Too fat to EVER get pregnant?

PatriNina

Too ashamed to talk it out with family and/or friends, so I’m seeking some support/advice here!

A bit of a background story:

Lost 100lbs on MFP a few years ago; went from 275 lbs to 175lbs.
Gained all of it back plus more over the course of 3 years, due to an initial “happy relationship” gain (after moving in with my now husband) and then total neglect of the healthy habits I had taught myself.

New starting weight: approx. 305 lbs
Current weight: 295 lbs

Now for my… concern

Went to a gynecologist after a 10 day TOM, after not having my period for months. This has been a problem for 2 years now, and we’ve been trying to conceive in the meantime.

Told the dr. I wanted to check if everything was ok downstairs, and then I’d go to a dietician and/or endocrinologist to get some input on my infertility, hair loss and generalized fatigue.

He told me verbatim: “That will do nothing for you. Look at yourself! You’ll get to 400 lbs in no time and have family members wash you and take you from doctor to doctor. Get stomach reduction surgery, then you can talk to me about wanting to get pregnant. Here’s the surgeon’s name… Look for him first thing tomorrow!”

What? Left bawling my eyes out and with a million things racing through my mind; which for a chronic over-analyzer and depressed individual can get pretty dark, really quick.

I’m all for tough love from family and no sugar coating at the doctor’s office, but that? He reacted as if I had told him he has to get me pregnant, and got instantly disgusted.

Got back on MFP, been going just fine for about 2 weeks.

My concern is…
Is getting pregnant impossible when you’re obese?

I know it comes with more risks and can be a huge strain on the body, but is it such a far fetched idea?

I’m giving myself a year to lose as much as I can and then start trying to conceive again (we’re not preventing it either).
But if even in the 220’s I can’t get pregnant, will it still be because of my weight, or would I be safe to go back to a gyno and not get traumatized by their response?

Thanks in advance to anyone taking the time to leave their 2 cents!

kommodevaran

My two cents: I'm shocked your doctor suggested bariatric surgery. I don't think the habits you had taught yourself were healthy, if you just started to neglect them. I think they may have been restrictive habits, that you were just waiting for an excuse to stop. Good thing you can lose and keep weight off just by eating a little less.

PatriNina

kommodevaran wrote: »

My two cents: I'm shocked your doctor suggested bariatric surgery. I don't think the habits you had taught yourself were healthy, if you just started to neglect them. I think they may have been restrictive habits, that you were just waiting for an excuse to stop. Good thing you can lose and keep weight off just by eating a little less.

My habits were tightly connected to using MFP. I'm in the small % that will have to use calorie counting even years into maintenance at a certain weight, or I will gain it all back.
I can eat 1500 kcal per day and not feel starved or restricted when I'm logging. But if I let that grip go, I won't hold myself accountable. Unfortunately self-control isn't among the habits I can teach myself

Thanks for chiming in!

Zipbsky

Get checked by a PCP, there are multiple conditions that can negatively affect fertility. But even if you had those conditions it's still possible to concieve. Keep working on your weight as you are. Dont worry about surgery unless and until your PCP tells you that your weight is so dangerous that you need it.

zyxst

That doctor is an asshat. Obese women can get pregnant. Being obese doesn't "help" a pregnancy, but you (general you) can get pregnant at about any weight.

Loug1983

The doctor sounds like a tool, but you are right a pregnancy while obese does come with greater risks so for that reason I think your plan to wait a year before trying again is a good one.

Focus on building healthy habits that will see you reduce your weight, but also that you can carry through your future pregnancy. When you get down to 220 I would think you'd be safe to go back to a (different) doctor and discuss it again.

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld

I think he's getting a back hander from the other Dr he is referring people to.

Start tracking your food again, stick to it then see what happens. If in around 9 months time you haven't fallen pregnant get investigations done as to why.
In activity is as bad as being obese. So also start walking and moving more.

Best of luck to you

PatriNina

Logging and moving more is definitely my game plan and having patience.

