Need help to stop over-restricing

idahomommy

I've been on MFP for well over a year and just discovered the "community" section - I'm quick, I know.

I’ve seen many posts about people warning others not to go on an overly restrictive diet, listing all the bad experiences they’ve had, etc. Well it’s too late – I’ve been doing it for a couple of months now (that's not too bad, right?) and after reading all of those posts I’m terrified to stop it.

Of course I’m not a great maintainer and just over the weekend I had a day where I ate 3,600 calories of sweets/carbs/junk between 5:30 and 9:30pm. I “make up for it” by restricting even more in the following days. I love food and have never had the willpower to restrict like this before. I’m 5’7”: started at a BMI of 26.3 (168 lbs) and now I’m at a BMI of 20.3 (128-130lbs).

I don’t want to gain back what I’ve lost, let alone any more. I’ve added some calories back. I used to hate myself if I hit 800 calories, now it’s not until I hit 950. I know this is too little. I know I shouldn’t have done this. I know I’m doing it all wrong. I know I have disordered eating and I have a therapist but we aren’t really touching on my eating yet because I am unwilling to.

What I need is some help on how to stop this restricting.

I used to run about 2-3 miles a few times a week and it was really good for me (energy and overall happiness), but I basically stopped a few months ago. I started back up a week ago and will hopefully maintain it.

I eat mostly protein since it keeps me more full and lots of veggies because they have low calories. I’ve cut out most fruits which I love because they have too many calories. I do not weight train, although I want to start seeing a personal trainer for help with this.

Will eating more protein, fruits & veggies plus adding in weight training and cardio (again) be enough? How fast should I add calories back to avoid the massive weight gain? 25 calories per week?

I really do want to correct this with the fewest consequences possible. I’m hoping that some people who have been able to correct their habits can offer some advice. I wasn’t really able to find the “after” stories of how people corrected – I found more about how bad it was and all the weight gain that followed. I know the facts and the numbers, but they all ignore the emotional issues associated with behavior like this which I think is what makes it so hard to stop.

Thank you (and sorry that was so long - wow)

hikerhoney78

Hi idahomommy,

I can relate as I went through a stage a couple years ago where I slowly but surely entered the world of overly-restrictive eating. It's amazing how quickly it creeps up on you, isn't it?

I was allowing myself about 1200 calories a day which, while more than what you're eating now, wasn't nearly enough for a woman in her early 20s who was running a minimum of 4.5 miles a day. Food and exercise became my obsession. I regularly avoided social situations that might involve food. My diet wasn't varied at all, I stuck pretty much to a few "safety foods" and ate essentially the same things every day. Like you, I probably wasn't quite anorexic but I was definitely going through a cycle of disordered eating.

I ended up doing exactly what you're afraid of. I started bingeing, occasionally at first, until my binges became more and more frequent. Within a couple of months,l I had gained about 20 lbs and weighed more than I'd ever weighed before, although I was still technically at a healthy BMI (which tells you just how thin I was before). Regardless, at that point, I was tired of exercising (I was malnourished enough that exercise had become absolute misery) and I was tired of thinking about calories. I started drinking alcohol more and doing a lot of late night pizzas, calzones, chinese, etc. Typical college life. Like I said, I gained a lot of weight back, but I think in the end it was good for me. I gained weight and was still happy. It made me realize that going over a calorie goal or missing a workout (or several months of workouts) wasn't really the end of the world.

It took a couple of years, but I'm back on the fitness wagon and doing it right this time! So yeah, all's well that ends well. Still, I wish that I could have avoided gaining 20 lbs and getting out of shape before getting to this point but I did get here.

If I could offer you any advice, I'd tell you to worry more about fitness and less about weight.

I think seeing a trainer and starting some strength training would be a good thing for you. You'll need more calories to get stronger. Beyond that, is there any kind of physical sport or feat that's always interested that you could get into? If you like running, perhaps you could sign up for a 5k or 10k and start training for that? Working on improving your strength and run times might be the motivation you need to start upping your calorie intake. You're not going to see much improvement if you're starving yourself.

In my experience, when you start focusing on strength and fitness, food becomes your friend and not your foe. Personally, my current goal is to hike all of the Presidentials in the White Mountains by the end of August. Once I accomplish that, I want to do a leg of the Appalachian Trail. After that I'll think of another goal, I'm sure.

Anyway, the point is, I need muscles to climb Mt. Washington while carrying a 50 lb pack and there's no way I'm going to get the necessary muscle if I don't eat good food and plenty of it. Restricting is not an option. I also enjoy exercising a lot more now than I used to (since I actually have the energy I need to do the exercises) and I feel a lot better about myself than I did when I restricting all the time. I have muscles and the beginnings of a six pack!

Worry about nourishing your body, not shrinking it.

idahomommy

hikerhoney78 - thank you!

Hearing that you can get past it all is very reassuring! I'm an all or nothing person so I feel like I will never find a healthy way to eat and maintain my weight. My counselor has encouraged me to just "let myself eat" to see that it isn't the end of the world too. So much easier said than done. In my head I know it's true. I also know that my weight shouldn't matter - all that should matter is my happiness. Plus I have a daughter and I keep thinking if she grew up like this I will never forgive myself. If I don't stop, she will definitely grow up like this (thankfully she's not even 2 so I have time).

I like your idea to focus on fitness. Although right now I just do it to burn calories, if I keep it up and can start feeling good about fitness accomplishments, maybe that will get me away from the weight and calories. I just hope it happens quickly!

Thanks again