Fostering a positive body image in teens and dealing with potential red flags

heiliskrimsli

canadianlbs wrote: »

finally one day when he was obliged to be in the car with me and doing the teen-silence thing to my timid little overtures, i did a little private timeout count and then i said 'you know, when don't talk at all, it makes me afraid that something really awful has happened to you and you're afraid to let anyone know about it.' he did a double-take that almost gave him whiplash and i felt much much better right on the spot

There comes a point where you have to accept that talking to you about things is a choice and that it's perfectly valid to choose not to. A parent's right to know what's going on ends when the offspring is an adult. I drew a hard line with my parents, and they got over it.

canadianlbs

heiliskrimsli wrote: »

There comes a point where you have to accept that talking to you about things is a choice and that it's perfectly valid to choose not to. A parent's right to know what's going on ends when the offspring is an adult. I drew a hard line with my parents, and they got over it.

i think we just talked right past each other, but never mind. i have a sense we're probably each speaking from dramatically different contexts.

of course it's a choice; i don't think i implied it wasn't. there are whole scads of things about me that my own surviving parent doesn't know and is never going to know; that's part of the human right to have privacy.

but part of making choices is having information. so having the information that blackout silence and surliness is frightening to any parent is not the worst thing that ever happened to any teen. it was clearly brand-new information to my son, so i don't think it did any harm. the reason why i said it at all was actually because i was going to say 'i'm leaving this up to you, whether or what you ever do say to me. i'm just saying this out loud and formally here, so you won't ever think i just *kitten* off and left you to stew by yourself. it's your call, but i want you to know i'm ON call, just in case.'

but like i said, the double-take kind of derailed things a bit i said it anyway, but it was pretty pro-forma by then.

brookielaw

The dialogue has been opened with Mom and with Kiddo. We'll do what we can to reinforce positive body image but we are not going to push this too much. She knows the door is open and I love that she is willing to at least hear us out without shutting down. She really is a great kid, I hit the jackpot. I truly believe the talk, the doc, etc. have helped. She is making good choices and knows it. She's joining her aunt and me on another 5K (walk only) in a few weeks and will get to ride to her heart's content when we visit the Uncles in a couple of weeks. My trainer says she is welcome to join me for some of my sessions, if she chooses to. I'd LOVE to have her see me finish my triathlon next month (I'm trying to lead by example here), but it's her Mom's weekend and I know it may not happen. That's OK. I know my relationship with my parents at her age was NOT open or healthy and I certainly don't want her shutting down by feeling nagged. At the same time, who doesn't want the best for their kid?

Sp1tfire

I'm not a parent but I can speak from experience of the things my parents did for me when I was experiencing body image negativity and disordered eating:


I was actually underweight, but had suddenly gained 5 lbs. My weight rarely ever fluctuated and this triggered something inside me that caused me to panic. I felt like the weight gain would never stop. I felt like I was a failure. I started cutting out my favorite foods that I was already eating in a healthy moderation. I avoided parties I knew food was at. I was calorie counting at 16. I would cry whenever I was 'over' my calories. I'd go to bed hungry. I looked in the mirror and saw someone who was unlovable and lazy. I was constantly pinching and poking at my stomach and legs. I could swear I was gaining lbs by the day, even though I wasn't. Without my family it would've gotten much much worse.


My parents always told me how beautiful I was and how much they loved me every day. Every single day. Knowing that I had their love at any size made me feel a lot better. They also told me that anyone will still love me at any size. My friends will still be my friends. People will still want to date me. They'd give me situations like 'So what if you gain 5 lbs? Do you think your boyfriend will break up with you?' and once I heard it out loud I remembered how absurd I was being, and I remembered that I'm still me at any size. They also helped me hop back on the healthy wagon. And by healthy I mean mentally healthy and physically. They began by helping me make 'lighter' versions of my favorite foods. Now, I'm back to eating my regular favorite foods in moderation. We also started cooking with lean meats and more veggies. Over time, I was no longer afraid of food. Healthy choices I could eat helped me not to worry. My parents kept anything and everything I was comfortable eating around so I wouldn't stress. They'd bring my favorite fruits to family gatherings. Having them as a supportive net really helped me. Now we've developed healthy habits together that will last a lifetime. I'm exercising and still treating myself. I strive to feel my best and be my best. They still help me every day, and I wouldn't be where I am without them!