The dr.'s reasoning is all out of whack, regardless of what's behind it. Surgery as his first recommendation after spending just 5 minutes talking to me is some serious bs.

Thank you all for the advice!

ckf76

I think it is really important to find a good and thorough doctor who can do a full workup on you. The part of your post that concerns me is hair loss and fatigue. So many underlying problems are missed because a doctor takes one look at you and all they see is fat. If you can find a doctor who looks beyond that, while at the same time encouraging you by helping you with your weight loss journey, then you will be well on your way to a pregnancy and good health! Best of luck.

RaenaLynn

You can get pregnant at any weight, but it does carry additional risks such as preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, increased risk of needing a c-section, and some other things. Of course those things can happen to any woman, but you would be at a higher risk for them being obese.

Your Dr was rude as hell. Perhaps find another one? But waiting a year couldn't be bad thing. For some women extra weight can screw with their fertility, throwing off their menstrual cycles and make conception difficult.

Duchy82

First find a new gynae he is about as useful as a chocolate teapot (what I want to say will be *kittened* out) that is not the way to deal with a patient with a genuine concern.
Then when it comes to the fatigue, hairloss, etc go to your general practitioner now to get that checked just to make sure there aren't any underlying health problems there. Things like anaemia or hypothyroidism or pcos can certainly affect fertility and/or pregnancy so best to rule them out.
I will be honest when I went to the gynae with fertility issues at my heaviest 237lb the first thing they told me is to start losing weight as it will help with fertility but it definitely doesn't mean you can't get pregnant when obese.

So starting now is great then you have a head start, give yourself a year of actively trying to conceive and lose weight alongside it then go to a different gynae with your concerns, hopefully with the weightloss your period become regular again. But don't let that horrible gynae you saw discourage you!

ruqayyahsmum

First port of call is a new doctor, yours is a douche

I have pcos and hypothyroidism. I was told i couldnt have more children ( i have an 11 year old) and based on experience it looked like that was the case.......

I lost 13 stone and fell pregnant. Sadly we miscarried at 13 weeks but fell pregnant again on what would have been my due date and now i have a baby boy

Catawampous

Here's what I would do.

1. Fire that doctor immediately.
2. Find someone who will work with you
3. Get a thorough blood panel including all possible thyroid markers. Hair loss and fatigue can be associated with that. So can other things, of course but it's the first thing that jumps in my head
4. Don't worry about conceiving and concentrate on you for right now. Healthy mommas make happy mommas ☺
5. See where that takes you when you get to a good place.

I am not an MD. I am not giving medical advice. I am giving my 2cents as asked. This is just what I would do. You do you. ☺ Good luck!! You can do this!!

jennifer_417

Maybe in his tiny little brain has thought he was "helping." But wow there's about a million ways he could have said or done it better.
Losing the weight will certainly help your health in a myriad of ways, and I'm glad you're not immediately opting for surgery. Congrats on taking the 1st in improving your health.
If you can get a different doc, I'd do it.

LessCookiess

I do recommend trying to lose more weight because it will help make the pregnancy easier if you ever chose to. Right now you would be considered high risk eat at a deficit, work out, and eat back half of the calories.
I wouldn't worry about pregnancy right now enjoy your marriage.
Sorry about the doctors comments it was super rude feel free to go to a different doctor instead for your hair loss and fatigue issues. And also about the fact you haven't had your period in a little bit it.

ugofatcat

Obese women can and do get pregnant. However, being obese and trying to get pregnant is not in the best interest of the health of your baby. You have so many more risks including gestational diabetes which can lead to very large birth weights and vaginal tearing, preeclampsia which can lead to seizures, and overall risk of C-section.

While your doctor was cruel, they also see all the things that can and do go wrong with people when they make decisions without considering the consequences.

