A rant

Hungry_Shopgirl

So far I've lost around 50lb so far, but in the last 2 weeks my husband and I have been traveling a lot. A long string of indulgences during that trip has led to gaining 4lbs back. I've been beating myself up over it, but I'm determined not to let it completely derail me, so today I got back at it: worked out, weighed my food, the works.

Both my husband and I are learning a new language and in the afternoon we met with our language tutor whom we haven't seen since before the trip. Chit-chatting at the beginning of our session he says to me:

HIM: "You've gotten fatter. That's probably a rude thing to say in your culture, right?"
ME: "Yes, and it's rude in your culture as well!" (I know this for a fact from talking with women on the subject)
HIM: "Oh, well, I just say it to mean you're healthy, you know?"

My husband didn't say anything and the conversation moved on, but I was really shocked and hurt. It's taken me over a year to lose all this weight and NO ONE had a positive thing to say about it. But the moment I gain a bit of it back, this happens? It was such a punch in the gut. And the fact that my husband didn't say anything in my defense made it all worse somehow.

Argh.

Machka9

Isn't this something you should talk to your husband about?

2011rocket3touring

Wow. What a wanker.

aettinger448

I laugh because I have been there! My mother in law uses sign language. And Deaf culture is very blunt. After taking care of her last summer during her heart surgery, and gaining more weight in the process since I was eating hospital cafeteria junk food, she has pointed out MULTIPLE TIMES "You're still fat even after losing weight." She had terribly swollen extremities prior to her surgery, and now that has decreased. So of course she lost weight. Her big joke is "you should have heart surgery! Then you can be skinny like me."

Sometimes I regret talking her into that life saving surgery.

PoochieJFit

How can he possibly tell that you gained 4 lbs? That's not even noticeable. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just move on...you're doing fantastic!

tiptoethruthetulips

May I ask what you weigh and how tall you are?

Playing devil's advocate here....
If no one has a positive thing to say about it, and someone says to you putting a little bit of weight on is healthy for you, is it at all possible you are underweight for your height? I can't see how 4lb is all that noticeable unless someone is very slim to start with. Nonetheless it is rude for someone such as an acquaintance to say you've gotten fatter. It he wanted to say you are looking healthier, he should have said just that. Though that may have lead to a discuss on why he thought that leading to the fact that he could see you had put on weight.

It may be a case for you husband of damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. For me, I can stand up for myself and I don't need anyone else to come to my defence, whether that is a husband, partner, another family member or friend.

88olds

If beating ourselves up was a weight loss tool, few would be overweight.

What's between you and your husband is between you. But your tutor is an asshat. Maybe he needs to learn that offending his customers is not a good business plan.

Congrats on the loss. Don't know where you are in your journey but down 46 lbs as of today is great. Keeping your head in the game for a year, even with this mini break in concentration, is very good work. Slow and steady loss is the door to keeping it off. Good going.

TavistockToad

Most people don't mention weight loss because the person who has lost takes the comment to mean 'OMG you used to be SOOOOOOOOO fat before!'

Yes it was rude for him to say you'd gained, but I agree that I can't see how 4lbs is noticeable unless you are very very slim to start with.

Not sure what you wanted your husband to say that wouldn't make the rest of the session super awkward?

Hungry_Shopgirl

tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »

May I ask what you weigh and how tall you are?

Playing devil's advocate here....
If no one has a positive thing to say about it, and someone says to you putting a little bit of weight on is healthy for you, is it at all possible you are underweight for your height? I can't see how 4lb is all that noticeable unless someone is very slim to start with. Nonetheless it is rude for someone such as an acquaintance to say you've gotten fatter. It he wanted to say you are looking healthier, he should have said just that. Though that may have lead to a discuss on why he thought that leading to the fact that he could see you had put on weight.

It may be a case for you husband of damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. For me, I can stand up for myself and I don't need anyone else to come to my defence, whether that is a husband, partner, another family member or friend.

I would love to believe I'm just "too skinny" but I don't think that's the case! I'm 6'1'' and currently 180 lb. My BMI is technically in the normal range but I would like to move it down closer to 21 before I transition into maintenance.

Hungry_Shopgirl

Thanks to everyone who replied with a fresh dose of perspective + support... I needed it!

happysherri

Congrats on the 50 lbs loss!!!! Whoa, that is hard work and determination right there! Pfsht... 4 lbs, that's nothing. As far as the tutor's comment - that's just bad manners. Rude people are everywhere. If your husband's silence truly bothers you, then talk it out. Your husband was probably shocked too.

Keep it up

Chef_Barbell

Fire him.

melodydee66

Keep up the great work. People say the most inconsiderate things and really most of them are all based on their perceptions and biased. I've lost 85 lbs so far but am still considered obese at 185 lbs. Obviously I have done well, but as I've just gained a few pounds back, I'm beating myself up pretty hard over it and take all comments I hear to heart. That being said, due to a funeral and Easter, I've come across a lot of people I haven't seen in a while. I've actually heard all of the following in the last week alone:

"Wow... have you lost weight?"
"You are looking amazing these days."
"I hope you are eating healthy and not overdoing things"
"You must want to lose quite a bit more still, huh?"
"You look good the way you are. Don't lose anymore. Make sure you keep eating your vegetables".
"I didn't recognize you at first"
"you are still quite overweight, aren't you?"
"I hope you keep working on it and don't give up!"

I fight my own internal dialog daily and battle my own self talk. I don't need all the outside comments. Even the positive ones can get to you over time. How about, "it's so nice to see you after all this time. How are things with you?". I'm starting to think that people only place value on appearance and that makes me sad.

We are so much more than our physical bodies. Stay strong, stay proud of the health achievements you have accomplished, treat yourself kindly and try not to let anything others say affect you as it's not helping you achieve your goals of where you want to be.

rileysowner

PoochieJFit wrote: »

How can he possibly tell that you gained 4 lbs? That's not even noticeable. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just move on...you're doing fantastic!

More than likely the OP is retaining a lot of water. There might have been some fat gain, but for some people water weight is very noticeable especially on the face. Other than that 4 pounds is not going to be noticeable.