Help! Calorie counting RUINED my relationship with food

brittheartscoffee

Hi all! Hoping to find some good advice here. I came to MFP to lose 13 lbs - and I only have 1 left to go! Unfortunately, I feel like calorie tracking has done a number on my self trust and my relationship with food in general.

A little backstory - I have never been overweight (my weight has always remained very constant) and have had a relatively good relationship with food. I tried to make healthful choices, I indulged when I felt like it, and always stopped eating when I felt full. Then last summer, I sustained a knee injury that completely halted all exercise. I couldn't work out anymore or even take the stairs. I gained 13 lbs. So, I came here after recovering a little so that I could work back to my normal weight (~127 lbs).

Like I said, I only have 1 lb left to lose, but I feel completely lost when it comes to food now. I have feelings of shame around eating that I have never experienced before. After indulging in a favorite treat, I feel really guilty. Not only that, I eat ravenously now. Before, I would stop eating because I felt full. I don't know if I just never feel full now, or if I've just lost my self control, but I clean every plate that is put in front of me now. And I crave more treats/sweets than I ever have before, which then feeds back into the feelings of guilt.

Although it's been successful, I feel like dieting has wrecked my relationship with food and with myself. Even though I'm within 1 lb of my normal weight, I feel gross when looking in the mirror. I see a ravenous person who craves unhealthy foods, and doesn't know when to stop eating. That's another feeling that was completely foreign to me before. I used to be very confident in my body!

Has anyone had the same experience? Or do you have any advice? I feel very discouraged right now, and worry that these feelings will follow into the future even when I'm done losing the weight.

L1zardQueen

I would ask your doctor. Those are disordered thoughts. Hugs

PAV8888

Ditch the guilt as soon as you can and start concentrating on food, activity, and exercise that you CAN do. You may also want to reduce your deficit asap and take a much longer time to reach your target....long enough to get your maintenance planned better

Some of your feelings may be from the method of your diet (counting). Counting does trigger people sometimes into unhealthy behaviours. So do other weight loss methods.

By the same token a lot of your feelings may have come to pass regardless​ of how you lost the weight.

Losing weight is not a "problem free", "risk free", and "nothing can go wrong" exercise.

Losing weight potentially results in changes to lean mass, changes to hormones, under certain situations changes to brain chemistry, and it is not uncommon to result in a person who is all primed to regain weight when they lose their focus.

So, not a complete and simple answer from me except that guilt has no place in this and is the first thing that has to move out. Followed by the development of a maintenance plan...

nicolepburgess91

Watching every calorie you eat tends to make you more aware of what you're eating. So, yes. Guilt can definitely ensue. If you were maintaining a healthy weight before calorie counting, just keep doing what you were doing before. Sometimes being aware causes us some issues. But, if you are that severely displeased when you look in the mirror, you should consider some counseling services. Or even some self help books on body image. Give yourself positive affirmations, even when you don't necessarily feel like it is true.
I wish you the best of luck.

brittheartscoffee

PAV8888 wrote: »

Ditch the guilt as soon as you can and start concentrating on food, activity, and exercise that you CAN do. You may also want to reduce your deficit asap and take a much longer time to reach your target....long enough to get your maintenance planned better

Some of your feelings may be from the method of your diet (counting). Counting does trigger people sometimes into unhealthy behaviours. So do other weight loss methods.

By the same token a lot of your feelings may have come to pass regardless​ of how you lost the weight.

Losing weight is not a "problem free", "risk free", and "nothing can go wrong" exercise.

Losing weight potentially results in changes to lean mass, changes to hormones, under certain situations changes to brain chemistry, and it is not uncommon to result in a person who is all primed to regain weight when they lose their focus.

Thank you for your thoughtful response! I think you're right in that losing weight comes with its own risks. I figured losing it would be the hard part, but I didn't recognize the intangible downsides that might come along as well. But I will certainly try to ditch the guilt! I came into this with a very positive attitude (and a more simplistic expectation vs. realistic), but I think I can still get that positivity back. And I do agree with cutting my deficit - I actually just reduced from 500 to 250 this past week. It's proving a little more manageable that way.

brittheartscoffee

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

Watching every calorie you eat tends to make you more aware of what you're eating. So, yes. Guilt can definitely ensue. If you were maintaining a healthy weight before calorie counting, just keep doing what you were doing before. Sometimes being aware causes us some issues. But, if you are that severely displeased when you look in the mirror, you should consider some counseling services. Or even some self help books on body image. Give yourself positive affirmations, even when you don't necessarily feel like it is true.
I wish you the best of luck.

I think that extra awareness is contributing, like you said. I honestly don't know how I maintained before, without counting a single thing. It seems downright crazy to me now!

I hope to get back to that place of healthy balance. And I'm hoping to hear from some others who have done the same! Although I guess the maintenance board would probably be the best place for that. It would definitely help to know that someone has been where I am (all jumbled up in their eating habits and generally confused) and has worked back into a groove where they trust their instincts and body.

alrezac

I recently read a great book and it is full of great info. The book is called Bigger Leanner Stronger. The one for women is Thinner Leanner Stronger. (Found on amazon). I have lost 15lbs in the last few weeks-month that I have been doing that plan and I feel like I can eat most things but watching macros(macronutrients) is definitely something that will truly make a difference.

sunfastrose

1 pound? Can you start trying to maintain now? 1 pound is within the range of water weight, and if you start trying to adjust back to a bit more calories, it might fall off. But I do agree with someone above - I would talk to someone professional about these problems.

IrisFlute

I can relate to your situation. I also had a healthy relationship with food throughout my life, but at age 59 found that the combination of relationship stress and a sedentary job had caused me to gain 25 lbs over the weight I'd been throughout almost my whole my adult life. I lost those 25 lbs with the help of MFP over 4 months in 2014, and was ready to switch to maintenance.