JeromeBarry1

Of course it is possible for obese women to become pregnant and deliver a healthy full-term baby. It is then highly probable the child will grow up first chubby, then fat, then obese, and have a lifetime struggle with obesity.
I know you want to have a child. Please get into 'momma bear' mode and fight for the wellbeing of your future child by doing the things necessary to attain a healthy weight before initiating your pregnancy.

I am not credentialed to give medical advice, nor did I sleep at a Holiday Inn Express or any other place last night. But I want to point out that losing weight with bariatric surgery is accomplished by forcing yourself to maintain a calorie deficit for tens of thousands of dollars while losing weight without bariatric surgery is accomplished by forcing yourself to maintain a calorie deficit for free.

wellthenwhat

Doctor was an *kitten*. However, obesity makes one less fertile, and greatly raises the chances of a lot of problems during pregnancy. My mom works in the field, and one of the first things they recommend for infertility is to lose weight if you are obese, and don't stress about it.

jgnatca

1. Get checked for PCOS. You have a few markers.
2. A few of my post bariatric buddies have gone on through successful pregnancies.

You are a strong and competent woman.

ashleyminnich1

I have low progesterone, and have a hard time getting/staying pregnant. I have found that when I lose I get pregnant MUCH easier. That does not mean I don't need help staying pregnant, though. I had to do supplement with progesterone this last pregnancy, because it was super low. i have not been a big as you are currently, but I have had doula clients your size before. I will say that labor and birth are much harder when you are overweight.


For that doctor to say that is just beyond helpful! You have lost before. You can do it again.

SafioraLinnea

First: he was a jerk and you need a new doctor
Second: I got pregnant at my highest adult weight at the time. It's possible but riskier compared to a healthier weight.
Third: you personally may have underlying fertility issues unrelated to weight. However, obesity is linked to reduced fertility for some women.
Fourth: you are you own best advocate. You know yourself best. Be strong and build a team that supports you and your needs.

Best of luck!

lorrpb

He clearly thinks that your menstrual and fertility probs are more related your weight than anything else. Maybe you should consider this possibility and address the lifestyle issues you acknowledge. That would be very helpful for many reasons, including being there for your child when you do get pregnant.

Obviously the doc does not get high ratings on bedside manner, but he's probably seen this dozens or even hundreds of times. In his experience, wls is the only way he's seen women lose weight, so that is the basis of the recommendation. No one can say if you can or will get pregnant. Obviously women of all weights get pregnant, but the chances could be far worse at a high weight and risks are definitely much greater. Certainly go see another OBGYN if you want a different opinion.

Lizzypb88

PatriNina wrote: »

Too ashamed to talk it out with family and/or friends, so I’m seeking some support/advice here!

A bit of a background story:

Lost 100lbs on MFP a few years ago; went from 275 lbs to 175lbs.
Gained all of it back plus more over the course of 3 years, due to an initial “happy relationship” gain (after moving in with my now husband) and then total neglect of the healthy habits I had taught myself.

New starting weight: approx. 305 lbs
Current weight: 295 lbs

Now for my… concern

Went to a gynecologist after a 10 day TOM, after not having my period for months. This has been a problem for 2 years now, and we’ve been trying to conceive in the meantime.

Told the dr. I wanted to check if everything was ok downstairs, and then I’d go to a dietician and/or endocrinologist to get some input on my infertility, hair loss and generalized fatigue.

He told me verbatim: “That will do nothing for you. Look at yourself! You’ll get to 400 lbs in no time and have family members wash you and take you from doctor to doctor. Get stomach reduction surgery, then you can talk to me about wanting to get pregnant. Here’s the surgeon’s name… Look for him first thing tomorrow!”

What? Left bawling my eyes out and with a million things racing through my mind; which for a chronic over-analyzer and depressed individual can get pretty dark, really quick.

I’m all for tough love from family and no sugar coating at the doctor’s office, but that? He reacted as if I had told him he has to get me pregnant, and got instantly disgusted.

Got back on MFP, been going just fine for about 2 weeks.

My concern is…
Is getting pregnant impossible when you’re obese?

