Questions about marriage (Need help)!!

owa1s

I am really curious about marriage life because I've seen people in really good shape and after they get married they become fat and when I ask them they say we don't have time for gym. I don't know if that's true can someone who is married or even non married (but with some info or opinion) tell us why it happens is it because they don't have motivation for it or they think it's not important or it's time? And tell us about why do some marriages fail and what's the key thing to keep the marriage last forever or happy etc.

owa1s

Kraken992 wrote: »

To be married is to tie yourself together at the hips and roll down a hill together unto someone else's dinner

Idk what u mean by that?

Ironandwine69

Some people stop caring after they married about the way they look. That's why they stop going to the gym, and some get fat.
Yes, you tend to be busier when you are married. Most of the time marriage brings kids too. So yes, I laugh when single people with no kids complain about how busy they are. But if something is important to you, you find the time. There's many many many married people and parents that work out. I myself wake up at 4.30am before anyone else, so I could go the gym and come back before anybody is up. There's many ways to make time for what's important to you. At times the issue is that is not important to people anymore.
And yes, cooking for a family is different than when you are single. When I was single I thought yogurt and granola was an excellent dinner. I wanna see my family's face if I put that on the table for dinner.
How to make a marriage last forever...yeah I got nothing on this. I've been married for 10 years. Marriage can be alot of fun, but also it takes work. At times people give up way too easy on marriages nowadays. It's like everything else, it goes up and down. What makes a difference is what you do when it's down.

RoxieDawn

Marriages work because husbands and wives both invest the time, energy and love into making it work! Marriages work because both people communicate.

Reasons people may get fat and become unfit after marriage, their priorities change. And sometimes things in life takes precedence over keeping up with working out and maintaining their weight, people get complacent as well.. But this is for the married and unmarried.

marissatosado

You see a lot where people just fall out of love. Its hard to really give an opinion when they are so many reasons as to why marriages fall apart. Maybe like more responsibilites happen. I fell off but it was because I lost myself in the mist of all my responsibilities and that happens. Now that I am pushing hard and I found myself again, I know to never let myself get to that point. I hit the gym twice a day, play soccer, coach soccer and raise my boys. Dont let narriage be the reason as to why you let yourself, your healt, you in general go... your a team push eachother to be the best you can be...

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deputy_randolph

My husband and I have been together 17 years; married 13 of it.

We're both in good shape; both competed in powerlifting competitions. I've had 2 kids. I don't work full-time (so that allows flexibility in my schedule for training).

Life gets busy, and people get lazy/tired/overwhelmed. People put health/fitness on the back burner often. We haven't, but it isn't super easy and needs a lot of planning.

snowflake954

Married 31 years. What works? When you're wrong, say you're sorry--slights build up over the years and sometimes it just takes some stupid little thing to cause a huge blowup. So fix things as you go along. You need to be elastic--sometimes one of you wins--sometimes the other. Don't expect the other to make you happy--work on that yourself. These are ust a few things that come to mind, there are others. Being married is great because there's always someone who's got your back, so to speak. Marriage is work, it needs nuturing--don't ever take it for granted.

owa1s

Wow what a great advices, thank u all so much for help i appreciate it so much like I never knew some of the things and didn't have the answers for them and now I get some idea of why people lose interest in gym. I hope all of u the best future with ur spouses if someone have more advices it's always great to learn more.

justinewillcutyou

My husband and I have been married two years, together for eight and we have two kids, a five year old boy and a two month old girl. He travels for work and is getting ready to start school. Needless to say, we are busy. HOWEVER, we both make the conscious effort to eat well and excercise. We want to be around for our children and look good for OURSELVES. I've had two babies, believe me when I tell you, my body doesn't look like it did when I was 21 but it's still mine and worth working on. As far as what works? I don't know lol. For us, we make time for dates without the kids, even if it's just lunch really quickly between his meetings. We lay together at night and talk about our days, even the mundane ones. We tell each other we love and appreciate one another regularly. It's easy to get caught up in life so we try to make our marriage a priority because some day, our kids will be gone and I don't want to sit across the table from a stranger.