It was a bit hard to make that switch. I didn't feel guilty, but I definitely felt anxious for a while. Having weighed and logged every single bite I put in my mouth for 4 months, I had become kind of compulsive. My goal weight was 135, but during early weeks of maintenance I ended up down at 131, because I had become anxious about eating.

So here's what I have to offer you: You had to develop a weird preoccupation with eating in order to successfully lose weight. You WILL go back to a normal relationship with food, but it'll take a few weeks. Don't worry. Trust that your lifelong good relationship with food will re-emerge.

Another suggestion: Give yourself a target zone and figure you're fine within that zone - that helped me ease my maintenance anxiety. My goal weight was/is 135, but I'm fine with anything in the 130's.

I'm back on MFP for April this year because winter sluggishness put me at 142. A few weeks of weight loss will get me back down into the 130's. And so for a month I'm back with the whole food-weighing craziness.

niamhjruss

I had a similar experience, and becoming hyper focused on my body, overexercising and attaching guilt and fear to food ultimately led to exhaustion, binge eating, and regaining the 15 pounds I lost. Now I'm relearning a positive relationship to food as nourishment and trying to maintain body positivity as I restart my weight loss.

I don't share that to scare you! You have an amazing advantage over where I was. You are aware from the outset that calorie counting has had an emotional impact. Maybe you could touch base with a doctor, nutritionist, or therapist and make a plan about how to foster a positive relationship with food going forward. You can also look into intuitive eating resources, which may help you transition back to the intuitive maintenance you experienced before.

Also, as the poster above mentioned, weightloss can affect hormones related to satiety (I think leptin and ghrelin in particular). So your increased hunger may be explained by physical signals. Your body is exquisitely designed to avoid starvation and is just trying to be your ally in survival. You know intellectually that there is abundant food available and that the caloric deprivation is temporary to meet a goal, but physically your body has been experiencing caloric deprivation and may be sending signals to increase food in response. A nutritionist might have useful advice - and your plan to lower the deficit seems likely to help.

With your level of awareness it sounds like you are already on track to get back to a place of positivity and ease with food. Congrats on being so close to your goal, and remember to be kind to yourself about food and your body!

IrisFlute

niamhjruss, your post above is great. Thanks - it made some things clear to me that I hadn't thought out before.

PAV8888

Another useful trick for maintenance (and weight loss, of course), is a trending weight application that helps mitigate water weight shocks by showing your your weight TREND as opposed to concentrating on momentary spikes. trendweight.com (requires supported scale or freely available without a band fitbit.com account for data entry), weightgrapher.com, happy scane iphone, libra android.

TxTiffani

Maybe try adjusting your self talk. There are no 'bad' foods....they either fit into your cals and goals or they don't. Try to stop labeling foods and that will probably help. Also, look in the mirror and focus on the things you like that you see. Be thankful to your body for cooperating and getting you back down to your goal and for all the other wonderful things your body does for you every day:) Being greatful can turn around our mental state if we are mindful to always find something to be greatful for:) I also agree with someone above who said to start eating at maintenance...that should help with hunger issues and heavy cravings:)

Psychgrrl

A 13 pound gain, in health terms, probably didn't render you an unhealthy weight. It may have been a shock or a huge change for you. But I think your issues with food may have actually started with how down you were on yourself for a 13 pound gain due to a mobility injury.

A 113 pound gain, now that would be unhealthy.

A weight-trending app may help you see things differently (Happy Scale or iPhone, Libra for Android). I hate the scale. Now that Happy Scale has put us through counseling, we just might salvage our relationship. With daily data points, it uses an algorithm and helps you see the overall trend of your weight. I don't get all freaked out over water retention because now I know it's not actually weight.

The poster who mentioned that you have one pound left an d that's within daily fluctuations was totally on point. You are never going to step on the scale and always see what you expect to see. The body doesn't work like that. Give yourself and your body a little grace.

Geocitiesuser

Those feelings you have are probably more normal and common than anyone wants to admit to. I'm sure someone will come say I'm wrong, but I don't think there's anything out of the ordinary for feeling shame about eating or the way our bodies look. Shame is a powerful motivator and is used as a teaching tool when we young. Shame shapes a LOT of our behaviors.

I'd wager that the feelings you're having are only unhealthy if they are getting in the way of living your life. If they are, then maybe talk to someone about it. Otherwise you can probably just take a deep breath, carry on, and do what you know is best for you.

My relationship with food is tenuous at best. If I ate a donut I'd lock myself to a piece of cardio equipment. I just disagree that it's unhealthy behavior. If anything you are just demanding the absolute best out of yourself.

mom23mangos

I was very similar to you OP and came to MFP to lose 10-15 vanity pounds. I did it, but like you ended up with an unhealthy relationship with food. I slowly stopped logging. Started with weekends, then all together. I put back on about half of what I lost, but then I've stayed steady. Because I've never stopped lifting, my body continues to change. But I'm in a much better spot with food. I'm conscious of making healthier choices most of the time. I prioritize protein. But I also don't sweat it if I want to sit down with a bag of chips occasionally. It took me almost a year to get back to where I could just listen to my body.

endlessfall16

Hey OP, I'd gone through more or less the same thing. Eating by a fixed calorie number put me in perpetual hunger and unsatisfied mode.

Counting made me look at foods as number first before anything else.

I lost 15 lbs with counting and the rest 10 lbs without counting.

Basically I drew up my own approach that takes care of every one of my concerns. My own approach gels from every angle and such. Physiological, philosophical, psychological, logical, etc..LOL.

It's my belief that, to be successful and happy with yourself, you cannot avoid having to think for yourself, having your own plan. You cannot follow others.

Best of luck.