I know it comes with more risks and can be a huge strain on the body, but is it such a far fetched idea?

I’m giving myself a year to lose as much as I can and then start trying to conceive again (we’re not preventing it either).
But if even in the 220’s I can’t get pregnant, will it still be because of my weight, or would I be safe to go back to a gyno and not get traumatized by their response?

Thanks in advance to anyone taking the time to leave their 2 cents!

This is completely ridiculous! Your is clearly way more educated than I am, but I am against weight loss surgery unless you are obese enough that you're having health problems at a HUGE weight, and cannot lose it on your own after attempts.

I got pregnant at 280. I was surprised because it only took one try, and I had been dieting for about a month prior to us trying... I just always heard that being obese, it will take months or a year to get pregnant... yep definitely not! It can happen...
anyways, since I had started my diet, when I saw my Obgyn (whom I didn't consult with because I had no health issues- although obese is a health issue) she basically told me; I don't care if you don't gain a SINGLE POUND this pregnancy, just keep eating well, if you're hungry eat more, but otherwise keep on a healthy "diet."

While I learned that it was more dangerous to get pregnant being morbidly obese, I wasn't considered high risk, and by the end of my pregnancy I was down a total of 40 pounds!

Fast forward a few years, I gained it all back! I am now down to 200 pounds, doing it the right way; my mom, who had lap band surgery had some weight gain back, because it DOES HAPPEN! Her way to diet was to go back to the dr and get more saline into her band; I have been seeing a nutritionist and my mom just throws up when she cheats on her diet; she NEVER learned how to control herself, and lives off frozen lean cuisine meals.
My point is, I think weight loss surgery is a major surgery and is done too often without giving the patient a chance or sending him or her to a dietician first.
The fact that you have lost this weight before means YOU CAN DO IT!!! You just need to learn how to maintain your weight loss and make it a lifestyle change instead of a diet. That is what I've been learning this time around is to make this a lifestyle change.
Like those 600 pound life shows- they need weight loss surgery because by the time they lose the weight on their own, it would take too long and they will die of a heart attack and not survive many more years; that makes sense! But you have no major health issues, other than ones your stating which (obviously I'm no dr) but I had the hair loss and fatigue too; I was malnourished from eating crap lol!

I used this app, and when I stalled out, I seeked a dietician (not nutritionist) and she has completely changed the way I look at food, and has helped me learn how to eat, that along with exercise, I mean you can lose that weight again, and learn how to go about a lifestyle change!

I say screw that dr, a major surgery is his quick fix for you, I think you're very capable of losing the weight on your own without having to go through surgery. Seek out a dietician and your primary, start just walking or some kind of small workout DVD, you can do this again! If I can, you can!

Screw your OB, you got this!

Lizzypb88

Also; you may have to lose some weight on your own to convince your OB that your issue is not weight related, and have him get you checked out for other issues- although from what I've read, obesity can cause some infertility, so either way losing some weight over the next few months would show him that, 1- you don't need weight loss surgery, and 2- that it's not a weight issue causing interfility.. although if your weight is hindering it a bit, then you could possibly get pregnant, so it's a win win! If it were me, I would try losing some weight on my own, then find a new OBGyn because I wouldn't want the same arrogant one you have ;-)

KhadijahOwos

I have had a very similar situation when I visited my gyn recently. I left really upset because she told me that there was 0% that I could get pregnant due to my weight and the fact I have PCOS. I told her whilst I was there that my friend who is around the same weight/height as myself at the time, who also has PCOS, that she is 3 months pregnant. The gyn had no answer for that. She was adamant I'd never get pregnant. She said that I would need to try IVF and even then I would have loads of trouble. I left incredibly upset and (although I had already lost a stone (14lbs) in my journey, I was so upset I went home and started emotional eating for about a week (which damaged my weightloss) though afterwards I realised I shouldn't let what one stupid woman said affect me so much. She also gave me an absurd goal to lose 70lbs in 6 months, which isn't even healthy. I realised at that point she just had no clue about anything and I decided to let it in one ear and out the other. My plan is to get to a good healthy weight before I consider getting pregnant. I wouldn't consider it before I reach 230lbs, however ideally I'd like to reach my goal weight (170lbs). The plan is not to worry about it until I reach that weight and if I still can't get pregnant, seek help from someone more professional and knowledgeable.

