Not good enough?

HappieRosy

I am extremely proud of my progress so far. Since Christmas I haven't touched any junk food or fizzy drinks/white carbs at all. I never logged my weight around that time as I felt so guilty (I was 13-14lbs heavier). I had a weigh-in at the beginning of Jan and had lost 5lbs since starting my new healthier lifestyle. A combination of diet and excersize has made me lose another 7lbs since then and it is now March. I'm at the point of struggling to shift my last 5lbs to reach my ultimate goal. I suffer with tremendous guilty feelings even when I fall below my calorie target (which is every day) and I have only indulged in small treats three times this year; for a family birthday, a date night and today. Anyone else feel sickening amounts of guilt for not seeing progress after months of hard work? Or going over calorie count by as little as 100? I know it just takes getting back to eating very clean and working hard in the gym...but I surely can't be the only one who beats myself up with self loathing on a regular basis. I find myself thinking about food and what to eat far too often and can see the temptation to fall off the wagon... and if I ever do it would be catastrophic.

quiksylver296

No. This isn't healthy. You seem to have a disordered relationship with food/calories. It's concerning.

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld

Wow that is a major over reaction. You should not be feeling guilty for going slightly over or because you ate food you like.

I go up to 500 over every weekend and I always eat the food I like. You don't lose weight quicker by not eating white carbs etc.

jessiferrrb

maybe you're being too restrictive with your diet and exercise and for sure you're being overly hard on yourself.

you're doing great! and you've made a ton of progress really quickly. Once you only have 5 pounds left to lose you have a smaller deficit to work with and things are going to slow down. now you're in this for the long haul and you could consider shifting focus to something more sustainable for you. if you feel better abstaining from junk food, fizzy drinks and white carbs then it's working for you. but if it's not something that you enjoy adhering to you can fit those things back into your diet and not sacrifice your hard work.

what you need to lose weight, as you know, is a calorie deficit. and how you get there is personal and up to you but it doesn't necessarily have to be so strict that it makes you feel guilty or self loathing when you deviate. i understand the and empathize with the frustration and tendency to focus so intensely on my goal that it seems to be all consuming, but it really doesn't get me anywhere so i've learned to loosen up. you won't undo months of progress with a day off goal. you may retain a bit of water and see the scale jump but that's not fat. it takes 3,500 surplus calories (over your maintenance not over your goal) to gain 1 pound. 100 calories isn't even going to come close.

be kind to yourself. take some time to experiment within your current framework and see what things make you feel better about your relationship with food. you should be enjoying what you eat as well learning what kinds of things work for weight loss.

sardelsa

No this doesn't sound very good. Guilt over little things like that sound concerning.

Ex. I don't eat 100% clean (in fact I eat ice cream and candy almost everyday)... I fall off track sometimes and skip the gym.. I take breaks... I go on vacations..I run bulk cycles.. I have had two babies and bounced back... all of this and I don't feel any guilt and have had fantastic progress.

When you say you are almost at your "ultimate goal" what does that mean and what happens after that?

Maybe it's time to talk to someone if you feel like these feelings are getting out of control.

rsclause

I don't stress over it. i wanted chicken wings and beer for lunch and gained three pounds. I ran the last three mornings and lost them. There is alway some yin and yang to this but as long as you don't go off the rails you will survive. Consistently in deficit you will lose so if you do have a bad day you will likely lose it fast. My record was a four day bender in Chicago where I gained ten pounds. My wifi scale when I stepped on it said "welcome guest".

quiksylver296

One thing that might help, @HappieRosy, is determining what your TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure) is. This the amount of calories your body needs to "run" every day. For example, my TDEE is ~2250 calories per day. I eat approximately 2075 calories per day (I'm on a really slow deficit. Personal goals...blah, blah). Anyway, if I eat 100 calories over, I will eat 2175 calories. Still under my TDEE, which means I'm still losing, just even slower.

You can find your TDEE here:

http://scoobysworkshop.com/accurate-calorie-calculator/

snowflake954

What are your stats? If you don't have much to lose it goes slowly. If that's your profile pic you look thin.

KassLea22

There's going to be days where sometimes you meet your calorie goal, there will be days where you go over it, and there will be days where you go under it. There will be days where you're really motivated to go to the gym, and there will be a day that you just want to sit at home. Don't beat yourself up over the small things. No one is perfect and you seem to be doing all the right things. We can be our own worst enemy sometimes.

I would pay less attention to what the scale says and more attention to how you feel. Do you have a lot of energy? Do you like the way you fit into your pants better now? Can you finally wear that top in that size that you want? Don't let numbers dictate your feelings.

pamfgil

You definitely want to seek help for feeling guilty, it's going to get in the way of living your life. If you don't want to seek someone, try researching self compassion and practicing some of those exercises.

zorahgail

I've been there, feeling overly guilty and having food/exercise/diet be on the brain non-stop.

Fortunately, I no longer suffer. I absolutely had to separate my self-worth/self-esteem from food/weight/diet/exercise.

I also had to re-write a lot of the stories I had about myself and create a solid sense of self that had nothing to do with what I looked like, what I weighed, how many calories I did/didn't eat, etc.

brxtt

i very much struggle with feelings of guilt when it comes to food, especially now that i've lost majority of my weight and the rest is coming off super slowly. i have to remind myself that this is normal and to trust the process. maybe try not to think about food as just food and think of it more as FUEL for your body. when you're truly hungry, EAT. and even if it goes over, so what? your body obviously needed more fuel! and you can always create a bigger deficit the next day/rest of the week. also, treat yourself from time to time and let yourself enjoy it.

88olds

Nothing you are talking about needs to involve catastrophe. If you eat more than planned on a given day you don't need to run your whole program into the ditch. Lots of folks do that, but it's a choice. Agree that you have your emotions involved in an unhelpful way.

I read your thread bc of the title- not good enough. I think folks frequently run off the rails because no matter what they do, their brain says not good enough. Take some time to give yourself credit. Make a list if you have to, stand in front of a mirror and talk out loud, tell yourself you've done a good job.

Think problem solving and focus. Go for a walk. You can only spin out of control if you decide to. You can't wake up 1 day 10 lbs heavier. Catastrophe is getting hit by a car. Can't happen in weight loss.

PS perfection is the enemy of good.

HappieRosy

Thankyou everyone for the insightful conversations that were great to read. I've written a follow up conversation today for anyone wanting to follow! ☺