Carillon_Campanello

We need a "before and after I was married" picture thread.

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pinuplove

What time frame are you talking about here? Being married a long time goes along with getting older, working more, having children (thus shifting some time and money priorities), and generally becoming less active, all of which can pile on the pounds.

In 17 years of marriage and adding two kids to the mix, I've been 55 pounds heavier to 15 pounds lighter than the day we got married and everywhere in between. Life circumstances have changed dramatically over those years, but I don't blame getting married for ANY of it. Right now I'm ~20 pounds heavier; my goal will put me under what I weighed when we got married.

alrvra

I actually got in better shape after getting married! My husband provides the support and encouragement that I didn't have before marriage. Plus, we often go to the gym together, or I'll do Pilates or a bodyweight routine in the living room while he watches TV.

wesley58

Marriage is a committment, just as everything else. Not that I know anything, but you have to keep the values and qualities that brought you together. So many couples after a while start putting kids, jobs, friends, family, before there spouces, huge mistake. You are equal, and in it together, your priority should be your partner.
As for staying healthy, if you want to, you will

Lounmoun

I can't talk about all marriages only my own experience. I've been married 17 years and have one child.

I was a healthy weight when I met my partner as was he. Neither of us exercised regularly or had an interest in sports. We worked at the same place and our jobs involved being on our feet and walking a lot. We were 19 and 25 years old when we got married. We had met each other 8 months before our wedding and got engaged about 3 months after meeting.
I was 5 months pregnant on my wedding day so already my body was changing. I had stopped working outside the home and became more sedentary. We became a single income family and lived in a small 1 bedroom apartment. After my baby came I was still a healthy weight but about 20 lbs heavier. There was no money or time for a gym. I didn't worry about exercise or diet when just bathing regularly was a challenge. My dd developed sleep issues so I was getting by on 2-4 hrs of sleep for years. I ate to replace sleep. I ate too many calories for my lower activity level but didn't know it. My weight crept up.
We moved a few times.
Dh changed jobs several times eventually working in an office. His weight crept up.
I tried various diets over the years and lost some but regained. They were unsustainable and did not talk about calories ever. I hated myself for awhile and gave up. Eventually I worked through that. Dd's sleep issues improved and I got more sleep. I eventually weighed about 60 lbs more than the day dh and I met. A gym has never really been an option due to location, money, time.
Dh lost weight when he went on a medication a couple of years ago that killed his appetite as a side effect. He dropped 30+ lbs in a year and has maintained. No special effort or exercise. His health is good.
I started MFP around 2 years ago and have lost 20-25 lbs. I'm still working on it. I walk more, exercise and log my food every day. Being super fit is not my goal. My goal is to be a healthy weight.

I don't think marriage made us fat and out of shape but changing lifestyles while eating a bit too much consistently helped. Some things were more of a priority than exercise.

I think a happy marriage involves maintaining common values and interests, caring about the other person deeply, talking and listening to each other, respect, trust and really enjoying being with each other. I would say my dh is my best friend.

People I know who divorced:
Were not really compatible in interests or personality, a partner developed serious health issues (mental or physical) that were hard to deal with, life event that altered people (death of child), disagreements about money/lifestyle choices, drug/alcohol abuse, getting married for the sake of being MARRIED but getting tired of reality.

Motorsheen

Kraken992 wrote: »

Marriage is relaxation

compared to what?

The Spanish Inquisition? The Mongol Conquests? Cleveland Brown Season Tickets?

JustSomeEm

This thread has been cleaned up a little... Please, lets move on from past disagreements in this thread and keep it civil.

Thanks,
Em

Francl27

For a lot of people, spending time together is a priority, so that's less time to go to the gym. Or they just don't really care about looking good for their wedding anymore.

That, and people get older.

dpwellman

People change as they age, whether married or not. As far as lasting? Consider relationships in four stages: 1) attraction, 2) romance, 3) contrast and conflict, 4) commitment. Most people get married in or around stage 2 and if divorced, divorced in stage 3. Delay gratification until stage 4. Or think of it this way: your spouse has no place on a priority list. He or she comes before even priorities.