Good luck to you and your husband. Focus on yourself, your health, and I'm sure the rest will follow! Don't stress yourself out about the fertility. It won't help you, it'll only hinder you. (And I know it's easier said than done...) but just try to enjoy your journey.

chichidachimp

Hi, I'm so sorry that you had such a negative experience with your obgyn. As others have said, obesity does lower fertility. Fat cells produce androgens (precursors to testosterone) which disrupt a female's estrogen balance and can cause you to stop having periods. Obesity is one of the risk factors for PCOS, a medical condition which is characterized by fewer periods, hair growth, acne, decreased fertility and in the long term diabetes and heart disease. Your obgyn is responsible for screening you for these conditions!!

That said, many women who are overweight or obese do get pregnant, depending on their predisposition for fertility problems. It's best to maintain your weight during pregnancy as much as possible to reduce potential complications. Since you have shown you can lose weight through diet and exercise, I would stick to those methods before attempting more extreme interventions. Good luck to you and your family! Rooting for you!

WyattsMomKimberly

ABSOLUTELY NOT! I was 320 pounds and my doctor told me I had a less then %5 chance of ever having a child. That the only way I would be able to have a child is if I had surgery or adopted or just got a bunch of pets (yes that was actually said to me). I set out to prove them wrong. This was in November of 2014. I lost a silly little 20 pounds and I got pregnant. Just because you are overweight that does not mean your doomed to be childless. I encourage you to get healthy and continue losing but please don't listen to the fraud of a doctor. I have PCOS as well. IT isn't impossible but it is harder. Don't give up!

fitmom4lifemfp

PatriNina wrote: »

My habits were tightly connected to using MFP. I'm in the small % that will have to use calorie counting even years into maintenance at a certain weight, or I will gain it all back.
I can eat 1500 kcal per day and not feel starved or restricted when I'm logging. But if I let that grip go, I won't hold myself accountable. Unfortunately self-control isn't among the habits I can teach myself

Thanks for chiming in!

Honey, you're are not in a small percentage, I assure you. I've been using calorie/food logging for over 12 years, and I know that I will always have to, in order to stay at a healthy weight. For many of us, that is the first thing we have to acknowledge in order to be successful.

mabug01

This doctor doesn't respect you; dump him.

It is possible to get pregnant at any weight, so be careful if you want to wait. My 36-year-old overweight daughter was told she couldn't get pregnant, and now I have a grandson; wonderful surprise! She didn't gain any additional weight during pregnancy and he is a wonderfully healthy little guy. She ate very healthy during the pregnancy.

Try to get support from some wonderful organizations like overeaters anonymous or TOPS, or whatever is available to you for that in-person support and accountability.

You are going to do great as a mom!

kaizaku

You have time to lose weight, and have time to get pregnant. Start now, by October/November you will be more at reasonable weight.

crooked_left_hook

I would continue to work on losing weight and getting healthy because but also do On my way! Investigation as to the psychological basis of your eating habit is to make sure you maintain the weight loss for the long haul...it will just get harder after having a baby.

First thing, find a new doctor. I've had to fire some asshat doctors before for similar judgmental behavior and crappy care (I actually had one assume I was a lesbian simply because my husband wasn't the primary insurance holder then proceed to lecture me on my nose ring and tattoos...WTF?) And here's a tip with the new doctor: tell them WHY you fired the last one and they will usually do their best to not repeat the same behavior. There is no reason why your doctor can't look into all possible reasons for infertility in addition to counseling you on how your weight might effect it. It's his job for christ's sake.