Struggling to find the balance and stay sane

Mikkimeow

Hi everyone!

I want to preface this by saying that I have been on MFP a long time. About six or seven years. I spent most of the last few years on here using MFP as social media and a way to keep up with some friends I had met irl. Recently, I had a bad health scare, and realized that my life was headed down a bad path. At 24 and 330 pounds, as a single mom I don't stand much of chance of seeing my four year old daughter graduate high school if I continue at this rate. After getting to the point I was afraid to fall asleep because I wasn't sure if I would wake up again, for the first time, I felt that light bulb turn on. I found myself making the changes I had only been talking about doing for years.

I joined a gym and have a personal trainer and a physical therapist to help me reach my fitness goals. Even in the month that I have started working out, my energy and fitness have changed dramatically. My first day last month, I made it through half my workout and threw up. Saturday I was able to complete a full workout and pitch, (I am a former competitive softball player and one of my goals is to go semi pro again) and got out and spent the day on my feet doing things with my family. Two months ago, I couldn't walk to the end of my block without severe ankle and back pain. In the sense of physical fitness, I have seen progress.

When it comes to eating, I am really struggling. I am currently at 2,000 calories, and most days I stay within that fairly well. On other days, I find myself starving and wracked with guilt because I am afraid to eat over the 2,000 or even hit that number because I am afraid of underestimating my calories. I don't eat back any exercise calories or even track how much I burn. If I stay under my calories and complete my work outs, I might have a 1 lb loss at the end of the week. But if I eat anything with higher sodium or something high calorie, whether it be water retention or going over my calories, I gain all weight lost back the next day.

And while I recognize that this is a process and I shouldn't expect a ton of progress without tweaking, I am worried that I am doing this all wrong and sabotaging myself by not properly tracking what I eat and finding a decent calorie goal. Turns out, I don't actually know how to successfully lose weight, despite all the threads I have read and success stories and pinned posts I have looked at. While the sane person inside me is telling me I am doing better today than I did yesterday, and the fact that I am working at this proves I am not failing, I am concerned with the lack of progress on the scale. I expected to at least lose more in the beginning, and it took a month of not knowing what the *kitten* I was doing to realize... well, I don't know how to eat in a healthy, sustainable way.

Did any of you struggle and then find your groove later on in the weight loss/health/ fitness process? Am I overthinking things and just need to tighten my nutrition?

(Editing to add my stats if any person is curious)

I am 5'6", 330 lbs, I sit at a computer all day for work, work out heavily for at least an hour 4-5 times per week, I do not have a food scale and will be picking one up this week, I started working out and eating better March 11th of this year, so a little less than a month ago. I don't follow a particular eating plan. I used to track macros, but I wanted to make it a little easier. I just try and hit my protein goal every day and stay within my calories without eating a ton of fast food.

cmriverside

I absolutely struggled in the beginning. I am even much older so you'd think I'd know a little about nutrition. I had gotten into the habit of eating whatever I wanted and I tried to change that over night. Turns out that's really hard to do.

What I did was start logging. Every single thing. Many days I was way over. I would mentally beat myself up, too. Then one day I started really looking at my food diary at the end of the day or the next morning after. I started trying to get enough protein because left to my own desires, I would live on bread and peanut butter and cookies and cheese and crackers, cereal, waffles. That's just not sustainable for weight loss. Sure I stayed in my calories, but I had no energy and felt awful.

Getting my macros in line was a Rubik's Cube puzzle for me. I Googled, I read nutrition articles. I went kicking and screaming to the farmer's market and stocked up on vegetables. I made it my mission to hit my protein goals and eat 3-5 servings of fruit and/or vegetables. That caused me to change my menu. I started feeling better almost over night, so I knew I was on the right track. I found it easier to stay within my goals, and I had energy to exercise.

You can do this. It's a process. One step forward, one step back. Get enough protein, fat and plants! Add stuff gradually. Study your diary. Drink water, sleep, prosper.

I lost 70 pounds in 2007. I've kept it off using this site. No reason you can't do it too. Baby steps.

janejellyroll

I can identify with some of this. I spent years thinking that I had to have perfect days in order to lose weight. But you don't. You just need to regularly hit your calorie goal. If within those days there are some days where you don't (either because you didn't count correctly or because you chose to eat something that put you over), you'll still lose weight if you're in an overall deficit for, say, the week.

So, yes. Accuracy is important. But we can't let that paralyze us. The absolute worst thing that can happen is that you won't lose weight and that's just an opportunity to figure out what isn't working and fix it. And people are here to help with that -- either through advice given on older threads or to help you specifically if you have a question that you don't see covered it.

1 pound a week is good! I know it seems slow, but in the scope of weight loss it isn't. And if you eat something higher sodium and see it come back, you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that it is just temporary water weight. If it really upsets you to see it come back, consider using an app to help you track the trend (like TrendWeight or Libra). Those apps give you an average over time and help you filter out the "noise" from things like sodium, hormonal changes, or even extra food in your body from eating more on a specific day.

I would say my first few months of losing weight were constantly learning. I was learning what temptations I could comfortably manage and what foods/situations I needed to avoid for a bit, what food/macro combinations helped me feel full and satisfied, when my body tended to hold on to more water . . . all of that stuff. It was constantly learning and many days where I felt like I "messed up." The only difference was that in the past, those things would have made me quit and this time I was determined to keep going. It's been over two years and I still haven't ever had a "perfect day," I don't think. But it doesn't matter, because once I figured out how to consistently be in a deficit, the weight came off.

I don't know if all of this is relevant to your situation, but I hope you find something helpful here.

Good luck!

gamerbabe14

Hey former D1 softball pitcher here, current computer sitting member of the marketing community.

My biggest struggle has been disconnecting myself from when I was at my most fit (college, weights, conditioning, practice) to my life now. I play slo pitch, can't weight train anymore bc my knees are awful and I'm not nearly as regulated with my exercise. I'm 30 now, started 221lbs and now down to 202lbs. I've realized that counting calories works perfectly and I'm doing exercise that I enjoy without the guilt of 'I use to squat 230 and run a half and 1/2 in under 9 mins'.

I'll say this...the older you get, the more you'll wish you would've started sooner. Take things by the day, not by the week or month or year. Make today better than yesterday. And as a pitcher you know you can only control what you can control...nothing else.

Good luck!

nowine4me

It sounds like you are in this for the long haul, so there's no need to white knuckle your way through it. Increase your calorie goal and log everything. Adjust once you get in a groove. I'm 5-7" and weigh 145, Imaintain at 2200. So I suspect you have a bit of wiggle room.

This may not be the most popular advice, but since you are a single mom and mostly cook for yourself (presumably) and daughter--come up with a handful of menus that are mix and match and hit your macro and calories goal and just repeat them. Planning is key!

BigBadVanna

My tips: keep learning, keep tweaking your diet until it feels right, and most of all: stay patient and stay the course.

You can do this!!!

Theo166

As you pointed out, it's a continuous process of tweaking and building self awareness.
- You need to figure out what foods are not working, not causing satiety
- Make friends going on a similar journey and look at their diaries
- exercise is good, but you can do it all with diet, make it your focus

I sent you an invite to a group of us tarting 100+ off. Many members are just starting their journey as well.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/119238-lets-lose-it-100-lbs