and 130 pounds, I do the same thing that you do. I get too aggressive and then it's like my body says, enough. Anyway, my plan once I reach that stable weight, is to do a recomp- eat at maintenance and shoot to build muscle/gain strength. I've been reading this thread (http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10177803/recomposition-maintaining-weight-while-losing-fat/p1) and it's been very educational and enjoyable. That might work for you. You'd have more calories to work with and less of and impulse to binge, you might enjoy your workouts more, and you would be more focused on other things besides the scale numbers so wouldn't always feel like you're failing.0
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I change my suggestion.
I think you should maintain for a bit. You want to feel successful. If you're running yourself down and eating at maintenance anyway, why not purposely do it? I'm 5'4" so I know that at your weight, you probably already look pretty dang good. Plus you'll get to eat more, rejuvenate, even out your hormone and leptin levels. I'm tell you. It will work wonders on mind and body.
I had to do this as well. I was you, trust me.
This. You're at at healthy BMI and look good. You need to adjust your thinking to get away from your tendancy to binge, obsess and whatnot. Keep working out but eat to maintain. You can fiddle with macros for satiety and energy level but just aim not to gain.Reassess in a 3-4 months. Your psychology is more important at this point
Many of us really struggle with the last lbs so you're not alone! Keep well.1 -
I am 5'4 and about 130 pounds typically. (I've spent the last five years having babies and I'm pregnant with my last one so when I reach my stable non-pregnant body again that's probably where I'll be.) In the past, when I am not pregnant and 130 pounds, I do the same thing that you do. I get too aggressive and then it's like my body says, enough. Anyway, my plan once I reach that stable weight, is to do a recomp- eat at maintenance and shoot to build muscle/gain strength. I've been reading this thread (http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10177803/recomposition-maintaining-weight-while-losing-fat/p1) and it's been very educational and enjoyable. That might work for you. You'd have more calories to work with and less of and impulse to binge, you might enjoy your workouts more, and you would be more focused on other things besides the scale numbers so wouldn't always feel like you're failing.
Thanks for sharing that thread; I will definitely take a look. I hope the process is easy for you, it sounds like a solid plan!0 -
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What about changing your goal to maintain where you are right now? Obsess about maintenance for awhile and see what happens? Eat at maintenance (minus a bit because you've likely lowered your BMR a bit) and continue to exercise and see if that allows you to build some muscle1
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artemislav wrote: »I change my suggestion.
I think you should maintain for a bit. You want to feel successful. If you're running yourself down and eating at maintenance anyway, why not purposely do it? I'm 5'4" so I know that at your weight, you probably already look pretty dang good. Plus you'll get to eat more, rejuvenate, even out your hormone and leptin levels. I'm tell you. It will work wonders on mind and body.
I had to do this as well. I was you, trust me.
Well, judging from your photo, it seems like you're in fantastic shape after doing this
I think I will probably either go for just a small deficit (TDEE -200 calories) or recomposition.
Thank you very much for the kind words and the useful info!
Well thanks. I also weigh 140-144 in that photo so don't get too caught up with the scale (I need to listen to my own advice there too).0
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